[FFML] [fanfic][Eva/Megas] Evas XLR chapter 1

[Nidoking]

This is an idea that, if it hasn't been written yet, it would really
surprise me. Nonetheless, having seen no such thing anywhere else, I
present my Megas XLR/Evangelion crossover. It will probably get better
as it picks up... this is just the scenario that merges the two series.



EVAS XLR
Chapter 1: Time Driven

Coop eyed his latest creation critically, scratching his chin and
humming to himself. "No, no. It's not right. Something's still missing."
"Dude, it's fine," said Jamie. "You've been working on it for five
hours. You've built stuff ten times this size in less time."
Kiva raised an eyebrow. "Ten times the size of that thing?"
"It's not the size that matters," said Coop. "I mean, we beat up
stuff bigger than Megas all the time. It's all in the quality of the
construction, and the right materials." He held out a hand. "But this
part's gonna be tricky. Pass me that crowbar and a flathead screwdriver.
Oh, and a blowtorch."
"A blowtorch?" exclaimed Kiva, taking a few steps back. "Are you
sure you know what you're doing?"
"I'm gonna be fighting one of the mightiest forces in the universe,"
replied Coop, taking the requested tools from Jamie. "I'm gonna need all
the power I can get."
Kiva pushed him roughly aside and grabbed the glass jar in one hand.
She quickly twisted the lid off with the other and offered it to Coop.
He glared at her for a few seconds before reaching in and grabbing
one of the pickle spears in his meaty fingers. He dropped it on top of
the sandwich and spread his arms. "Voila! My masterpiece is finished!"
"Good," said Kiva. "Now, can I PLEASE make a sandwich for myself?"
"Are you sure you don't want some of my Coop Extreme?" Coop offered,
gesturing to the foodstuff that covered most of the counter and towered
over even the lanky Jamie.
"Well, if you can spare a square yard or so, Jamie and I can
probably get by for about a month."
Coop scratched his chin. "I dunno... I'm feeling pretty hungry
today."
"It was a joke," Kiva pointed out. "I wouldn't touch that thing if
it was the only food in the house."
Coop stared at her and blinked.
Kiva caught the drift quickly. "Don't tell me... you used all the
food in the house to make that one sandwich?"
"If we HAD more food, I'd have put it in the sandwich!"
Kiva sighed. "I'll just go to McDoland's and get a burger."
"Mind if I tag along?" asked Jamie. "I don't want to be here when he
starts eating that thing. There are times and places where watching Coop
eat is fascinating, and this is neither."
"You guys have NO sense of adventure," said Coop, licking his lips
eagerly.
"You know, we DO ride in Megas with you when you fight the Glorft
and destroy planet-eating monsters and win giant robot tournaments and
stuff," Jamie reminded him.
"Yeah, but that's just the same stuff we do every day. THIS..." - he
gestured grandly at the Coop Extreme - "is an adventure!"
"I'm up for it," said Jamie, "but I think my intestines want to
pass."
Coop snorted. "Whatever! Kiva, you're man enough to take one bite,
aren't you?"
There was no response. There was no Kiva to deliver one.
"Hey, where'd she go?" asked Coop.
Jamie jerked a thumb toward the open back door. "I think she left."
"Aw, man!" groaned Coop. "She's always moping these days! What's her
problem?"
"Aside from being stranded in the past with a guy who can turn a
kitchen full of food into a single meal?"
"It's not THAT much food," Coop countered.
The gravitational pull of the food's mass finally overcame the
quantum boundary, and the entire sandwich collapsed in on itself in a
temporary black hole, sucking in most of the magnets from the
refrigerator and the entire gallery of Coop's kindergarten art before
vanishing into a singularity.
"You were saying?" asked Jamie.
Coop shrugged. "Well, if we got no food, I guess we'd better go try
to cheer Kiva up. Maybe she'll buy us some more."
*************************************************
Kiva rested her chin on her palms and sighed. The massive blue
flame-styled hulk of Megas towered over her, but the dark shadow that
surrounded her made its shade seem bright by comparison. She furtively
glanced around the yard to make sure nobody was watching her, then
pulled a small silver disc out of her pocket and pressed a button on its
surface. A faint, flickering image of a group of people appeared above
the disc, so blurry that the faces were little more than discolored
specks and the uniforms could hardly be recognized as identical to
Kiva's. She had to squint to make out any details at all, and even then,
it was little more than a dim blob. She felt a tear forming in the
corner of her eye and quickly blinked it away. She'd been trained better
than to let emotional attachments weigh her down.
She was so intent on the fading image that she didn't notice Coop
and Jamie until they entered her field of view. "What's that thing?"
asked Coop.
Kiva nearly dropped the disc in surprise. She fumbled for the button
as Jamie poked a finger into the picture. "Is that some kind of
futuristic hologram device?" he asked.
"Yes, it is," snapped Kiva, finally turning the projector off.
Jamie ignored her heated tone. "Man, I thought the future was
supposed to have cool stuff. They make better holograms than that NOW."
"The battery's almost dead," Kiva explained. "And the technology to
make a new one won't be developed for at least twenty more years."
Coop snorted derisively. "Like that's ever stopped me. Lemme take a
look at it."
Kiva quickly pulled the disc out of his reach. "Even if I thought
you could build a new battery, I wouldn't let you within a hundred feet
of the raw materials."
"So, what's it a picture of?" asked Jamie.
"My battalion from the future," she replied. "The last time I saw
them was months ago, before I came back to the past."
"That picture's all you've got left of them, huh?" Jamie asked
sympathetically.
"Too bad it's running out of juice," said Coop. "Hey, maybe we could
use Megas to give it a jump and -"
"It's not rechargeable," Kiva said quickly.
"So, was one of them your boooooooooyfriend or something?" teased
Jamie, nudging her shoulder.
"There was no time for that," said Kiva quietly. "On the front line,
we couldn't afford to let anything slow us down. We were all close...
but never that close."
Understanding finally forced its way through Coop's thick skull. "So
you miss all your friends from the future, huh?"
"I wasn't supposed to be stuck in the past for this long," Kiva
reminded him. "This was supposed to be a simple mission to retrieve
Megas and return to the future."
Coop scratched his head. "So it's a little longer than you expected.
Big deal."
"A little longer?" Kiva struggled to comprehend the lack of
compassion it must have taken to reach such a conclusion. "Coop, it's
more than that! It would be like... Jamie saying he's just going down to
the store and not coming back for five months!"
Coop glanced over at Jamie. "Oh yeah? Where'd he go??"
"That's the point!" Kiva shouted. "You don't know! You don't know
where he is or how he's doing or even if he's still alive! You might
never see him again! Wouldn't you be upset?"
"Darn right I'd be upset!" Coop poked a meaty index finger into
Jamie's face. "You know I can't eat lunch alone! Think of my stomach the
next time you wander off and disappear!"
"Hey, relax!" Jamie said defensively. "It didn't really happen! Kiva
just said what if!"
"Oh, yeah." Coop rubbed his chin. "I guess I oughtta stock up on
one-player games, just in case."
"That's not what I meant," said Kiva. "I was talking about being
separated from everyone you know and care about."
"He's done that before," said Jamie. "One time, he left to go to the
store and didn't come back for weeks. He got lost in the woods and ended
up living with a family of boars."
"Wouldn't they have eaten him?" asked Kiva.
"It was just last year," Jamie explained. "He could have eaten
THEM."
"Me, cook? No way!" Coop protested.
Kiva shook her head. "Look, it's really not important. The point is
that yeah, I kind of wish I could see my old team again. But the only
way to do that would be to fix the time drive."
"Don't think I haven't tried," Coop said defensively. "I used four
whole rolls of duck tape on that thing, AND I used components from seven
different game consoles. It just plain doesn't work."
Jamie looked at the device in question, which was sitting in the
middle of the yard surrounded by a pile of tools and parts. "Um, Coop?"
he ventured. "Have you tried this button marked 'ON'?"
"What button marked 'ON'?" Coop asked accusingly, approaching the
time drive. "I know there ain't no ON button."
"Well, it says 'NO', but you probably just put it upside down," said
Jamie. "See, the arrow with 'THIS END UP' next to it is pointing down."
Coop stared at the button and casually spun it around. "Hey, what do
you know? It does say 'ON'. Wonder what it does."
"You think maybe it turns the machine on?" Jamie guessed.
"Nah. I always write 'NO' on the start button. Otherwise, why would
I ever press it?"
"You never tried this one even though it was marked 'NO'," Jamie
pointed out.
"I don't wanna go to no future overrun with Glorft. The present
overrun by the Glorft was bad enough... and the present has video
games."
Kiva stepped between them and stood in front of the time drive.
"Excuse me... did you just say you figured out how to make the time
drive work?"
"Well, we haven't tested it yet," said Coop, "and I'd really like to
put some decals on it before we put it in Megas... you know, just so it
doesn't clash too much with the interior...."
Kiva spun around and grabbed his collar in both hands. "PUT... IT...
IN... MEGAS... NOW!"
Jamie put his hands up. "You know, considering that Coop's the one
who put this back together, I think we'd better -"
Kiva cast him a glare hot enough to melt a star.
"- put that thing in Megas and fire it up right now," Jamie quickly
finished. "The future's not getting any closer, right?"
*************************************************
Eighty-seven minutes later, Coop wiped his hands triumphantly and
stepped out of the car that formed Megas' cockpit onto the waiting hand.
Megas lowered him to the ground, and he hopped off. "There you go, Kiva.
You're all set."
Kiva's eyes sparkled with joy. "You mean it? I can really finally go
home?"
"Anything's possible," said Coop.
Jamie stepped forward. "I'm really gonna miss you, Kiva."
"I'll miss you too," said Kiva.
Coop nodded. "I'm really gonna miss Megas."
"Yeah, me too," echoed Jamie. "It's gonna be weird without people
trying to kill us all the time, and flying to other planets where the
space chicks have completely new ways to humiliate me...." He paused for
a moment of thought. "I bet your friends will be real happy to see you."
Kiva smiled. "Thanks, Jamie. And thank you, Coop. I'll never forget
you guys." She climbed onto Megas' hand.
"Don't forget the recipe for the Coop Extreme!" Coop called after
her as Megas lifted her to its head. "I know it's gonna be famous before
your time comes, but maybe they'll need a reminder what order to put the
cheeses!"
"You really sure you want those to be your last words?" Jamie asked
him.
"What else am I supposed to say? 'See you later?' 'Don't forget to
write?'"
Jamie scratched his chin. "Yeah, that is a tough one."
The engine revved as Kiva started up Megas.
"I get the feeling I'm supposed to say something really deep and
philosophical now," said Coop.
"Like what?"
"You expect ME to think of something? I'm too hungry to think. I
missed lunch. Both lunches."
"Oh, yeah." Jamie nodded sagely. "Philosophy's overrated anyway."
"That'll work," said Coop.
They both looked up at the robot that hadn't moved since Kiva had
started it.
"How long is that time drive supposed to take, anyway?" asked Jamie.
"'Cause it's been a while."
Coop shrugged. "The last time I had the time drive mostly working,
it was making fruit smoothies out of dirt."
Jamie retched. "I had three of those!"
The car door opened. "Um, guys?" Kiva shouted over the roar of the
engine. "It doesn't work!"
Coop groaned. "I told her to let me put on the decals. But did she
listen? Noooooooooooo...." He banged a palm on Megas' leg. "Hang on,
Kiva! I'm coming up!" Megas stretched a hand down, and he rode it up to
the top.
Kiva slid into the passenger seat as he arrived. "All the
coordinates are right, and I know it's getting enough power. I just
can't figure out what's going wrong."
Coop examined the device that took up half of the back seat and
scratched his chin. "I think I see the problem. This connection's
backward."
"You installed it, didn't you?"
"Usually, I get enough parts backward that it all evens out." He
leaned out the window. "Hey, Jamie! Bring me up a one and five-eighths
inch wrench!"
Jamie grabbed a wrench from the toolbox and rode Megas' hand up.
"Didn't realize you were that hungry," he quipped.
"Ha ha, very funny," said Coop, leaning over the seat to make the
adjustment. "Wait a second! This isn't one and five-eighths! This is one
and three-quarters!"
"What's the diff-?"
For several seconds, the only sound in Coop's backyard was the loud
rush of air moving into the vacuum where Megas had stood. Then, all was
silent.
*************************************************
The three children raced up the ramp toward the security door.
"That's it!" shouted Asuka. "That has to be the door to the hangar!"
"But we've been going uphill!" Shinji protested, panting from the
long run. "If anything, that door probably leads back outside."
Asuka crossed her arms. "Shut up, Third Child! I'm the leader here,
so if I say that door leads to the hangar, then it leads to the hangar!"
"I think the door probably outranks you," Shinji mumbled as he
grabbed the manual release handle. With a groan, he turned the giant
wheel, slowly releasing the locks that would have unfastened
automatically had the NERV Base not been completely out of power.
"Here," said Asuka as she grabbed the wheel. "If I don't help,
you'll never get this done." The two of them hauled in tandem, pulling
the door aside. Bright sunlight flooded the corridor.
"It leads outside," Rei said calmly.
"Thank you, Wonder Girl," snapped Asuka. "I would never have figured
that out myself."
"We should probably close this door," advised Shinji. "You never
know what might be outs-" His voice trailed off as the Angel came into
view, its bulk blocking the sunlight. A giant eye stared through the
doorway, watching the three children as two scrambled to get the door
closed and one stared right back.
Suddenly, as if announcing the world's most inappropriately timed
Monty Python sketch, a giant metal foot stomped on the spiderlike Angel,
crushing it. Streams of green and orange goo squirted out, splashing the
nearby buildings and the three children inside the base. They ignored
the mess, however, as all three of them raptly cast their eyes to the
sky, searching for the top of the robot that stood in the middle of
Tokyo-3.
A voice came from above, speaking in a language that wasn't
Japanese. Shinji strained to hear it, then shook his head. "Did you
understand any of that, Asuka?" he asked.
Asuka smacked him on the back of the head. "Dummkopf! I speak
German, not English! My English is even worse than my Japanese!"
"It said, 'Ew, that was disgusting. I hate spiders, especially the
ones with lots of eyes,'" Rei translated.
Shinji looked back up at the robot. "Do you think maybe we should
invite it in? Seeing how it saved our lives and all...."
"I'll ask the commander to prepare storage space for it," said Rei.
"I'm sure Dr. Akagi will want to examine it."
Asuka disgustedly shook her arms, dislodging very little of the
sludge that covered them. "Just tell it to wipe its feet first."

------------------------------------------------------------

Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do
it himself.

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[The Eternal Lost Lurker]

> "A blowtorch?" exclaimed Kiva, taking a few steps back. "Are you
> sure you know what you're doing?"
> "I'm gonna be fighting one of the mightiest forces in the universe,"
> replied Coop, taking the requested tools from Jamie. "I'm gonna need all
> the power I can get."
> Kiva pushed him roughly aside and grabbed the glass jar in one hand.
> She quickly twisted the lid off with the other and offered it to Coop.

*SNRK* It's funny because it's true XD (Why is that, anyway? Why can women
easily open jars men strain and struggle to open? o.o;)

> "It was a joke," Kiva pointed out. "I wouldn't touch that thing if
> it was the only food in the house."
> Coop stared at her and blinked.
> Kiva caught the drift quickly. "Don't tell me... you used all the
> food in the house to make that one sandwich?"

Of course. It IS Coop, after all.

> "Mind if I tag along?" asked Jamie. "I don't want to be here when he
> starts eating that thing. There are times and places where watching Coop
> eat is fascinating, and this is neither."

I'm inclined to agree. x.x;

> "You know, we DO ride in Megas with you when you fight the Glorft
> and destroy planet-eating monsters and win giant robot tournaments and
> stuff," Jamie reminded him.
> "Yeah, but that's just the same stuff we do every day. THIS..." - he
> gestured grandly at the Coop Extreme - "is an adventure!"

Yeah, and one that's gonna go down the toilet faster than Enterprise's
ratings.

> "Aside from being stranded in the past with a guy who can turn a
> kitchen full of food into a single meal?"
> "It's not THAT much food," Coop countered.
> The gravitational pull of the food's mass finally overcame the
> quantum boundary, and the entire sandwich collapsed in on itself in a
> temporary black hole, sucking in most of the magnets from the
> refrigerator and the entire gallery of Coop's kindergarten art before
> vanishing into a singularity.

*SNRK* Good one!

> "Darn right I'd be upset!" Coop poked a meaty index finger into
> Jamie's face. "You know I can't eat lunch alone! Think of my stomach the
> next time you wander off and disappear!"
> "Hey, relax!" Jamie said defensively. "It didn't really happen! Kiva
> just said what if!"
> "Oh, yeah." Coop rubbed his chin. "I guess I oughtta stock up on
> one-player games, just in case."

*snrk*

> "That's not what I meant," said Kiva. "I was talking about being
> separated from everyone you know and care about."
> "He's done that before," said Jamie. "One time, he left to go to the
> store and didn't come back for weeks. He got lost in the woods and ended
> up living with a family of boars."
> "Wouldn't they have eaten him?" asked Kiva.
> "It was just last year," Jamie explained. "He could have eaten
> THEM."
> "Me, cook? No way!" Coop protested.

*snicker*

> "Don't think I haven't tried," Coop said defensively. "I used four
> whole rolls of duck tape on that thing, AND I used components from seven
> different game consoles. It just plain doesn't work."
> Jamie looked at the device in question, which was sitting in the
> middle of the yard surrounded by a pile of tools and parts. "Um, Coop?"
> he ventured. "Have you tried this button marked 'ON'?"

A Computer Stupidities classic, that is.

> Coop stared at the button and casually spun it around. "Hey, what do
> you know? It does say 'ON'. Wonder what it does."
> "You think maybe it turns the machine on?" Jamie guessed.
> "Nah. I always write 'NO' on the start button. Otherwise, why would
> I ever press it?"

That's almost logical. o.o;;

> Jamie put his hands up. "You know, considering that Coop's the one
> who put this back together, I think we'd better -"
> Kiva cast him a glare hot enough to melt a star.
> "- put that thing in Megas and fire it up right now," Jamie quickly
> finished. "The future's not getting any closer, right?"

Heheheh.

> "I get the feeling I'm supposed to say something really deep and
> philosophical now," said Coop.
> "Like what?"
> "You expect ME to think of something? I'm too hungry to think. I
> missed lunch. Both lunches."
> "Oh, yeah." Jamie nodded sagely. "Philosophy's overrated anyway."
> "That'll work," said Coop.

Heh.

> Coop shrugged. "The last time I had the time drive mostly working,
> it was making fruit smoothies out of dirt."
> Jamie retched. "I had three of those!"

x.x;;

> Coop examined the device that took up half of the back seat and
> scratched his chin. "I think I see the problem. This connection's
> backward."
> "You installed it, didn't you?"
> "Usually, I get enough parts backward that it all evens out."

XD

> Suddenly, as if announcing the world's most inappropriately timed
> Monty Python sketch, a giant metal foot stomped on the spiderlike Angel,
> crushing it.

XD!

This has potential to be either very amusing or a massive train wreck.
Either way, it's going to be a lot of fun to read. XD Good job.

==============================
REMEMBER
Five magical girls, infused with the DNA
characteristics of endangered animals.
REMEMBER
The actions of a brutal, uncaring corporation
which totally destroyed the lighthearted story
of these girls and their struggles.
REMEMBER
2/19/2005: the day Tokyo Mew Mew was
destroyed by 4Kids Productions, Inc.
~The Mews Will Live On In Our Hearts Forever~
~Even Though They Have Been Murdered~
~And Their Corpses Brutally Violated~
REMEMBER.
It Must Not Happen Again.

==============================
The Eternal Lost Lurker
(Shodaime Shirikage)
www.lurkerdrome.com



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[DB Sommer]

bet you thought I forgot about this one:


% Nidoking wrote:



>
> This is an idea that, if it hasn't been written yet, it would really
> surprise me. Nonetheless, having seen no such thing anywhere else, I
> present my Megas XLR/Evangelion crossover. It will probably get better
> as it picks up... this is just the scenario that merges the two series.

Haven't seen the first, but we'll see if I can follow

>
>
>
> EVAS XLR
> Chapter 1: Time Driven
>
> Coop eyed his latest creation critically, scratching his chin and
> humming to himself. "No, no. It's not right. Something's still missing."
> "Dude, it's fine," said Jamie. "You've been working on it for five
> hours. You've built stuff ten times this size in less time."

Hmm. What American names. I'm stunned. :)

> Kiva raised an eyebrow. "Ten times the size of that thing?"
> "It's not the size that matters," said Coop. "I mean, we beat up
> stuff bigger than Megas all the time. It's all in the quality of the
> construction, and the right materials." He held out a hand. "But this
> part's gonna be tricky. Pass me that crowbar and a flathead screwdriver.
> Oh, and a blowtorch."

Yeah, sounds tricky.

> Kiva pushed him roughly aside and grabbed the glass jar in one hand.
> She quickly twisted the lid off with the other and offered it to Coop.

Heh. Nice. I can never get the damn tops off either. Although I still think
the best gag with that was one Peter David did during his X-Factor run.

> "Good," said Kiva. "Now, can I PLEASE make a sandwich for myself?"
> "Are you sure you don't want some of my Coop Extreme?" Coop offered,
> gesturing to the foodstuff that covered most of the counter and towered
> over even the lanky Jamie.

Dagwood would be proud.

> "It was a joke," Kiva pointed out. "I wouldn't touch that thing if
> it was the only food in the house."
> Coop stared at her and blinked.

Too bad that's not a joke.

> "It's not THAT much food," Coop countered.
> The gravitational pull of the food's mass finally overcame the
> quantum boundary, and the entire sandwich collapsed in on itself in a
> temporary black hole, sucking in most of the magnets from the
> refrigerator and the entire gallery of Coop's kindergarten art before
> vanishing into a singularity.

Heh.

> specks and the uniforms could hardly be recognized as identical to
> Kiva's. She had to squint to make out any details at all,

drop 'at all'

> Kiva nearly dropped the disc in surprise. She fumbled for the button
> as Jamie poked a finger into the picture. "Is that some kind of
> futuristic hologram device?" he asked.
> "Yes, it is," snapped Kiva, finally turning the projector off.
> Jamie ignored her heated

drop heated, since we know it is

> Kiva quickly pulled the disc out of his reach. "Even if I thought
> you could build a new battery, I wouldn't let you within a hundred feet
> of the raw materials."

He might make it into a sandwich, eh?

> "So, what's it a picture of?" asked Jamie.
> "My battalion from the future,"

Wow! A whole battalion fit in the picture? No wonder she can't make out
anyone in it.

she replied. "The last time I saw
> them was months ago, before I came back to the past."
> "That picture's all you've got left of them, huh?" Jamie asked
> sympathetically.
> "Too bad it's running out of juice," said Coop. "Hey, maybe we could
> use Megas to give it a jump and -"
> "It's not rechargeable," Kiva said quickly.
> "So, was one of them your boooooooooyfriend or something?" teased
> Jamie, nudging her shoulder.
> "There was no time for that," said Kiva quietly. "On the front line,
> we couldn't afford to let anything slow us down. We were all close...
> but never that close."

Kiva: It was just sex. Usually orgies. No emotional attachment

> "Hey, relax!" Jamie said defensively. "It didn't really happen! Kiva
> just said what if!"

The road to fanfic hell is paved with those two words.

> "Oh, yeah." Coop rubbed his chin. "I guess I oughtta stock up on
> one-player games, just in case."
> "That's not what I meant," said Kiva. "I was talking about being
> separated from everyone you know and care about."
> "He's done that before," said Jamie. "One time, he left to go to the
> store and didn't come back for weeks. He got lost in the woods and ended
> up living with a family of boars."
> "Wouldn't they have eaten him?" asked Kiva.
> "It was just last year," Jamie explained. "He could have eaten
> THEM."

Heh. Nice humor here

> "Me, cook? No way!" Coop protested.

Double heh.

> Kiva shook her head. "Look, it's really not important. The point is
> that yeah, I kind of wish I could see my old team again. But the only
> way to do that would be to fix the time drive."
> "Don't think I haven't tried," Coop said defensively. "I used four
> whole rolls of duck

duct

tape "Well, it says 'NO', but you probably just put it upside down,"
said
> Jamie. "See, the arrow with 'THIS END UP' next to it is pointing down."
> Coop stared at the button and casually spun it around. "Hey, what do
> you know? It does say 'ON'. Wonder what it does."
> "You think maybe it turns the machine on?" Jamie guessed.
> "Nah. I always write 'NO' on the start button. Otherwise, why would
> I ever press it?"

Such backward logic, I approve. Makes me want to watch Megas too, BTW


> Eighty-seven minutes later, Coop wiped his hands triumphantly and
> stepped out of the car that formed Megas' cockpit onto the waiting hand.
> Megas lowered him to the ground, and he hopped off. "There you go, Kiva.
> You're all set."

Hmm. I might have seen part of an episode of that. And I think the Mystery
Machine lose a drag race with it on CN.

> Kiva's eyes sparkled with joy. "You mean it? I can really finally go
> home?"
> "Anything's possible," said Coop.
> Jamie stepped forward. "I'm really gonna miss you, Kiva."
> "I'll miss you too,"

you, too

> "You installed it, didn't you?"
> "Usually, I get enough parts backward that it all evens out."

Amazing

*************************************************
> The three children raced up the ramp toward the security door.
> "That's it!" shouted Asuka. "That has to be the door to the hangar!"
> "But we've been going uphill!" Shinji protested, panting from the
> long run. "If anything, that door probably leads back outside."

Ah. I remember this episode.

> Suddenly, as if announcing the world's most inappropriately timed
> Monty Python sketch, a giant metal foot stomped on the spiderlike Angel,
> crushing it.

But appropriate for this fic.

Streams of green and orange goo squirted out, splashing the
> nearby buildings and the three children inside the base. They ignored
> the mess, however, as all three of them raptly

drop 'raptly'

> "It said, 'Ew, that was disgusting. I hate spiders, especially the
> ones with lots of eyes,'" Rei translated.

I think that's all of them.

Very nice idea fic. Nice to see humor in the Evaverse, though we do have
Dual! if we want that, I suppose.

DB Sommer



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[Nidoking]

> bet you thought I forgot about this one:

Not really. I figured it would be a while if you were going to do it at
all. No rush. ^_^

> Hmm. What American names. I'm stunned. :)

You're keeping up well so far.

> > Kiva pushed him roughly aside and grabbed the glass jar in one
hand.
> > She quickly twisted the lid off with the other and offered it to
Coop.
>
> Heh. Nice. I can never get the damn tops off either. Although I still
think
> the best gag with that was one Peter David did during his X-Factor
run.

Haven't seen or read that. But I'm sure it's a common joke by now.
Dragon Tails probably used it at least ten times.

> > "Are you sure you don't want some of my Coop Extreme?" Coop
offered,
> > gesturing to the foodstuff that covered most of the counter and
towered
> > over even the lanky Jamie.
>
> Dagwood would be proud.

And Blondie would probably be furious.

> > "It was a joke," Kiva pointed out. "I wouldn't touch that thing
if
> > it was the only food in the house."
> > Coop stared at her and blinked.
>
> Too bad that's not a joke.

Well, it was until she realized it was true.

> > specks and the uniforms could hardly be recognized as identical to
> > Kiva's. She had to squint to make out any details at all,
>
> drop 'at all'

Good point.

> > "Yes, it is," snapped Kiva, finally turning the projector off.
> > Jamie ignored her heated
>
> drop heated, since we know it is

I don't think the sentence parses quite right without an adjective
there.

> > Kiva quickly pulled the disc out of his reach. "Even if I thought
> > you could build a new battery, I wouldn't let you within a hundred
feet
> > of the raw materials."
>
> He might make it into a sandwich, eh?

Actually, there's more to Coop's personality than his stomach. He is
pretty handy with electronics, including having repaired Megas after it
was sent back from the future. The things he builds work well enough for
the most part, unless the alternative is funnier.

> > "So, what's it a picture of?" asked Jamie.
> > "My battalion from the future,"
>
> Wow! A whole battalion fit in the picture? No wonder she can't make
out
> anyone in it.

Eh, I just don't know anything about military terminology. I'll take
Pete's suggestion and make it "platoon".

> > "Hey, relax!" Jamie said defensively. "It didn't really happen!
Kiva
> > just said what if!"
>
> The road to fanfic hell is paved with those two words.

And here I thought it was paved with Mary Sues and the original versions
of MST 6.7 stories.

> Heh. Nice humor here

The boar scene took quite a bit of work and a lot of prereader support.
Good to see that it came out well.

> > "Me, cook? No way!" Coop protested.
>
> Double heh.

One would think Coop would be an expert cook, but cooking is work.

> > "Don't think I haven't tried," Coop said defensively. "I used
four
> > whole rolls of duck
>
> duct

Actually, no. "Duct tape" is more of a misnomer than anything else. Duck
tape was originally created for U.S. Military use and got its name
because it was waterproof like duck down. When it moved into the
mainstream of home repair as a handy adhesive for duct work, some
companies sold it in a different color and called it "duct tape". The
difference is that duct tape is a subset of duck tape that conforms to
certain temperature standards. See
http://www.octanecreative.com/ducttape/duckvsduct.html for more details.

Also, even if "duct tape" were the only correct term, it would be "duck
tape" in the Megas XLR universe. You'll have to trust me on that one.

> > "Nah. I always write 'NO' on the start button. Otherwise, why
would
> > I ever press it?"
>
> Such backward logic, I approve. Makes me want to watch Megas too, BTW

I was hoping to create a bit of interest in Megas with this story. If
only I'd been able to finish it before CN decided to postpone/cancel the
series.

> > Eighty-seven minutes later, Coop wiped his hands triumphantly and
> > stepped out of the car that formed Megas' cockpit onto the waiting
hand.
> > Megas lowered him to the ground, and he hopped off. "There you go,
Kiva.
> > You're all set."
>
> Hmm. I might have seen part of an episode of that. And I think the
Mystery
> Machine lose a drag race with it on CN.

I think I remember that short as well.

> > "I'll miss you too,"
>
> you, too

Oh, right. Oops.

> > The three children raced up the ramp toward the security door.
> > "That's it!" shouted Asuka. "That has to be the door to the hangar!"
> > "But we've been going uphill!" Shinji protested, panting from the
> > long run. "If anything, that door probably leads back outside."
>
> Ah. I remember this episode.

I hope so. If I had the DVDs handy, I'd have watched them to try to get
the dialogue a bit closer to the original, but I'm waiting to see if
they release a Platinum Edition boxed set. Probably not, but by the time
I find out, I'll be able to buy the series in bulk at a discount anyway.

> > Suddenly, as if announcing the world's most inappropriately timed
> > Monty Python sketch, a giant metal foot stomped on the spiderlike
Angel,
> > crushing it.
>
> But appropriate for this fic.

I don't think there was much comedy in Eva that didn't center around
Misato, except for the "thermal expansion" bit.

> Streams of green and orange goo squirted out, splashing the
> > nearby buildings and the three children inside the base. They
ignored
> > the mess, however, as all three of them raptly
>
> drop 'raptly'

Awww... but I like it! I'll get rid of it though. I guess they're not
really staring if they don't know where they're supposed to be looking.

> > "It said, 'Ew, that was disgusting. I hate spiders, especially
the
> > ones with lots of eyes,'" Rei translated.
>
> I think that's all of them.

Not many of them have as many eyes as the Angel did, though, nor do they
cover that much of their bodies.

> Very nice idea fic. Nice to see humor in the Evaverse, though we do
have
> Dual! if we want that, I suppose.

Haven't seen Dual either, but that sounds like a recommendation to me. I
plan to get back to this story once I can accumulate enough Eva DVDs...
it's been a while since I last saw the series, and I want to get the
details I need right. But there are plenty of gags left to use, as well
as some interesting twists on the plot of the anime. Glad you enjoyed it
so far, and thanks for the comments.

- Nidoking

Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do
it himself.

My not-so-humble webpage of fanfiction and other random junk has MOVED:
http://nidoking.anifics.com Update your bookmarks!


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[Thunderstruck]

Greetings, FFML -

It's been a while. In fact, it's been since September 2000
that I last published a complete chapter of "Relentless."

Um... how time flies, huh?

All right, here's the deal. "Relentless" is very close to being
finished. In fact, it is so close that I have posted a schedule
on the website for the release dates of the next five chapters,
which will take us to the end of the tale.

Except for two epilogues. But never mind those for the moment.
Basically, the story is done. So I figured I would sign back
on to the FFML in order to properly post the completed fic.
For those who might never have read it or don't remember it
all that well, I will first start by posting the existing
chapters (Prologue - Ch. 13) again, at a rate of 2/day.

I have updated these chapters as well. Some of them contain
only minor fixes, others have scenes which have been
substantially rewritten. So even if you've read "Relentless"
before, hopefully it will still be worth it to you to check
it out one more time.

Okay? Here we go ...

Grayson Towler
http://www.talesfromthevault.com/relentless

=========================
RELENTLESS
A Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction

By Grayson Towler
=========================

-----------------------------------------------------------
PROLOGUE
-----------------------------------------------------------


Ranma awoke with a shout of terror, lurching forward and
clutching his chest.

<A dream!> he told himself. <Just a nightmare! Man, that was
spooky.> He tried to fit together the jumble of ephemeral
images and sensations from his nightmare. Something dark...
something with claws... three burning globes set against a
black field...

Before he could really apply form to the dream memories and
make sense of them, he was caught totally unaware by his
father's kick. His body went sailing out the window, hurtling
through the air towards its inevitable destination...

<The pond,> Ranma thought with bitter resignation as the
jarringly cold water enveloped him. <I spend more time in this
stupid pond...>

"Hey old man!" the drenched and irate Ranma-chan shouted.
"What the heck d'ya think you're doin'?"

"How dare you wake your father up from his well-earned rest!"
Genma shouted back in that righteous tone that set Ranma's
teeth on edge. "I was too lenient on you, boy!"

"I had a nightmare, ya stupid old goon!"

Genma snorted. "You and your nightmares. And that's your excuse
for letting your guard down?"

"I shoulda known better than to expect sympathy from you!"

"If your dreams are so vivid, Ranma, maybe you should be
practicing in your sleep!" the elder Saotome asserted with
a sneer. "Maybe then you wouldn't be so sloppy in your
defense. Why, I ought to..."

>SPLASH!<

"Growf."

"Will you two knock it off?" Akane threw down her now-empty
bucket and stomped back towards her room. "People are trying
to sleep here!"

Ranma-chan refrained from making a comment about Akane's need
for beauty sleep. It might have surprised some people to find
that Ranma didn't actually blurt out every snide remark that
leaped into his(her) head. The circuit breakers between his
brain and his mouth weren't the best, but they did actually
exist.

Ranma-chan picked up a towel on the way back to bed. It was
a warm summer night in Nerima, so at least getting dunked didn't
end up making her miserable. Her moronic panda father was
already sleeping like a stone when she got back to the room.
She toyed with the idea of sneak-attacking him, as he'd done
to her, but decided it wasn't worth the trouble.

<That jerk,> she thought as she drifted out of consciousness.
<I can't even remember my dream now. 'Practicing in my sleep.'
Brilliant idea, you dumb fuzzball. Where the heck... does he
come up... with this stuff...>

Soon, Ranma-chan was snoring in time with her father. Peace
returned, at least temporarily, to the Tendou Dojo.

- - - - - -

It was a special evening at the Temple of Three. The old
high priestess had passed on, and her daughter was soon to
take her place. Tonight was the night of the Past,
the night of remembrance.

The Temple of Three is a place where the oldest of religions
is observed. It is a secret place, known only to the women
who have been brought into its fold and taught its ancient
ways. If there is a similar faith reserved for men, the women
of the Temple of Three do not speak of it, and this story
does not say. The incarnations of the Three have permeated
religions and mythology since human beings first began to
speak. Whatever they have been called- Goddesses,
Fates, Norns, Furies - they have always represented the Past,
the Present, and the Future.

Tonight, they remembered their dead. Aoki Nariko, soon to be
High Priestess, stood before the altar of the Past and addressed
the small assembly. She held her chin high, her beautiful dark
eyes sparkling in the torchlight, her long hair braided with
shining beads.

She was only human, of course, and still filled with the
uncertainty and sadness which follows the death of one most
loved, but she had been prepared as a person could be. The
funeral had been days ago, but it had not seemed real to her.
This was where she would truly bid farewell to her mother,
and this is where she would finally pick up the torch which
had been carried by the women in her family for countless
generations.

Her voice was clear and steady as she spoke, and this pleased
her. Tonight was not the night for grief - this was the ceremony
of the Past, where her mother would always exist. Tomorrow,
in the ceremony of the Present, she would be free to cry for
the loss of the person whom she loved so dearly. And the night
after, the night of the Future, she would gird herself to carry
on, and pray for the reunion which she hoped her future would
hold.

Tonight, Nariko spoke of her mother's achievements, of the life
she had lived. She spoke of her family, of their friends, of
times dark and light, and of the secret Temple where she had
done so much to keep the oldest of faiths alive and strong.
Others added their memories and spoke of their friendship with
the woman that all of them would keenly miss. It was a time
of bittersweet joy, a time to remember, a time to cherish what
has been.

"Now, we offer to the goddess of Past the artifacts of my mother's
life, the things she cherished while she lived." This was an old
custom - the modern Temple no longer believed that the dead
really took their possessions into the next world, but the old
customs were still observed all the same. Nariko gave a signal,
and a procession formed towards the altar, each woman bearing
some material goods from her mother's life.

"Here was the diary in which she wrote as a child. Here were
the photographs of her family, of her friends. Here is a painting
she made for her first love, who died in war and left her with
a broken heart. Here are the clothes she wore when she was
courting the man she would marry..."

"How SWEET!"

The outburst was as jarring as a bomb blast in the solemn
temple. Nariko staggered back in shock, her mind totally
unprepared for an interruption of this magnitude. The lacquered
wood box in which her mother's clothes had been placed suddenly
burst open, and from it there exploded a figure so shriveled
and misshapen that she at first could not believe it was human.

"PRETTY LADY!" it hooted, and launched itself directly at her
chest.

Nariko shrieked and staggered backwards, desperately batting
at the troll-like thing until it finally leaped away from her,
bounding towards the pack of shocked and horrified women. It
ricocheted and rocketed around the room, carrying a bag
overloaded with women's underwear... including those which
had been in her mother's box.

Several of the women here were fighters - the Temple had not
survived this long without being able to defend itself. They
were the first to organize, advancing on the cackling old
creature with weapons and fists. Yet for all their skill,
none could lay a finger on the demented being who had invaded
their sacred temple. The speed with which he moved beggared
description. He dove between the legs of a swordswoman who
had never known defeat, bouncing out from under her dress and
away like a rubber ball, with her panties in his withered
grasp.

"Nice try, girlies, but you have to be faster than that to
catch the Master of Anything-Goes Martial Arts!"

Nariko could only gasp and clutch her chest, unable to properly
draw breath, her mind reeling with the enormity of the affront.
Here, in this sacred place, on this holy night, this horrid
little creature had come and defiled the things most dear to
her heart. He had stolen her mother's clothes, he had tormented
the members of her Temple, and he had... there was simply no
way around the truth of it... he had GLOMPED her.

The invader seemed to finally have had his fill, and had leaped
to one of the upper windows to make his escape, when Aoki Nariko
finally recovered her wits. "Hold there!" she shouted. Her
voice was so filled with power and rage that even the old man
turned to face her with fear in his eyes.

"You..." she thundered, her voice echoing off ancient beams,
"... you have violated this sacred place. You have dared to
interrupt this holy ceremony, you have dared to profane my mother,
you have..." She seemed to falter for a moment, unable to find
the words to articulate the depth of his transgression.

The other women had grown serious and solemn in their collective
anger. The old man looked down upon the assembly of women, their
eyes full of silent fury, and listened as their leader spoke.

"Had you attacked tomorrow, the Goddess of the Present would
have given us the power to defeat you. Had you attacked the day
after, the Goddess of the Future would have foreseen your coming
and aided us in stopping you. But tonight is the night of the
Past. The answer for your crime... is REVENGE."

She whirled and faced the altar of the goddess of the Past,
raising her arms and focusing the magic which her mother had
been teaching her since she had learned to walk. "Seek the
Master of Anything-Goes Martial Arts! Pursue him to the ends
of the earth so he may be punished for what he has done. I call
thee forth... REIKOKU!"

The assembly of women echoed the word. "REIKOKU!"

"Oopsie," Happosai muttered to himself as he fled into the night.
"Those ladies sure can't take a joke..."


end of prologue



-----------------------------------------------------------
AUTHOR'S NOTES
-----------------------------------------------------------

Anybody else ever notice that Ranma seems to have some really
vivid dreams?

"Reikoku" is a Japanese word with the proper sound to it that
means, more or less, what I wanted it to mean - "relentless,
merciless, unstoppable." At least that's what my Japanese
dictionary seems to say it means. With a different kanji,
though, it comes out meaning "the regular time," which just
goes to show that you have to be careful with this translation
business. If anyone has some more insight into the word and how
it's commonly used, I'd be keen to hear it.

REVISION NOTES: Nothing really for this intro.

COPYRIGHT STUFF: All the Ranma characters belong to Takahashi Rumiko,
and are licensed in America by Viz Communications.

GRT - May 1998
MODIFIED - April 2005
Thunderstruck_comic@comcast.net

All existing chapters of this story may be found at:
http://www.talesfromthevault.com/relentless




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[Thunderstruck]

Chapter 1 has the most extensive rewriting.

Although this is more or less a finished story, C&C is very much
welcome.

- Grayson Towler
http://www.talesfromthevault.com/relentless

=========================
RELENTLESS
A Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction

By Grayson Towler
=========================

-----------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER ONE:
The Master
-----------------------------------------------------------

The Lord of Nerima surveyed his domain, and found it to be
good.

Ranma had to laugh - that thought was a bit much, even for
someone of his ego. From his perch on a high rooftop, he
could see miles worth of homes, streets, shops, and parks
that made up the Nerima district of Tokyo. If he wasn't
"lord," Ranma thought, then at least he was the champion.
Nerima was his playground, his arena, and it threw new
challenges at him almost every day.

One way or another, Saotome Ranma always came out on top.

A noisy growl from his stomach interrupted his thoughts.
Ranma grimaced, recalling that he had judiciously skipped
lunch at Furinkan today. Kunou Kodachi had made an
appearance around midday, and Ranma was pretty certain
she had spiked the meal he'd intended to eat with one of
her chemical concoctions. Discretion was the better part
of valor when it came eating anything touched by The
Black Rose.

Fortunately, he had other options for scoring grub. Ukyou
was out of town, so that meant his next best option was
the one currently pedaling at high speeds along the edge
of the fence below.

With well-practiced grace, he hopped from the rooftop down
into the Amazon girl's path. She skidded to a stop, the
heavy burden of the many delivery boxes she was carrying
perfectly balanced behind her bicycle seat.

"Ranma!" she exclaimed.

"Yo, Shampoo," he said by way of greeting. "Hey... those
smell great. Got one for me?"

She gave him a calculating look. "Most for customer,"
she said, "but there one you COULD have..."

"Yeah?"

"...if Ranma promise to marry Shampoo."

He grinned. That was just Shampoo's way of opening the
negotiations on a deal like this. If he could get her to
show him which box she planned to give him, he could just
swipe it and make a break for it. First, he had to play
the game.

"That's kinda steep for just one lunch," he replied
casually, staring off into the sky.

"Then you go on date with Shampoo," she offered.

"How about I tell you how nice your hair looks?" he tried
by way of a counter-offer.

She sniffed and tossed her head. "Shampoo already KNOW how
good her hair look."

"What about your eyes? I can compliment those."

She didn't bother responding to that. "I give you lunch for
price of one kiss."

He was about to try another stab at negotiation when a new
tactic occurred to him. "Okay, sounds good."

Shampoo blinked in surprise, almost losing her balance for
a moment. "You... really?" She recovered her composure
fairly quickly, though there was a sparkle of real
excitement in her eyes now. "Ranma give kiss BEFORE he
get lunchbox, yes?"

He shrugged. "Sure. Whatever you say."

A new voice suddenly rang through the air. "Saotome Ranma!
You womanizing cretin!"

Ranma stepped deftly aside, hopping off the fence to avoid the
spray of knives which accompanied the arrival of Mousse. "Yo, Mousse.
What's cookin'?"

The long-haired Amazon boy landed beside the two, his fists clenched
with rage. "How dare you, Ranma! First you try to steal the heart
of my beloved Shampoo, and now you steal my lunch as well?!"

Shampoo glared in rage at the bespectacled Amazon boy. "You stupid
Mousse! Go back to cafe and get other lunch!"

Mousse barely noticed all this. His attention was fixed on his
hated foe. "Ranma... this time, I'll show you no mercy!"

Ranma shrugged and set his lunchbox down, dropping into a fighting
stance. "Ready when you are, Mousse old goose."

"Don't you mock me!" Mousse was working himself up into a good
lather. "I have developed a technique even you can't hope to
overcome! Prepare to face... the Pinions of the Raging Kingfisher!"

With that Mousse threw his arms wide. Suddenly, knives and spikes
erupted from beneath his robes and his hair in every direction,
flaring out across his body until he was almost obscured beneath
the mass of keen steel. Bristling with gleaming weapons, Mousse
advanced on Ranma, laughing contemptuously.

"I am like the Kingfisher, who fluffs out his feathers when faced
with a foe to become larger and more intimidating. But, as you
can see, each one of my 'feathers' has a razor edge! How can
you fight what you don't dare hit, Ranma? Ha ha ha!"

<Not bad, not bad,> Ranma thought. Against a normal opponent,
it would certainly be a terrifying technique. But Ranma was no
normal opponent, of course. The most expedient way to deal
with this would be with some ki-attacks, but Ranma was the sort
who would never play an ace when a deuce would suffice.

He dodged a couple of swipes from the charging Mousse. The
biggest drawback to this technique was that Mousse's mobility
was severely limited by all the weapons sticking out of his body.
Typical Mousse - an exceptional fighter in a lot of ways, but
not a champion thinker.

"Hey, Mousse, I understand that ya like to name all your
techniques after birds and stuff, but I think you're gonna have
to bite the bullet and call this one the Porcupine, y'know?"

Swipe, swish. Mousse advanced clumsily on Ranma, lacerating
the air with a hundred blades but never coming close to his
foe. "Shut up and fight!"

"Or maybe the Hedgehog?"

"Grrr!" Swipe, swish, swipe.

"Hey, I know! The Puffer Fish!"

"Hold still, damn you!" Mousse charged Ranma in a blind rage,
intending to give his enemy a bear hug he'd never survive.

Ranma, anticipating this every step of the way, took a gentle
hop backwards and then bounced upwards off the trunk of the tree
he'd been backing towards. He cleared the steel-covered
Mousse with ease, watching as the enraged boy charged underneath
him. With burst of simultaneous "ker-chunks," the blades along
Mousse's front buried themselves deep in the tree.

Mousse would not let himself be trapped for long. He detached
the weapons on his front side which had pinned him to the trunk,
then whirled to face his opponent. "Where are you, Saotome!?"

Ranma swung down from a tree branch, planting a foot squarely in
Mousse's exposed midsection. "An opening," he announced casually.
The kick lifted Mousse off his feet and sent him sprawling backwards
to the ground. Countless blades and spines buried themselves in
the soft earth, supporting Mousse like an inverted bed of nails.
Mousse struggled to try to free himself, but he was completely
suspended in the air by his arsenal and didn't have a scrap of
leverage. He was effectively trapped.

"Shampoo!" he cried. "Help me! I've fallen, and I can't get up!"

Shampoo rolled her eyes and sniffed in disdain. "Stupid Mousse.
Serve you right."

Ranma bounded over to Shampoo. He had spotted which lunchbox
the two of them had been referring to, and might have swiped it
away if Shampoo hadn't grabbed it. "How about that lunch?" he
asked innocently.

"You give Shampoo kiss," the violet-eyed Amazon insisted.

"Okay," he agreed. "This... is a pretty special moment, Shampoo."

"Ranma..." she whispered back, leaning forward. She was still
cagey enough not to close her eyes, but she had pretty much
dropped her guard.

The young Saotome took her free hand in his, then bent and gave
her a quick peck on the fingers. The moment he heard her indignant
gasp, he snatched the lunchbox out of her fingers and bounded
away.

"Ranma!" the Amazon pounded her handlebars in frustration. "That
NOT a real kiss! "

He looked back, grinning. He knew she didn't have time to chase
him around, not with all those deliveries to run. "A deal's a deal,
Shampoo!" he sang back. With a twirl of the chopsticks, began to
devour the ramen in the box.

"Stupid Ranma," the Amazon grumbled. She tossed her head and began
to pedal off, irritated and disappointed.

"Great as always!" he shouted after her, polishing off the noodles
before she rode out of sight. Ah, the sweet, familiar taste of
victory. Life was good.

As he approached the Tendou Dojo, hoping that his glutton of a father
hadn't done in all the leftovers this early in the afternoon, a sudden
intuition made him pull up short. Was he... being watched? It
happened often enough, to be sure, and he was pretty good at spotting
it by now. It wasn't something that got him especially worried,
but he always liked to know who was keeping an eye on him.

No, it was gone. Either he'd been imagining it or the observer had
split.

Ranma shrugged and carried on his way. If there was really
something to be worried about, he'd find out soon enough. Right
now there were leftovers to be scavenged. The young martial artist
cleared the Dojo wall with a deft leap, heading towards the promise
of more food with hardly a care in the world.

- - - - - -

<He's good,> the old man thought. <He just about spotted me, even
now. But he's always been good.>

This would have to be convincing if it was going to work. Ranma
seemed to have a brain like a bowl of pudding sometimes, but it
wouldn't pay to underestimate him here. Certainly, there was nobody
else on whom he could pull this particular stunt and expect to get
away with it. Soun and Genma were far too pitiful, and even he
couldn't bring himself to do this to Akane. It would have to be
Ranma, and he would have to sell this act to even the sharpest and
most cynical of observers.

What he was about to do would sting his pride for a bit, but when it
came to a choice between pride and survival, there was no question
about which road Happosai would choose.

<All right, Ranma m'boy. Time to play your part.>

- - - - - -

Ranma was so busy trying to stuff as much squid jerky into his
mouth as physics would allow that he almost didn't catch the
flicker of movement out of the corner of his eye. Something
small, something dark... from the size of the blur which he had
barely glimpsed, it was either Ryouga the Wonder Pig or that
perverted old goat sneaking around. Ranma took a moment to
chew and swallow, then hopped soundlessly out the door and up
onto the dojo roof.

If it were Ryouga, he was probably just lost and trying to find
his way around, but if it were the old freak, then he'd be up
to one thing. Ranma crept his way over until he was positioned
above the window to Akane's room, then waited out of sight,
listening.

He had to admit that the geezer could be damned sneaky when
he put his mind to it. He didn't hear a sound from inside the
room, and was almost ready to give up when he finally heard the
whisper of the window being opened by small, quiet hands. Knowing
Happosai's patterns as he did, he figured the old pervert's next
move would be to hop to the tree, then to the wall, and then off
once more to his demented rounds. He allowed himself a small smile,
took a stab at guessing the timing, then reached out over the side
of the roof with blinding speed and snatched.

Perfect guess! He was really on the money today, no question about
it. He came up with Happosai's bag of ill-gotten goodies in hand,
plucked so deftly from the lecher's grasp that he took a couple
of seconds to notice they were gone. "H... hey?" came the querulous
voice. "My silky treasures! Where did they go?"

Judging that the time was right, Ranma reached down with the other
hand and plucked up the tiny old martial artist by the back of the
shirt. He grinned, dangling the bag of purloined panties out of
Happosai's extremely limited reach. "You lookin' for these, old
man?"

"Ranma!" the lecher sounded startled and angry. "How dare you!
Those are mine!" He scrabbled uselessly in the air for the bag.

"Now what've I told you about sneakin' around into the girls' rooms
here, ya old pervert?"

"That's no way to talk to your Master!" Happosai snapped, still
struggling vainly to get a hold of the bag.

"You ain't MY master, gramps."

Happosai stopped struggling, twisting to glare angrily at the boy
who held him in this humiliating position. "Ranma, you let go of
me now and give me back my panties!"

Ranma was underwhelmed. "Give it up, ya old goat. You ain't gettin'
these back." With that he stepped lightly off the edge of the roof.
As he descended, he tossed the bag of panties back in through the
window, then flipped the glass pane closed in a single deft movement.
He landed on the soft grass, still holding Happosai like a puppy
by the scruff of the neck, and looked smug.

"Hey!" came the shout from above. Ranma looked up to see Akane
opening her window. She was wearing a cross expression and a pair
of panties on her head. <Oops... she must'a just come in the room.
Nice timing.>

"What's the big idea hitting me in the face with a bag of panties!?"
she shouted indignantly.

"I was just returnin' what this old goat stole!" Ranma protested,
flashing her a winning smile. "You oughta thank me, ya know."

Akane "hmmphed," her face conveying distinctly that she'd rather
gag than thank Ranma for throwing a bag of underwear in her face.
She seemed not to notice that she still had a pair of striped pink
underwear on her head.

"Love the hat, Akane!" Ranma shouted. He couldn't help himself.

Akane blushed and scrabbled for her head. Ranma began to laugh,
but he was brought up short by a distinct sensation of heat coming
from his hand. He looked back at the old man, and was a little
surprised to see that his battle aura was beginning to shimmer to
life.

"Hey, gramps..."

"Ranma," growled Happosai with unmistakable menace. "How dare
you deprive an old man of his one joy in life? How dare you
treat your Master with such disrespect?"

Happosai's battle aura was a force to be reckoned with. Ranma
dropped the old man before he burned his hand. <Geez, it's one
of those times!> Most of the time, Happosai would take his
punishment when he was caught and go on his way, but every so
often the old guy took it all personally. There was no telling
when the lecher would get all angry like this, but when he did,
it always spelled trouble. Ranma backed off into a defensive
stance.

"Cool down, gramps. You're gonna give yourself a rupture or
somethin'."

It wasn't the right thing to say.

The old man's aura flared. While Happosai usually looked like
some sort of pitiful lab failure, when the fighting spirit was
upon him he was a terrifying sight to behold. He appeared to
grow in stature, menace radiating from his every pore. The
expression he wore as he glared at Ranma was filled with wrath.
"Time to teach you some respect, boy..."

Then came the inevitable interruption. Tendou Soun and Saotome Genma
were suddenly in the yard, prostrating themselves before Happosai in
a most pathetic fashion. "Oh please, Master! Please, I beg you!"
they whined.

"What do you two want?" Happosai snarled. "If you're trying to beg
for mercy for that snot-nosed punk..."

"Who're you callin' snot-nosed?" Ranma snapped.

"No Master!" Soun wailed. "But have mercy on my poor dojo! Please
don't fight here!"

Ranma rolled his eyes. The way these two turned to quivering
jelly every time the old goat gave them so much as a mean look was
pitiful to behold. "C'mon, gramps. We don't got all day, y'know."

<Oh yes, my boy,> the old man thought. <I know that all too well.>

- - - - - -

Any time Ranma squared off against a foe in one of the vacant lots
around Nerima, it was sure to draw a crowd. Happosai had been
keen to get the fight started as quickly as possible - no long delays
or formal challenges this time - but the word-of-mouth network around
Nerima was effective enough to draw forth a fair-sized crowd even on
such short notice. Nabiki and her crew took the bets, and the
onlookers gathered at a respectful distance to watch what would
surely be a fine spectacle.

Akane approached Ranma, clutching P-Chan nervously. "Ranma, be
careful. He seems really angry this time..."

"Ah, don't worry Akane," Ranma said confidently. "That old geezer
ain't so tough. I've taken him out before, I'll do it again. You'll
see."

"Don't underestimate him, Ranma!" Why did he always have to be so
arrogant? Couldn't he see how dangerous Happosai was when he was
like this?

"Ranma," Happosai announced. "This fight is for real, you understand?
I don't want you thinking you can get out of this by turning into
a girl or throwing some underwear this time."

Ranma shrugged. "No problem, gramps. You ready?"

Happosai answered by taking a mighty leap skywards. "Face the
terror of... HAPPO DAIKARI!"

With that, the old martial arts master launched a volley of fire
bombs at Ranma, their short fuses hissing as they built up towards
detonation. With too many of them to catch and throw back, Ranma
reacted by leaping directly into the spray, dodging the bombs as
they came and letting them detonate behind them. In mid-air, he
closed the distance between himself and Happosai, launching into
a flying kick as he dodged the last of the bombs.

<Not that easily, you don't,> Happosai thought. He snagged
Ranma's ankle in the crook of his pipe, whipping the young martial
artist around his body in a single blinding arc and sending him
hurtling to the ground below. Ranma slammed into the turf,
sending up a shower of grass and dirt. Happosai landed, allowing
Ranma a moment to struggle to his feet before he began his next
assault.

"What's the matter, boy? This old man too much for you?"

"I'm just gettin' warmed up!" Ranma charged Happosai, who held
his ground and waited.

"So predictable," the old man lamented. "HAPPO BEANJAM BLOWOUT!"

Ranma barely managed to avoid getting caught in the midst of
the miniature tornado that erupted from Happosai's outstretched
hands. The residual wind blew him backwards and away from the
lecher once more, though. The members of the crowd behind him
scattered desperately as the tornado attack sailed by them,
plowing into a wall and sending up a shower of debris.

Ranma regained his footing and whirled to face his adversary,
only to find that Happosai had disappeared.

As Ranma cast about for his foe, he and the assembled crowd were
startled by the sound Happosai's disembodied voice, seeming to
echo from all directions at once. "Recognize my Happo Dimensional
Warp Technique, boy?" The old man cackled madly, his ghostly
voice reverberating through the air.

Ranma smirked. "Yeah, sure. But you can't attack while you're
invisible, can ya? That technique's worthless in a fight..."
He was interrupted by a sharp pain from behind. Happosai's
surprise attack sent Ranma hurtling to the turf once more.

The old man was visible again. "Maybe I can't attack while
I'm invisible, but you didn't know where I was coming from,
did you?"

Ranma snarled and rolled to his feet again, wincing in pain.
The old guy could sure pack a punch when he put his mind to
it.

"What's the matter, boy?" Happosai taunted. "Ready to give
up? Or maybe you're thinking of using the >snort< Saotome
Secret Technique!"

"Not on your life!" Ranma pounced towards the old man with
blinding speed. "KACHUU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!"

"Oohs" and "aahs" arose from the assembly of onlookers. This
technique was always a real crowd-pleaser. Ranma rained blows
towards the dodging old master, his fists moving with impossible,
blurring speed. But Happosai's speed was equally astonishing -
he slipped between each of Ranma's punches with such quickness
that he seemed to be teleporting out of the way of the blows.
For several seconds, the two maintained this relentless pace of
attack and defense, until suddenly one of Ranma's punches connected
solidly with his adversary's tiny body. The withered form of
Happosai rocketed backwards across the vacant lot, finally
skittering to a halt on the turf.

<Well, well,> Happosai thought. <He tagged me, and I didn't even
mean to let him do it. Someday, he might be good enough to
actually beat me. If he lives that long...>

Ranma was back in his fighting stance, a confident look on his
face. He felt a lot better now that he'd nailed the old man with
a clean hit. "You're slowin' down in your old age, gramps!"

Happosai rose, his battle aura flaring to life around him. He
made himself look as angry and fearsome as possible. <Time to
show him something he hasn't seen before.> "Ranma, you little
brat! Now you've really angered me! Prepare to face...
Anything-Goes Founder Secret Technique - Rage of the Drunken
Dragon!"

"Huh?"

With that, Happosai whipped out a bottle of sake, took a deep
swig, and began to spit fireballs at the surprised Ranma.

It was a simple trick, really - all you needed was some flammable
liquid (preferably sake, though even kerosene would do in a pinch)
and a hot enough battle aura to ignite it. Happosai was pouring
it on, using his ki energy to seem to grow to an enormous size,
spitting blazing fire blasts towards his foe. Ranma seemed to be
totally unprepared for this - all he could do was dodge frantically
as he was pursued by Happosai's searing attacks.

For a while, Happosai thought Ranma was just panicking, or perhaps
waiting for him to wear himself down. He was disappointed - he
had hoped for a better showing out of Ranma this time around. At
the last instant, though, he noticed that there was a method to
Ranma's seemingly mindless retreat. <Ah, he's drawing me into a
spiral. I almost didn't catch him doing it, with all the screeching
and yelping he's doing. A very nice act, boy, a very nice act.
With all the heat I'm putting out, this should be most impressive
indeed...>

"Ranma!" Akane shouted in horror. "Look out!"

Suddenly, Ranma whirled on his attacker, all hint of fear gone from
his face. "You lose, old man! HIRYUU SHOTEN-HA!"

The principle of the "Rising Dragon Hurricane" technique was to take
the heat of your opponent's battle aura and turn it against itself,
using the conflicting cold aura of one's own "Soul of Ice" to generate
a powerful energy whirlwind. Ranma executed the final move of the
technique - a tremendous uppercut - and caught Happosai dead in the
midst of the instantaneous cyclone. The onlookers scrambled for
support, almost blown off their feet by the intensity of the sudden
wind.

Happosai's tiny body was battered, buffeted, and generally
pulverized by the immense forces of Ranma's attack. After it
finally subsided, he was slammed back into the ground like a small
meteor, coming to rest in a crater that was over two meters
deep.

Panting with exertion, Ranma made his way to the lip of the
crater. "Is it... is it over?"

Amazingly, Happosai had struggled slowly to his feet. He didn't
have to feign weariness - letting himself get caught with the
brunt of that attack had been a painful sacrifice indeed. To
all watching, it looked as if the withered old being was barely
strong enough to stand. He kept his back turned to Ranma, as
if in shame.

"You win, Ranma." He sighed, sounding incredibly weary. "I...
I can't beat you."

Even Ranma was startled by the resignation he heard in Happosai's
voice. "Gramps..."

"I'm getting too old for this sort of thing. It's clear..."
Again, he sighed heavily. "...it's clear that I'm no longer fit
to be the Master of Anything-Goes Martial Arts. Ranma, my boy,
I pass the title to you."

Ranma wasn't the only one who was thunderstruck by this
pronouncement. The assembled crowd gasped and murmured at this
unprecedented turn of events.

"Master no!" Genma exclaimed. "You can't!"

"You're the founder of our school!" Soun cried.

"Perhaps, but I am no longer its greatest practitioner." He
finally turned to face Ranma. This part was critical. "Ranma,
do you accept the burden of being the Master of Anything-Goes
Martial Arts?"

"Uhh..." Ranma's brain was overloaded for a moment. "Geez,
gramps... d'ya really mean it? You're gonna retire?"

Happosai nodded, slowly and sadly. "My day is done."

"Then..." Ranma grappled with the enormity of the moment.
"I'm the Master. I'm the Master!"

<Success!> the old man thought. Right now, all he wanted to
do was take off in a sprint and put as much distance between
himself and Ranma as possible, but there were certain appearances
that needed to be maintained. He turned slowly, as if burdened
by all the sadness in the world, and trudged off into the
distance.

"Master!" called Soun and Genma.

Happosai paused for a moment. He didn't look back, but only
said: "I am your Master no longer. Goodbye, Saotome Genma.
Goodbye, Tendou Soun. Goodbye... Master Ranma. Farewell
forever."

With that, he shuffled slowly around the corner. The moment
he was out of sight, he took off like a bat out of hell. He
barely heard the sound of Genma and Soun beginning to celebrate
their freedom as he left, bounding from rooftop to rooftop,
escaping with all the speed he could muster. There was a hunter
headed towards Nerima now, and he didn't intend to be anywhere
nearby when it found its prey.

- - - - - -

Under the cover of night, the new Master of Anything-Goes Martial
Arts was preparing to execute an operation which would require
stealth, cunning, and absolutely perfect timing. It was one of
his most innovative and daring plans to date, but he had decided
that it was his only chance of living to see the next sunrise.
He was about to attempt, for the first time: Saotome School Secret
Technique - Celebration Cake Exchange!

Yes, of course, the only thing which could have put a damper on his
success of the day had to happen - Akane got it in her head to bake a
cake for the celebration dinner. Why that girl could never get it
through her thick skull that she should just stay out of the kitchen
for good was beyond him. As usual, she'd taken his efforts to talk
her out of cooking all the wrong way, and she'd reverted to her violent
self. There was just no reasoning with someone like that.

But a new inspiration had struck him (several seconds after the
mallet), and he knew what he would do. All he needed was to go buy
a cake, distract Akane while her monstrous creation was incubating
in the oven, and switch the two while she wasn't looking! A brilliant
plan. Never mind that the cake he bought came complete with icing
and decorations, and would therefore look somewhat suspicious coming
straight out of the oven. This was the girl who still hadn't figured
out why her pet piggy panicked and bolted every time she decided to
give it a hot bath. She'd never know the difference.

Ranma heard the ring of a familiar bicycle bell in the night, and
hopped off the fence top just in time to avoid being run down by
Shampoo's delivery bike.

"Nihao, Husband!" the bubbly Amazon squeaked.

"Yo, Shampoo. What's up?"

"Shampoo running delivery," the girl responded. "But she hear good
news! You now Master of school, yes?"

Ranma grinned, shrugging in a kind of "aw-shucks" way. He was
pleased that she'd heard already - it saved him from trying to figure
out a way to tell her without sounding like he was boasting too much.
"Yeah, well, no big deal."

Humility was unconvincing on Saotome Ranma.

Shampoo noticed his bundle. "What you buy?"

"Ah, we're havin' a little party back at the dojo, and this cake
is for..." Ranma broke off. He cocked his head and listened.

"Ranma! You have party and not invite Shampoo?"

"Hold on a sec, be quiet."

The fact that Ranma had suddenly gotten serious was not lost on
Shampoo. She scanned up and down the deserted street, wondering
what had gotten him so concerned all of a sudden. "Shampoo not
see..."

"Shh! Listen..."

Ranma slowly set down his bundle, preparing himself for action.
Something was awry here, something was not right. He had an
acute sensation of approaching danger.

Both the martial artists jerked back in shock when a flock of
small birds suddenly took wing in the distance, chittering with
terror as they flapped away into the night. A few seconds later,
a dog yelped in fear nearby, and a cat screeched and bolted.

"Ranma..."

They heard the sound of a baby wailing in fear. The streetlights
began to flicker, and one by one they went out.

"Ranma, I not sure..."

"Look!" Ranma shouted. "There!"

It was barely visible in the darkness, cloaked in dusty black
robes. It appeared from the shadows at the end of the street,
shambling towards them at a pace equal to a fast walk. It was
hunched over, making it hard to tell how large it really was, and
they could see none of its features. It was headed directly
towards Saotome Ranma.

"Hey!" Ranma called. "Who the heck are you?"

"Ranma..." Shampoo had a terrible feeling about this.

"Hey!" Ranma tried again. "What d'ya think you're doin', sneakin'
around in the dark and scarin' people!"

It did not respond. It continued to advance on him at the same
even pace. Its gait was strange and unsettling, an eerie shamble
which hinted at a body horribly warped and twisted beneath the
robes. It was quiet as a ghost, darker than midnight, and it
moved with a terrible sort of determination. Ranma felt his heart
thundering in his chest, but he held his ground as the being
approached.

"You better start talkin, buddy," he warned, his voice sounding
strained even to his own ears. "I don't feel like messin'
around with weirdoes tonight... yeaaAAH!"

The attacker had closed the distance between itself and Ranma
with a sudden burst of blinding speed, lashing out at the boy's
head. Even with his lightning reflexes, Ranma barely managed
to evade the attack. The thing's strike had come almost too
fast for him to see, but he was pretty sure that it wasn't a
normal hand. It was like a paw, or a talon. It was something
with claws.

Shampoo began to advance. "Stay back!" Ranma shouted. "You're
gonna get hurt!"

Shampoo was willing to obey. Even her Amazon courage buckled
under aura of primal horror this thing generated. It was all
she could do to keep from screaming.

The cloaked attacker advanced on Ranma, pressing the young
martial artist with a relentless barrage of swipes and slashes.
Sometimes, its attacks were so fast that it was hard to tell
how many limbs it had. Now, up close, Ranma could see its eyes
peering out from beneath the hood. They were perfectly round,
smoldering with some deep, hellish flame... and there were three
of them, set in a perfect triangle in the pitch black void
where its face should have been.

<It ain't human... it's some kinda monster!> Ranma's shirt
ripped as he barely dodged another of its blows.

He knew he couldn't just keep dodging. The thing seemed
tireless, and at the speed it moved it wouldn't be long before
it started to tag him with those claws. He wouldn't know if
he could actually hurt it until he tried...

Ranma ducked in under one of its swipes and lashed out with a
kick, not holding back an iota of strength. His foot connected
with something twisted and hard underneath the robes, like a
bundle of coiled snakes, alive but almost as hard as a rock.
It writhed under his touch, but it also gave. The thing took
a step back, paused for a split second to recover, then continued
to press its attack.

<At least I can hurt it a little!> Ranma thought triumphantly.
He was immediately rewarded with a surprising blow that seemed
to come directly from the thing's chest. It caught him in the
abdomen, emptying the air from his lungs in a single gush, and
sent him sprawling backwards.

Breathless and acting entirely on instinct, Ranma rolled away
from the thing as it leaped towards him. It slashed through the
space Ranma had occupied a split second before, burying a hand
like a spiked mallet in the asphalt.

He was bleeding where it had hit him, but not bad. It had struck
him with something armored like a lobster's claw, but covered
with small sharp studs. <Damn, it's strong! And it's playin'
for keeps here!>

Ranma's only hope was to go on the offensive. He roared with
battle rage, his aura flaring, and pressed the attack as the
thing worked its limb free from the asphalt. Without wasting
his breath announcing the name of the attack, he launched into
the Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken attack, showering his foe with
fearsome blows. The thing staggered under the assault, giving
ground under the fury of Ranma's onslaught. Ranma could feel
parts of it crack and buckle beneath the black robes when he
connected solidly.

The thing lashed out defensively, cutting a deep gash in Ranma's
right arm mid-punch. It followed with a backhanded blow that
caught the martial artist in the head, breaking the rhythm of
his attack and sending him staggering backwards. Ranma tried
to counter with a kick, and was met with another bone-jarring
blow in the chest. He flew backwards like a rag doll, slamming
into a wall and shattering the brick with the force of the
impact.

"Ranma!" Shampoo cried. Once again, she moved in to attack.

"No!" he cried. Shampoo was a powerful fighter, but he didn't
dare let her risk herself against a monster like this. "This
thing'll kill you! I can handle it!"

The monster charged him again, but Ranma met the charge with a
flying kick and took them both backwards. Something crunched
in the thing's chest as he landed on it with both feet. Ranma
pushed off and out of the way as it slashed towards him. The
boy did a back flip and landed, only to see his foe rising once
more and moving to attack.

"What does it take to stop you!?" he shouted, charging once more.
He gathered his energy, launching into the chestnut fist attack
once more as his battle aura flared hot around him. He hammered
the monster, batting aside its reaching claws as he pressed his
attack. "Fall!" he howled. "MOKO TAKABISHA!"

The ki-blast caught the monster dead-center, blasting it backwards
half a dozen meters. Still, it kept its footing and tried to
advance.

"FALL!" Ranma bellowed, his voice ragged. He launched another
ki-blast at the thing. The attack pounded into it like a glowing
piledriver, slamming it backwards once again.

"FALL!!" The third ki-blast connected with the monster, blowing
it completely off its feet and carrying it through the air, until
it finally smashed against a lamp post, shattering the concrete.
Trembling with exertion, heaving for breath, Ranma watched its
prone form warily, waiting for it to rise, praying that it would
not. He wasn't sure how much he had left in him after that...

The thing lay unmoving. The glow of its eyes had died out.

"Don't worry," Ranma gasped to Shampoo. "It's over."

He couldn't have been more wrong.

- - - - - -

Chip, chip, scrape.

Tendou Akane sighed, trying not to fidget. She had a distinctly
embarrassed look on her face as she watched her sister continue
her patient and meticulous work. Kasumi had not spoken a single
word of admonishment, which had somehow made it all the worse.

Chip, chip, scrape.

She could hear the muffled sounds of her father weeping in the
distance. Nabiki was making a half-hearted effort to comfort
him in his misery. He really did take things so seriously...

Chip, chip, scrape.

The only bright spot of the whole thing was that Ranma wasn't
here. She'd never hear the end of it if he found out about this
one.

Chip, scrape, chip, chip.

Kasumi was humming a soft little hammering-and-chiseling tune.
It served to make Akane's humiliation all the more acute.

Scrape, chisel, chip, chip, chip.

"It's coming along well," Kasumi chimed merrily.

Akane sighed with resignation. Kasumi was currently chipping
away at the results of her latest kitchen disaster. Akane had
wondered why the cake batter had seemed so difficult to stir as
she had mixed it, but when the handle of the wooden spoon she'd
been using broke off, she'd lost her temper. She'd reached into
the batter to try to retrieve the remains of the spoon, and then...
well, had Akane known the story of Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby,
she would have found it hauntingly familiar.

She'd been encased up to her elbows when the batter had finally
hardened into something not unlike concrete.

Chip, chip, scrape.

Kasumi took a deep breath and blew the dust off Akane's arm.
She'd made her way down to the wrist on the right hand. Akane
bit her lip and tried not to squirm.

She didn't know what was taking Ranma so long, but right now
she wasn't going to complain.

- - - - - -

Cologne sensed them coming well before they arrived. She had
known that something unnatural had come to Nerima, and the way
things went around here it was a good guess that it would have
something to do with Ranma. But it wasn't until she saw Ranma
and Shampoo dragging the inert beast on the end of a rope towards
her restaurant that she realized just how bad it was.

<Oh no,> she thought. <How could this have...>

But a moment later she understood. She realized what the old
pervert had done. Now, it all made sense.

<My poor Shampoo,> she thought bitterly. <And poor Ranma. You're
a dead man now, and you don't even know it.>

- - - - - -

"Have any of you ever heard of the Reikoku?"

Cologne scanned the assembled Tendous and Saotomes before her,
unsurprised by the general blank looks which were the only answer
to her question. "I thought as much," she sighed.

"That's what that thing was?" Ranma asked.

"Is, boy. Is. You haven't even come close to truly defeating
it yet, I'm afraid."

Ranma looked confused. The Reikoku, or whatever it was, had looked
pretty defeated to him. He winced a bit as Kasumi applied some
antiseptic to another of his wounds. Cologne had been in such a
hurry to tell her story to everybody that she hadn't even given
him time to tend to his wounds first. She was sure worked up about
all this...

"The Reikoku," she continued. "Its name means 'The Relentless One,'
or 'The Merciless One' perhaps. It is a very ancient being, and it
is called forth for the purpose of exacting revenge upon one who
has committed a terrible, terrible crime."

Everybody stared accusingly at Ranma. "What?" he protested. "I
didn't do nothin'!"

"No, boy, I don't think you did," Cologne assured him. "I believe
it was Happosai who committed the crime for which the Reikoku was
sent. The cagey old devil managed to twist his way out of receiving
the punishment... by making YOU the target of the Reikoku's
vengeance, Ranma."

"Me?" Ranma gasped. "How'd he do that?"

Nabiki nodded knowingly, suddenly understanding. "I get it. The
old guy threw the fight, didn't he?" she asked Cologne.

"No way!" Ranma protested.

"I'm afraid so, son," Cologne affirmed. "By making you the
Master of Anything-Goes Martial Arts in his place, he somehow
managed to transfer the Reikoku's quest for vengeance to you.
Happosai is an expert at making other people suffer for his ill
deeds," she turned to the elder Tendou and the panda beside him,
"wouldn't you boys agree?"

"Growf," the panda commented pensively.

Tendou Soun nodded gravely. "Yes, that's true. His deviousness
knows no bounds. How amazing, though, that he would be willing
to swallow his pride in such a fashion and relinquish the title
of Master! This... Reikoku must be a fearsome thing indeed."

"Hey, I already took care of it!" Ranma exclaimed. "What's the
big deal?"

"It's true, Ranma, you defeated it once," Cologne explained. "But
you have yet to understand the true terror of the Reikoku.
Within a day, it will rise again and continue its hunt. But
this time, it will be far stronger than before when it faces
you again."

Cologne's listeners digested this unsettling bit of information.
Akane finally spoke up. "We'll help him beat it then!"

Cologne chuckled. "A brave gesture, but futile. For more
than a single foe to attempt to fight the Reikoku at once is
an act of supreme folly. If two people attack it, it will
become twice as powerful as before. If three people attack,
it will become three times as deadly. Whatever gods or demons
crafted this being in ancient times did their job very well
indeed. An army of warriors could attack the Reikoku, and by
the end of the day their bloody corpses would litter the
battlefield, dismembered down to the last man."

"Oh my!" Kasumi gasped. She wasn't used to that sort of
talk. Everybody else was looking a little pale too.

"So..." Ranma was thinking hard, trying to attack the problem
from another angle, "can we, like, burn the body or something?
Maybe weight it down and dump it in the sea?"

Cologne shook her head sadly. "If you were to attempt that,
it would only hasten the Reikoku's recovery. Try to burn it,
or submerge it, or imprison it, and the thing will rise
again instantly and attack. No, that is not the way."

"Well what IS the way?" Ranma pleaded. "There's gotta be
some way to deal with this Reikoku thing! Right?"

"It is said," Cologne explained, "that the Reikoku can rise
again three times after being defeated by a single adversary.
So, if a warrior were to best the creature a fourth time, it
would be destroyed forever. That is the only way to defeat
it, according to legend."

"All right then," Ranma said. "So I gotta beat this thing
another three times. It ain't gonna be easy, but I think..."

"It will be impossible," Cologne said with absolute certainty.
"Did you not hear what I said? Each time you face the Reikoku
after it has risen, it becomes stronger and deadlier than
before! It adapts to your fighting style and your techniques,
it finds your weaknesses and exploits them."

"I can adapt too..." Ranma began, trying to stoke the flames of
his confidence.

"Don't be stupid, boy!" Cologne snapped. "You barely managed
to defeat it when it was at its weakest. On your best day,
with the luck of all the gods on your side, you might be able
to defeat it a second time. But a third time? A fourth?
Even you, Ranma, don't have a prayer."

"But I..."

"NOT," Cologne repeated, "a PRAYER."

Ranma looked stunned. Cologne could tell that, even now, he
didn't truly believe her. <Ah, the pride of the young. How
can it match the treachery of the old? You've really done it
to the lad this time, Happy.>

"So what do we do?" Akane asked plaintively.

"There is only one hope," Cologne said. "I cannot guess what
Happosai did to get someone to set the Reikoku after him. I
don't even really know who might have such power in this day.
But you must find him, and discover what he has done."

"Yeah?" Ranma asked. "And then?"

"I don't know, boy. Perhaps you can force him to make amends,
if the Reikoku can be called off after it has begun its hunt.
Perhaps you can find the ones who summoned the Reikoku and get
them to set it on its proper target."

"But..." Ranma looked worried. "But if I do that, it'll kill the
old geezer!"

"Better him than you," Cologne stated flatly. "After all, he was
the one who committed the crime. If you're so willing to accept
his punishment for him, then don't bother."

"No way!" Ranma snarled. "That old jerk... doin' somethin' like
this t'me just to get off the hook for somethin'! There ain't
gonna be nothin' left for that Reikoku once I get through with
him!"

"Killing him won't suffice," Cologne reminded him. "You must
find out who summoned the Reikoku and go to them. But before that,
you must find Happosai. Only the heavens know where he's gone to
now. Probably as far away from you as he can manage."

"It ain't gonna be far enough!" Ranma declared, rising to his feet.

"I'm coming with you!" Akane rose as well.

Ranma gave her a half-lidded look of doubt. "Aw, get real, Akane.
You heard what the old gal said about tryin' to gang up on that
thing. You're just gonna get in the way."

"You can't go alone!" Akane all but shouted.

"If you fight the Reikoku," Cologne warned, "you also become its
prey. Whoever raises a hand against it will be hunted unto death."

"Jeez, you hear that, Akane? You gotta stay the heck away from
this thing!"

"I'm a martial artist too!" Akane whined. "I can handle myself!"

P-Chan squealed in protest and dismay, but he was unheeded by all.

Nabiki watched the scene unfold with a predictable familiarity.
Ranma continued to tease Akane and tell her that she would just
get in the way, Akane kept insisting that she could take care of
herself, back and forth. She knew how it would end up - Akane
would end up going with Ranma. Nabiki suspected that this was
what Ranma wanted all along, and that the ritual was just a necessary
step for both of them in maintaining the facade of their relationship.
Tomorrow morning, the two of them would set off together, bickering
all the way.

But Nabiki felt a chill as she looked at Cologne. The old woman's
head was bowed, as if in mourning. The withered Amazon, sensing
eyes upon her, spared a quick look at Nabiki. It was an expression
devoid entirely of hope.

<She doesn't really think he can do it,> Nabiki realized. <As far
as she's concerned, Ranma's already dead.>


end of chapter one



-----------------------------------------------------------
AUTHOR'S NOTES
-----------------------------------------------------------

COMING SOON: The Reikoku Attacks! Akane in Peril! Ryouga
Explodes! Or it might be more accurate to say that Ryouga
Initiates Explosions! More power, gags, and intense vengeance!
And so forth...

REVISION NOTES: One of the more heavily modified chapters. I never
did like the clicheŽ feeling of the intro, and it was especially
out of character for Shampoo. So that whole first scene has been
fairly seriously rewritten.

COPYRIGHT STUFF: All the Ranma characters belong to Takahashi Rumiko,
and are licensed in America by Viz Communications.

GRT - May 1998
MODIFIED - April 2005
Thunderstruck_comic@comcast.net

All existing chapters of this story may be found at:
http://www.talesfromthevault.com/relentless





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[Thunderstruck]

Although this is more or less a finished story, C&C is very much
welcome.

- Grayson Towler
http://www.talesfromthevault.com/relentless

=========================
RELENTLESS
A Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction

By Grayson Towler
=========================

-----------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER TWO:
Tenacity
-----------------------------------------------------------

Nabiki was usually able to keep her distance from the absurdity
which raged around her. Sometimes she even took a little dip
into the torrent of martial arts insanity which dominated her
sister's life, if there was a profit to be made or if there was
amusement to be found. Most of the time, it was like background
noise in her life.

She tried to convince herself this was no different. Certainly,
the rest of her family was reacting to this latest escapade with
their normal levels of composure (or lack of it thereof). Her
father had alternated between wailing about his baby girl Akane
going off into danger and "secretly" celebrating with Saotome
Genma about the prospects of Ranma and Akane discovering their
true love on this journey. Genma had spewed his customary
streams of bad advice and cracked wisdom until somebody had
turned him into a panda to shut him up. Kasumi had helped Akane
get her things together and had packed some food for the road,
promising to take care of P-Chan while Akane was away.

And Nabiki? She'd said her good-byes, made a little joke about
Ranma and Akane being alone together... and that should have
been that. She should have been relaxing and enjoying the rare
opportunity for peace and quiet. She should have been catching
up on her reading, or checking in with her operatives, or
polishing up the presentation she was scheduled to give at the
Daitokuji Convention for Teenage Intelligence Experts.

Instead, she was sitting at her desk, staring out the window,
and tapping her pen.

It was the old woman's face that kept coming back to her. Why
hadn't anybody else seen Cologne's weary look of resignation as
she tried to tell Ranma how much trouble he was in this time?
Was she the only one to whom it mattered? Sure, the old woman
looked like a pickled bullfrog with hair, but it was
undeniable that she had more experience in martial arts than
everybody else in the house put together. When Cologne spoke,
it paid to listen.

<She thinks Ranma's not going to make it this time.> Nabiki
stared out the window, thinking of her sister and her future
brother-in-law. <He can't fight his way out of this one. He
thinks he can - I saw it in his face. He's going to get
himself killed... and Akane along with him.>

But was there anything Nabiki could do about it?

Cologne had said the only hope they had was to find Happosai.
Ranma had set off this morning confident he could track the old
lecher. After all, Happosai made a rather obvious stir wherever
he went, with his panty-raids and thievery.

Nabiki tapped her pen against the desk a few more times.

She set her pen down and turned to her computer. Ranma was right
about tracking Happosai, perhaps, but he was an amateur when it
came to this kind of thing. Never send a martial artist to do
a spy's work...

- - - - - -

Hibiki Ryouga charged through the streets of Nerima at full tilt,
either vaulting or destroying any object unfortunate enough to
be situated in his erratic path. It had taken longer than he
would have liked to escape from Kasumi and find some hot water.
He had a terrible feeling that time was running out for his
beloved Akane...

<Damn you, Ranma! How could you take her with you? The old
woman said that thing was dangerous... you've put Akane in
harm's way with your irresponsibility! I swear, Ranma, if you
let her get hurt, I'll crush the life out of your miserable
body!>

Ryouga pulled up to a halt, pausing for a moment to catch his
breath. It wasn't so much the exertion that was getting to
him, but the fear. Akane was in danger. He didn't trust
Ranma any farther than he could throw Mount Fuji. He had to
get to them before that Reikoku did, he HAD to reach them...

But where were they?

Nobody had really said where Ranma and Akane had been headed,
at least not within range of P-Chan's hearing. Ranma had some
kind of plan for tracking down Happosai, but Ryouga hadn't a
clue as to where he'd begin his search.

<Even if I knew where they were, I'd still have to contend
with my wretched sense of direction! Why did I have to be
born so blighted?>

Ryouga took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He had no
rational hope of finding Ranma and Akane before that thing
got to them, but logic and rationality had never been the
dominant forces in his life. The only hope he had now was
his heart. If his love for Akane and his desire to protect
her were true, then they would guide him to where he needed
to be. If he didn't believe in that, he'd have nothing left.

Ryouga set his hand on the grip of his umbrella, poised to
draw and defend himself from any random splash of water which
might come his way. He couldn't save Akane if he became P-Chan.
Without even opening his eyes, he chose a direction and began
to sprint.

<Hang on, Akane... I'm coming...>

- - - - - -

Mousse waited patiently in the alleyway behind the Nekohanten,
keeping vigil over the inert form of the Reikoku. Cologne had
insisted that she be informed the moment it rose again and began
to move. Mousse didn't mind the wait.

He tried to enjoy the situation - Saotome had finally gotten
himself into something he couldn't hope to handle. His chief
rival would soon be dead, if Cologne's depiction of the
Reikoku's power were anywhere close to accurate. It was the
sort of thing he'd wished for constantly since he'd first
heard the name of Saotome Ranma. Yet somehow, he could not
find it in himself to feel joy in the presence of the
black-cloaked thing resting on the asphalt before him.

Perhaps he didn't hate Ranma as much as he thought - perhaps
he'd have much rather seen their differences resolved in some
way that didn't result in Ranma's death. That was assuredly
part of it. But he thought that the most distressing thing
about the situation was the Reikoku itself.

It scared the hell out of him.

He'd been a duck when they'd first brought it back to the cafe
- perhaps that was why he regarded it with such loathing and
dread. When he'd been in the body of an animal, the mere
presence of the Reikoku had filled him with an unreasoning
panic. The animal instincts of his duck body had bombarded
him with an overpowering need to flee from this unnatural
monstrosity. It had taken all his will to stay, and he
wasn't sure how long he'd have been able to hold out if
Cologne hadn't splashed him with hot water. He fully
understood why every animal had fled the neighborhood as
if it were on fire when the Reikoku had come. Even now,
when he was back in his human form, he could still feel a
distinct tingle of horror when he was anywhere near the
beast.

It began to move again shortly before sunset.

It hardly made a sound as it moved, and with his poor eyesight
Mousse could barely distinguish its form in the dark, but he
didn't need to see it to know that it had revived. The aura
of menace which it radiated intensified when it rose. Mousse's
heart began to pound out a rapid tempo of fear in his chest.
He backed slowly away, trying to be as quiet and unobtrusive
as possible, praying that it would not notice him...

Rationally, he knew that could have been playing a tuba and it
wouldn't have noticed him. Its attention was reserved solely
for its prey. Seconds after it had risen, it set off down the
alley, moving with a deliberate and unvarying pace towards the
direction in which Saotome Ranma surely lay. Still, he breathed
a sigh of intense relief when it shambled out of sight. He
felt as if he'd been mere centimeters away from the brink of
some unfathomable abyss.

He turned to enter the cafe and inform Cologne that the thing
had risen again, but she had already emerged with Shampoo from
the back door. The old woman had sensed the rise of the Reikoku
herself - it made Mousse wonder why he'd been set to watch it
in the first place.

The old woman let out a heavy sigh. "// And so the hunt begins
again, //" she said in Chinese, shaking her head sadly.

Shampoo had her bonbori in hand, and a resolute look on her
face. "// I will follow it, //" she announced. "// If my
husband is in danger, I must protect him, at whatever cost. //"

"// If you there was anything at all you could do, great-
granddaughter, I would encourage you to go. But such a quest
would be folly, resulting only in your death. //"

"// What is the use of living without Ranma? //" Shampoo's
words broke Mousse's heart for the thousandth time. He
couldn't fathom her devotion to such a selfish brat.

Cologne's response, though, surprised both of them. With
a movement so quick that it was almost invisible, she reached
out and yanked a pinch of Shampoo's hair roughly out of the
girl's scalp. Shampoo flinched backwards, her eyes wide with
shock. It was not so much the physical pain of the act which
was startling, but the severity of its meaning. In the Amazon
tribe, the hair-plucking gesture was a harsh reproof, meant
to remind a girl of her obligations to her clan and her
people when she was behaving irresponsibly.

In Mousse's memory, Cologne had almost never been so stern with
Shampoo. The old woman was usually very indulgent with her
great-granddaughter, by Amazon standards. The only time he
could recall her punishing the girl with any severity was when
Shampoo had first returned from Japan, having failed to either
kill or marry Ranma. Here, the old woman had reminded Shampoo
in no uncertain terms that her life belonged to the tribe,
and was not hers to sacrifice in this fashion.

Shampoo pressed her