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Nugar
18th January 2005, 02:40 AM
Osaka walks up wearing her school uniform and a coolie hat
with a pair of kitty ears sticking out the top. "Azumanga
fanfics!" she cries.

"This is a series of similarly themed vignettes with little
in the way of continuing plot and no unified title," Chiyo-chan
adds.

"Oooh, oooh, and they're written by Nugar!" Tomo adds,
jumping up and down in excitement.

"Email the author at nugar@tds.net with any comments,"
Sakaki says quietly. "And visit
http://www.livejournal.com/users/nugarwrites/ for updates and
new parts."

"Don't forget, all Azumanga Daioh characters are owned by
Kiyohiko Azuma, Genco, J.C. Staff, and ADV Films. This is
strictly a nonprofit work only," Yomi warns.

"Yukari as she walks by waving her hammer and sickle,
dressed in thick felt boots, a heavy overcoat, and a fur hat,"
says 'In communist Russia, titles say you.'




Sexy.

"Hmm..." Minamo Kurosawa said thoughtfully as she slid
hangers full of clothes along a rack, glancing at each one.

"Oh, my God! Look at that dress!" Yukari said loudly,
drawing Minamo's attention.

She turned to see a full mannequin in a short black dress
directly beneath a store spotlight, which gave in an almost
heaven-sent look. The loose, swirly skirt was long enough to be
decent, but had a slit up one side that would probably give
tantalizing glimpses of thigh as it moved. The top of the skirt
split vertically at the waist into long thick folded trailers of
cloth which criss-crossed several times, overlapping completely
at the waist and lower back, but spacing farther and farther
apart as it continued up. A narrow, diamond shaped gap was left
in the front to frame the belly button, and the final cross was
just below the breasts. Each breast was covered, but a wide vee
of exposed flesh was left between them as the cloth climbed each
side of the neck and fastened in the back.

Minamo knew without a doubt that she'd look gorgeous in it,
and immediately started searching through the racks of clothes
for one just like it. She had just finished searching the third
rack when a startled yell alerted her to a commotion behind her.

Her jaw dropped as she saw Yukari undressing the mannequin
and keeping an irate store clerk away with one foot.




What price beauty?

"Twenty thousand yen?!" Yukari screeched as she waved the
dress in front of the cashier's face. "No way!"

"Aww, I'm sorry," Minamo consoled as she patted the
despondent Yukari on the back. "It was a really pretty dress."

"Yeah," Yukari groused as she turned away from the vacantly
smiling cashier, "but there's no way I can afford that. Unless
you were to buy it and let me borrow it?" She gave her very
bestest friend in the whole world a hopeful smile.

"Sorry, no."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"Absolutely not, no way, no how," Minamo said in her most
resolute voice.

"Rats," Yukari said without much force as she balled the
dress up and tossed it over her shoulder. "I'm going to the
electronics store, they've got a huge sale on cheap computers
going on. Are you coming?"

Minamo shook her head. "Sorry, I want to look around here
some more, first."

"Suit yourself," she replied as she casually walked away.

A thought occurred to her as she stepped out the exit into
the mall proper, and she stuck her head back in. "Hey, Minamo,
where do you want to meet back- The dress!" she cried as she saw
her friend rather guiltily paying for it at the cash register.


Which?

"Chiyo-chan, there's something I've been meaning to ask
you," Osaka said one day, more or less at random.

"Okay," Chiyo replied, looking at her friend attentively.

"You're smart, right?"

"Uh, I think so..." she replied.

"So which is it?" Osaka asked intently. "Let's say I'm
writin' in english and I accidentally spell angry 'a-g-r-y'.
Would I say I had accidentally left an 'N' out of the word, or
would I say I accidentally left a 'N' out of the word?"

Chiyo blinked. She'd never thought of that. "I'm not sure,
I mean, maybe we should ask Miss Yukari."

"I did," Osaka replied. "But she hit me with a book and
told me not to poke holes in that ridiculous language."

"Oh. Well, Yomi is pretty good at English, maybe she'd
know."

"I don't know," Yomi admitted when asked.

"It's the same with 'N', 'F', 'S', and 'X'," Osaka added.
"Miss Yukari said to always use 'an' before words that start with
a consonant, and those letters _are_ consonants, but it don'
sound right. I mean, when you pronounce 'N' you pronounce it
'inn', which kinda starts with an 'I', which is a vowel."

"How do you know that?" Yomi asked in bewilderment. "You
don't know anything!"

"I don't know whether or not to use 'an' before 'N'," Osaka
replied reasonably.

The three contemplated that for a moment.

"Oh, well, I'm failing English anyway," Osaka said sadly,
and walked away.


Generous of her.

Yomi smiled faintly while she pulled out books and papers
from her bag, ignoring the usual murmur of voices and activity
from the students around her. Selecting a small folder of papers,
she left to join her friends where they clustered around Osaka's
desk watching her attempt to solve a Rubik's cube.

"Hey, Tomo, I know you're gonna ask, so I might as well get
it over with," Yomi said with an air of resignation. "Here's my
homework," she said unnecessarily as she pushed the folder of
papers into Tomo's hands.

Osaka shook the cube in frustration as she twisted, each
side a jumbled mass of colors.

"Yay!" Tomo cried gladly as she immediately flipped it open
and started reading the parts she hadn't done from the night
before. This was, of course, all of them. She didn't get more
than a few paragraphs into it before she noticed something was
amiss. "Hey, this is typed!"

Yomi yawned. "Oh, oh, yeah. I did it on my new computer
last night."

Tomo gasped as everyone turned to stare in envy at Yomi.
"A new... computer?"

Everyone oohed, except Osaka, who had begun the delicate
task of the alternate solution to the Rubik's puzzle, which was
to take all the stickers off and paste them back on.


And your little homework, too.

"Yeah, my parents bought it for me to help me prepare for
college," Yomi said smugly. "It's a really good study aid, and
there's so many other things you can do with it I'm surprised
none of your parents have bought one."

"Mine did!" Chiyo replied brightly. "Right after I took
that computer class!"

Osaka smiled in triumph as she finished putting all the
stickers back on another side. Only two black, stickerless sides
were left.

"You suck~ and your homework too!" Tomo cried as she bashed
Yomi in the face with the folder full of homework.

Yomi hit the floor in a dazed heap, her glasses askew and
the folder on top of her head.

"And I'm not talking to you any more," Tomo added as she
stalked away, full of wounded prided.

Yomi put a hand up to her face and straightened her glasses
as everyone, except Osaka, who was putting on the last sticker,
gaped.

Tomo returned and plucked the folder of homework off of
Yomi's head. "I'll just be taking that."

"All finished!" Osaka exclaimed, dropping the cube into
Chiyo's startled hands.


Intel inside.

"Hey, guess who's parents just bought them a new computer
so they could turn out homework just as good as Yomi's!" Tomo
yelled as she burst into the room of first period.

"Oooh," came the collective sigh from her friends, except
Osaka, who pointed at Kaorin and said, "Kaorin's did!"

Kaorin nodded happily.

"Wow, what did they get you?" Chiyo asked.

"A computer," Tomo said smugly.

"No, I mean, what processor and speed? Pentium four, 2.8?
AMD 3200 plus?" Chiyo clarified, looking up at Tomo.

"It came with a CD full of cute animal pictures," Tomo
added smugly.

"!" said Sakaki.



Splorch.

"Hey, Yomi, can I look at your homework?" Tomo asked.

"What? What about that big speech you made about being
able to turn out homework just as good as mine with your new
computer?" Yomi asked in disbelief.

"Ah hah, I uh, I also got a copy of Counterstrike last
night and I was so busy playing it I forgot to do my homework,"
Tomo said sheepishly. "I got fragged so many times by this guy
with a rocket launcher...."

"Hmm," Yomi said, her smile growing as a thought played out
in her head of Tomo walking along with a plasma rifle, oblivious
as she snuck up behind her with a BFG.

SPLORCH.

"What server do you play on?" Yomi asked as Tomo was about
to walk away with her homework.



German?

Chiyo and Sakaki ate lunch quietly as they watched Tomo's
attempts to steal a fish pastry from Yomi. Osaka wasn't eating,
however, as she toyed with a hiragana letter cutout.

"Come on, Yomi, it's not like you need three with your
weight problem!" Tomo said as she made another aborted snatch
attempt at an orange colored fishy treat. "You know I love the
orange ones!"

"Hey," Osaka said suddenly, apparently having reached a
decision. "Do you think the word 'stencil' is german?"

"What?" Tomo asked.

"I don't know," Chiyo answered. "Why?"

"Wouldn't it make sense, though?" Osaka reasoned. "Think
about how it sounds. Stencil. Sten-cil. Kinda like Hansel.
Ooh!" she exclaimed. "Wouldn't that make a cute fairytale?
Hansel and Stencil, the story of a young boy and a stencil, lost
while painting signs to a witch's bakery in the woods!"

Sakaki tried to imagine that, but failed.

"Uh, I guess that makes sense," Yomi admitted, turning away
from Tomo and leaving her plate unguarded. If you put it that
way, she thought.

Tomo used the opportunity to snatch the orange tanyaki and
cram it in her mouth, chewing ferociously before she swallowed.
Almost immediately, though, she began frothing at the mouth and
flapping her hands.

"Tomo!" Chiyo yelled.

"Oh, you got it," Yomi said, a smug little smile on her
face. "What's wrong, Tomo? I thought you loved habanera
tanyakis?"

Tomo could only gulp water in reply.

"Oh, I get it now," Osaka said in awe. "So that's why you
love spicy food."

"Hansel and... Stencil...." Sakaki said quietly,
shuddering.


Pwned.

Yomi stalked into class with a tight frown on her face,
pushing rudely past people in her way.

"Whoa, what's wrong with Yomi?" Kagura asked aloud, having
been brushed just a few moments previous.

"I don't know, but she sure looks mad!" Chiyo replied as
she hung back a safe distance.

"I know!" Tomo cried happily as she jumped in. I know why
she's so upset! She's mad cause I 0wn3d her last night!"

"What?" Kagura asked.

"Huh? What's that mean?" Osaka added.

Tomo did a little happy dance. "It means she's not a l33t
h4xx0r like me, and I wasted her like the n00b she is last night
in Cstrike!" she exclaimed, shortly before Yomi decked her.


Too short.

Yukari whistled a happy little song as she entered the
school copy room, glad that it was finally payday again. She
needed some folders to organize the tests she'd just inflicted on
her class, and there they were, sitting in a box on a shelf right
above one of the big copy machines.

She frowned slightly, realizing that they were probably out
of reach from someone of her stature. One of the tall office
workers must have inconsiderately placed them there. Sure enough,
even leaning over the copy machine and stretching on her tiptoes
left her fingers a couple of inches too short to reach the box.

The copy machine lid creaked alarmingly when she leaned on
it, and it had several plastic bits it used to feed papers in
through the top that looked breakable. Yukari quickly hit upon
the idea of lifting the top and using the broad, strong glass as
a platform to allow her access to the folders.

It took some grunting and hitching up her skirt, but she
was able to climb up and sit sideways on the top while she took
out several empty folders from the half-empty box. That done,
she rolled and spun to the side, accidentally mashing the control
panel with her thigh, so she was able to slide down to the floor.
Folders in hand, Yukari smoothed her skirt down and strode out
the door happily, never noticing the copy machine start spitting
out copy after copy into its tray.


Embossed.

"Touga, I need you to run an errand for me," the school
secretary said.

Touga, who was actually a student but had been selected to
act as an office assistant on some days, quickly stopped
straightening the folders in a filing cabinet drawer and gave the
secretary his full attention. "Yes, Ma'am, what is it?"

She smiled at him apologetically. "I'm sorry, but I seem
to have left some embossed letterhead in a copy machine down in
the copy room. Could you get it for me?"

"Yes, Ma'am," he replied, and hurried away to get it.


Official memorandum.

Touga whistled happily as he strolled into the copy room,
happy that today was a Friday and that tomorrow was going to be a
short day. As he'd been told, the embossed letterhead was lying
on top of one of the copy machines, strangely open, and the
letterhead was skewed out of place.

The machine was running when he came up to it, too, and
produced one final piece of paper into the tray as he picked the
letterhead off the glass.

His mission accomplished, he picked one of the copies from
the tray and looked at it. At first it didn't make any sense to
him, being too alien to what he would normally expect to find in
the faculty copy room, but then, suddenly, it made sense.

The top of the school letterhead could be seen across one
side, having been pushed out of place, but not out of the picture
all together. A little left of center was a picture of Hello
Kitty in coveralls, a pail and shovel at his feet, holding a sign
that said 'Tuesday'. A faint crease could be made out running
down the center of the picture, and lines came in from each side,
getting to within about an inch and a half from each other.
Touga could make out that it was panties, now, and he could see
how a fold of what must have been skirt covered one corner, and a
little bit of skin had overlapped the hemline on one side of the
part of the panties that covered up what must have been....

Touga blushed bright red, but grinned widely. He didn't
know teachers would do things like this. It was his duty, nay,
his trust as an office assistant to make sure that others saw
this.


Let me see!

"What are they looking at?" Kagura asked idly, not
directing the question at anyone in particular. In the lunchtime
lull before the afternoon classes started, a large group of boys
had gathered around one table in the lunchroom, all focusing
intently on something as they spoke in a mixture of awe and
laughter. After a few moments they split up, each going back to
his own seat with a folded piece of paper in hand.

Tomo, her curiosity aroused, deliberately stepped in front
of one who was staring at the piece of paper with a faint blush
on his cheeks. He was moving slowly, so the resulting collision
was a gentle one.

"What, excuse me?" he said as he straightened his glasses,
surprised.

"Yuzuki, right?" Tomo asked brightly.

"Uh, yeah-"

Tomo snatched the paper from his hand while he spluttered,
walking away without a second glance as she studied the paper.

Her jaw dropped in shock.

"Here you go... there's enough for everyone...." said one
boy in a sing song voice as he breezed through and dropped a
short stack of copies in front of Yomi.


Shock and awe.

"I can't believe those boys," Yomi murmured, blushing.

"Heh, Tuesday," Osaka said, grinning.

Chiyo blushed and turned hers over.

Sakaki stared impassively at the picture. Those are cute,
she thought.

"You perverts!" Tomo cried, shaking her fist at Yuzuki, who
was refusing offers of new copies and was sitting primly in his
desk.

Kagura laughed. "Wow, someone had some guts!"

Drawn by the action, Kaorin came by and picked up a copy.
"Hello Kitty?" she said out loud. These kind of look like the
ones Miss Sakaki was wearing, she thought, glancing at the tall
girl.

Sakaki continued to stare at the panties expressionlessly.
She didn't know they made any with days of the week on them.


One girl's trash.

"I can't believe those boys were passing these out!" Yomi
says, scandalized, looking at her copy as they all walked down
the hall to their next class.

"Yeah," Kagura added. "Who ever did this must have been
pretty bold!"

"I wonder which teacher it was?" Osaka asked.

"What? You think it was a teacher?" Chiyo asked.

"Yeah, look at the letterhead, it's for this school. See
the date?"

"Friday the 23rd," Tomo said. "That's today!"

"Tuesday panties," Osaka said, grinning.

"This must have been done on the copy machine in the
teacher's lounge," Yomi reasoned.

"That's really, really bold!" Kagura exclaimed.

"I wonder how it got all over the school?" Chiyo asked.

"Doesn't matter, it's filth and it should be thrown away,"
Yomi declared.

They all nodded and threw them into the garbage can, then
walked away.
A few minutes later, when they were out of sight, Kaorin scuttled
back and fished hers out, tucking it carefully in her folder
before hurrying to keep up with the others.


Focus.

Minamo Kurosawa paced irritably before her chalkboard,
preparing for a brief lecture on the hazards of leg cramps and
wishing the day was over. She had a sneaking suspicion she was
coming down sick, and was ready to simply do her job and go home.
As soon as she turned to the class, however, she saw a boy
handing a piece of paper to another boy, who noticed her
attention and hastily stuffed it in his shirt.

She sighed and coughed as she walked to him. "Now boys,
you know I don't allow note passing in class. Hand it over."

He blushed furiously, but made no move to give it up.

"Now," she said firmly, controlling her urge to raise her
voice.

Resigning himself to his fate, he reluctantly pulled it out,
folded, and handed it to her, the paper tearing slightly as it
was pulled from between his clenched fingers.

Minamo looked at it evenly, one eyebrow rising slightly.
"So, who is this?"

"Umm, we think it's a teacher," he said helplessly.

"I see. Why?"

"Umm, the stationary, ma'am."

"Ah." Minamo digested this in silence for a moment, then,
improbably, her eyebrow rose higher. "You were looking at the
stationary?"



Not what it looks like.

Yukari looked up to see the principal striding towards her
purposefully.

"Excuse me, Miss Yukari, do you know anything about this?"
He handed her a confiscated copy of the printout.

Yukari instantly recognized her own very characteristic
panties, and panicked as she felt the fear and embarrassment
creep up in her throat. "It's not what it looks like! I haven't
worn those in years, but my laundromat has been closed for a week
and I haven't had a chance to make it to another one! They were
my last pair!"

Yukari paused, as the principal stared in shock.

"What!" she exclaimed. "Wait a minute, how'd you get
that?!"

"!" replied the principal.


Need to pick up something.

At the end of the day, the group of friends strolled out
the front gate together, laughing easily over the day's events.

"Man, I still can't get over that picture," Kagura said
mildly, watching Kaorin jog into the distance. "And I wonder
what her hurry is?"

"Who knew there was a teacher at this school as crazy as I
am?" Tomo said with a chuckle.

"I did."

"I did."

"I did."

"I did."

"Who? No one could be as wild as I am!" Tomo insisted.

"Yukari."

"Yukari."

"Yukari."

"Yukari."

"Yukari."

Yukari, Sakaki thought.

Chiyo waved goodbye as their group splintered as people
took different routes home, leaving her walking with Sakaki,
whose home lay on much the same route she took. "Well, looks
like we're walking home together again," she said brightly.
Sakaki was a quiet, yet comforting presence. She'd make a great
teacher or social worker, but Chiyo had never figured out a good
way of telling her that.

"I'm afraid not today, Chiyo-chan" Sakaki said quietly,
with regret in her voice.

"Oh?" Chiyo replied. "Where are you going?"

Sakaki looked pensively into the distance, her face framed
perfectly by the fading sun when viewed from Chiyo's angle. "I
have some... errands... to run."

"Really?"

"Shopping...."

"Oh, well, okay! Have fun, Miss Sakaki!"

"See you in the morning, Chiyo-chan," Sakaki said as she
broke into a run, visions of cute kitties holding days of the
week signs in her head.


The project.

"I'm home, Mom," Kaorin called as she entered her parent's
apartment. "I'll be in my room doing homework!"

"Study hard!" her mom called back as she disappeared into
her room, closing the door behind her.

Her bed was small, with a dark red comforter. A single
plush turtle sat on a corner shelf above the head. A large
rainbow colored rug lay on the floor. There were a number of
pictures hanging on the wall, mostly her family, and one good
class picture from her first year in high school. Her brand new
computer was on a desk up against the wall beside the door. Her
old full-length mirror, which used to hang on the wall opposite,
had now been moved so that it couldn't reflect the monitor screen
at anyone standing in the doorway. And bit by bit, thanks to the
scanner she'd talked her parents into buying along with the
computer, her secret project was being converted into a smaller,
more easily hidden, and certainly pgp encrypted, digital format.

This latest one, though, this latest acquisition was going
to be one of the centerpieces.

Kaorin pulled the salvaged photocopy out of the folder,
arranged another sheet of homework on top, and set about scanning
it into the computer. That done, she opened the file up in an
editing program, removed the letterhead from the side, and added
two sentences in a faint, nearly transparent layer across the top,
where it wouldn't distract from the picture.

'I've seen her panties in the locker room on several
occasions. She always wears cute ones.'

Kaorin sat back and stared critically at the image. A few
tweaks to the transparency and a color change and she was happy.
As a stand alone picture, it wasn't much. But....

Her computer groaned under the strain, taking several
minutes to process her command as she opened up her main project
file. It had taken three intense nights of scanning and tweaking
to get everything in it, and she was still hesitant to begin the
final composition. One copy and paste later, and the picture was
with its brethren.

Still life pencil drawings of running shoes. Pics of
Sakaki running. Pics of Sakaki sitting at her school desk,
staring out the window. A haunting watercolor of an empty school
desk in front of a window, the sun streaming in from the outside.
Pics of Sakaki in different clothes. Pics of Sakaki, for lack of
a better word, looking cool. One rather out of place picture of
an ice cube, which Kaorin had had a mind to delete for a while,
but had yet to do it.

A smile grew on Kaorin's serious face as she stared at the
many facets of Sakaki.

"Hmmm, facets," Kaorin said out loud. "I need a good
picture of a diamond."


The internet.

Tomo clicked aimlessly about on her computer. Yomi wasn't
responding to email or IM's. She wasn't on any of the
Counterstrike servers they had used the night before, either.
Tomo had played for a while, but it just wasn't the same. Now,
despite the wondrous things available to do on a computer, things
she had elaborated on in great detail to her parents, she was
bored.

Google jp stared back at her mockingly.

She slumped in her chair, one finger randomly tapping keys,
then deleting them from the search box. Almost without her
control, the finger hit an 'L'. Then a 'U'. Then a 'T', but
accidentally hit the delete key early. The next letter was a 'P'.
Then an 'I'.

Tomo stared at the screen for a moment, the almost word
slowly registering on her optic nerve. Then, firmly, she added
an 'N'.

*click*

Immediately, a page full of Lupin related links popped up.
Tomo considered those for a moment, scanning for one that looked
the most interesting. Official website, nah. Voice actor bios,
nah. Picture gallery, now that looked interesting. Lupin
hentai....

"That's interesting." Tomo stared at the last one
impassively.

*click*

*click*

*click*

*click*

A few more clicks later, Tomo went back to Google to
redefine her search parameters.






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The Eternal Lost Lurker
18th January 2005, 08:16 AM
> "Yukari as she walks by waving her hammer and sickle,
> dressed in thick felt boots, a heavy overcoat, and a fur hat,"
> says 'In communist Russia, titles say you.'

This is an awkward take on a very outdated joke that long ago ceased being
worth even the faintest of chuckles.

Which, if you think about it, makes connecting it to Yukari a good
call...hmm.

> "Oh, my God! Look at that dress!" Yukari said loudly,
> drawing Minamo's attention.

"It's made of people!"

> Her jaw dropped as she saw Yukari undressing the mannequin
> and keeping an irate store clerk away with one foot.

Saw it coming. :) That's SO VERY Yukari. Nice work. :)

> "Twenty thousand yen?!" Yukari screeched as she waved the
> dress in front of the cashier's face. "No way!"

Wow, that's awfully cheap for a dress like that.

> A thought occurred to her as she stepped out the exit into
> the mall proper, and she stuck her head back in. "Hey, Minamo,
> where do you want to meet back- The dress!" she cried as she saw
> her friend rather guiltily paying for it at the cash register.

Saw THAT coming too. XD

> "So which is it?" Osaka asked intently. "Let's say I'm
> writin' in english and I accidentally spell angry 'a-g-r-y'.
> Would I say I had accidentally left an 'N' out of the word, or
> would I say I accidentally left a 'N' out of the word?"

Wow, that's a VERY Osaka thing to ask.

> Chiyo blinked. She'd never thought of that. "I'm not sure,
> I mean, maybe we should ask Miss Yukari."
>
> "I did," Osaka replied. "But she hit me with a book and
> told me not to poke holes in that ridiculous language."

Heh!

> The three contemplated that for a moment.
>
> "Oh, well, I'm failing English anyway," Osaka said sadly,
> and walked away.

Heh.

> Yomi smiled faintly while she pulled out books and papers
> from her bag, ignoring the usual murmur of voices and activity
> from the students around her. Selecting a small folder of papers,
> she left to join her friends where they clustered around Osaka's
> desk watching her attempt to solve a Rubik's cube.

Oh God...Osaka and a Rubik's cube... XD

> Everyone oohed, except Osaka, who had begun the delicate
> task of the alternate solution to the Rubik's puzzle, which was
> to take all the stickers off and paste them back on.

I wonder how many of us actually did that when we were kids...*raises hand
guiltily*

> "It came with a CD full of cute animal pictures," Tomo
> added smugly.

*snrk*

> "!" said Sakaki.

*SNRK*

> Splorch.

.....that bodes poorly...

> "What? What about that big speech you made about being
> able to turn out homework just as good as mine with your new
> computer?" Yomi asked in disbelief.
>
> "Ah hah, I uh, I also got a copy of Counterstrike last
> night and I was so busy playing it I forgot to do my homework,"

Saw THAT coming. XD

> "Hmm," Yomi said, her smile growing as a thought played out
> in her head of Tomo walking along with a plasma rifle, oblivious
> as she snuck up behind her with a BFG.
>
> SPLORCH.
>
> "What server do you play on?" Yomi asked as Tomo was about
> to walk away with her homework.

Heeheehee....

> "Wouldn't it make sense, though?" Osaka reasoned. "Think
> about how it sounds. Stencil. Sten-cil. Kinda like Hansel.
> Ooh!" she exclaimed. "Wouldn't that make a cute fairytale?
> Hansel and Stencil, the story of a young boy and a stencil, lost
> while painting signs to a witch's bakery in the woods!"

..............................................

> Tomo used the opportunity to snatch the orange tanyaki and

taiyaki

> "Oh, you got it," Yomi said, a smug little smile on her
> face. "What's wrong, Tomo? I thought you loved habanera
> tanyakis?"

The only response I have to this is to hit up Google and do a search for
'taiyaki'. :P (Hint: Taiyaki is customarily filled with sweet bean paste,
and while the popularity of habanero in Japan IS growing, I don't think it's
at the level yet where your average taiyaki-ya will make habanero-flavored
taiyaki on demand...)


> "Oh, I get it now," Osaka said in awe. "So that's why you
> love spicy food."

That aside...heh!

> "I know!" Tomo cried happily as she jumped in. I know why
> she's so upset! She's mad cause I 0wn3d her last night!"

"In the ass! With a cactus!"

> Tomo did a little happy dance. "It means she's not a l33t
> h4xx0r like me, and I wasted her like the n00b she is last night
> in Cstrike!" she exclaimed, shortly before Yomi decked her.

pwn3d.

> The copy machine lid creaked alarmingly when she leaned on
> it, and it had several plastic bits it used to feed papers in
> through the top that looked breakable. Yukari quickly hit upon
> the idea of lifting the top and using the broad, strong glass as
> a platform to allow her access to the folders.

Ut-oh.

> It took some grunting and hitching up her skirt, but she
> was able to climb up and sit sideways on the top while she took
> out several empty folders from the half-empty box. That done,
> she rolled and spun to the side, accidentally mashing the control
> panel with her thigh, so she was able to slide down to the floor.
> Folders in hand, Yukari smoothed her skirt down and strode out
> the door happily, never noticing the copy machine start spitting
> out copy after copy into its tray.

Oh hell. XD

> The top of the school letterhead could be seen across one
> side, having been pushed out of place, but not out of the picture
> all together. A little left of center was a picture of Hello
> Kitty in coveralls, a pail and shovel at his feet, holding a sign
> that said 'Tuesday'.

O_o;;

> Touga blushed bright red, but grinned widely. He didn't
> know teachers would do things like this. It was his duty, nay,
> his trust as an office assistant to make sure that others saw
> this.

He's a dead man.

> "I can't believe those boys were passing these out!" Yomi
> says, scandalized, looking at her copy as they all walked down

mind your verb tenses

> "Friday the 23rd," Tomo said. "That's today!"
>
> "Tuesday panties," Osaka said, grinning.

.....X_x;;

> A few minutes later, when they were out of sight, Kaorin scuttled
> back and fished hers out, tucking it carefully in her folder
> before hurrying to keep up with the others.

Heh.

> "Umm, the stationary, ma'am."
>
> "Ah." Minamo digested this in silence for a moment, then,
> improbably, her eyebrow rose higher. "You were looking at the
> stationary?"

*SNRK!*

> Yukari instantly recognized her own very characteristic
> panties, and panicked as she felt the fear and embarrassment
> creep up in her throat. "It's not what it looks like! I haven't
> worn those in years, but my laundromat has been closed for a week
> and I haven't had a chance to make it to another one! They were
> my last pair!"

.....typical Yukari reaction. XD

> "Who knew there was a teacher at this school as crazy as I
> am?" Tomo said with a chuckle.

Everyone, pretty much.

> Sakaki looked pensively into the distance, her face framed
> perfectly by the fading sun when viewed from Chiyo's angle. "I
> have some... errands... to run."
>
> "Really?"
>
> "Shopping...."

She needs days-of-the-week panties.

> Still life pencil drawings of running shoes. Pics of
> Sakaki running. Pics of Sakaki sitting at her school desk,

Don't use lazy shorthand in prose. Spell out the word "pictures".

*snip*

Pity for Kaorin that she's just TAINTED her collection...

> Tomo had played for a while, but it just wasn't the same. Now,
> despite the wondrous things available to do on a computer, things
> she had elaborated on in great detail to her parents, she was
> bored.

Ain't it always the way?

> Immediately, a page full of Lupin related links popped up.
> Tomo considered those for a moment, scanning for one that looked
> the most interesting. Official website, nah. Voice actor bios,
> nah. Picture gallery, now that looked interesting. Lupin
> hentai....

I had a feeling that's where this was going.

> A few more clicks later, Tomo went back to Google to
> redefine her search parameters.

*snrk*

Nice work, all around. :)

==============================
"Capitalization is the difference between
'I helped my uncle Jack off a horse' and
'I helped my uncle jack off a horse'."
==============================
The Eternal Lost Lurker
(This space for rent)
www.lurkerdrome.com



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Nugar
20th January 2005, 03:48 AM
The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:

>> "Yukari as she walks by waving her hammer and sickle,
>>dressed in thick felt boots, a heavy overcoat, and a fur hat,"
>>says 'In communist Russia, titles say you.'
>>
>>
>
>This is an awkward take on a very outdated joke that long ago ceased being
>worth even the faintest of chuckles.
>
>Which, if you think about it, makes connecting it to Yukari a good
>call...hmm.
>
>
$Eh. I've no emotional attachment to the bit, I just felt it needed
something. Would have been funnier as an actual picture, I think. Heh,
an appropirate title for this probably would have been 'Hit or Miss',
given that some of the bits sucked.

>
>
>> "Oh, my God! Look at that dress!" Yukari said loudly,
>>drawing Minamo's attention.
>>
>>
>
>"It's made of people!"
>
>
$They don't call it 'skin' tight for no reason.

>
>
>> Her jaw dropped as she saw Yukari undressing the mannequin
>>and keeping an irate store clerk away with one foot.
>>
>>
>
>Saw it coming. :) That's SO VERY Yukari. Nice work. :)
>
>
$Thanks. My idea for this scene was what ultimately bugged me until I
started doing these. I could SEE that scene in my head as if it
actually existed.

>
>
>> "Twenty thousand yen?!" Yukari screeched as she waved the
>>dress in front of the cashier's face. "No way!"
>>
>>
>
>Wow, that's awfully cheap for a dress like that.
>
>
>
$Adrian mentioned something similar. I figured that that would be about
$200 American, which I'm given to understand is fairly high for a
low-mid range department store, the kind of place where teachers looking
to stretch their clothing budget might shop. Nyamo has certainly shown
her willingness to treat herself to a few nice things, mostly because
she budgets better than Yukari (I think), so $200 for a nice dress is
doable for her. I figured Yukari would be hesitant to spend that much,
especially if there are other things she'd rather have.

>> A thought occurred to her as she stepped out the exit into
>>the mall proper, and she stuck her head back in. "Hey, Minamo,
>>where do you want to meet back- The dress!" she cried as she saw
>>her friend rather guiltily paying for it at the cash register.
>>
>>
>
>Saw THAT coming too. XD
>
>
>
$Again, I could just see it in my head.

>> "So which is it?" Osaka asked intently. "Let's say I'm
>>writin' in english and I accidentally spell angry 'a-g-r-y'.
>>Would I say I had accidentally left an 'N' out of the word, or
>>would I say I accidentally left a 'N' out of the word?"
>>
>>
>
>Wow, that's a VERY Osaka thing to ask.
>
>
>
$I thought so, Osaka likes thinking about the meanings behind words and
the way people talk. I do, too, and I wrote this right after the last
one down there, when Tomo was typing.

>> Yomi smiled faintly while she pulled out books and papers
>>from her bag, ignoring the usual murmur of voices and activity
>>from the students around her. Selecting a small folder of papers,
>>she left to join her friends where they clustered around Osaka's
>>desk watching her attempt to solve a Rubik's cube.
>>
>>
>
>Oh God...Osaka and a Rubik's cube... XD
>
>
>
$One might think that she'd display some hidden talent and instantly
solve it. But part of Osaka's charm, to me, is that she doesn't seem to
have any hidden talents.

>> Everyone oohed, except Osaka, who had begun the delicate
>>task of the alternate solution to the Rubik's puzzle, which was
>>to take all the stickers off and paste them back on.
>>
>>
>
>I wonder how many of us actually did that when we were kids...*raises hand
>guiltily*
>
>
>
$I did mine so much the sticky wore off and it didn't work anymore.

>> "It came with a CD full of cute animal pictures," Tomo
>>added smugly.
>>
>>
>
>*snrk*
>
>
>
>> "!" said Sakaki.
>>
>>
>
>*SNRK*
>
>
>
$I bet she wants a computer now.

>
>> "What? What about that big speech you made about being
>>able to turn out homework just as good as mine with your new
>>computer?" Yomi asked in disbelief.
>>
>> "Ah hah, I uh, I also got a copy of Counterstrike last
>>night and I was so busy playing it I forgot to do my homework,"
>>
>>
>
>Saw THAT coming. XD
>
>
>
$Of course, it's Tomo. I may not really know computer oriented humor,
but I definitely know the ins and outs of avoiding homework.

>> "Hmm," Yomi said, her smile growing as a thought played out
>>in her head of Tomo walking along with a plasma rifle, oblivious
>>as she snuck up behind her with a BFG.
>>
>> SPLORCH.
>>
>> "What server do you play on?" Yomi asked as Tomo was about
>>to walk away with her homework.
>>
>>
>
>Heeheehee....
>
>
>
$Some temptation to do one of the two of them playing together, but
never got any ideas. Maybe someone else will.

>> "Wouldn't it make sense, though?" Osaka reasoned. "Think
>>about how it sounds. Stencil. Sten-cil. Kinda like Hansel.
>>Ooh!" she exclaimed. "Wouldn't that make a cute fairytale?
>>Hansel and Stencil, the story of a young boy and a stencil, lost
>>while painting signs to a witch's bakery in the woods!"
>>
>>
>
>.............................................
>
>
>
$I inflicted this on my friends and english teachers once. Then I
looked it up and found out that the root is actually french.

>> Tomo used the opportunity to snatch the orange tanyaki and
>>
>>
>
>taiyaki
>
>
>
$Thought I'd misspelled it, but wasn't certain.

>> "Oh, you got it," Yomi said, a smug little smile on her
>>face. "What's wrong, Tomo? I thought you loved habanera
>>tanyakis?"
>>
>>
>
>The only response I have to this is to hit up Google and do a search for
>'taiyaki'. :P (Hint: Taiyaki is customarily filled with sweet bean paste,
>and while the popularity of habanero in Japan IS growing, I don't think it's
>at the level yet where your average taiyaki-ya will make habanero-flavored
>taiyaki on demand...)
>
>
$Actually, I kinda thought Yomi would make her own, for exactly the same
reason. Never made one, I'm not a big bean paste eater, but surely it
couldn't be so difficult Yomi would balk.

>> "Oh, I get it now," Osaka said in awe. "So that's why you
>>love spicy food."
>>
>>
>
>That aside...heh!
>
>
>
$Makes a kind of twisted sense, given her association with Tomo. Of
course, she could just really like the flavor.

>> "I know!" Tomo cried happily as she jumped in. I know why
>>she's so upset! She's mad cause I 0wn3d her last night!"
>>
>>
>
>"In the ass! With a cactus!"
>
>
>
$I detest leetspeak, and I think its use for humor is getting staler and
staler, much like the 'in communist russia' shtick, but Tomo definitely
strikes me as the kind of person who would use it. This is the only one
where she does, though. No more.

>> Tomo did a little happy dance. "It means she's not a l33t
>>h4xx0r like me, and I wasted her like the n00b she is last night
>>in Cstrike!" she exclaimed, shortly before Yomi decked her.
>>
>>
>
>pwn3d.
>
>
>
$Haven't you always wanted to do that? Every time I see leetspeak being
used I want to scream 'You're raping my language!'

>> The copy machine lid creaked alarmingly when she leaned on
>>it, and it had several plastic bits it used to feed papers in
>>through the top that looked breakable. Yukari quickly hit upon
>>the idea of lifting the top and using the broad, strong glass as
>>a platform to allow her access to the folders.
>>
>>
>
>Ut-oh.
>
>
>
$This was ripped directly from a japanese commercial for some kind of
pocky I saw in the World's funniest commercials 2004 a few weeks ago.
My wife actually came up with the rest when I told her the idea.

>> It took some grunting and hitching up her skirt, but she
>>was able to climb up and sit sideways on the top while she took
>>out several empty folders from the half-empty box. That done,
>>she rolled and spun to the side, accidentally mashing the control
>>panel with her thigh, so she was able to slide down to the floor.
>>Folders in hand, Yukari smoothed her skirt down and strode out
>>the door happily, never noticing the copy machine start spitting
>>out copy after copy into its tray.
>>
>>
>
>Oh hell. XD
>
>
$The weakness here is that many copy machines rescan the image before
every print, but more and more of them are getting sophisticated enough
to store the image in memory and print from there. I felt no need to
elaborate in the story, though.

>
>
>> The top of the school letterhead could be seen across one
>>side, having been pushed out of place, but not out of the picture
>>all together. A little left of center was a picture of Hello
>>Kitty in coveralls, a pail and shovel at his feet, holding a sign
>>that said 'Tuesday'.
>>
>>
>
>O_o;;
>
>
>
$My wife's idea, blame her.

>> Touga blushed bright red, but grinned widely. He didn't
>>know teachers would do things like this. It was his duty, nay,
>>his trust as an office assistant to make sure that others saw
>>this.
>>
>>
>
>He's a dead man.
>
>
>
$Eventually, perhaps. Right now, he doesn't know it's Yukari, and
Yukari hasn't found out it was him who spread them around. Did we ever
get a name for the student who stopped and helped her with her bike in
the first few strips? I've got the idea that he's that guy, but I
couldn't find a name for him.

>> "I can't believe those boys were passing these out!" Yomi
>>says, scandalized, looking at her copy as they all walked down
>>
>>
>
>mind your verb tenses
>
>
>
$Crap. >_< I'm usually better than that. This whole thing, actually,
is about the worst self editing I've ever shown, but I didn't feel like
spending the kind of obsessive effort on editing I usually do. These
are just supposed to be fun. Still, that's embarrassing. I wrote most
of these out as present tense outlines, then converted them to past
tense drafts. Why, I can't say.

>> "Friday the 23rd," Tomo said. "That's today!"
>>
>> "Tuesday panties," Osaka said, grinning.
>>
>>
>
>....X_x;;
>
>
>
$Didn't catch that earlier, huh? I'd have never thought of it own my own.

>> "Umm, the stationary, ma'am."
>>
>> "Ah." Minamo digested this in silence for a moment, then,
>>improbably, her eyebrow rose higher. "You were looking at the
>>stationary?"
>>
>>
>
>*SNRK!*
>
>
>
$It's a miracle this one was worth reading at all. I had to have a
teacher see them to bring them to the principal's attention, and Nyamo
seemed a logical choice, but until that last line popped out I had NO
idea for a punchline.

>> Yukari instantly recognized her own very characteristic
>>panties, and panicked as she felt the fear and embarrassment
>>creep up in her throat. "It's not what it looks like! I haven't
>>worn those in years, but my laundromat has been closed for a week
>>and I haven't had a chance to make it to another one! They were
>>my last pair!"
>>
>>
>
>....typical Yukari reaction. XD
>
>
>
$Formulaic, but fun anyway.

>
>> Still life pencil drawings of running shoes. Pics of
>>Sakaki running. Pics of Sakaki sitting at her school desk,
>>
>>
>
>Don't use lazy shorthand in prose. Spell out the word "pictures".
>
>
>
$I personally always distinguish between real life pictures and 'pics'
on the computer, but that's just a reason I goofed, not a
justification. You're absolutely right.

>*snip*
>
>Pity for Kaorin that she's just TAINTED her collection...
>
>
>
$Ouch. Bad pun, Osaka might like that one.

>>Tomo had played for a while, but it just wasn't the same. Now,
>>despite the wondrous things available to do on a computer, things
>>she had elaborated on in great detail to her parents, she was
>>bored.
>>
>>
>
>Ain't it always the way?
>
>
$Only one cure, for sure.

>
>
>> Immediately, a page full of Lupin related links popped up.
>>Tomo considered those for a moment, scanning for one that looked
>>the most interesting. Official website, nah. Voice actor bios,
>>nah. Picture gallery, now that looked interesting. Lupin
>>hentai....
>>
>>
>
>I had a feeling that's where this was going.
>
>
>
$Yep, that's the cure. Whenever I'm feeling down, nothing picks me up
quite like a page full of Lupin hentai. ...kidding, of course.

>> A few more clicks later, Tomo went back to Google to
>>redefine her search parameters.
>>
>>
>
>*snrk*
>
>
$I don't know otaku/fangirl humor any more than I know computer humor,
but maybe I'll muddle through something worth reading.

>Nice work, all around. :)
>
>
$Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it. This has been your bit of mindless,
entertaining fluff from me. More to come, of course. Thanks for the
comments!

-Nugar




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The Eternal Lost Lurker
20th January 2005, 05:00 AM
> $Adrian mentioned something similar. I figured that that would be about
> $200 American, which I'm given to understand is fairly high for a
> low-mid range department store, the kind of place where teachers looking
> to stretch their clothing budget might shop.

Yeah...that makes sense. The only thing is that the cost of living is
severely inflated in Japan, and luxuries are even more outrageously
expensive. A dress like the one you described would probably not retail for
less than 38000 yen, and would more likely go for upwards of 50000.

THAT was my problem with it. :)

> >> Everyone oohed, except Osaka, who had begun the delicate
> >>task of the alternate solution to the Rubik's puzzle, which was
> >>to take all the stickers off and paste them back on.
> >
> >I wonder how many of us actually did that when we were kids...*raises
hand
> >guiltily*
> >
> $I did mine so much the sticky wore off and it didn't work anymore.

I got caught in the act because I got them back on crooked. (What? I was
like seven.)

> >> "Ah hah, I uh, I also got a copy of Counterstrike last
> >>night and I was so busy playing it I forgot to do my homework,"
> >
> >Saw THAT coming. XD
> >
> $Of course, it's Tomo. I may not really know computer oriented humor,
> but I definitely know the ins and outs of avoiding homework.

Heheh.

> >The only response I have to this is to hit up Google and do a search for
> >'taiyaki'. :P (Hint: Taiyaki is customarily filled with sweet bean paste,
> >and while the popularity of habanero in Japan IS growing, I don't think
it's
> >at the level yet where your average taiyaki-ya will make
habanero-flavored
> >taiyaki on demand...)
> >
> $Actually, I kinda thought Yomi would make her own, for exactly the same
> reason. Never made one, I'm not a big bean paste eater, but surely it
> couldn't be so difficult Yomi would balk.

I guess that's plausible. I don't think we know anything about Yomi's
cooking skills from the canon. I guess the taiyaki mold for actually shaping
it is fairly inexpensive, because there ARE a lot of home recipes for it on
the web...

> >> "I know!" Tomo cried happily as she jumped in. I know why
> >>she's so upset! She's mad cause I 0wn3d her last night!"
> >
> >"In the ass! With a cactus!"
> >
> $I detest leetspeak, and I think its use for humor is getting staler and
> staler, much like the 'in communist russia' shtick, but Tomo definitely
> strikes me as the kind of person who would use it. This is the only one
> where she does, though. No more.

Heh. Well, leetspeak is not played so much for humor anymore as it's
just...integrated itself into the colloquial lingo. Much like 90s ebonics
and AOL shorthands. (I have literally heard someone *say* 'LOL' offline. The
frightening thing is it didn't register as odd until about half an hour
later.)

But yeah, I can relate--even though I occasionally lapse into it myself,
there are times when l33t is just l4m3.

> $Haven't you always wanted to do that? Every time I see leetspeak being
> used I want to scream 'You're raping my language!'

Heh. It used to really bug me, but I've adapted to it to the point where I
normally don't even notice it anymore. (Much like ebonics and Snoop Dogg.)

> $This was ripped directly from a japanese commercial for some kind of
> pocky I saw in the World's funniest commercials 2004 a few weeks ago.
> My wife actually came up with the rest when I told her the idea.

Heh! I love Japanese commercials. My favorite one is the Polaroid commercial
with the guy who uses his camera to get even with a superior at work (I
think)...

> $The weakness here is that many copy machines rescan the image before
> every print, but more and more of them are getting sophisticated enough
> to store the image in memory and print from there. I felt no need to
> elaborate in the story, though.

*nod* Most schools in Japan would probably have newer digital copiers with
actual onboard image memory as opposed to the godawful slow ones my high
school used to have.

> $Eventually, perhaps. Right now, he doesn't know it's Yukari, and
> Yukari hasn't found out it was him who spread them around. Did we ever
> get a name for the student who stopped and helped her with her bike in
> the first few strips? I've got the idea that he's that guy, but I
> couldn't find a name for him.

The only time we ever hear a name for any male student is when Yukari is
taking roll call, and calls the name of an "Ooyama-kun". I don't think we
even saw his face, though.

> >> "Ah." Minamo digested this in silence for a moment, then,
> >>improbably, her eyebrow rose higher. "You were looking at the
> >>stationary?"
> >
> >*SNRK!*
> >
> $It's a miracle this one was worth reading at all. I had to have a
> teacher see them to bring them to the principal's attention, and Nyamo
> seemed a logical choice, but until that last line popped out I had NO
> idea for a punchline.

It definitely works. :)

> >Pity for Kaorin that she's just TAINTED her collection...
> >
> $Ouch. Bad pun, Osaka might like that one.

^_^

> >> Immediately, a page full of Lupin related links popped up.
> >>Tomo considered those for a moment, scanning for one that looked
> >>the most interesting. Official website, nah. Voice actor bios,
> >>nah. Picture gallery, now that looked interesting. Lupin
> >>hentai....
> >
> >I had a feeling that's where this was going.
> >
> $Yep, that's the cure. Whenever I'm feeling down, nothing picks me up
> quite like a page full of Lupin hentai. ...kidding, of course.

Of course.

....after all, we all know Azumanga hentai is much, much better. ^_^

> >> A few more clicks later, Tomo went back to Google to
> >>redefine her search parameters.
> >
> >*snrk*
> >
> $I don't know otaku/fangirl humor any more than I know computer humor,
> but maybe I'll muddle through something worth reading.

Well, the humor value of that last line really depends upon your individual
interpretation of it. Me being the perv I am, I read that as Tomo getting
more specific about what manner of hentai she was searching for. ^_^

> >Nice work, all around. :)
> >
> $Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it. This has been your bit of mindless,
> entertaining fluff from me.

We can only hope!

==============================
"Capitalization is the difference between
'I helped my uncle Jack off a horse' and
'I helped my uncle jack off a horse'."
==============================
The Eternal Lost Lurker
(This space for rent)
www.lurkerdrome.com



.---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
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DB Sommer
20th January 2005, 04:22 PM
Let's see if the new address will send this:


>
> Osaka walks up wearing her school uniform and a coolie hat
> with a pair of kitty ears sticking out the top. "Azumanga
> fanfics!" she cries.

Upon further reading, I'm glad you didn't do the rest of this in present
tense.


>
> "This is a series of similarly themed vignettes with little
> in the way of continuing plot and no unified title," Chiyo-chan
> adds.

Fun, then. I like the feel of those (as you might have guessed)

>
> "Yukari as she walks by waving her hammer and sickle,
> dressed in thick felt boots, a heavy overcoat, and a fur hat,"
> says 'In communist Russia, titles say you.'

Hmm. That one went over my head, though the look is Yukari.

>
> "Oh, my God! Look at that dress!" Yukari said loudly,

If it's that loud it's not 'said', maybe screeched. She does that when she's
excited

> drawing Minamo's attention.
>
> She turned to see a full mannequin in a short black dress
> directly beneath a store spotlight, which gave in an almost
> heaven-sent look.

That feels off. Recommend separating into two. "dress. It stood directly..."

The loose, swirly skirt was long enough to be
> decent, but had a slit up one side that would probably give
> tantalizing glimpses of thigh as it moved. The top of the skirt
> split vertically at the waist into long thick folded trailers of
> cloth which criss-crossed several times, overlapping completely
> at the waist and lower back, but spacing farther and farther
> apart as it continued up. A narrow, diamond shaped gap was left
> in the front to frame the belly button, and the final cross was
> just below the breasts. Each breast was covered, but a wide vee
> of exposed flesh was left between them as the cloth climbed each
> side of the neck and fastened in the back.

Nice description.

>
> Minamo knew without a doubt that

'without a doubt' is a bit cliche. I'd recommend dropping it or using
something less common

she'd look gorgeous in it,
> and immediately started searching through the racks of clothes
> for one just like it. She had just finished searching the third
> rack when a startled yell alerted her to a commotion behind her.
>
> Her jaw dropped as she saw Yukari undressing the mannequin
> and keeping an irate store clerk away with one foot.


Heh. I kind of thought that was what would happen

>
>
>
>
> What price beauty?

Nice lead in to the next connected scene

>
> "Twenty thousand yen?!" Yukari screeched as she waved the
> dress in front of the cashier's face. "No way!"
>
> "Aww, I'm sorry," Minamo consoled as she patted the
> despondent Yukari on the back. "It was a really pretty dress."
>
> "Yeah," Yukari groused as she turned away from the vacantly
> smiling cashier, "but there's no way I can afford that. Unless
> you were to buy it and let me borrow it?" She gave her very
> bestest friend


While ordinarily I would disapprove of the improper grammar, since this is
using Yuakri's POV, it works fine.

> "So which is it?" Osaka asked intently. "Let's say I'm
> writin' in english and I accidentally spell angry 'a-g-r-y'.
> Would I say I had accidentally left an 'N' out of the word, or
> would I say I accidentally left a 'N' out of the word?"
>
> Chiyo blinked. She'd never thought of that. "I'm not sure,
> I mean, maybe we should ask Miss Yukari."

Oh, like that would do any good.

> The three contemplated that for a moment.
>
> "Oh, well, I'm failing English anyway," Osaka said sadly,
> and walked away.

Eh. That fell a bit flat for me.

>
>
> Yomi yawned. "Oh, oh, yeah. I did it on my new computer
> last night."
>
> Tomo gasped as everyone turned to stare in envy at Yomi.
> "A new... computer?"
>
> Everyone oohed, except Osaka, who had begun the delicate
> task of the alternate solution to the Rubik's puzzle, which was
> to take all the stickers off and paste them back on.

Yeah. My brother did that once. It's called 'Thinking outside the box.' :)

>
>
> And your little homework, too.

probably ought to be capped

>
> Yomi put a hand up to her face and straightened her glasses
> as everyone, except Osaka, who was putting on the last sticker,
> gaped.
>
> Tomo returned and plucked the folder of homework off of

can drop 'of' just using off works fine.


> Yomi's head. "I'll just be taking that."
>
> "All finished!" Osaka exclaimed, dropping the cube into
> Chiyo's startled hands.
>
>
> Intel inside.
>
> "Hey, guess who's

whose, I believe

>
>
> Splorch.
>
>
> "Hmm," Yomi said, her smile growing as a thought played out
> in her head of Tomo walking along with a plasma rifle, oblivious
> as she snuck up behind her with a BFG.
>
> SPLORCH.
>
> "What server do you play on?" Yomi asked as Tomo was about
> to walk away with her homework.

Heh. Cute.

>
>
>
> German?
>
>
> "Wouldn't it make sense, though?" Osaka reasoned. "Think
> about how it sounds. Stencil. Sten-cil. Kinda like Hansel.
> Ooh!" she exclaimed. "Wouldn't that make a cute fairytale?
> Hansel and Stencil, the story of a young boy and a stencil, lost
> while painting signs to a witch's bakery in the woods!"

....No. I don't think it would make a good story, since you're asking.

>
> Tomo did a little happy dance. "It means she's not a l33t
> h4xx0r like me, and I wasted her like the n00b she is last night
> in Cstrike!" she exclaimed, shortly before Yomi decked her.

God, I hate netspeak.

>
>
> Too short.
>
> The copy machine lid creaked alarmingly when she leaned on
> it, and it had several plastic bits it used to feed papers in
> through the top that looked breakable. Yukari quickly hit upon
> the idea of lifting the top and using the broad, strong glass as
> a platform to allow her access to the folders.

This is going to be bad, isn't it?

>
> It took some grunting and hitching up her skirt, but she
> was able to climb up and sit sideways on the top while she took
> out several empty folders from the half-empty box. That done,
> she rolled and spun to the side, accidentally mashing the control
> panel with her thigh, so she was able to slide down to the floor.
> Folders in hand, Yukari smoothed her skirt down and strode out
> the door happily, never noticing the copy machine start spitting
> out copy after copy into its tray.

Yep, thought as much. The fun of copy machines.

>
>
>
> The top of the school letterhead could be seen across one
> side, having been pushed out of place, but not out of the picture
> all together. A little left of center was a picture of Hello
> Kitty in coveralls, a pail and shovel at his feet, holding a sign
> that said 'Tuesday'. A faint crease could be made out running
> down the center of the picture, and lines came in from each side,
> getting to within about an inch and a half from each other.
> Touga could make out that it was panties, now, and he could see
> how a fold of what must have been skirt covered one corner, and a
> little bit of skin had overlapped the hemline on one side of the
> part of the panties that covered up what must have been....
>
> Touga blushed bright red, but grinned widely. He didn't
> know teachers would do things like this. It was his duty, nay,
> his trust as an office assistant to make sure that others saw
> this.

DIdn't picture her with those kind of panties. Heh

>
>
> Shock and awe.
>
> "I can't believe those boys," Yomi murmured, blushing.
>
> "Heh, Tuesday," Osaka said, grinning.

Ha. Osaka's reaction is the best.

>
>
> One girl's trash.
>
> "I can't believe those boys were passing these out!" Yomi
> says,

said

>
> They all nodded and threw them into the garbage can, then
> walked away.
> A few minutes later, when they were out of sight, Kaorin scuttled
> back and fished hers out, tucking it carefully in her folder
> before hurrying to keep up with the others.

Heh

>
>
>
> "Umm, the stationary, ma'am."
>
> "Ah." Minamo digested this in silence for a moment, then,
> improbably, her eyebrow rose higher. "You were looking at the
> stationary?"

Minamo: You little freak

>
>
>
> Not what it looks like.
>
> Yukari looked up to see the principal striding towards her
> purposefully.
>
> "Excuse me, Miss Yukari, do you know anything about this?"
> He handed her a confiscated copy of the printout.
>
> Yukari instantly recognized her own very characteristic
> panties, and panicked as she felt the fear and embarrassment
> creep up in her throat. "It's not what it looks like! I haven't
> worn those in years, but my laundromat has been closed for a week
> and I haven't had a chance to make it to another one! They were
> my last pair!"

Heh

>
>
> Still life pencil drawings of running shoes. Pics of
> Sakaki running. Pics of Sakaki sitting at her school desk,
> staring out the window. A haunting watercolor of an empty school
> desk in front of a window, the sun streaming in from the outside.
> Pics of Sakaki in different clothes. Pics of Sakaki, for lack of
> a better word, looking cool. One rather out of place picture of
> an ice cube, which Kaorin had had a mind to delete for a while,
> but had yet to do it.

Heh.

>
>
> A few more clicks later, Tomo went back to Google to
> redefine her search parameters.

Hehehe.

Amusing set of vignettes. I enjoyed them greatly

DB Sommer

>
>
>
>
>
>
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hkmiller
20th January 2005, 05:09 PM
Bit more time on my hands right now, and I haven't done enough C&Cing
lately.
Time to get at it!

I enjoyed reading this one a lot.

Nugar wrote:

> Osaka walks up wearing her school uniform and a coolie hat
>with a pair of kitty ears sticking out the top. "Azumanga
>fanfics!" she cries.
>
>
Good opening! Seems very Osaka to me.

>
> "This is a series of similarly themed vignettes with little
>in the way of continuing plot and no unified title," Chiyo-chan
>adds.
>
> "Oooh, oooh, and they're written by Nugar!" Tomo adds,
>jumping up and down in excitement.
>
> "Email the author at nugar@tds.net with any comments,"
>Sakaki says quietly. "And visit
>http://www.livejournal.com/users/nugarwrites/ for updates and
>new parts."
>
>
....updates, new parts, and cute cat pictures."

>
> "Don't forget, all Azumanga Daioh characters are owned by
>Kiyohiko Azuma, Genco, J.C. Staff, and ADV Films. This is
>strictly a nonprofit work only," Yomi warns.
>
> "Yukari as she walks by waving her hammer and sickle,
>dressed in thick felt boots, a heavy overcoat, and a fur hat,"
>says 'In communist Russia, titles say you.'
>
>
I find I am inclined to agree that this last bit just doesn't work.

>
>
>
>
> Sexy.
>
>
I suggest removing the tab in front of the vignette titles, to make it a bit
more obvious that they ARE titles. I didn't figure it out until
half-way through
the third vignette.

>
> Her jaw dropped as she saw Yukari undressing the mannequin
>and keeping an irate store clerk away with one foot.
>
>
Heh. This works for readers who can picture it well, I think (readers
like me, who've
read the manga too many times to count).

>
> "Twenty thousand yen?!" Yukari screeched as she waved the
>dress in front of the cashier's face. "No way!"
>
>
I agree that this seems too low for the dress described. On the other
hand, it does seem
about the right amount for Yukari to react this way but for Nyamo to
still be willing
to buy the dress. One thing you might consider is describing the store
they're in a
little bit more in the first vignette, or specifying that the dress is
made of a cheaper
material.

> A thought occurred to her as she stepped out the exit into
>the mall proper, and she stuck her head back in. "Hey, Minamo,
>where do you want to meet back- The dress!" she cried as she saw
>her friend rather guiltily paying for it at the cash register.
>
>
This is funny, but I find I agree that it doesn't quite seem like Nyamo
to do this. Why
sneak around? Nyamo can stand up to Yukari when it's important: Nyamo
did buy
a car, but never (as far as we know) let Yukari drive it.

(BTW, why is Yukari calling the latter 'Minamo' instead of 'Nyamo' when
they're out
shopping together?)

>
> Chiyo blinked. She'd never thought of that. "I'm not sure,
>I mean, maybe we should ask Miss Yukari."
>
> "I did," Osaka replied. "But she hit me with a book and
>told me not to poke holes in that ridiculous language."
>
>
heh. While this reaction is funny, I'm inclined to agree that it is not
quite IC for Yukari.
The one thing she DOES take pride in is her ability with English, which
is characterized
as well above average (I think) for Japanese high school English
teachers, particularly
in speaking it.

>
> "Oh. Well, Yomi is pretty good at English, maybe she'd
>know."
>
>
The problem with this is that Chiyo is better than "pretty good"; we're
given to understand
that she either is or is close to fluent. She knows perfectly well that
she's much better
at English than Yomi.

>
> "Mine did!" Chiyo replied brightly. "Right after I took
>that computer class!"
>
>
The obligatory line: none of the older girls can ever go ANYWHERE, do
ANYTHING,
or acquire ANYTHING without Chiyo-chan having gone, done, or acquired first.

>
> "No, I mean, what processor and speed? Pentium four, 2.8?
>AMD 3200 plus?" Chiyo clarified, looking up at Tomo.
>
> "It came with a CD full of cute animal pictures," Tomo
>added smugly.
>
> "!" said Sakaki.
>
>
Heh.

>
> "Hmm," Yomi said, her smile growing as a thought played out
>in her head of Tomo walking along with a plasma rifle, oblivious
>as she snuck up behind her with a BFG.
>
> SPLORCH.
>
> "What server do you play on?" Yomi asked as Tomo was about
>to walk away with her homework.
>
>
Yomi really ought to know by now that this wouldn't work...

>Ooh!" she exclaimed. "Wouldn't that make a cute fairytale?
>Hansel and Stencil, the story of a young boy and a stencil, lost
>while painting signs to a witch's bakery in the woods!"
>
> Sakaki tried to imagine that, but failed.
>
>
Heh.

>
> Tomo did a little happy dance. "It means she's not a l33t
>h4xx0r like me, and I wasted her like the n00b she is last night
>in Cstrike!" she exclaimed, shortly before Yomi decked her.
>
>
Just so you know, not EVERY member of your readership knows enough of this
lingo to enjoy sections like this. This stuff tends to just annoy me.

>
> "Touga, I need you to run an errand for me," the school
>secretary said.
>
>
Touga shook out his long, flowing red hair and glared at the school
secretary, making
the most of the visual impact of his immactulate white uniform.
"You deign to issue orders to the Student Council President?!"

Seriously, your choice of a name here did take me aback momentarily.
I'd try to
avoid using well-known anime names from other series for walk-on bit
parts if you
can: you can end up distracting readers when you don't want to, or
making them
read things into your work you never intended. Doing this as a
conscious cameo is
one thing, but you don't seem to have been doing that. My mind,
however, insists
on trying to read this as a cameo, and just keeps tying itself into
knots doing so.

Of course, it is a trap difficult to avoid if you've never seen the
anime in question.

>
> Chiyo blushed and turned hers over.
>
>
I'm inclined to agree that this seems out of character for Chiyo-chan.
She's more often
characterized as clueless than embarrassed in such situations.

As for the other girls here, I find that I have no quibbles at all about
Sakaki's or
Kaorin's reaction. The other four (Yomi, Tomo, Osaka, and Kagura) are
not reacting
quite the way I'd have them do if I were writing the story myself, but I
find I can't
really articulate any justifications for them actually being OOC. The
first time through,
as a reader, I just went with it; it's only this second time, as a
critic, that I find myself
pausing and wondering. Oh well, good enough, I guess.

>
> "I can't believe those boys were passing these out!" Yomi
>says, scandalized, looking at her copy as they all walked down
>the hall to their next class.
>
>
Lurker is right that the girls don't "walk down the hall to their next
class" except for
PE, or similar topics like home-ec, but this point didn't really hit me
over the head
the first time through. I didn't really even register "to their next
class", as it's not
really required to get your point across. So you might just consider
taking that
phrase out.

>
> "Umm, we think it's a teacher," he said helplessly.
>
> "I see. Why?"
>
> "Umm, the stationary, ma'am."
>
> "Ah." Minamo digested this in silence for a moment, then,
>improbably, her eyebrow rose higher. "You were looking at the
>stationary?"
>
>
It strikes me that Nyamo would know Yukari well enough to at least
suspect this
being the latter's posterior here, given the "teacher" clue. She knows
Yukari might
well wear the wrong day's panties, and she is highly likely to know that
Yukari owns
panties like these if the latter has really had them for years. Yukari
stays over at
Nyamo's place fairly often in the latter half of the series, and in the
earlier half, Nyamo
goes over to Yukari's and ends up dragging her out of bed.

>
> "Who knew there was a teacher at this school as crazy as I
>am?" Tomo said with a chuckle.
>
> "I did."
>
> "I did."
>
> "I did."
>
> "I did."
>
>
Heh. Tomo's line here echoes where I thought her characterization just
a bit off
earlier, too. I thought Tomo might claim to the boys that a photocopy
of her
posterior would be much cuter than the one they were looking at, but
that none of
the boys would ever have a chance to see it.

>
> "Who? No one could be as wild as I am!" Tomo insisted.
>
> "Yukari."
>
> "Yukari."
>
> "Yukari."
>
> "Yukari."
>
> "Yukari."
>
> Yukari, Sakaki thought.
>
>
While I didn't think the echoes themselves out of place, the count being
different
between the first and second times did hit me. Suggest you make the counts
the same.

>
>
>Sakaki was a quiet, yet comforting presence. She'd make a great
>teacher or social worker, but Chiyo had never figured out a good
>way of telling her that.
>
>
Not sure if you're trying to say something about Chiyo-chan here, but if
so it escapes me. Sakaki actually wouldn't be very good at either of those
professions, I think; she's not talkative enough or easy enough to
confide in
to be a good social worker: how would she ever find out the nasty family
secrets that might necessitate intervention? While this would not be quite
such a handicap as a teacher, I still don't think she'd make a good
one. Her
own eventual choice, veterinarian, makes much more sense (provided, of
course,
that she's willing to accept the consequences of handling cats! ;)

>Tomo had played for a while, but it just wasn't the same. Now,
>despite the wondrous things available to do on a computer, things
>she had elaborated on in great detail to her parents, she was
>bored.
>
>
Ain't it the truth!

Anyway, I find I mostly dwelled on characterization quibbles above,
which gives
my overall feedback a negative tone which I don't really feel about the
story as a
whole; I enjoyed your work very much, and hope you'll continue in this line.




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Pete Zaitcev
24th January 2005, 07:45 AM
On Thu, 20 Jan 2005 12:09:51 -0500, hkmiller <hkmiller@theeddy.com> wrote:

> (BTW, why is Yukari calling the latter 'Minamo' instead of 'Nyamo' when
> they're out shopping together?)

Remember Yukari looking at the Christmas catalog? She slapped Nyamo first,
addressed her "Minyamo-san" next. She gets formal when she's excited about
things, I suppose. Or it may be a joke for her.

-- Pete

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Pete Zaitcev
24th January 2005, 07:55 AM
On Mon, 17 Jan 2005 20:40:09 -0600, Nugar <nugar@tds.net> wrote:

> Sexy.

I wish subsection titles were identified better. Maybe place a couple of
asterisks around them?

> "And I'm not talking to you any more," Tomo added as she
> stalked away, full of wounded prided.

Typo - "pride".

> "Hey, guess who's parents just bought them a new computer
> so they could turn out homework just as good as Yomi's!" Tomo
> yelled as she burst into the room of first period.

"Them" or "her"? Not being a native speaker, I cannot tell.

> "Ah hah, I uh, I also got a copy of Counterstrike last
> night and I was so busy playing it I forgot to do my homework,"
> Tomo said sheepishly. "I got fragged so many times by this guy
> with a rocket launcher...."

"Sheepishly"? So not Tomo.

> left her fingers a couple of inches too short to reach the box.

Which would be about 5cm in Japan.

> Drawn by the action, Kaorin came by and picked up a copy.
> "Hello Kitty?" she said out loud. These kind of look like the
> ones Miss Sakaki was wearing, she thought, glancing at the tall
> girl.

Very remote resemblance, because Hello Kitty is anthropomorphic, whereas
the kitty at Sakaki's panties isn't. But I suppose it works.

> Sakaki continued to stare at the panties expressionlessly.
> She didn't know they made any with days of the week on them.

It's strange that she's so ignorant. Remember her shopping for
a present? Obviously she visits stores. It's not a big deal, but
curious.

> Yukari instantly recognized her own very characteristic
> panties, and panicked as she felt the fear and embarrassment
> creep up in her throat. "It's not what it looks like! I haven't
> worn those in years, but my laundromat has been closed for a week
> and I haven't had a chance to make it to another one! They were
> my last pair!"

Good plotting. But I'm curious what the resolution was.

> Chiyo waved goodbye as their group splintered as people

"Scattered" would sound better, IMHO.

> "That's interesting." Tomo stared at the last one
> impassively.

Sakaki's word is reused here. How about "calmly".

Overall, good work. I liked how pieces were engaged together. For example,
Kaorin's computer comes into play much later than we know about it first.
The general plotting was solid, I enjoy that.

Thanks a lot,
-- Pete

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Nugar
24th January 2005, 11:49 PM
>I wish subsection titles were identified better. Maybe place a couple of
>asterisks around them?
>
>
>
$Yeah, I'll set them aside better.

>> "And I'm not talking to you any more," Tomo added as she
>>stalked away, full of wounded prided.
>>
>>
>
>Typo - "pride".
>
>
>
$Heh, good catch.

>> "Hey, guess who's parents just bought them a new computer
>>so they could turn out homework just as good as Yomi's!" Tomo
>>yelled as she burst into the room of first period.
>>
>>
>
>"Them" or "her"? Not being a native speaker, I cannot tell.
>
>
>
$I doubt Tomo would have it right, anyway. I'm a lot less careful about
grammar when its dialogue, because most people get it wrong out loud
anyway. Who's/whose was certainly a mistake, though.

>> "Ah hah, I uh, I also got a copy of Counterstrike last
>>night and I was so busy playing it I forgot to do my homework,"
>>Tomo said sheepishly. "I got fragged so many times by this guy
>>with a rocket launcher...."
>>
>>
>
>"Sheepishly"? So not Tomo.
>
>
>
$Mmm. Point.

>>left her fingers a couple of inches too short to reach the box.
>>
>>
>
>Which would be about 5cm in Japan.
>
>
>
$Granted, but I feel awkward using the metric system.

>> Drawn by the action, Kaorin came by and picked up a copy.
>>"Hello Kitty?" she said out loud. These kind of look like the
>>ones Miss Sakaki was wearing, she thought, glancing at the tall
>>girl.
>>
>>
>
>Very remote resemblance, because Hello Kitty is anthropomorphic, whereas
>the kitty at Sakaki's panties isn't. But I suppose it works.
>
>
>
$I could change it to 'reminds'. Which is really the point.

>> Sakaki continued to stare at the panties expressionlessly.
>>She didn't know they made any with days of the week on them.
>>
>>
>
>It's strange that she's so ignorant. Remember her shopping for
>a present? Obviously she visits stores. It's not a big deal, but
>curious.
>
>
$That kind of panties are usually more of a little girl sort of thing,
which is why it's so odd Yukari would have them. Sakaki is too old, and
her parents might not have ever bought her those sort.

>
>
>> Yukari instantly recognized her own very characteristic
>>panties, and panicked as she felt the fear and embarrassment
>>creep up in her throat. "It's not what it looks like! I haven't
>>worn those in years, but my laundromat has been closed for a week
>>and I haven't had a chance to make it to another one! They were
>>my last pair!"
>>
>>
>
>Good plotting. But I'm curious what the resolution was.
>
>
>
$Eh, vaguely, Yukari got yelled at by the principal behind the scenes.
The true resolution won't be for a while yet.

>> Chiyo waved goodbye as their group splintered as people
>>
>>
>
>"Scattered" would sound better, IMHO.
>
>
>
$True, splintered has a certain finality to it.

>> "That's interesting." Tomo stared at the last one
>>impassively.
>>
>>
>
>Sakaki's word is reused here. How about "calmly".
>
>
>
$I like impassive. It's more intelligent than 'blank'.

>Overall, good work. I liked how pieces were engaged together. For example,
>Kaorin's computer comes into play much later than we know about it first.
>The general plotting was solid, I enjoy that.
>
>
>
$Thanks. The comments were certainly appreciated, and thought
provoking. I started this with a few vague ideas about introducing male
dynamics, but mostly I just like doing azumanga style funnies. So long
as people keep enjoying them, (and I keep getting ideas), I'll keep
doing them. Next time I release some, though, my spelling and grammar
editing will be a lot better. Thanks for taking the time!

-Nugar





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Nugar
24th January 2005, 11:49 PM
$It's hard work sucking at the government teat. Bout time I'm able to
sit down and enjoy some comments.

>
> Let's see if the new address will send this:

$Which it seemed to do fine.

>
>
>>
>> Osaka walks up wearing her school uniform and a coolie hat
>> with a pair of kitty ears sticking out the top. "Azumanga
>> fanfics!" she cries.
>
>
> Upon further reading, I'm glad you didn't do the rest of this in
> present tense.

$Yeah, no kidding. Oddly, though, when I do outlines, they're always in
present tense. I guess it feels more immediate to me then.

>
>
>>
>> "This is a series of similarly themed vignettes with little
>> in the way of continuing plot and no unified title," Chiyo-chan
>> adds.
>
>
> Fun, then. I like the feel of those (as you might have guessed)

$Thanks. Heh, actually, they do have a unified title now. Hit or
Miss. Some of the jokes worked, and some, well, didn't.

>
>>
>> "Yukari as she walks by waving her hammer and sickle,
>> dressed in thick felt boots, a heavy overcoat, and a fur hat,"
>> says 'In communist Russia, titles say you.'
>
>
> Hmm. That one went over my head, though the look is Yukari.
>
$Just my take on the old 'In communist Russia, everything is reversed
jokes. It's gone, now, don't worry.

>>
>> "Oh, my God! Look at that dress!" Yukari said loudly,
>
>
> If it's that loud it's not 'said', maybe screeched. She does that when
> she's excited

$I started to go with screeched, but I didn't want to start off the
first of the first with yukari being that shrill. Guess I should have.

>
>> drawing Minamo's attention.
>>
>> She turned to see a full mannequin in a short black dress
>> directly beneath a store spotlight, which gave in an almost
>> heaven-sent look.
>
>
> That feels off. Recommend separating into two. "dress. It stood
> directly..."
>
$Kay.

> The loose, swirly skirt was long enough to be
>
>> decent, but had a slit up one side that would probably give
>> tantalizing glimpses of thigh as it moved. The top of the skirt
>> split vertically at the waist into long thick folded trailers of
>> cloth which criss-crossed several times, overlapping completely
>> at the waist and lower back, but spacing farther and farther
>> apart as it continued up. A narrow, diamond shaped gap was left
>> in the front to frame the belly button, and the final cross was
>> just below the breasts. Each breast was covered, but a wide vee
>> of exposed flesh was left between them as the cloth climbed each
>> side of the neck and fastened in the back.
>
>
> Nice description.
>
$Thanks. At least I got something right. :p

>>
>> Minamo knew without a doubt that
>
>
> 'without a doubt' is a bit cliche. I'd recommend dropping it or using
> something less common
>
$Right. Dropped, in keeping with a hopefully more minamalist feel than
my usual.

>> Her jaw dropped as she saw Yukari undressing the mannequin
>> and keeping an irate store clerk away with one foot.
>
>
>
> Heh. I kind of thought that was what would happen
>
$Excellent.

>>
>>
>>
>>
>> What price beauty?
>
>
> Nice lead in to the next connected scene
>
$The titles were easy at first, so I went with them, later own it got to
be harder to do a title than the vignette.

>> you were to buy it and let me borrow it?" She gave her very
>> bestest friend
>
>
>
> While ordinarily I would disapprove of the improper grammar, since
> this is using Yuakri's POV, it works fine.
>
$I will admit I tend to use bad grammar deliberately too often.

>> The three contemplated that for a moment.
>>
>> "Oh, well, I'm failing English anyway," Osaka said sadly,
>> and walked away.
>
>
> Eh. That fell a bit flat for me.
>
$Yeah. -_- Working on it.

>>
>>
>> Yomi yawned. "Oh, oh, yeah. I did it on my new computer
>> last night."
>>
>> Tomo gasped as everyone turned to stare in envy at Yomi.
>> "A new... computer?"
>>
>> Everyone oohed, except Osaka, who had begun the delicate
>> task of the alternate solution to the Rubik's puzzle, which was
>> to take all the stickers off and paste them back on.
>
>
> Yeah. My brother did that once. It's called 'Thinking outside the
> box.' :)
>
$Heh, that'd have made a really good title for this one. I may steal it.

>>
>>
>> And your little homework, too.
>
>
> probably ought to be capped
>
$All the titles in the manga were in all caps. I guess I could do it
like that. Or, I could just cap the first letter of each word.

>>
>> Yomi put a hand up to her face and straightened her glasses
>> as everyone, except Osaka, who was putting on the last sticker,
>> gaped.
>>
>> Tomo returned and plucked the folder of homework off of
>
>
> can drop 'of' just using off works fine.
>
$Kay.

>
>> Yomi's head. "I'll just be taking that."
>>
>> "All finished!" Osaka exclaimed, dropping the cube into
>> Chiyo's startled hands.
>>
>>
>> Intel inside.
>>
>> "Hey, guess who's
>
>
> whose, I believe
>
$Yeah, you're right. Another in a long list of simple, simple mistakes
I should have caught, and would have in another month or two.

>
>>
>> "Wouldn't it make sense, though?" Osaka reasoned. "Think
>> about how it sounds. Stencil. Sten-cil. Kinda like Hansel.
>> Ooh!" she exclaimed. "Wouldn't that make a cute fairytale?
>> Hansel and Stencil, the story of a young boy and a stencil, lost
>> while painting signs to a witch's bakery in the woods!"
>
>
> ...No. I don't think it would make a good story, since you're asking.
>
$Aww, you're just not giving it a chance.

>>
>> Tomo did a little happy dance. "It means she's not a l33t
>> h4xx0r like me, and I wasted her like the n00b she is last night
>> in Cstrike!" she exclaimed, shortly before Yomi decked her.
>
>
> God, I hate netspeak.
>
$Yomi does too.

>> the idea of lifting the top and using the broad, strong glass as
>> a platform to allow her access to the folders.
>
>
> This is going to be bad, isn't it?
>
$Actually, it seemed to fizzle at the end.

>> Folders in hand, Yukari smoothed her skirt down and strode out
>> the door happily, never noticing the copy machine start spitting
>> out copy after copy into its tray.
>
>
> Yep, thought as much. The fun of copy machines.
>
$I've had several requests for scans of Yukari.

>>
>> Touga blushed bright red, but grinned widely. He didn't
>> know teachers would do things like this. It was his duty, nay,
>> his trust as an office assistant to make sure that others saw
>> this.
>
>
> DIdn't picture her with those kind of panties. Heh
>
$My wife thought up all these except for the original one, which I stole
from a japanese pocky commercial. I'd never have thought of panties
like that, either, my tastes run towards things a little slimmer.

>>
>>
>> Shock and awe.
>>
>> "I can't believe those boys," Yomi murmured, blushing.
>>
>> "Heh, Tuesday," Osaka said, grinning.
>
>
> Ha. Osaka's reaction is the best.
>
$Yeah, gotta love Osaka. She gets things many of the other girls don't
even if she misses so much.

>> "I can't believe those boys were passing these out!" Yomi
>> says,
>
>
> said
>
$Whoops. I swear this is the last time I release something without
waiting a month or two and reediting it myself. I just gloss over this
stuff right after I've written it, like it's not there.

>>
>> They all nodded and threw them into the garbage can, then
>> walked away.
>> A few minutes later, when they were out of sight, Kaorin scuttled
>> back and fished hers out, tucking it carefully in her folder
>> before hurrying to keep up with the others.
>
>
> Heh

$She knows it's not Sakaki, but a Found Art person such as herself can't
resist.

>
>>
>>
>>
>> "Umm, the stationary, ma'am."
>>
>> "Ah." Minamo digested this in silence for a moment, then,
>> improbably, her eyebrow rose higher. "You were looking at the
>> stationary?"
>
>
> Minamo: You little freak
>
$Heh.

>
>> Still life pencil drawings of running shoes. Pics of
>> Sakaki running. Pics of Sakaki sitting at her school desk,
>> staring out the window. A haunting watercolor of an empty school
>> desk in front of a window, the sun streaming in from the outside.
>> Pics of Sakaki in different clothes. Pics of Sakaki, for lack of
>> a better word, looking cool. One rather out of place picture of
>> an ice cube, which Kaorin had had a mind to delete for a while,
>> but had yet to do it.
>
>
> Heh.
>
$Though boring, and about to be compressed like crazy, I think I've got
some fun things to do with that collage later.

>>
>>
>> A few more clicks later, Tomo went back to Google to
>> redefine her search parameters.
>
>
> Hehehe.
>
$Tomo as a Lupin fangirl. It's canon! Really!

> Amusing set of vignettes. I enjoyed them greatly
>
$Thanks, glad you did. Thanks for the comments! And, heh, you should
write some more yourself and show me how it's done.

-Nugar




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Nugar
24th January 2005, 11:50 PM
> Bit more time on my hands right now, and I haven't done enough C&Cing
> lately.
> Time to get at it!
>
$Thanks! I've definetely got more feedback on this one than any of my
other short works. Heh, part of that was probably that this had more
MISTAKES than any of my other works. Except my first fics, of course.
*shudder*

> I enjoyed reading this one a lot.
>
$Excellent. Just trying to liven the place up with a little bit of humor.

>
>> "Email the author at nugar@tds.net with any comments,"
>> Sakaki says quietly. "And visit
>> http://www.livejournal.com/users/nugarwrites/ for updates and
>> new parts."
>>
>>
> ...updates, new parts, and cute cat pictures."
>
$Not till I get around to rebuilding my actual webpage.
grumblegrumblensagrumble.

>> "Yukari as she walks by waving her hammer and sickle,
>> dressed in thick felt boots, a heavy overcoat, and a fur hat,"
>> says 'In communist Russia, titles say you.'
>>
>>
> I find I am inclined to agree that this last bit just doesn't work.
>
$Gone. Response to it was overwhelmingly negative. Should have
thought twice about it anyway.

>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Sexy.
>>
>>
> I suggest removing the tab in front of the vignette titles, to make it
> a bit
> more obvious that they ARE titles. I didn't figure it out until
> half-way through
> the third vignette.
>
$I guess I could all caps them like the manga titles, or something.

>>
>> Her jaw dropped as she saw Yukari undressing the mannequin
>> and keeping an irate store clerk away with one foot.
>>
>>
> Heh. This works for readers who can picture it well, I think (readers
> like me, who've
> read the manga too many times to count).
>
$Right. They're like big paper antidepressants.

>>
>> "Twenty thousand yen?!" Yukari screeched as she waved the
>> dress in front of the cashier's face. "No way!"
>>
>>
> I agree that this seems too low for the dress described. On the other
> hand, it does seem
> about the right amount for Yukari to react this way but for Nyamo to
> still be willing
> to buy the dress. One thing you might consider is describing the
> store they're in a
> little bit more in the first vignette, or specifying that the dress is
> made of a cheaper
> material.
>
$I'll just raise the price.

>> A thought occurred to her as she stepped out the exit into
>> the mall proper, and she stuck her head back in. "Hey, Minamo,
>> where do you want to meet back- The dress!" she cried as she saw
>> her friend rather guiltily paying for it at the cash register.
>>
>>
> This is funny, but I find I agree that it doesn't quite seem like
> Nyamo to do this. Why
> sneak around? Nyamo can stand up to Yukari when it's important:
> Nyamo did buy
> a car, but never (as far as we know) let Yukari drive it.
>
$True, but little items aren't worth as much effort, and what Yukari
doesn't know rarely hurts others.

> (BTW, why is Yukari calling the latter 'Minamo' instead of 'Nyamo'
> when they're out
> shopping together?)
>
$Eh. Faulty logic. We'll leave it at that.

>>
>> Chiyo blinked. She'd never thought of that. "I'm not sure,
>> I mean, maybe we should ask Miss Yukari."
>>
>> "I did," Osaka replied. "But she hit me with a book and
>> told me not to poke holes in that ridiculous language."
>>
>>
> heh. While this reaction is funny, I'm inclined to agree that it is
> not quite IC for Yukari.
> The one thing she DOES take pride in is her ability with English,
> which is characterized
> as well above average (I think) for Japanese high school English
> teachers, particularly
> in speaking it.
>
$True, but Yukari would be a lot shorter with someone who probably
hasn't mastered subject/verb order yet. Plus, it's funny.

>>
>> "Oh. Well, Yomi is pretty good at English, maybe she'd
>> know."
>>
>>
> The problem with this is that Chiyo is better than "pretty good";
> we're given to understand
> that she either is or is close to fluent. She knows perfectly well
> that she's much better
> at English than Yomi.
>
$True, but if she doesn't know, Yomi is the next best choice.

>>
>> "Mine did!" Chiyo replied brightly. "Right after I took
>> that computer class!"
>>
>>
> The obligatory line: none of the older girls can ever go ANYWHERE, do
> ANYTHING,
> or acquire ANYTHING without Chiyo-chan having gone, done, or acquired
> first.
>
$So true. She's like a cheerful little Napolean.

>>
>> "No, I mean, what processor and speed? Pentium four, 2.8? AMD
>> 3200 plus?" Chiyo clarified, looking up at Tomo.
>>
>> "It came with a CD full of cute animal pictures," Tomo
>> added smugly.
>>
>> "!" said Sakaki.
>>
>>
> Heh.
>
$Another scene I had little difficulty imagining.

>>
> Yomi really ought to know by now that this wouldn't work...
>
$Tomo is Yomi's greatest weakness. And singing. And food. And
apparently self esteem. But they're probably all Tomo's fault anyway.

>
>>
>> Tomo did a little happy dance. "It means she's not a l33t
>> h4xx0r like me, and I wasted her like the n00b she is last night
>> in Cstrike!" she exclaimed, shortly before Yomi decked her.
>>
>>
> Just so you know, not EVERY member of your readership knows enough of
> this
> lingo to enjoy sections like this. This stuff tends to just annoy me.
>
$That's the point, actually. That's why Yomi hit her. That and she
beat her, but two birds with one stone and all that.

>>
>> "Touga, I need you to run an errand for me," the school
>> secretary said.
>>
>>
> Touga shook out his long, flowing red hair and glared at the school
> secretary, making
> the most of the visual impact of his immactulate white uniform.
> "You deign to issue orders to the Student Council President?!"
>
$What? Huh?

> Seriously, your choice of a name here did take me aback momentarily.
> I'd try to
> avoid using well-known anime names from other series for walk-on bit
> parts if you
> can: you can end up distracting readers when you don't want to, or
> making them
> read things into your work you never intended.

$Right. I almost never do cameos.

> Doing this as a conscious cameo is
> one thing, but you don't seem to have been doing that.

$Heh, uh, no.

> My mind, however, insists
> on trying to read this as a cameo, and just keeps tying itself into
> knots doing so.
>
> Of course, it is a trap difficult to avoid if you've never seen the
> anime in question.
>
$That's true. What anime is that? You never said. I picked the name
like I always do, basically just choosing one at random from the credits
of some anime or another.

>> Chiyo blushed and turned hers over.
>>
>>
> I'm inclined to agree