Robert Kwong
4th February 2005, 02:10 AM
Hello,
Sorry for not posting yesterday. I was much too busy. But I'll
post 3 for today!
This is Kimagure Orange Road fanfiction.
This is my HARD|<oR fanfiction series Book D: The Book of Four.
This is one of my favorite chapters. It is Chapter 7: Breath of Beer.
Enjoy!
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H A R D
|< O R
Book D: The Book of Four
K i m a g u r e O r a n g e R o a d
F a n f i c t i o n
by Robert Kwong
ver 1.0
Finished September 30,1999
Based on characters from the Kimagure Orange Road Series created by
the venerable Matsumoto Izumi.
As you can see, this is fanfiction harkening back to the old Kimagure
Orange Orange Road Series. This is the 4th book in my fanfiction
series. The timeline for this occurs after ShinKOR II novel and covers
some details in Shin Kor III and beyond.
HardKor Web Site (With Disclaimer and back-stories:
Book A and Book B chapters)
http://www-ucsee.eecs.berkeley.edu/~rk/HardKor.html
My SuperPage for the General Kimagure Orange Road enthusiast
http://www-ucsee.eecs.berkeley.edu/~rk/Kor.html
My contact email address for comments or further correspondence:
rk@soda.berkeley.edu
Feel free to email me your impressions and suggestions for the series.
Thanks for reading my stories and making it one the most popular KOR
fanfic on the web! (40000 can't be wrong!)I hope you enjoy reading it
as I did writing it. Thanks again.
Robert Kwong
Ark Productions -99-
Legend:
H = Hikaru Hiyama
M = Ayukawa Madoka
R = Ryusei Haroken
K = Kasuga Kyosuke
Akane = Akane Kasuga
Kurumi = Kurumi Kasuga
Manami = Manami Kasuga
Muroke = Koji Muroke
Shijama = Shijama Zumi
Taku = Taku Morisaki
Shinohara = Shinohara Asuma
Shun = Shun Kisaragi
Hasukawa = Hasukawa Kazuya
Tasuya = Tasuya Youta
[] - denotes scene changes
() - indicates person thinking to himself
(**) - indicates action or special effects.
Book D: The Book of Four
Chapter 7: Breath of Beer
[Back to the Shin ABCB...]
Taku Morisaki: Where's the tape?
Hasukawa: Shinohara should have it. But where the hell is he?
Mitsuru Hayakawa: (taps the microphone and looks at his watch) And
once again, we await the showing of the next film.
(A person comes running)
Tatsuya Youta: (*huffing and puffing*) Here! Catch!
(goes in a baseball pitcher windup and throws the tape across!)
(Hasukawa catches it one motion!)
Shun: Good catch Suka!
Mitsuru: Now, without further delay....
Opening Title Screen:
B R E A T H O F B E E R
(We segway to a scene already in progress...)
(We see people stuck in a huge black pot)
"Oh Great!"
"How come you're blaming me?"
"Look! We're stuck in a vat of beer and we're going to be cooked by a
toad!"
(scene disappears and returns to the beginning)
(Narrator played by Tatsuya Youta appears in medieval bard gear, one
hand carrying pan pipes and the other, a tin cup)
(Narrator looks into the camera)
"Hullo, stranger? New to these parts? I'm a traveler too, wandering
the lands in merriment and song. Might we rest here while thee narrate
one of the many wondrous tales to pass the time? Yes? Good. shall we
begin?
Once upon an olden time, whee dragons roamed the land, lay the kingdom
of Corona, renowned for its legendary brew. It was the age under the
rule of Baron von Bud IV, whose vassals enjoy merriment and mirth as a
result of the wondrous WELL known as the "BIG TAP." For centuries,
this wondrous liquid from the "BIG TAP" help cure ills, liven spirits,
and keep the land at peace. Yes, nothing could go wrong in this fair
land. But little were they prepared for the great tragedy that was to
befall on them.
"Your majesty."
Baron von Bud IV: What is it, guard?
"Reports confirm our worst fears. The "BIG TAP" has been completely
sucked dry!
Baron Bud IV: What? How can this be? The "BIG TAP" has been supplying
the land with its wondrous liquid for many moons. My ancestors have
never encountered such a calamity. Surely my kingdom will be ruined!
We cannot survive a drought of the dry tap!
"Your majesty. Madam Michela Michelob here to see you."
Michelob: Your majesty. (curtseys)
Baron Bud IV: Michelob! My most trusted advisor. What are you doing
here?
Michelob: I heard of the calamity and came right over.
Baron Bud IV: But I am at a loss on what we should do. Surely we can't
survive the upcoming bitter winter! There will be revolt amongst the
land.
Michelob: We need to keep cooler heads, your majesty. Perhaps we
should start by consulting the ancient barrel texts.
Baron Bud IV: A wise suggestion Michelob. And crack open our remaining
kegs. We must have a drink to think things through clearly.
((Scene changes to a dirt road, where we see two peasant-looking
figures walking up the road, carrying sacks on their backs.))
"Are you sure this is the right area to sell our wild turkey Kirin?"
"I'm positive Aasahi. Let's stop here. Wait for me. I need to take a
leak."
Aasahi: Boy, I hope this is the road to Carlsberg.
[Back to the castle]
"Baron!"
"Yes Michelob?"
"I have scanned the barrel text and they have revealed to me that in
the time of Miller, -Baron von Bud I- faced a similar predicament."
"He did? What did he do?"
"Not much apparently. They suffered through 10 years of dry tap."
"10 years! How dreadful!"
"Legend has it that he dispatched his best knights in an act of
desperation for the kingdom. Their search was for the "Holy Hop."
"The Holy Hop? What is that?"
"Only the most sacred relic as we know in this barondom. It is
believed that it possesses fantastic powers, of which its cup never
runneth empty. One single drop of it will surely refill the "Big Tap."
"Then good. Let's go get the Holy Hop."
"There's a problem. This ancient artifact has been lost through the
ages. It's last known whereabouts was the caverns of Schlitz, domain
of the hideous magic dragon!"
"Damn thee dragon. Curse me for not having knights here either. We are
doomed!"
"Might I suggest something your majesty? Why don't we post a reward to
some adventurer to help retrieve it for us? I'm sure there is a brave
soul who is willing to serve his land."
"And excellent idea. Make it so. And more rounds for everyone!"
((Back to the peasants))
Kirin: I'm back. Hey. Where are the sacks?
Aasahi: It's gone,
Kirin: I can see that. Why?
Aasahi: I sold them.
Kirin: You did already? Great! That will lighten our load. Where's the
money?
Aasahi: No money. But I got something even better!
Kirin: What could be better than money?
Aasahi: This!
Kirin: (looks at it) A bunch of beans?
Aasahi: Not just any beans. Magic beans. At least that's what Jack
told me.
Kirin: Who?
Aasahi: The guy who I traded with.
Kirin: Baka! You got jiped! I'm gonna smack you for your stupidity!
(Kirin chases after Aasahi who runs up the road)
(They enter the town center)
Kirin: (*Huff, puff, huff, puff*) Screw it! I've run out my
aggression.
Aasahi: Gomen. I'm so sorry. Why don't we refill up at that bar?
Kirin: That's the first bright idea you had today. Let's go.
They approach the bar: B E C K 'S B A R
Inside, you see the wildest bunch of scoundrels, roughshods,
criminals, and cuthroats. You also see several men dressed up badly in
drag, playing pool. A band called 'The Coors' are playing on
stage. They are singing "Bottlecaps are falling on my head."
Master: What'll be?
Kirin: Lite Ale.
Aasahi: I'll have the same thing.
(We hear an argument ensuing.)
"I say the secret is because it tastes great!"
"No way! It's gotta be less filling."
"Tastes Great!"
"Less Filling!"
"Tastes Great!"
"Less Filling!"
"I'm going to kick your heiny for that blasphemy!"
(A brawl breaks out)
Kirin: Just my day! Let's get out of here!
Aasahi: But we should help that poor folk.
Kirin: Who cares? They started the fight.
Aasahi: But I do.
Kirin: Blasted! Oh, what the hell. If it's a brawl they want, then
it's a brawl they'll get!
(We are treated to a classic fight scene, with fists flying and bodies
all over in a heap)
(After the brawl, the whole bar is a mess)
"Thank you, young squires for your assistance. A noble gesture, for
they surely would have kicked my heiny if you had not intervened.
Kirin: You got any money?
"No, I don't. I am just a humble monk of the Tsing Tao Brotherhood."
Kirin: Just great. This ain't my day.
"Allow me to introduce myself. I am Ro Sapporo. My nickname is Sap.
Aasahi: I'm Aasahi and that's Kirin.
Sap: I thank thee for thy assistance. I am on a pilgrimage, traveling
from monastery to monastery to sample the finest brews. My quest is to
find the perfect lager. But alas, it is not here. I must go now. May
thy travels fare thee well.
Aasahi: That fellow sure talks funny.
(The Baron's guards rush in!)
"Who is responsible for this?
"They are!" (everyone points to them)
"Take them away!"
Kirin: This is all your fault!
(off to the castle they go!)
"Your baronhood. We have arrived with the prisoners. They're the ones
they caused the whole brawl."
Baron Bud IV: (*hiccup*) They have? Those two only?
"Affirmative. Shall I lock em up in the cellar? "
(Michelob comes over and whispers something into Baron's ear)
Baron Bud IV: No. These men sound very resourceful and stoutworthy. To
be able to take on the whole bar by themselves. I shall send them off
to retrieve the Holy Hop.
Kirin: Holy what?
Michelob: We need you brave lads to retrieve it for us. If you do, we
will pay you handsomely in the stuff that glitters as gold.
Kirin: Gold you say? Now you're talking! We'll do it!
Michelob: Great! Guards. Send them to the fork!
(At the fork)
Captain of the Guards: Here is where we let you go.
Kirin: Ow! (rubs his wrists after being tied up) That pretzel knot
really pinches the circulation.
Aasahi: Where do we go from here?
Kirin: Oh no. You're not following me. You're bad luck for me. I'm
taking this path while you take the other. And don't you plan on
following me.
Paths signs read "Rolling Rock" and "Red River."
[At another location]
A creature peers through a crystal ball. Those foolish humans think
they can find my lair along the Schlitz ravine. Brhahaha! They're soon
find out it's no stroll in the park.
Narrator: Groan. Our fair travelers have gone their separate ways now,
seemingly unware of the traps.
(showing of hourglass passing sands)
Kirin: (sweat flowing) I've been walking for hours now! Just where the
hell am I going? Am why do they call this place 'Rolling Rock''
anyway? I'm going back!
(Just at the moment, some boulders fly down towards him.
"Oh S h i i i t t t t!" (runs downward)
(segway to the other road)
Aasahi: This is a strange place indeed. The river here looks like
blood. I wonder if it's really blood or not.
(*Woah!*)
(Aasahi steps on a trap which flings him right into the river and down
the rapids!)
Narrator: Is this the end of our intrepid adventurers? In that case,
I'm taking a break to pour myself a cold, frosty one. This break to
you by Simply Sake. Whose motto is why eat rice when you can drink it?
Now back to our show.
(return back and we see a point where the two forks leads right into
the other. Right over a waterfall cliff!)
Kirin and Aasahi: AARGH!!!
(Both fall off the waterfall cliff!)
(The boulders fly just over their heads)
(*CLUNK*)
Kirin: What the hell?
Aasahi: Oww! (rubbing his butt)
Kirin: Man, you're dripping wet! And you smell like red wine! What
are you doing here?
Aasahi: Are we alive?
Kirin: Of course we are, jughead! That's why we'll yelling at the top
of our lungs in pain.
Aasahi: Fate must have brought us together again.
Kirin: I wish.
Aasahi: What did we land in? Is it a caldron?
"More like a vat."
Kirin: Who said that?
"Your worst hangover!"
Aasahi: Oh no! The dragon!
"What are you? Stupid? I'm a toad, not a dragon. Though we do both
belong to the reptilian family and have tough, scaly skin. But that's
where the similarities end. by the way, I will be having you two for
dinner.
Kirin: Oh great!
Aasahi: How come you're blaming me?
"Look! We're stuck in a vat of beer and we're going to be cooked by a
toad!"
(the toad starts pouring liquids into the vat)
"Sherry, brandy, wine, and vinegar! I'll make my favorite! Drunken
human flambe!"
Aasahi: don't we get a last request?
"Hmm...no one ever asked me that before. Then again, I never had my
meals alive before I cooked them. Tell you what. I'm a sporting
fellow. If you can answer my riddle three, thee can be free to go, my
precious!
Kirin: We got nothing to lose. Ask away!
"If you have 100 bottles of beer on the wall and one bottle of beer
should fall, then how many bottles of beer on the wall do you have
left?"
Kirin: Wait! This must be a trick question.
Aasahi: Won't you have 99 bottles of beer on the wall?
Kirin: Argh! We're dead!
"Correct!"
Kirin: Just beginner's luck.
"Second question. What is the land speed record of a spotted tiger in
Schlitzenberg Weinhart county?"
Kirin: Ha! The answer is none. There's no such thing as a spotted
tiger.
"Good, good. You two are pretty smart. Eating you two would make me
smarter."
Kirin: We're not dead yet. What is the last question?
"My final riddle. WHAT IS MY NAME?"
Kirin: Urgh? Say what?
"I said WHAT IS MY NAME? You have 30 seconds to answer in the form of
a question." (starts to hum Jeopardy theme)
Kirin: Shit! We're goners!
"Time's up! What is your answer?"
"Who is Henry!"
"Impossible! How can this be? Who said that?"
Aasahi: (points) It's Sap.
"You thought you could crash my party. I'll have the three of you
tonight.!"
Sapporo: Be gone demon! (starts to utter an incantation and wave his
staff)
Taka Ra Co Lo Kala Minny Ha ha Tao!"
(A bolt of energy strikes the toad)
"Ouch, ouch. I'm outta here!"
(*hops away hopping mad!*)
Kirin: Man, you saved our butts there.
Aasahi: That's an interesting staff you have there. Does it have a
name?
Sapporo: I just call it the "Moosehead" Mallet. Because it can take
the lumps.
Kirin: How did you know his name?
Sapporo: It's elementary my dear fellows. I saw the sign to this area:
"Henry, the Horny Toad's Haven."
Aasahi: Do you want to come with us on our quest?
Kirin: A sorcerer in the group would be handy.
Sapporo: I have nothing better to do. Why not?
Aasahi: Great! The more, the merrier.
Kirin: But where do we go from here?
Sapporo: We follow where this river leads.
Kirin: But how do we know it's the right way?
Sapporo: Look at the sign (points)
"This way to the Dragon."
(Back in his lair)
"Curses to those humans! They have not been vanquished yet! But they
will fall prey to my death-traps!"
(The 3 adventurers are now traveling through the river into a cave in
barrels.)
(A strange gas permeates in the air!)
Kirin: I'm feeling groggy!
Sapporo: (covers his mouth) End of the stream here. Let move on foot.
Aasahi: My vision's getting blurry.
Sapporo: It's the vapors fumes here. We must get out of here quick!
Kirin: I think I see an opening up ahead. Let's go.
Aasahi: It's getting worse. I'm seeing double.
Sapporo: Me too. I see 6 openings now. Which one do we go through?
Kirin: It must be a trap. Only one of them is the right one.
Aasahi: Which one?
Kirin: You're the lucky one. You tell me!
Aasahi: Umm...I can't tell.
Sapporo: We can take a chance. One of us goes through each one.
Aasahi: No. We will be separated.
Sapporo: We must go quickly or we'll be overcome by the fumes and
never wake up!
Kirin: Wait! Punch me!
Aasahi & Sapporo: What?
Kirin: I said punch me! Real hard!
"Ok."
(*BAM BAM*)
(Kirin stands on his ass, looking dazed, as if birds were flying
around his head)
Kirin: I see it now...follow me...
(They follow Kirin's lead and into the opening...)
(A gust of fresh air blows through)
Aasahi: How did you know?
Sapporo: I think I understand. The fumes caused hallucinations, like
getting drunk. But by knocking him senseless, all the false visions
got canceled by the induced visions.
Kirin: Whatever you said. The point is we got through.
Aasahi: That looks strange. (points)
They see a chasm dividing them to the other side. Seemingly, there is
not way across. But curiously, they seem to see letters scattered
about as if floating on thin air.
Kirin: Now how do we get across?
Sapporo: This looks like a puzzle. And it looks like the letters might
spell out something.
Kirin: Great! A brainiac trap. You're the scholar here.
Sapporo: (gazing at the letters) I think I got it! A play on words. It
spells out SCOTCH. By hopping on them, it spells out HOP SCOTCH. Very
amusing.
Kirin: Oh. Is that all? Then let's hop on to it! All follow me again!
Kirin: (yells out) S. K ya!!!!!!!
"I got you!"
(Kirin looks up to see Aasahi's arm holding on to his)
Sapporo: What's the matter with you? Don't you know how to spell?
Kirin: Isn't it S K O T C H?
Sapporo: (taps his forehead with his palm) No...I better lead....
(all make it to the other side)
Aasahi: Another opening. I wonder what it leads to.
(They enter another chamber, this time dimly lit)
Kirin: Man, it's dark in here.
"Care for a light?"
Sapporo: Who said that?
(We see a flame emanating from the nose of a dragon!)
"So....you have finally arrived humans. Your time here is short. You
have met your match with me, Wicked Pete the Magic Dragon."
(*a few puffs arises from his nostrils*)
Kirin: We must warn you. We'll only here for the "Holy Hop." If you
give it to us, we'll let you live.
Wicked Pete: Ha! Is this your feeble attempt human to insult me? I'm
glad I sucked up the "Big Tap" to make all you humans suffer. Prepare
to die!
Kirin: Use your staff now, magic monk!
Aasahi: Go get 'em Sap!
Sapporo: No use. Magic doesn't work on a magic dragon!
Kirin & Aasahi: What?!
Wicked Pete: I shall enjoy watching the 3 of you grilled
medium-rare. Prepare to meet my special attack, the Breath of Beer!
(*starts to spew out a stream of brown liquid*)
Kirin: Euu! Now I'm covered in this hideous, sticky liquid.
Aasahi: But we're not dead yet!
Sapporo: That's just the first part of his attack! He will ignite the
alcohol with his flaming breath. Stand behind me all!
(*The dragon starts to spew out fire now. Sapporo plucks an item from
his cloak and raises it to shield the party from the wall of flame*)
Aasahi: Wow! What's that?
Sapporo: The Crest of Lowenbreau. A fire-resistant shield.
Kirin: There! Is that the best you can do dragon?
Wicked Pete: Hmm,..I could always use this to kill you.
(pulls out a gun!)
Wicked Pete: They call this honey the Colt 45. It's projectiles will
pierce through anything. Even your puny shield.
Aasahi: Ummm Mr Dragon! Hello Mr Dragon.
Wicked Pete: Just call me Wicked Pete. Now what do you want?
Aasahi: Since you're a magic dragon, I have some magic beans for you.
Would you let us go if I give them to you?
Wicked Pete: Well give them to me and I'll tell you.
Aasahi: Ok. Catch.
Wicked Pete: You're such a sucker! You fell for the oldest trick in
the book! I'll think I'll eat this and eat you three at the same
time!
Kirin: (puts his hand over his face) (*groan*) Good going!
(*As the dragon devours the beans in the bag, a strange convulsion
comes over the dragon*)
Wicked Pete: (*Gag, Cough, Gurgle, Burp, Choke, Choke, Croak*)
(*The dragon starts to transform and warp and change color. It then
explodes!*)
(We see white foam everywhere. Most of it has stuck onto the three
adventurers.)
Sapporo: What a mess we are.
Kirin: You showed him Aasahi! What were in those beans?
Aasahi: Dunno, but the guy who sold em told me that these were genuine
ZIMA beans.
Kirin: Well, whatever it was, it sure did the trick. Time to get the
HOP!
(There is a wooden door. They open it and is greeted with a golden
glow)
They see cups, goblets, and drinking apparatus of all kinds. They see
a huddled figure in the center of it all. A hood is draped over. The
figure stands up and faces them. Lowering the hood, we see that it is
the face of Mitsuru Ikeda!
Kirin: Who are you?
"Who am I? I go by many names. But I prefer to be called Lemon Herb.
Sapporo: Not the same fabled Lemon Herb in the ancient Grog texts. But
you disappeared nearly 200 years ago during the TAKARA crusades.
Lemon Herb: Is it? Has it been that long since I was entrusted with
the task of guarding the Holy Hop. Much too long if you ask me. But
now my duty is done. Time to go now.
Aasahi: But which one is the Holy Hop?
Lemon Herb: You have to choose. Pick a cup and go fill it with the
basin of beer.
Sapporo: What happens if we choose the wrong one?
Lemon Herb: First you get a bitter aftertaste, suffer a nasty
hangover, vomit all over yourself, and then you die.
Kirin: (sarcastic) Is that all? I thought it was worse.
Sapporo; So what will you get if you pick the right one?
Lemon Herb: Oh, the usual stuff. Eternal happiness, blah blah
blah. Not very interesting in my opinion. I would go for the horrible
death. Better to watch. But if you must choose, then choose.
Aasahi: But how can we figure out which to choose?
(Just then, a giant toad jumps in, causing a tremor within the room.
Sapporo: The toad is back!
Henry the Toad: Nice of you all to dispose of that nasty dragon for
me. But it could never enter this tiny chamber because of its
excessive size. Now the glory will be mine!
Kirin: Ha! You have to get past us first! And you'll never figure out
which one to choose.
Henry: Oh, but I don't have to. I'll make each of you try it. If all
of you are wrong, I'll just capture more prisoners and make them try
until I get the right one.
Aasahi: How evil!
Henry: Evil is my middle name.
Sapporo: I thought it was horny.
Henry: Shut up and get a cup! You there, old man. Go. Before I belch
you so hard that you wished you'd croak.
Lemon Herb: Okie dokie. (he goes selects a giant size canteen the size
of a pitcher. He fills it up)
Lemon Herb: I wish to make a toast. May I?
Henry: By all means. I am a cultured toad.
Lemon Herb: (raises pitcher) To my compatriots past and present. This
one for you. Bottoms up! (as he proceeds to drink it, he instead
tosses it in the direction of the toad!)
(We see the liquid act like acid on the toad)
Henry: Aargh! I'm melting...I'm melting...
(Henry becomes a pile of sticky goo!)
Lemon Herb: I must have forgotten to mention that the wrong liquid
makes a good acid trip.
Kirin: Man, we are indebted to you for saving us.
Aasahi: Here! Let's drink and celebrate. (picks up a plain looking,
grayish looking cup and fills it up)
Kirin: Wait a minute! How do you know it's the right one?
Aasahi: Well, it's the only one that didn't topple over during the
attack. I figure that if it can survive that hopping of the toad, then
it deserves to be the Holy Hop.
Kirin: What crazy reasoning!
Sapporo: Hold it! I'm drinking with you.
Kirin: What? You're nuts too?
Sapporo: No. It's just all for one and one for all.
Lemon Herb: I join you too.
Sapporo: So. What do you say?
Kirin: Man...(*sigh*) What the hell? If we gotta go, we go together.
Aasahi: Excuse me, but how is everyone going to drink from this single
cup?
Sapporo: Don't worry. We can try my invention. (picks something from
his pack and passes it to everyone)
Lemon Herb: Is this some sort of weapon?
Sapporo: No. It's a drinking device. I call it the straw.
Kirin: I don't care what it is, so let's get it over with. One, two
three!
(as they are drinking from it, a glow starts to surround them)
(Back at the castle)
(The group reappear in the middle of the court!)
Michelob: What is this?
Baron: You have returned! And with the Holy Hop! We are saved!
Michelob: Indeed, it calls for a joyous celebration!
(servants rush out, balloons and confetti fall down)
Lemon Herb: (to the Baron and Michelob) Say, you two look awfully
familiar...
Kirin: I hate to be a spoil-sport, but where's our reward?
Baron: Ah yes. That. Your group deserve it. Bring out the golden ale!
Kirin: Ale! I thought we were getting gold!
Aasahi: It does sparkle like gold. Hey, where are you going Sap? Are
you staying for the party?
Sapporo: I have no need. My search for the perfect lager is
over. Sipping that divine liquid from the Holy Hop has given me
renewed vigor and purpose. I know I must spread the gospel. It will be
yet another chapter in the Tsing Tao chronicles.
Kirin: No need to travel alone; we can go together.
Aasahi: Really?
Kirin: We are done with this place. Let's ride out before the sun
sets.
(We see the 3 ride out on horses towards the setting sun)
T H E E N D
Production Credits:
Narrator: Tatsuya Youta Kirin: #1 Aasahi: Koji Muroke Sapporo: Taku
Morisaki Baron: Hasukawa Kazuya Michelob: Shun Kisaragi Wicked Pete:
Shinohara Asuma Henry the Toad: Shinohara Asuma Lemon Herb: Mitsuru
Ikeda
(A standing ovation erupts from the whole bar at the showing of the
end credits!)
[At the penthouse]
(Ryusei is gazing intently over the shogi board)
Ryusei: This position is so tenuous now. These next few moves will
decide whether there is an endgame to be played.
(*Phone rings*)
Ryusei: Yes? Kobayashi-san. Good to hear from you again. I hope you
have some good news for me. You have? Good. I am pleased you made the
tough but correct decision. Make the changes for the shipping
re-routes in May. That is all now. Ja.
Nagasi: (entering room, adjusting her earring) Who was that?
Nagasi is wearing a hot red, skin-tight outfit with mini-skirt that
makes her look like a prostitute.
Ryusei: (moves a piece on the board) Not of your concern. where are
you going?
Nagasi: Out. Unlike you, I have a life. I'm schmoozing with the hot
new stud in town.
Ryusei: Mishima-san?
Nagasi: Bingo baby! He's my new boy toy.
Ryusei: Don't wear him out. He is instrumental towards the next phase
of my plan.
Nagasi: Like I care. I'm going to party and have a good time. And I'm
not planning on coming back tonite. Bai bai! (blows him a kiss and
slams the door)
Ryusei: In that case, I'll watch the videos ah May sent me. (turns on
TV)
[At Ryokurin Ryo]
Muroke: You're finally back.
Shijama Zumi: Were you waiting for me?
Muroke: Sure am. Everyone else is at the bar for the competition.
Shijama: Why aren't you with them?
Muroke: I've decided to stay behind so I can talk to you privately.
Shijama: About what?
Muroke: I know what you've been up to, being distant and aloof at
times.
Shijama: I'm sorry about that Muroke. You know how it is. First year
of college. Busy Busy. I want to make a good impression. That's why I
don't have time for extracurricular stuff after class to hang with
you.
Muroke: Please don't lie to me like that. I know what you've been
really up to.
Shijama: What? Have you been spying on me?
Muroke: Calm down. I know you've been attending those spiritual
sermons. I don't have a problem with it. In fact, I want to join you.
Shijama: You do? So you want to seek out the Supreme Truth as well?
Muroke: If that's what they call it, then yea. I know how stressful
college life is with the competitive atmosphere. Need something to
provide a soothing influence.
Shijama: That's great to hear! All this time, I've been keeping it to
myself, staying low-key. But with you now wanting to join, it will
give me someone to talk to about it. Asahara's teachings is all about
humility and about brining about an inner calm through self sacrifice
and obedience. We all give so that we serve a greater order.
Muroke: So when do we get to go?
Shijama: It just happens that the next session is tomorrow. I can talk
with the aide to let you in. They're always looking for more
followers.
Muroke: Sounds super. <I wonder how the video competition is going...>
[Back to the Shin ABCB]
Hayakawa Mitsuru: Hello everyone! Welcome back. Now, the moment we all
have been waiting for. In my hands is the results of the panel. (rips
open envelope...)The winner is...
Mitsuru: There's a score missing!
Kurumi: Hey! What's the big idea?
Mitsuru: We need a tie-breaking judgment from t he third and final
judge "Izzy". Where is he?
(*SNORE*)
(We see "Izzy" napping on the counter)
Mitsuru: Wake him up!
Akane: I'll take care of this. (throws water in his face!)
Izzy: Happy Birthday! Huh? Where am i?
Mitsuru: Mr Izzy-san. You haven't voted yet. What is your decision.
Izzy: I don't vote in the elections. It's all rigged anyway.
Mitsuru: Not political elections, you chump! This video play contest!
Izzy: No need tobe callin' names pretty boy. As for who I choose, I go
with the beer!
Shun: yes! We won! We won!
Hasukawa: Where's Shinohara?
Taku: I think I saw him outside sitting on his Hawley.
Kurumi: I can't believe we lost! We protest.
Akane: No need.. We lost, fair and square.
Manami: Our very first defeat.
Kurumi: What happen to your fire Akane?
Akane: Oh, I'm just bummed out to find out that Shun-san is really a
guy!
Kurumi: You didn't know? You should have asked me. But what's the big
deal? Unless you...oh...I get it know.
Manami: Wondering when it would dawn on her.
Rikkako Muto: It's only a temporary setback Akane-san. Don't lose
faith.
Yumi Kohama: Yeah. That person betrayed your feelings by leading you
on.
Kurumi: That's right! You need to fight harder than ever now. You
can't let them see your weakness now.
Rikkako: We all will do what it takes. Right?
(who women's groups cheer)
Akane: Thank you for your support. I know what I must do now.
(marches outside to the bar)
[End of chapter]
Sorry for not posting yesterday. I was much too busy. But I'll
post 3 for today!
This is Kimagure Orange Road fanfiction.
This is my HARD|<oR fanfiction series Book D: The Book of Four.
This is one of my favorite chapters. It is Chapter 7: Breath of Beer.
Enjoy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
H A R D
|< O R
Book D: The Book of Four
K i m a g u r e O r a n g e R o a d
F a n f i c t i o n
by Robert Kwong
ver 1.0
Finished September 30,1999
Based on characters from the Kimagure Orange Road Series created by
the venerable Matsumoto Izumi.
As you can see, this is fanfiction harkening back to the old Kimagure
Orange Orange Road Series. This is the 4th book in my fanfiction
series. The timeline for this occurs after ShinKOR II novel and covers
some details in Shin Kor III and beyond.
HardKor Web Site (With Disclaimer and back-stories:
Book A and Book B chapters)
http://www-ucsee.eecs.berkeley.edu/~rk/HardKor.html
My SuperPage for the General Kimagure Orange Road enthusiast
http://www-ucsee.eecs.berkeley.edu/~rk/Kor.html
My contact email address for comments or further correspondence:
rk@soda.berkeley.edu
Feel free to email me your impressions and suggestions for the series.
Thanks for reading my stories and making it one the most popular KOR
fanfic on the web! (40000 can't be wrong!)I hope you enjoy reading it
as I did writing it. Thanks again.
Robert Kwong
Ark Productions -99-
Legend:
H = Hikaru Hiyama
M = Ayukawa Madoka
R = Ryusei Haroken
K = Kasuga Kyosuke
Akane = Akane Kasuga
Kurumi = Kurumi Kasuga
Manami = Manami Kasuga
Muroke = Koji Muroke
Shijama = Shijama Zumi
Taku = Taku Morisaki
Shinohara = Shinohara Asuma
Shun = Shun Kisaragi
Hasukawa = Hasukawa Kazuya
Tasuya = Tasuya Youta
[] - denotes scene changes
() - indicates person thinking to himself
(**) - indicates action or special effects.
Book D: The Book of Four
Chapter 7: Breath of Beer
[Back to the Shin ABCB...]
Taku Morisaki: Where's the tape?
Hasukawa: Shinohara should have it. But where the hell is he?
Mitsuru Hayakawa: (taps the microphone and looks at his watch) And
once again, we await the showing of the next film.
(A person comes running)
Tatsuya Youta: (*huffing and puffing*) Here! Catch!
(goes in a baseball pitcher windup and throws the tape across!)
(Hasukawa catches it one motion!)
Shun: Good catch Suka!
Mitsuru: Now, without further delay....
Opening Title Screen:
B R E A T H O F B E E R
(We segway to a scene already in progress...)
(We see people stuck in a huge black pot)
"Oh Great!"
"How come you're blaming me?"
"Look! We're stuck in a vat of beer and we're going to be cooked by a
toad!"
(scene disappears and returns to the beginning)
(Narrator played by Tatsuya Youta appears in medieval bard gear, one
hand carrying pan pipes and the other, a tin cup)
(Narrator looks into the camera)
"Hullo, stranger? New to these parts? I'm a traveler too, wandering
the lands in merriment and song. Might we rest here while thee narrate
one of the many wondrous tales to pass the time? Yes? Good. shall we
begin?
Once upon an olden time, whee dragons roamed the land, lay the kingdom
of Corona, renowned for its legendary brew. It was the age under the
rule of Baron von Bud IV, whose vassals enjoy merriment and mirth as a
result of the wondrous WELL known as the "BIG TAP." For centuries,
this wondrous liquid from the "BIG TAP" help cure ills, liven spirits,
and keep the land at peace. Yes, nothing could go wrong in this fair
land. But little were they prepared for the great tragedy that was to
befall on them.
"Your majesty."
Baron von Bud IV: What is it, guard?
"Reports confirm our worst fears. The "BIG TAP" has been completely
sucked dry!
Baron Bud IV: What? How can this be? The "BIG TAP" has been supplying
the land with its wondrous liquid for many moons. My ancestors have
never encountered such a calamity. Surely my kingdom will be ruined!
We cannot survive a drought of the dry tap!
"Your majesty. Madam Michela Michelob here to see you."
Michelob: Your majesty. (curtseys)
Baron Bud IV: Michelob! My most trusted advisor. What are you doing
here?
Michelob: I heard of the calamity and came right over.
Baron Bud IV: But I am at a loss on what we should do. Surely we can't
survive the upcoming bitter winter! There will be revolt amongst the
land.
Michelob: We need to keep cooler heads, your majesty. Perhaps we
should start by consulting the ancient barrel texts.
Baron Bud IV: A wise suggestion Michelob. And crack open our remaining
kegs. We must have a drink to think things through clearly.
((Scene changes to a dirt road, where we see two peasant-looking
figures walking up the road, carrying sacks on their backs.))
"Are you sure this is the right area to sell our wild turkey Kirin?"
"I'm positive Aasahi. Let's stop here. Wait for me. I need to take a
leak."
Aasahi: Boy, I hope this is the road to Carlsberg.
[Back to the castle]
"Baron!"
"Yes Michelob?"
"I have scanned the barrel text and they have revealed to me that in
the time of Miller, -Baron von Bud I- faced a similar predicament."
"He did? What did he do?"
"Not much apparently. They suffered through 10 years of dry tap."
"10 years! How dreadful!"
"Legend has it that he dispatched his best knights in an act of
desperation for the kingdom. Their search was for the "Holy Hop."
"The Holy Hop? What is that?"
"Only the most sacred relic as we know in this barondom. It is
believed that it possesses fantastic powers, of which its cup never
runneth empty. One single drop of it will surely refill the "Big Tap."
"Then good. Let's go get the Holy Hop."
"There's a problem. This ancient artifact has been lost through the
ages. It's last known whereabouts was the caverns of Schlitz, domain
of the hideous magic dragon!"
"Damn thee dragon. Curse me for not having knights here either. We are
doomed!"
"Might I suggest something your majesty? Why don't we post a reward to
some adventurer to help retrieve it for us? I'm sure there is a brave
soul who is willing to serve his land."
"And excellent idea. Make it so. And more rounds for everyone!"
((Back to the peasants))
Kirin: I'm back. Hey. Where are the sacks?
Aasahi: It's gone,
Kirin: I can see that. Why?
Aasahi: I sold them.
Kirin: You did already? Great! That will lighten our load. Where's the
money?
Aasahi: No money. But I got something even better!
Kirin: What could be better than money?
Aasahi: This!
Kirin: (looks at it) A bunch of beans?
Aasahi: Not just any beans. Magic beans. At least that's what Jack
told me.
Kirin: Who?
Aasahi: The guy who I traded with.
Kirin: Baka! You got jiped! I'm gonna smack you for your stupidity!
(Kirin chases after Aasahi who runs up the road)
(They enter the town center)
Kirin: (*Huff, puff, huff, puff*) Screw it! I've run out my
aggression.
Aasahi: Gomen. I'm so sorry. Why don't we refill up at that bar?
Kirin: That's the first bright idea you had today. Let's go.
They approach the bar: B E C K 'S B A R
Inside, you see the wildest bunch of scoundrels, roughshods,
criminals, and cuthroats. You also see several men dressed up badly in
drag, playing pool. A band called 'The Coors' are playing on
stage. They are singing "Bottlecaps are falling on my head."
Master: What'll be?
Kirin: Lite Ale.
Aasahi: I'll have the same thing.
(We hear an argument ensuing.)
"I say the secret is because it tastes great!"
"No way! It's gotta be less filling."
"Tastes Great!"
"Less Filling!"
"Tastes Great!"
"Less Filling!"
"I'm going to kick your heiny for that blasphemy!"
(A brawl breaks out)
Kirin: Just my day! Let's get out of here!
Aasahi: But we should help that poor folk.
Kirin: Who cares? They started the fight.
Aasahi: But I do.
Kirin: Blasted! Oh, what the hell. If it's a brawl they want, then
it's a brawl they'll get!
(We are treated to a classic fight scene, with fists flying and bodies
all over in a heap)
(After the brawl, the whole bar is a mess)
"Thank you, young squires for your assistance. A noble gesture, for
they surely would have kicked my heiny if you had not intervened.
Kirin: You got any money?
"No, I don't. I am just a humble monk of the Tsing Tao Brotherhood."
Kirin: Just great. This ain't my day.
"Allow me to introduce myself. I am Ro Sapporo. My nickname is Sap.
Aasahi: I'm Aasahi and that's Kirin.
Sap: I thank thee for thy assistance. I am on a pilgrimage, traveling
from monastery to monastery to sample the finest brews. My quest is to
find the perfect lager. But alas, it is not here. I must go now. May
thy travels fare thee well.
Aasahi: That fellow sure talks funny.
(The Baron's guards rush in!)
"Who is responsible for this?
"They are!" (everyone points to them)
"Take them away!"
Kirin: This is all your fault!
(off to the castle they go!)
"Your baronhood. We have arrived with the prisoners. They're the ones
they caused the whole brawl."
Baron Bud IV: (*hiccup*) They have? Those two only?
"Affirmative. Shall I lock em up in the cellar? "
(Michelob comes over and whispers something into Baron's ear)
Baron Bud IV: No. These men sound very resourceful and stoutworthy. To
be able to take on the whole bar by themselves. I shall send them off
to retrieve the Holy Hop.
Kirin: Holy what?
Michelob: We need you brave lads to retrieve it for us. If you do, we
will pay you handsomely in the stuff that glitters as gold.
Kirin: Gold you say? Now you're talking! We'll do it!
Michelob: Great! Guards. Send them to the fork!
(At the fork)
Captain of the Guards: Here is where we let you go.
Kirin: Ow! (rubs his wrists after being tied up) That pretzel knot
really pinches the circulation.
Aasahi: Where do we go from here?
Kirin: Oh no. You're not following me. You're bad luck for me. I'm
taking this path while you take the other. And don't you plan on
following me.
Paths signs read "Rolling Rock" and "Red River."
[At another location]
A creature peers through a crystal ball. Those foolish humans think
they can find my lair along the Schlitz ravine. Brhahaha! They're soon
find out it's no stroll in the park.
Narrator: Groan. Our fair travelers have gone their separate ways now,
seemingly unware of the traps.
(showing of hourglass passing sands)
Kirin: (sweat flowing) I've been walking for hours now! Just where the
hell am I going? Am why do they call this place 'Rolling Rock''
anyway? I'm going back!
(Just at the moment, some boulders fly down towards him.
"Oh S h i i i t t t t!" (runs downward)
(segway to the other road)
Aasahi: This is a strange place indeed. The river here looks like
blood. I wonder if it's really blood or not.
(*Woah!*)
(Aasahi steps on a trap which flings him right into the river and down
the rapids!)
Narrator: Is this the end of our intrepid adventurers? In that case,
I'm taking a break to pour myself a cold, frosty one. This break to
you by Simply Sake. Whose motto is why eat rice when you can drink it?
Now back to our show.
(return back and we see a point where the two forks leads right into
the other. Right over a waterfall cliff!)
Kirin and Aasahi: AARGH!!!
(Both fall off the waterfall cliff!)
(The boulders fly just over their heads)
(*CLUNK*)
Kirin: What the hell?
Aasahi: Oww! (rubbing his butt)
Kirin: Man, you're dripping wet! And you smell like red wine! What
are you doing here?
Aasahi: Are we alive?
Kirin: Of course we are, jughead! That's why we'll yelling at the top
of our lungs in pain.
Aasahi: Fate must have brought us together again.
Kirin: I wish.
Aasahi: What did we land in? Is it a caldron?
"More like a vat."
Kirin: Who said that?
"Your worst hangover!"
Aasahi: Oh no! The dragon!
"What are you? Stupid? I'm a toad, not a dragon. Though we do both
belong to the reptilian family and have tough, scaly skin. But that's
where the similarities end. by the way, I will be having you two for
dinner.
Kirin: Oh great!
Aasahi: How come you're blaming me?
"Look! We're stuck in a vat of beer and we're going to be cooked by a
toad!"
(the toad starts pouring liquids into the vat)
"Sherry, brandy, wine, and vinegar! I'll make my favorite! Drunken
human flambe!"
Aasahi: don't we get a last request?
"Hmm...no one ever asked me that before. Then again, I never had my
meals alive before I cooked them. Tell you what. I'm a sporting
fellow. If you can answer my riddle three, thee can be free to go, my
precious!
Kirin: We got nothing to lose. Ask away!
"If you have 100 bottles of beer on the wall and one bottle of beer
should fall, then how many bottles of beer on the wall do you have
left?"
Kirin: Wait! This must be a trick question.
Aasahi: Won't you have 99 bottles of beer on the wall?
Kirin: Argh! We're dead!
"Correct!"
Kirin: Just beginner's luck.
"Second question. What is the land speed record of a spotted tiger in
Schlitzenberg Weinhart county?"
Kirin: Ha! The answer is none. There's no such thing as a spotted
tiger.
"Good, good. You two are pretty smart. Eating you two would make me
smarter."
Kirin: We're not dead yet. What is the last question?
"My final riddle. WHAT IS MY NAME?"
Kirin: Urgh? Say what?
"I said WHAT IS MY NAME? You have 30 seconds to answer in the form of
a question." (starts to hum Jeopardy theme)
Kirin: Shit! We're goners!
"Time's up! What is your answer?"
"Who is Henry!"
"Impossible! How can this be? Who said that?"
Aasahi: (points) It's Sap.
"You thought you could crash my party. I'll have the three of you
tonight.!"
Sapporo: Be gone demon! (starts to utter an incantation and wave his
staff)
Taka Ra Co Lo Kala Minny Ha ha Tao!"
(A bolt of energy strikes the toad)
"Ouch, ouch. I'm outta here!"
(*hops away hopping mad!*)
Kirin: Man, you saved our butts there.
Aasahi: That's an interesting staff you have there. Does it have a
name?
Sapporo: I just call it the "Moosehead" Mallet. Because it can take
the lumps.
Kirin: How did you know his name?
Sapporo: It's elementary my dear fellows. I saw the sign to this area:
"Henry, the Horny Toad's Haven."
Aasahi: Do you want to come with us on our quest?
Kirin: A sorcerer in the group would be handy.
Sapporo: I have nothing better to do. Why not?
Aasahi: Great! The more, the merrier.
Kirin: But where do we go from here?
Sapporo: We follow where this river leads.
Kirin: But how do we know it's the right way?
Sapporo: Look at the sign (points)
"This way to the Dragon."
(Back in his lair)
"Curses to those humans! They have not been vanquished yet! But they
will fall prey to my death-traps!"
(The 3 adventurers are now traveling through the river into a cave in
barrels.)
(A strange gas permeates in the air!)
Kirin: I'm feeling groggy!
Sapporo: (covers his mouth) End of the stream here. Let move on foot.
Aasahi: My vision's getting blurry.
Sapporo: It's the vapors fumes here. We must get out of here quick!
Kirin: I think I see an opening up ahead. Let's go.
Aasahi: It's getting worse. I'm seeing double.
Sapporo: Me too. I see 6 openings now. Which one do we go through?
Kirin: It must be a trap. Only one of them is the right one.
Aasahi: Which one?
Kirin: You're the lucky one. You tell me!
Aasahi: Umm...I can't tell.
Sapporo: We can take a chance. One of us goes through each one.
Aasahi: No. We will be separated.
Sapporo: We must go quickly or we'll be overcome by the fumes and
never wake up!
Kirin: Wait! Punch me!
Aasahi & Sapporo: What?
Kirin: I said punch me! Real hard!
"Ok."
(*BAM BAM*)
(Kirin stands on his ass, looking dazed, as if birds were flying
around his head)
Kirin: I see it now...follow me...
(They follow Kirin's lead and into the opening...)
(A gust of fresh air blows through)
Aasahi: How did you know?
Sapporo: I think I understand. The fumes caused hallucinations, like
getting drunk. But by knocking him senseless, all the false visions
got canceled by the induced visions.
Kirin: Whatever you said. The point is we got through.
Aasahi: That looks strange. (points)
They see a chasm dividing them to the other side. Seemingly, there is
not way across. But curiously, they seem to see letters scattered
about as if floating on thin air.
Kirin: Now how do we get across?
Sapporo: This looks like a puzzle. And it looks like the letters might
spell out something.
Kirin: Great! A brainiac trap. You're the scholar here.
Sapporo: (gazing at the letters) I think I got it! A play on words. It
spells out SCOTCH. By hopping on them, it spells out HOP SCOTCH. Very
amusing.
Kirin: Oh. Is that all? Then let's hop on to it! All follow me again!
Kirin: (yells out) S. K ya!!!!!!!
"I got you!"
(Kirin looks up to see Aasahi's arm holding on to his)
Sapporo: What's the matter with you? Don't you know how to spell?
Kirin: Isn't it S K O T C H?
Sapporo: (taps his forehead with his palm) No...I better lead....
(all make it to the other side)
Aasahi: Another opening. I wonder what it leads to.
(They enter another chamber, this time dimly lit)
Kirin: Man, it's dark in here.
"Care for a light?"
Sapporo: Who said that?
(We see a flame emanating from the nose of a dragon!)
"So....you have finally arrived humans. Your time here is short. You
have met your match with me, Wicked Pete the Magic Dragon."
(*a few puffs arises from his nostrils*)
Kirin: We must warn you. We'll only here for the "Holy Hop." If you
give it to us, we'll let you live.
Wicked Pete: Ha! Is this your feeble attempt human to insult me? I'm
glad I sucked up the "Big Tap" to make all you humans suffer. Prepare
to die!
Kirin: Use your staff now, magic monk!
Aasahi: Go get 'em Sap!
Sapporo: No use. Magic doesn't work on a magic dragon!
Kirin & Aasahi: What?!
Wicked Pete: I shall enjoy watching the 3 of you grilled
medium-rare. Prepare to meet my special attack, the Breath of Beer!
(*starts to spew out a stream of brown liquid*)
Kirin: Euu! Now I'm covered in this hideous, sticky liquid.
Aasahi: But we're not dead yet!
Sapporo: That's just the first part of his attack! He will ignite the
alcohol with his flaming breath. Stand behind me all!
(*The dragon starts to spew out fire now. Sapporo plucks an item from
his cloak and raises it to shield the party from the wall of flame*)
Aasahi: Wow! What's that?
Sapporo: The Crest of Lowenbreau. A fire-resistant shield.
Kirin: There! Is that the best you can do dragon?
Wicked Pete: Hmm,..I could always use this to kill you.
(pulls out a gun!)
Wicked Pete: They call this honey the Colt 45. It's projectiles will
pierce through anything. Even your puny shield.
Aasahi: Ummm Mr Dragon! Hello Mr Dragon.
Wicked Pete: Just call me Wicked Pete. Now what do you want?
Aasahi: Since you're a magic dragon, I have some magic beans for you.
Would you let us go if I give them to you?
Wicked Pete: Well give them to me and I'll tell you.
Aasahi: Ok. Catch.
Wicked Pete: You're such a sucker! You fell for the oldest trick in
the book! I'll think I'll eat this and eat you three at the same
time!
Kirin: (puts his hand over his face) (*groan*) Good going!
(*As the dragon devours the beans in the bag, a strange convulsion
comes over the dragon*)
Wicked Pete: (*Gag, Cough, Gurgle, Burp, Choke, Choke, Croak*)
(*The dragon starts to transform and warp and change color. It then
explodes!*)
(We see white foam everywhere. Most of it has stuck onto the three
adventurers.)
Sapporo: What a mess we are.
Kirin: You showed him Aasahi! What were in those beans?
Aasahi: Dunno, but the guy who sold em told me that these were genuine
ZIMA beans.
Kirin: Well, whatever it was, it sure did the trick. Time to get the
HOP!
(There is a wooden door. They open it and is greeted with a golden
glow)
They see cups, goblets, and drinking apparatus of all kinds. They see
a huddled figure in the center of it all. A hood is draped over. The
figure stands up and faces them. Lowering the hood, we see that it is
the face of Mitsuru Ikeda!
Kirin: Who are you?
"Who am I? I go by many names. But I prefer to be called Lemon Herb.
Sapporo: Not the same fabled Lemon Herb in the ancient Grog texts. But
you disappeared nearly 200 years ago during the TAKARA crusades.
Lemon Herb: Is it? Has it been that long since I was entrusted with
the task of guarding the Holy Hop. Much too long if you ask me. But
now my duty is done. Time to go now.
Aasahi: But which one is the Holy Hop?
Lemon Herb: You have to choose. Pick a cup and go fill it with the
basin of beer.
Sapporo: What happens if we choose the wrong one?
Lemon Herb: First you get a bitter aftertaste, suffer a nasty
hangover, vomit all over yourself, and then you die.
Kirin: (sarcastic) Is that all? I thought it was worse.
Sapporo; So what will you get if you pick the right one?
Lemon Herb: Oh, the usual stuff. Eternal happiness, blah blah
blah. Not very interesting in my opinion. I would go for the horrible
death. Better to watch. But if you must choose, then choose.
Aasahi: But how can we figure out which to choose?
(Just then, a giant toad jumps in, causing a tremor within the room.
Sapporo: The toad is back!
Henry the Toad: Nice of you all to dispose of that nasty dragon for
me. But it could never enter this tiny chamber because of its
excessive size. Now the glory will be mine!
Kirin: Ha! You have to get past us first! And you'll never figure out
which one to choose.
Henry: Oh, but I don't have to. I'll make each of you try it. If all
of you are wrong, I'll just capture more prisoners and make them try
until I get the right one.
Aasahi: How evil!
Henry: Evil is my middle name.
Sapporo: I thought it was horny.
Henry: Shut up and get a cup! You there, old man. Go. Before I belch
you so hard that you wished you'd croak.
Lemon Herb: Okie dokie. (he goes selects a giant size canteen the size
of a pitcher. He fills it up)
Lemon Herb: I wish to make a toast. May I?
Henry: By all means. I am a cultured toad.
Lemon Herb: (raises pitcher) To my compatriots past and present. This
one for you. Bottoms up! (as he proceeds to drink it, he instead
tosses it in the direction of the toad!)
(We see the liquid act like acid on the toad)
Henry: Aargh! I'm melting...I'm melting...
(Henry becomes a pile of sticky goo!)
Lemon Herb: I must have forgotten to mention that the wrong liquid
makes a good acid trip.
Kirin: Man, we are indebted to you for saving us.
Aasahi: Here! Let's drink and celebrate. (picks up a plain looking,
grayish looking cup and fills it up)
Kirin: Wait a minute! How do you know it's the right one?
Aasahi: Well, it's the only one that didn't topple over during the
attack. I figure that if it can survive that hopping of the toad, then
it deserves to be the Holy Hop.
Kirin: What crazy reasoning!
Sapporo: Hold it! I'm drinking with you.
Kirin: What? You're nuts too?
Sapporo: No. It's just all for one and one for all.
Lemon Herb: I join you too.
Sapporo: So. What do you say?
Kirin: Man...(*sigh*) What the hell? If we gotta go, we go together.
Aasahi: Excuse me, but how is everyone going to drink from this single
cup?
Sapporo: Don't worry. We can try my invention. (picks something from
his pack and passes it to everyone)
Lemon Herb: Is this some sort of weapon?
Sapporo: No. It's a drinking device. I call it the straw.
Kirin: I don't care what it is, so let's get it over with. One, two
three!
(as they are drinking from it, a glow starts to surround them)
(Back at the castle)
(The group reappear in the middle of the court!)
Michelob: What is this?
Baron: You have returned! And with the Holy Hop! We are saved!
Michelob: Indeed, it calls for a joyous celebration!
(servants rush out, balloons and confetti fall down)
Lemon Herb: (to the Baron and Michelob) Say, you two look awfully
familiar...
Kirin: I hate to be a spoil-sport, but where's our reward?
Baron: Ah yes. That. Your group deserve it. Bring out the golden ale!
Kirin: Ale! I thought we were getting gold!
Aasahi: It does sparkle like gold. Hey, where are you going Sap? Are
you staying for the party?
Sapporo: I have no need. My search for the perfect lager is
over. Sipping that divine liquid from the Holy Hop has given me
renewed vigor and purpose. I know I must spread the gospel. It will be
yet another chapter in the Tsing Tao chronicles.
Kirin: No need to travel alone; we can go together.
Aasahi: Really?
Kirin: We are done with this place. Let's ride out before the sun
sets.
(We see the 3 ride out on horses towards the setting sun)
T H E E N D
Production Credits:
Narrator: Tatsuya Youta Kirin: #1 Aasahi: Koji Muroke Sapporo: Taku
Morisaki Baron: Hasukawa Kazuya Michelob: Shun Kisaragi Wicked Pete:
Shinohara Asuma Henry the Toad: Shinohara Asuma Lemon Herb: Mitsuru
Ikeda
(A standing ovation erupts from the whole bar at the showing of the
end credits!)
[At the penthouse]
(Ryusei is gazing intently over the shogi board)
Ryusei: This position is so tenuous now. These next few moves will
decide whether there is an endgame to be played.
(*Phone rings*)
Ryusei: Yes? Kobayashi-san. Good to hear from you again. I hope you
have some good news for me. You have? Good. I am pleased you made the
tough but correct decision. Make the changes for the shipping
re-routes in May. That is all now. Ja.
Nagasi: (entering room, adjusting her earring) Who was that?
Nagasi is wearing a hot red, skin-tight outfit with mini-skirt that
makes her look like a prostitute.
Ryusei: (moves a piece on the board) Not of your concern. where are
you going?
Nagasi: Out. Unlike you, I have a life. I'm schmoozing with the hot
new stud in town.
Ryusei: Mishima-san?
Nagasi: Bingo baby! He's my new boy toy.
Ryusei: Don't wear him out. He is instrumental towards the next phase
of my plan.
Nagasi: Like I care. I'm going to party and have a good time. And I'm
not planning on coming back tonite. Bai bai! (blows him a kiss and
slams the door)
Ryusei: In that case, I'll watch the videos ah May sent me. (turns on
TV)
[At Ryokurin Ryo]
Muroke: You're finally back.
Shijama Zumi: Were you waiting for me?
Muroke: Sure am. Everyone else is at the bar for the competition.
Shijama: Why aren't you with them?
Muroke: I've decided to stay behind so I can talk to you privately.
Shijama: About what?
Muroke: I know what you've been up to, being distant and aloof at
times.
Shijama: I'm sorry about that Muroke. You know how it is. First year
of college. Busy Busy. I want to make a good impression. That's why I
don't have time for extracurricular stuff after class to hang with
you.
Muroke: Please don't lie to me like that. I know what you've been
really up to.
Shijama: What? Have you been spying on me?
Muroke: Calm down. I know you've been attending those spiritual
sermons. I don't have a problem with it. In fact, I want to join you.
Shijama: You do? So you want to seek out the Supreme Truth as well?
Muroke: If that's what they call it, then yea. I know how stressful
college life is with the competitive atmosphere. Need something to
provide a soothing influence.
Shijama: That's great to hear! All this time, I've been keeping it to
myself, staying low-key. But with you now wanting to join, it will
give me someone to talk to about it. Asahara's teachings is all about
humility and about brining about an inner calm through self sacrifice
and obedience. We all give so that we serve a greater order.
Muroke: So when do we get to go?
Shijama: It just happens that the next session is tomorrow. I can talk
with the aide to let you in. They're always looking for more
followers.
Muroke: Sounds super. <I wonder how the video competition is going...>
[Back to the Shin ABCB]
Hayakawa Mitsuru: Hello everyone! Welcome back. Now, the moment we all
have been waiting for. In my hands is the results of the panel. (rips
open envelope...)The winner is...
Mitsuru: There's a score missing!
Kurumi: Hey! What's the big idea?
Mitsuru: We need a tie-breaking judgment from t he third and final
judge "Izzy". Where is he?
(*SNORE*)
(We see "Izzy" napping on the counter)
Mitsuru: Wake him up!
Akane: I'll take care of this. (throws water in his face!)
Izzy: Happy Birthday! Huh? Where am i?
Mitsuru: Mr Izzy-san. You haven't voted yet. What is your decision.
Izzy: I don't vote in the elections. It's all rigged anyway.
Mitsuru: Not political elections, you chump! This video play contest!
Izzy: No need tobe callin' names pretty boy. As for who I choose, I go
with the beer!
Shun: yes! We won! We won!
Hasukawa: Where's Shinohara?
Taku: I think I saw him outside sitting on his Hawley.
Kurumi: I can't believe we lost! We protest.
Akane: No need.. We lost, fair and square.
Manami: Our very first defeat.
Kurumi: What happen to your fire Akane?
Akane: Oh, I'm just bummed out to find out that Shun-san is really a
guy!
Kurumi: You didn't know? You should have asked me. But what's the big
deal? Unless you...oh...I get it know.
Manami: Wondering when it would dawn on her.
Rikkako Muto: It's only a temporary setback Akane-san. Don't lose
faith.
Yumi Kohama: Yeah. That person betrayed your feelings by leading you
on.
Kurumi: That's right! You need to fight harder than ever now. You
can't let them see your weakness now.
Rikkako: We all will do what it takes. Right?
(who women's groups cheer)
Akane: Thank you for your support. I know what I must do now.
(marches outside to the bar)
[End of chapter]