Nicholas Stone
21st June 2005, 08:27 AM
Chapter Ten
Ryoga untied the rope attaching him to Akane and set her down on
the floor. He reached back out and with a sharp snap of the rope freed
the hook, rapidly gathering it up before it could hit the side of the
building. That they had managed to get this far brought relief to him,
but now there came the problem of finding the safe. Then, there was the
bigger problem of figuring out how Akane would be able to open it.
He could hear her crawling around on the floor and thought best
to keep her at least within arms reach as he pondered their situation.
Taking a small maglight from the bag, turned it on and panned the yellow
lens colored light around in search of her.
“Akane?” he whispered. She was gone and panic started to fill
his mind. “Great, I’ve lost a totally blitzed, three hundred pound
woman in less than a minute. This just is not happening!”
Carefully, Ryoga panned the light around as he made his way past
Maeda’s desk towards the middle of the room. Still no sign of Akane, he
scratched his head and sat down in one of the near-by chairs.
“Where could she have gone?”
A pair of hands appeared from either side of the chair slapping
down on Ryoga’s shoulders. Ryoga started to yell but cut it off,
covering his mouth as his pulse raced in his ears. Akane’s grinning
face hove up close to his.
“Boo,” she said.
The shock faded away, Ryoga’s eyes returning to normal size as
Akane started giggling uncontrollably.
“Akane, this is not the time for games!” he snapped, shooting up
out of the seat.
Her giggles stopped, Akane staring at Ryoga pacing around in a
tight circle at the center of the room. She suddenly began whimpering.
“Akane this is not the time for tears, okay. We’re in big
trouble here.”
“So, so, so you don’t want to play with me?”
“No, no, no, Akane. It’s not that… uh, I mean no, uh, I don’t
know what I mean!”
Akane’s whimpers picked up.
“Oooooo… Ah-ooooooo… Ranmaaaaa… you never want to play with me
anymore!”
“Oh, she still thinks I’m Ranma!”
“Bwaaahahahaaaaa… always pretending to have a headache… I know
what kind of headache you’re supposed to have but you never get one!”
That shocked Ryoga and he stood speechless for a second. “This
is definitely not the time to for this.” He rushed over taking Akane by
the shoulders. “Akane, please stop. Someone’s going to hear you”
“NIdon’tcarrre… booooowahahahaaaaa… I’m going to tell Daddeeeee…
he-he-he-he’ll make you give me babies!”
“Akane, I’m not Ranma! Please, somehow get sober!”
Akane abruptly stopped and drew back staring at Ryoga. He
thought she had come around but then her bottom lip began to quiver
again and she resumed her crying.
“Ooooh, Ranmaaaa… I’m a bad wife aren’t I?”
“No! I don’t know. Ranma would know, but I’m sure you’re a
fantastic wife, Akane. Can’t handle your liquor, but I’ll bet a
fantastic wife just the same!”
“Bwahaaaaaaa… you’re punishing me for being a bad wife, aren’t
you, Ranma?”
“I’m not Ranma!”
Akane stopped crying again. “Okay,” she said in a meek voice.
Ryoga thought he’d finally gotten through to her, but she went over to
Maeda’s desk, kicked aside the chair in front and then bent over placing
her hands on the front edge. “I’m ready,” she said, bracing herself.
“Ready? Ready for what?” asked Ryoga.
“My spanking.”
This time the blood did start rushing from Ryoga’s nose. “I’ve
married the wrong woman,” he said in disbelief.
Akane looked back at him. “Well? What are you waiting for? Get
over here and spank me!” Ryoga felt faint and started reminding himself
that Akari was his wife. He couldn’t move and gaped at her speechless.
“Come on! Get it out of your system so we can go back to a
normal life.” Still Ryoga remained still and Akane frowned. “You
better get over here, Ranma Saotome, or, or, or I’m going to call my
daddy and he’ll come over and browbeat you to death until you do!” she
snapped, placing a hand to her right ear.
Call your daddy, thought Ryoga then it dawned on him what she was
referring too.
The earpiece!
“Uh, okay ‘dear’. I’ll come and do what I-I’m supposed to do?”
Ryoga took hesitant steps over to Akane every part of him shaking
like a leaf on a tree. Akane braced herself again, and he had to gulp
down the hard lump in his throat as she wagged her backside in slow
deliberate sweeps.
Man, if Akari finds out about this!
He reached out first down then with a lightning pulled the
transceiver from her ear and quickly backed away.
“No, Ranma, give it baaack!” sobbed Akane, staggering after him.
“I need this more than you do, Akane,” replied Ryoga, putting the
transceiver on. Akane let out a sob and shuffled back over to the desk.
Oh, why me, muttered Ryoga. [Hello, Hello! Is there anybody out
there?]
Down in the front room, Ranko paused from her duties, fighting
back the urge to cry out and winced sharply at the sound of Ryoga’s
frantic calls. Ukyo, helping Shampoo set up another display of food in
the dinning area, also started sharply at the call. Ranko recovered
first and excused herself moving away back towards the foyer.
Pretending to fix her bonnet, she placed a hand to her ear.
[Ryoga! Will you stop screaming, you almost killed my ear!] she
answered low.
[Yeah, well at least you’re not having as much trouble as I am
right now!]
[What trouble, and for that matter why are you talking on this
thing? I thought Akane was comms for you guys?]
[She was, but uhm, things have changed.]
[Why? What’s happened to Akane?] said Ranko, fearing the worst.
Ukyo too stopped what she was doing and frowned. She handed off the
tongs in her hands to Akari and started making her way though the guest
in search of Nabiki.
[She, uh, she uhm… she’s kind ‘a drunk.] explained Ryoga.
“What?” exclaimed Ranko. Several of the guests around her turned
wondering what she the shouting was about. Ranko flinched and meekly
turned around. “Ah, sorry,” she said inching her way out of the room.
She set her tray down on a small table and turned her back.
[What do mean Akane’s drunk?]
[She’s drunk! One of those damn guards’s of Maeda gave her a
swig of Moonshine and now she’s plastered. Worse still I had to haul
her ass up to this floor. You know, Ranma, your wife is not light.]
[Tell me about it. You wouldn’t know it if (PHFTH!!!) that’s not
important right now! You can’t give Akane alcohol! She just thinks
about the word and she’s blitzed for the week!]
Ryoga looked over at Akane again. She was back bent over the
desk again, wagging her behind teasingly around at him grinning from ear
to ear and humming a light meandering tune.
[That and much more, Ranma,] he said. [You two have definitely
got to sit down and talk about this family issue of yours.]
[Is she babbling?]
[Like a parrot.]
[Ooo, Ooo, what’s she saying, what’s she saying?] It was Ukyo.
[Ukyo? About time you answered up!] snapped Ryoga.
[I’ve been listening in. Now what’s Akane been saying?]
[Don’t worry about that!] growled Ranko. [Ryoga, how could you
let Akane get drunk?]
[I couldn’t stop her! Anyway, she thinks I’m you and… uh oh… no,
no Akane, don’t do that!]
It went silent and Ranko tensed up. She could hear faint
mutterings, some moans and then Ryoga’s voice returned.
[FShesph TTTTafkingph offffherclphothfths!]
[What?]
[I said (ooph!), Akane will you stop I’m trying to talk here!]
[Spank my butt, Ranmaaaaa.]
Ranko’s long gasp of air drew the attention of the guests
standing close by in the adjoining room. They could only watch in utter
amazement as Ranko, now in full rage, hopped madly around arms flailing,
ranting out loud at some imaginary being. An elderly lady in her early
sixties tipped a curious eye at the fussing maid then casually turned
looking around until she spotted Victoria chatting casually with another
group across the way. “Oh Miss Saffron,” she called out. Vicky turned
and the woman motioned for her to come over.
It had to be trouble, thought Vicky as she approached. This old
bat had been after her ever since she became a member of the Bonsai
Club, as was the privilege of all the local bosses’ wives and relations.
Any excuse getting her expelled would be eagerly taken, and the haughty
look on her face only echoed her desires.
With a forced smile; Vicky said “Why hello Mrs. Iwamoto. I’m
glad you—.”
Her voice trailed off when she caught sight of Ranko.
“Yes, interesting employees you have here, Victoria,” said Mrs.
Iwamoto. “Quite a reflection of the way you manage your household,
hmm?”
Vicky stared speechless at Ranko. She placed a hand to her face
and hung her head. “Tell me this is not happening,” she muttered low.
By then, Ranko sensed the stares upon her and she stopped in
mid-hop balancing precariously on one spiked heel and turned around.
“Heh!” she let out and tip-toed carefully back into the closet, shutting
the door behind her.
“Mrs. Iwamoto continued. “Yes, very enlightening indeed. I’ll
be sure to bring it up at next weeks meeting. The girls will all want
to know where you found such humorous help.”
She moved off snickering derisively as she did. Victoria glared
furiously at the closet door and the muted ravings coming from inside.
Her ire shifted as one predominant image appeared in her mind, and she
turned.
“Where is she?” snarled Victoria, storming off to find her
rebellious soon-to-be ex-employee…
* * * * *
“This is so good. This is so good. Oh this is so, so, so good!”
Ukyo hurried through the crowd searching for Nabiki barely able
to contain her joy. Even with Ranko’s raving in her ear, she still
found this new twist entertaining. The only downside was the inability
to record everything that was going on. Sure would make a great movie
or the plot for a new T.V. series.
Finally, she found Nabiki with Tatewaki in the main room chatting
with a few members of the city economics board and rushed over.
Tatewaki spotter her approach first giving Nabiki a slight nudge and nod
in her direction.
“Uh oh. This can’t be good,” she said to him.
“By her expression I would think there is cause to celebrate,
don’t you?”
“No, that’s her ‘I’m glad you brought me’ look. Something is
wrong.”
Ukyo stopped and stood staring silently at them. Her lips
quivered, eyes bright with glee, but before she could speak, Nabiki
anticipated her words and cut her off.
“Don’t you dare say it,” she told her.
“(eep) Okay. But you better come with me.”
Nabiki sigh, wondering why nothing was going right tonight. “Be
careful,” she said to Tatewaki.
“Am I not always?”
Whimpering, Nabiki followed Ukyo back through the party and out
to the foyer. They went up the stairs and found a vacant room, locking
the door behind them. Ukyo pulled off her earpiece and handed it to
Nabiki.
[That’s it, Hibiki! I’m telling Akari you’re flirting with my
wife!]
[I’m not doing anything of the sort! I can’t help it if you’re
wife is not satisfied with her home life!]
[What! You better take those words back, and keep your hands off
of my wife!]
What the, wondered Nabiki? [Guys, guys! What’s going on?]
[Nabiki?] said Ryoga.
[Yes. Ryoga, why are you on the line and where is Akane?]
[He’s taking advantage of her, Nabiki!] shouted Ranko. [I’m
going to go up there and kick his A-double S!]
[I am not! You’re the one who’s got problems, pal!]
[Guys, stop it!]
The circuit went dead. Only Ukyo’s deviant laughter broke the
silence, then Nabiki drew in a breath.
[Ryoga. What has happened to Akane?]
[She’s drunk.]
[What!]
Ukyo could hold back no more, laughing out loud holding her
sides. “Ukyo, this is not funny!” shouted Nabiki.
“To me it is. And I want to tell you Nabiki, I’m going to
cherish every second of this.”
Nabiki frowned. [Ryoga, how in the hell did Akane get a hold of
alcohol? Kodachi is down here!]
[One of Maeda’s thugs gave her a swig of some Moonshine.]
[Moonshine? Okura, you sly dog. I completely missed that.]
[What does that matter!] raged Ranko. [Akane is blitzed. She
can’t open a safe in this condition!]
[Not to mention she thinks I’m Ranma and keeps complaining about
family matters.]
[Really? Talking about babies again?]
[Stay out of our private life! Nabiki, what are we going to do
about Akane?]
Nabiki paused. She chuckled and cut a humored glance over at
Ukyo. “This is getting kind of good.”
“Isn’t it though? Too bad I can’t hear what they’re saying now.”
Nabiki giggled and caught herself before she slipped any further.
[We’re getting behind schedule, guys and this will certainly add to our
time.]
[So what do we do?] asked Ryoga.
[Give me a second,] answered Nabiki. It was all the time she
needed. [Okay. Ranko, where are you? I did not see you when we passed
through your area.]
[I’m in the coat closet.]
It was better not to ask why, Nabiki continued. [Well come out
of the closet, odd as it sounds, and get back to your station. Ryoga,
keep Akane there and quiet.]
[Easy for you to say. She keeps waving her booty in my face.]
[You keep those hands off that booty, Ryoga Hibiki. That’s
mine!] snapped Ranko.
Nabiki paused again to trade giggles with Ukyo. [Don’t worry
about Ryoga, Ranko. Just get out there and keep an eye out for Maeda
and his men.]
Ranko grumbled something but complied.
[Now if only Doctor Tofu was here.]
[Yeah, where is he? I haven’t heard his voice yet.] said Ryoga.
[I don’t know but he is surly needed now. Sit tight Ryoga. Ukyo
will be back up to give you instructions in a little while.]
[Hurry it up.]
Nabiki took off the earpiece and gave it back to Ukyo. “Get down
to Kodachi,” she instructed her, “See if she knows or has something that
can sober Akane up enough to be half-useful.”
“Kodachi? Are you sure, Nabiki? She might try and slip Akane
some poison or worse one of her sleep potions.”
“We don’t have any choice, Ukyo. Without being able to talk to
Doctor Tofu, Kodachi is our best chance of getting things back on
track.”
Ukyo shuddered a bit. “Ew, never thought we’d have to bank on
Kodachi to pull us out of a tight spot.”
“Yeah, sticks in my craw too. Come on, we need to get back
downstairs before Maeda starts missing us…”
* * * * *
A cold shiver flowed up Hikaru Gosunkugi’s back as he stood
clutching a tree branch in his frail hands before him, staring at the
van and its unwanted occupant carousing inside. He shook, this time not
from the cold air, but the fear at what he was about to do next. Hikaru
took a hesitant step forward and then abruptly turned.
“Doc, tell me again why I’m doing this?” he whispered.
Doctor Tofu, peering at him with slowly puffing eyes from the
brush, smirked at the question. “Because you are the one who drew it in
there in the first place, that’s why!”
Hikaru glanced at the van. “Okay, a slight mistake, but at least
we know that Kasumi’s cooking is appreciated by the animals too.”
“Go to the van, Hikaru.”
Gosunkugi gulped and faced the van. He took another hesitant
step towards it and spun around again. “Aw Doc, I’d rather face you
again than go in there!”
“GOSUNKUGI!!!!”
Ono caught himself, grimacing a moment more from the stinging
welts and bumps on his cheeks and jaw than anger, and then sighed.
“Hikaru, remember the plan. You draw it out, it chases you into
the woods, I limp into the van, you double back and dive in, and we both
shut the door. Got it?”
“It’s that chase me part that got me concerned, Doc.”
“What about it? You’re a spry young man, so it should be no
problem.”
“That bear might catch me! I’m thin enough that it could eat me
with one gulp. What then?”
“Well then you get to finish your meal.”
Hikaru pondered that for a moment, finally agreeing with him.
“Yeah, I could. It was looking tasty and—.”
He started realizing what he was saying. Ono laughed at the
frowning man and then pointed to the van. “Bear,” he said.
“In there,” replied Hikaru.
“Will you get on with it!”
With timid resolve, Gosunkugi moved steadily closer to the van.
Finally he was at the side door and could see the bear draped over the
front seat apparently taking a break from its search.
“…hello?” Hikaru called to it. No response, Gosunkugi quickly
moving back. “Sorry, Doc, but the bear seams not interested in me.”
“Hikaru hit it!”
“What?”
“I said hit it!”
“Why, it’s not in interested in me. In fact it doesn’t even
realize I’m there at all.”
“Hikaru, you could be a big black dot on a white page of paper
and still be missed! Now go hit it!”
He looked incredulously at the branch in his hands. “With this?”
questioned Hikaru.
“Yes!”
“Well Doc, don’t you think I could use a longer branch?”
“If I find one I’m using it on you! Now go hit the bear!”
Anymore protests were useless; Gosunkugi timidly returning to the
side door repeating Ono’s command mockingly as he did. The bear had not
moved and it now appeared to be asleep or just about to doze off. Great,
my luck it’s female and a grouchy female means an angry female the worst
form of any species.
A weak prod to the bear’s side brought only a low growl in
response. “I don’t want to do this,” whined Hikaru. He looked back out
over his shoulder with pleading eyes at Doctor Tofu. Ono was unmoved
gesturing for him to finish the job.
Gosunkugi stared at the bear for a moment and then took the
branch in both hands. Gathering up all of the nerve he had, Hikaru made
a sharp thrust out towards the bear shouting, “I’m sorry!” as he did.
His actions were well rewarded as a loud growl filled the air,
joined immediately by Gosunkugi’s own as he bolted out the van the bear
hot on his heels. Unfortunately, the direction he chose was not the one
that Ono neither desired nor wanted.
“Somehow I should have expected this,” said Ono as the pair
charged towards him. “Yes, it fits the happenings of this day
perfectly. (Sigh) Well let’s hope this work.”
Shifting to one side, Ono crouched; waiting as Hikaru burst
through the brush in desperate flight for his life. The bear, now at
full lope, vaulted over the top mouth open ready to tear into its prey.
Suddenly Doctor Tofu rose up and with two fingers held tight together
made a thrust hitting the bear just behind its head near the neck. Both
it and Hikaru crumpled to the ground in a heap.
“AH! AH! I’M DEAD, I’M DEAD! IT’S EATEN ME AND I’M INSIDE ITS
STOMACH, hey where’s my dinner, AH, AH! IT’S DARK, I’M BEING DEVOURED!
AH, PAIN, PAIN,PAAAIN!”
“Hikaru!”
Gosunkugi paused. “Doc? Doc, it got you too?”
“No, Hikaru.”
With a grunt, Ono rolled the unconscious bear off of him.
Gosunkugi sat up surprised he was still alive. He looked at Tofu and
smiled.
“See, that wasn’t so hard after all.”
Ono smirked. “You were supposed to go the other way.”
“My body had different plans.”
“Get up!”
Hikaru stood staring down at the now unconscious bear with some
surprise. He rubbed the back of his neck and then went to catch up with
Doctor Tofu; who was making his way back to their van.
“Hey, Doc that was something else.”
“It only worked because the gods of luck happen to be on your
side, Hikaru.”
“You mean you didn’t know you could stop that bear?”
Tofu stopped and looked down at Gosunkugi with a sharp gaze.
Hikaru smirked knowing that he just missed being torn limb from limb. A
quick glance back over his shoulder, he smiled meekly up at Ono.
“Thanks, Doc,” he said.
“Just be thankful these two fingers were able to hit the right
spot through all of that fur and fat flying through the air, Hikaru.”
“Yeah. You know you aught to patent those, Doc. Make you
famous, soon everyone will be calling you ‘Clint Tofu’.”
Ono frowned, glaring at Hikaru for a second. He shook his head
and continued on. “Clint Tofu… will you listen to him,” he muttered.
Inside the van the place was a shambles with parts and pieces of
seats and paneling strew everywhere. Claw marks ripped across several
of the windows and then Hikaru let out a gasp staring at where their
computer had been set up. The chassis lay on the floor part of the
outer case bent and dented in, but what worried Hikaru more were the
long claw marks running almost the entire length of the flat screen
dangling precariously by one wire on the wall.
“Oh Doc we might be out of commission,” he said climbing inside.
Ono began to follow when suddenly he smelled a thick mucky reek,
wrinkling his nose as he drew back in disgust. “Aw, what is that?” he
cried.
“Huh?” said Hikaru. In his concern for his beloved computer,
Gosunkugi was completely oblivious to the smell until Ono pointed it
out. He gagged, covering his nose and mouth with his hands. “I think
our bear left us a present, Doc.”
“Figures! Where is it?”
“You want me to look for that?”
“No, no, no, never mind. What about the computer?”
Hikaru looked over the components and shrugged. “I’ll have to
run some quick test to see if anything critical was damaged.”
“How long?”
“Can’t say right now.”
Ono glanced at his watch. They were very much way behind
schedule and this only meant more time off track. He told Hikaru to get
started and braved the smell climbing in.
“I’m going to look for the earpiece. Do you need any help?”
“A rebreather would be nice.”
“Concentrate, Hikaru!”
Gosunkugi examined the computer again. “Outlets messed up.
We’ll need to jump power from the van’s power system if I’m going to
operate this.”
“That I can manage. I still have the keys,” replied Ono.
He went to go start up the van when Gosunkugi called him again.
“Doc, what about that bear out there?”
“What about it?”
“Well when it wakes up it’s going to be really mad at us.”
“Then we’ll just close the door, Hikaru.”
Hikaru looked up, sniffing the air for a moment. “Uh, Methane is
not very breathable, Doc.”
Ono paused just before he could sit down behind in the drivers
seat, turning around to him. “Hikaru, let me worry about the bear,
okay? You just get that computer back up and running.”
“Okay, Doc.”
Tofu sighed and sat down with a harrumph in frustration. He let
out a yell that startled Hikaru sending him for cover.
“Doc, Doc! What’s wrong?” he exclaimed.
Tofu sat silent for a moment, his head hung low. He looked up
and then peered over at Gosunkugi.
“I found it,” was the only thing he said, hanging his head back
down.
“Ew,” muttered Hikaru, shuddering. “I’m so glad I don’t know how
to drive…”
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Ryoga untied the rope attaching him to Akane and set her down on
the floor. He reached back out and with a sharp snap of the rope freed
the hook, rapidly gathering it up before it could hit the side of the
building. That they had managed to get this far brought relief to him,
but now there came the problem of finding the safe. Then, there was the
bigger problem of figuring out how Akane would be able to open it.
He could hear her crawling around on the floor and thought best
to keep her at least within arms reach as he pondered their situation.
Taking a small maglight from the bag, turned it on and panned the yellow
lens colored light around in search of her.
“Akane?” he whispered. She was gone and panic started to fill
his mind. “Great, I’ve lost a totally blitzed, three hundred pound
woman in less than a minute. This just is not happening!”
Carefully, Ryoga panned the light around as he made his way past
Maeda’s desk towards the middle of the room. Still no sign of Akane, he
scratched his head and sat down in one of the near-by chairs.
“Where could she have gone?”
A pair of hands appeared from either side of the chair slapping
down on Ryoga’s shoulders. Ryoga started to yell but cut it off,
covering his mouth as his pulse raced in his ears. Akane’s grinning
face hove up close to his.
“Boo,” she said.
The shock faded away, Ryoga’s eyes returning to normal size as
Akane started giggling uncontrollably.
“Akane, this is not the time for games!” he snapped, shooting up
out of the seat.
Her giggles stopped, Akane staring at Ryoga pacing around in a
tight circle at the center of the room. She suddenly began whimpering.
“Akane this is not the time for tears, okay. We’re in big
trouble here.”
“So, so, so you don’t want to play with me?”
“No, no, no, Akane. It’s not that… uh, I mean no, uh, I don’t
know what I mean!”
Akane’s whimpers picked up.
“Oooooo… Ah-ooooooo… Ranmaaaaa… you never want to play with me
anymore!”
“Oh, she still thinks I’m Ranma!”
“Bwaaahahahaaaaa… always pretending to have a headache… I know
what kind of headache you’re supposed to have but you never get one!”
That shocked Ryoga and he stood speechless for a second. “This
is definitely not the time to for this.” He rushed over taking Akane by
the shoulders. “Akane, please stop. Someone’s going to hear you”
“NIdon’tcarrre… booooowahahahaaaaa… I’m going to tell Daddeeeee…
he-he-he-he’ll make you give me babies!”
“Akane, I’m not Ranma! Please, somehow get sober!”
Akane abruptly stopped and drew back staring at Ryoga. He
thought she had come around but then her bottom lip began to quiver
again and she resumed her crying.
“Ooooh, Ranmaaaa… I’m a bad wife aren’t I?”
“No! I don’t know. Ranma would know, but I’m sure you’re a
fantastic wife, Akane. Can’t handle your liquor, but I’ll bet a
fantastic wife just the same!”
“Bwahaaaaaaa… you’re punishing me for being a bad wife, aren’t
you, Ranma?”
“I’m not Ranma!”
Akane stopped crying again. “Okay,” she said in a meek voice.
Ryoga thought he’d finally gotten through to her, but she went over to
Maeda’s desk, kicked aside the chair in front and then bent over placing
her hands on the front edge. “I’m ready,” she said, bracing herself.
“Ready? Ready for what?” asked Ryoga.
“My spanking.”
This time the blood did start rushing from Ryoga’s nose. “I’ve
married the wrong woman,” he said in disbelief.
Akane looked back at him. “Well? What are you waiting for? Get
over here and spank me!” Ryoga felt faint and started reminding himself
that Akari was his wife. He couldn’t move and gaped at her speechless.
“Come on! Get it out of your system so we can go back to a
normal life.” Still Ryoga remained still and Akane frowned. “You
better get over here, Ranma Saotome, or, or, or I’m going to call my
daddy and he’ll come over and browbeat you to death until you do!” she
snapped, placing a hand to her right ear.
Call your daddy, thought Ryoga then it dawned on him what she was
referring too.
The earpiece!
“Uh, okay ‘dear’. I’ll come and do what I-I’m supposed to do?”
Ryoga took hesitant steps over to Akane every part of him shaking
like a leaf on a tree. Akane braced herself again, and he had to gulp
down the hard lump in his throat as she wagged her backside in slow
deliberate sweeps.
Man, if Akari finds out about this!
He reached out first down then with a lightning pulled the
transceiver from her ear and quickly backed away.
“No, Ranma, give it baaack!” sobbed Akane, staggering after him.
“I need this more than you do, Akane,” replied Ryoga, putting the
transceiver on. Akane let out a sob and shuffled back over to the desk.
Oh, why me, muttered Ryoga. [Hello, Hello! Is there anybody out
there?]
Down in the front room, Ranko paused from her duties, fighting
back the urge to cry out and winced sharply at the sound of Ryoga’s
frantic calls. Ukyo, helping Shampoo set up another display of food in
the dinning area, also started sharply at the call. Ranko recovered
first and excused herself moving away back towards the foyer.
Pretending to fix her bonnet, she placed a hand to her ear.
[Ryoga! Will you stop screaming, you almost killed my ear!] she
answered low.
[Yeah, well at least you’re not having as much trouble as I am
right now!]
[What trouble, and for that matter why are you talking on this
thing? I thought Akane was comms for you guys?]
[She was, but uhm, things have changed.]
[Why? What’s happened to Akane?] said Ranko, fearing the worst.
Ukyo too stopped what she was doing and frowned. She handed off the
tongs in her hands to Akari and started making her way though the guest
in search of Nabiki.
[She, uh, she uhm… she’s kind ‘a drunk.] explained Ryoga.
“What?” exclaimed Ranko. Several of the guests around her turned
wondering what she the shouting was about. Ranko flinched and meekly
turned around. “Ah, sorry,” she said inching her way out of the room.
She set her tray down on a small table and turned her back.
[What do mean Akane’s drunk?]
[She’s drunk! One of those damn guards’s of Maeda gave her a
swig of Moonshine and now she’s plastered. Worse still I had to haul
her ass up to this floor. You know, Ranma, your wife is not light.]
[Tell me about it. You wouldn’t know it if (PHFTH!!!) that’s not
important right now! You can’t give Akane alcohol! She just thinks
about the word and she’s blitzed for the week!]
Ryoga looked over at Akane again. She was back bent over the
desk again, wagging her behind teasingly around at him grinning from ear
to ear and humming a light meandering tune.
[That and much more, Ranma,] he said. [You two have definitely
got to sit down and talk about this family issue of yours.]
[Is she babbling?]
[Like a parrot.]
[Ooo, Ooo, what’s she saying, what’s she saying?] It was Ukyo.
[Ukyo? About time you answered up!] snapped Ryoga.
[I’ve been listening in. Now what’s Akane been saying?]
[Don’t worry about that!] growled Ranko. [Ryoga, how could you
let Akane get drunk?]
[I couldn’t stop her! Anyway, she thinks I’m you and… uh oh… no,
no Akane, don’t do that!]
It went silent and Ranko tensed up. She could hear faint
mutterings, some moans and then Ryoga’s voice returned.
[FShesph TTTTafkingph offffherclphothfths!]
[What?]
[I said (ooph!), Akane will you stop I’m trying to talk here!]
[Spank my butt, Ranmaaaaa.]
Ranko’s long gasp of air drew the attention of the guests
standing close by in the adjoining room. They could only watch in utter
amazement as Ranko, now in full rage, hopped madly around arms flailing,
ranting out loud at some imaginary being. An elderly lady in her early
sixties tipped a curious eye at the fussing maid then casually turned
looking around until she spotted Victoria chatting casually with another
group across the way. “Oh Miss Saffron,” she called out. Vicky turned
and the woman motioned for her to come over.
It had to be trouble, thought Vicky as she approached. This old
bat had been after her ever since she became a member of the Bonsai
Club, as was the privilege of all the local bosses’ wives and relations.
Any excuse getting her expelled would be eagerly taken, and the haughty
look on her face only echoed her desires.
With a forced smile; Vicky said “Why hello Mrs. Iwamoto. I’m
glad you—.”
Her voice trailed off when she caught sight of Ranko.
“Yes, interesting employees you have here, Victoria,” said Mrs.
Iwamoto. “Quite a reflection of the way you manage your household,
hmm?”
Vicky stared speechless at Ranko. She placed a hand to her face
and hung her head. “Tell me this is not happening,” she muttered low.
By then, Ranko sensed the stares upon her and she stopped in
mid-hop balancing precariously on one spiked heel and turned around.
“Heh!” she let out and tip-toed carefully back into the closet, shutting
the door behind her.
“Mrs. Iwamoto continued. “Yes, very enlightening indeed. I’ll
be sure to bring it up at next weeks meeting. The girls will all want
to know where you found such humorous help.”
She moved off snickering derisively as she did. Victoria glared
furiously at the closet door and the muted ravings coming from inside.
Her ire shifted as one predominant image appeared in her mind, and she
turned.
“Where is she?” snarled Victoria, storming off to find her
rebellious soon-to-be ex-employee…
* * * * *
“This is so good. This is so good. Oh this is so, so, so good!”
Ukyo hurried through the crowd searching for Nabiki barely able
to contain her joy. Even with Ranko’s raving in her ear, she still
found this new twist entertaining. The only downside was the inability
to record everything that was going on. Sure would make a great movie
or the plot for a new T.V. series.
Finally, she found Nabiki with Tatewaki in the main room chatting
with a few members of the city economics board and rushed over.
Tatewaki spotter her approach first giving Nabiki a slight nudge and nod
in her direction.
“Uh oh. This can’t be good,” she said to him.
“By her expression I would think there is cause to celebrate,
don’t you?”
“No, that’s her ‘I’m glad you brought me’ look. Something is
wrong.”
Ukyo stopped and stood staring silently at them. Her lips
quivered, eyes bright with glee, but before she could speak, Nabiki
anticipated her words and cut her off.
“Don’t you dare say it,” she told her.
“(eep) Okay. But you better come with me.”
Nabiki sigh, wondering why nothing was going right tonight. “Be
careful,” she said to Tatewaki.
“Am I not always?”
Whimpering, Nabiki followed Ukyo back through the party and out
to the foyer. They went up the stairs and found a vacant room, locking
the door behind them. Ukyo pulled off her earpiece and handed it to
Nabiki.
[That’s it, Hibiki! I’m telling Akari you’re flirting with my
wife!]
[I’m not doing anything of the sort! I can’t help it if you’re
wife is not satisfied with her home life!]
[What! You better take those words back, and keep your hands off
of my wife!]
What the, wondered Nabiki? [Guys, guys! What’s going on?]
[Nabiki?] said Ryoga.
[Yes. Ryoga, why are you on the line and where is Akane?]
[He’s taking advantage of her, Nabiki!] shouted Ranko. [I’m
going to go up there and kick his A-double S!]
[I am not! You’re the one who’s got problems, pal!]
[Guys, stop it!]
The circuit went dead. Only Ukyo’s deviant laughter broke the
silence, then Nabiki drew in a breath.
[Ryoga. What has happened to Akane?]
[She’s drunk.]
[What!]
Ukyo could hold back no more, laughing out loud holding her
sides. “Ukyo, this is not funny!” shouted Nabiki.
“To me it is. And I want to tell you Nabiki, I’m going to
cherish every second of this.”
Nabiki frowned. [Ryoga, how in the hell did Akane get a hold of
alcohol? Kodachi is down here!]
[One of Maeda’s thugs gave her a swig of some Moonshine.]
[Moonshine? Okura, you sly dog. I completely missed that.]
[What does that matter!] raged Ranko. [Akane is blitzed. She
can’t open a safe in this condition!]
[Not to mention she thinks I’m Ranma and keeps complaining about
family matters.]
[Really? Talking about babies again?]
[Stay out of our private life! Nabiki, what are we going to do
about Akane?]
Nabiki paused. She chuckled and cut a humored glance over at
Ukyo. “This is getting kind of good.”
“Isn’t it though? Too bad I can’t hear what they’re saying now.”
Nabiki giggled and caught herself before she slipped any further.
[We’re getting behind schedule, guys and this will certainly add to our
time.]
[So what do we do?] asked Ryoga.
[Give me a second,] answered Nabiki. It was all the time she
needed. [Okay. Ranko, where are you? I did not see you when we passed
through your area.]
[I’m in the coat closet.]
It was better not to ask why, Nabiki continued. [Well come out
of the closet, odd as it sounds, and get back to your station. Ryoga,
keep Akane there and quiet.]
[Easy for you to say. She keeps waving her booty in my face.]
[You keep those hands off that booty, Ryoga Hibiki. That’s
mine!] snapped Ranko.
Nabiki paused again to trade giggles with Ukyo. [Don’t worry
about Ryoga, Ranko. Just get out there and keep an eye out for Maeda
and his men.]
Ranko grumbled something but complied.
[Now if only Doctor Tofu was here.]
[Yeah, where is he? I haven’t heard his voice yet.] said Ryoga.
[I don’t know but he is surly needed now. Sit tight Ryoga. Ukyo
will be back up to give you instructions in a little while.]
[Hurry it up.]
Nabiki took off the earpiece and gave it back to Ukyo. “Get down
to Kodachi,” she instructed her, “See if she knows or has something that
can sober Akane up enough to be half-useful.”
“Kodachi? Are you sure, Nabiki? She might try and slip Akane
some poison or worse one of her sleep potions.”
“We don’t have any choice, Ukyo. Without being able to talk to
Doctor Tofu, Kodachi is our best chance of getting things back on
track.”
Ukyo shuddered a bit. “Ew, never thought we’d have to bank on
Kodachi to pull us out of a tight spot.”
“Yeah, sticks in my craw too. Come on, we need to get back
downstairs before Maeda starts missing us…”
* * * * *
A cold shiver flowed up Hikaru Gosunkugi’s back as he stood
clutching a tree branch in his frail hands before him, staring at the
van and its unwanted occupant carousing inside. He shook, this time not
from the cold air, but the fear at what he was about to do next. Hikaru
took a hesitant step forward and then abruptly turned.
“Doc, tell me again why I’m doing this?” he whispered.
Doctor Tofu, peering at him with slowly puffing eyes from the
brush, smirked at the question. “Because you are the one who drew it in
there in the first place, that’s why!”
Hikaru glanced at the van. “Okay, a slight mistake, but at least
we know that Kasumi’s cooking is appreciated by the animals too.”
“Go to the van, Hikaru.”
Gosunkugi gulped and faced the van. He took another hesitant
step towards it and spun around again. “Aw Doc, I’d rather face you
again than go in there!”
“GOSUNKUGI!!!!”
Ono caught himself, grimacing a moment more from the stinging
welts and bumps on his cheeks and jaw than anger, and then sighed.
“Hikaru, remember the plan. You draw it out, it chases you into
the woods, I limp into the van, you double back and dive in, and we both
shut the door. Got it?”
“It’s that chase me part that got me concerned, Doc.”
“What about it? You’re a spry young man, so it should be no
problem.”
“That bear might catch me! I’m thin enough that it could eat me
with one gulp. What then?”
“Well then you get to finish your meal.”
Hikaru pondered that for a moment, finally agreeing with him.
“Yeah, I could. It was looking tasty and—.”
He started realizing what he was saying. Ono laughed at the
frowning man and then pointed to the van. “Bear,” he said.
“In there,” replied Hikaru.
“Will you get on with it!”
With timid resolve, Gosunkugi moved steadily closer to the van.
Finally he was at the side door and could see the bear draped over the
front seat apparently taking a break from its search.
“…hello?” Hikaru called to it. No response, Gosunkugi quickly
moving back. “Sorry, Doc, but the bear seams not interested in me.”
“Hikaru hit it!”
“What?”
“I said hit it!”
“Why, it’s not in interested in me. In fact it doesn’t even
realize I’m there at all.”
“Hikaru, you could be a big black dot on a white page of paper
and still be missed! Now go hit it!”
He looked incredulously at the branch in his hands. “With this?”
questioned Hikaru.
“Yes!”
“Well Doc, don’t you think I could use a longer branch?”
“If I find one I’m using it on you! Now go hit the bear!”
Anymore protests were useless; Gosunkugi timidly returning to the
side door repeating Ono’s command mockingly as he did. The bear had not
moved and it now appeared to be asleep or just about to doze off. Great,
my luck it’s female and a grouchy female means an angry female the worst
form of any species.
A weak prod to the bear’s side brought only a low growl in
response. “I don’t want to do this,” whined Hikaru. He looked back out
over his shoulder with pleading eyes at Doctor Tofu. Ono was unmoved
gesturing for him to finish the job.
Gosunkugi stared at the bear for a moment and then took the
branch in both hands. Gathering up all of the nerve he had, Hikaru made
a sharp thrust out towards the bear shouting, “I’m sorry!” as he did.
His actions were well rewarded as a loud growl filled the air,
joined immediately by Gosunkugi’s own as he bolted out the van the bear
hot on his heels. Unfortunately, the direction he chose was not the one
that Ono neither desired nor wanted.
“Somehow I should have expected this,” said Ono as the pair
charged towards him. “Yes, it fits the happenings of this day
perfectly. (Sigh) Well let’s hope this work.”
Shifting to one side, Ono crouched; waiting as Hikaru burst
through the brush in desperate flight for his life. The bear, now at
full lope, vaulted over the top mouth open ready to tear into its prey.
Suddenly Doctor Tofu rose up and with two fingers held tight together
made a thrust hitting the bear just behind its head near the neck. Both
it and Hikaru crumpled to the ground in a heap.
“AH! AH! I’M DEAD, I’M DEAD! IT’S EATEN ME AND I’M INSIDE ITS
STOMACH, hey where’s my dinner, AH, AH! IT’S DARK, I’M BEING DEVOURED!
AH, PAIN, PAIN,PAAAIN!”
“Hikaru!”
Gosunkugi paused. “Doc? Doc, it got you too?”
“No, Hikaru.”
With a grunt, Ono rolled the unconscious bear off of him.
Gosunkugi sat up surprised he was still alive. He looked at Tofu and
smiled.
“See, that wasn’t so hard after all.”
Ono smirked. “You were supposed to go the other way.”
“My body had different plans.”
“Get up!”
Hikaru stood staring down at the now unconscious bear with some
surprise. He rubbed the back of his neck and then went to catch up with
Doctor Tofu; who was making his way back to their van.
“Hey, Doc that was something else.”
“It only worked because the gods of luck happen to be on your
side, Hikaru.”
“You mean you didn’t know you could stop that bear?”
Tofu stopped and looked down at Gosunkugi with a sharp gaze.
Hikaru smirked knowing that he just missed being torn limb from limb. A
quick glance back over his shoulder, he smiled meekly up at Ono.
“Thanks, Doc,” he said.
“Just be thankful these two fingers were able to hit the right
spot through all of that fur and fat flying through the air, Hikaru.”
“Yeah. You know you aught to patent those, Doc. Make you
famous, soon everyone will be calling you ‘Clint Tofu’.”
Ono frowned, glaring at Hikaru for a second. He shook his head
and continued on. “Clint Tofu… will you listen to him,” he muttered.
Inside the van the place was a shambles with parts and pieces of
seats and paneling strew everywhere. Claw marks ripped across several
of the windows and then Hikaru let out a gasp staring at where their
computer had been set up. The chassis lay on the floor part of the
outer case bent and dented in, but what worried Hikaru more were the
long claw marks running almost the entire length of the flat screen
dangling precariously by one wire on the wall.
“Oh Doc we might be out of commission,” he said climbing inside.
Ono began to follow when suddenly he smelled a thick mucky reek,
wrinkling his nose as he drew back in disgust. “Aw, what is that?” he
cried.
“Huh?” said Hikaru. In his concern for his beloved computer,
Gosunkugi was completely oblivious to the smell until Ono pointed it
out. He gagged, covering his nose and mouth with his hands. “I think
our bear left us a present, Doc.”
“Figures! Where is it?”
“You want me to look for that?”
“No, no, no, never mind. What about the computer?”
Hikaru looked over the components and shrugged. “I’ll have to
run some quick test to see if anything critical was damaged.”
“How long?”
“Can’t say right now.”
Ono glanced at his watch. They were very much way behind
schedule and this only meant more time off track. He told Hikaru to get
started and braved the smell climbing in.
“I’m going to look for the earpiece. Do you need any help?”
“A rebreather would be nice.”
“Concentrate, Hikaru!”
Gosunkugi examined the computer again. “Outlets messed up.
We’ll need to jump power from the van’s power system if I’m going to
operate this.”
“That I can manage. I still have the keys,” replied Ono.
He went to go start up the van when Gosunkugi called him again.
“Doc, what about that bear out there?”
“What about it?”
“Well when it wakes up it’s going to be really mad at us.”
“Then we’ll just close the door, Hikaru.”
Hikaru looked up, sniffing the air for a moment. “Uh, Methane is
not very breathable, Doc.”
Ono paused just before he could sit down behind in the drivers
seat, turning around to him. “Hikaru, let me worry about the bear,
okay? You just get that computer back up and running.”
“Okay, Doc.”
Tofu sighed and sat down with a harrumph in frustration. He let
out a yell that startled Hikaru sending him for cover.
“Doc, Doc! What’s wrong?” he exclaimed.
Tofu sat silent for a moment, his head hung low. He looked up
and then peered over at Gosunkugi.
“I found it,” was the only thing he said, hanging his head back
down.
“Ew,” muttered Hikaru, shuddering. “I’m so glad I don’t know how
to drive…”
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