[FFML] [Ranma] [Shortfic] [Humor] Genma Forgot Something

[Cute Neko Hibiki]

Genma walked downstairs in a groggy, sleepy, bufuddled mood.

He saw Kasumi, who took one look at him and ran screaming away.

'Huh?' thought Genma.

He shrugged and continued to the dining room. He needed coffee. He
encountered Nabiki.

Nabiki took one look at Genma and ran screaming.

Soun walked up and looked at Genma, and screamed.

Soun then said "Genma, where are your clothes?!"

Genma looked down at himself.

He slapped his forehead then and said "I knew I forgot something."



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[Gary Kleppe]

Grammar and punctuation is certainly improved over your previous efforts.

But the story doesn't work. It doesn't make sense. Why would Genma be walking
around without pants on? Why would people run away screaming when they could
just avert their eyes and scream at him to put something on?

Don't think that just because you are trying to write humor that you don't have
to worry about whether it makes sense. Humor *has* to make sense, even if it's
in a twisted or exaggerated way.

For example,

___


"Good morning, Kasumi."

"Good morning, Father, you great big asshole!"

"Er... Kasumi? What did you call me?"

"An asshole, Father."

___


As it stands, this is just lame, because there's no reason why Kasumi would say
this. You might get a few chuckles out of shock value, but overall it's not
funny. However....

___


"Kasumi...."

"It means 'fine, upstanding human being.' I didn't know either, until I heard
Ranma use it to describe one of his teachers. I thought he was being
disrespectful until he explained what it meant."

"Ah. Yes, I see now."

"Isn't Ranma a real asshole, Father?"

"Yes, I think that's exactly what he is."



Gary Kleppe
http://www.garykleppe.org/comics.html

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