[FFML] [FFML][Fic][Rnma.5][Inu-Yasha][Marvel]

[David Dee]

Here is chapter 2 of "Defending", my spinoff fic of DB
Sommer's "Avenging". I don't own any of the
characters, so please don't sue. At the moment, the
primary individuals that this plea is going out to
would be Rumiko Takashi, and Stan Lee.

Among others.

To review what happened last chapter--Hikaru got taken
on as the Ancient One's apprentice.

It was of course, a lot more complicated in the actual
chapter, but still, not a lot of action in that one...

But this time...

----

Ishi Takashi, when introduced to attractive women at
parties, usually gave his profession as "monetary
distribution agent".

This was a fancy way of saying "thief", which is
precisely what he was. However, one generally doesn’t
say that to people at parties, especially when one is
trying to get into their pants.

Of course, Ishi had other reasons not to state his
real profession—he wasn’t very good at it, for one.
For example, just last week, while robbing a bank in
Kyoto, he’d miscalculated the night watchman’s
schedule, and had been spotted at the very beginning
of the job. He’d been forced to run with what little
money he had already gotten, which turned out to be
only 5000 yen. Even worse, the bank had turned out to
be yakuza owned, and so soon he was on the run not
only from the law, but from a group of very large,
menacing men, most of whom had chopped off their own
pinky fingers at some point or another, and were thus
eager to share the experience.

Ishi had made the very sane decision to leave Kyoto
for Tokyo, but had blown most of his haul doing this,
and so now was in dire straits. Lacking the resources
for a big job, and not wanting to draw to much
attention to himself, he was now reduced to petty
stick-ups.

Such as the young couple he was presently holding at
gunpoint. The pair stared at Ishi in shock, since
they, like many young people, thought of crime as
something that happened to other people, usually in
other cities, or even landmasses.

"Just hand me the money,"Ishi explained, in a slow,
calm voice. "There’s no need to try anything heroic."

That was when the arrow shot past, inches away from
his face, and buried itself in the wall behind
him. "There’s ALWAYS a need to try something heroic!"
shouted a clear, high female voice. Ishi turned.

She stood there, silhouetted in the lamplight. She
wasn’t very tall, and looked to be quite young. She
wore a yellow jumpsuit, with a blue cowl with cat’s
ears, her long black hair flowing behind her. A bow
was in her hand, arrows held in a quiver tied around
her waist.

Ishi gulped. He was definitely not in any condition to

take on a superhero.

The girl glanced quickly at the couple. "Just get
away! I’ll take care of this crook. There’s no way the

likes of him can stand up to the claws of Hellcat—and
SON OF SATAN!"

As the couple took her up on her advice, the apparent
Hellcat looked eagerly to her side. After roughly a
minute, she hissed loudly. "Son of Satan! Don’t leave
me hanging here...!"

A loud groan emanated from the shadows. "Do I have to
do this?"

Hellcat pouted in a rather sulky fashion. "Yes!"

With a long sigh, Son of Satan slouched into view. He
was a young man, clad in a rather archaic red kimono
that someone had seen fit to scrawl a rather crude
pentagram on. He wore no shoes, which was odd—he also
had dog-ears, which was odder. Silky white hair hung
down to his waist while a samurai sword hung at his
side. He regarded Ishi with a look that combined
resignation with sheer boredom. "I am Son of Satan,"
he announced in a dull monotone. "Tremble before my
wrath, evildoer."

Hellcat glanced at him reproachingly. "You could at
least put some feeling into it."

Son of Satan rolled his eyes, and crossed his
arms. "Look, Kagome, I just think this really stupid,
is all..."

The girl’s eyes went wide. "HEY! We talked about this!

It’s Hellcat! I have a secret identity to protect!"

"Oh, no!"Son of Satan shouted in mock horror. "Now he
knows yer one of the million or so girls in Japan
called Kagome! Whatever shall we do?"

"Inu-Yasha..."snarled Kagome—then brought her free
hand
up to her face in shock. "I meant, Son of Satan..."

Ishi felt a sudden sense of relief.

"Oh, wow, you’re really stickin’ with this ‘no names
mentioned’ rule of yours,"laughed Inu-Yasha. "Man,
why’d I ever agree to this...?"He began to walk away.

"Hey! Don’t you walk out on me!"shouted Kagome. "I’ll
remind you who’s got the upper hand here!"

"Right, right..."muttered Inu-Yasha, walking away.

"Umm, excuse me..."interjected Ishi.

"Oh you keep out of this!"Kagome stated
forcibly. "You’re not worried, Inu-Yasha? Not worried
in the slightest that I’ll say, si—"

At that moment, Ishi fired his pistol in the air. "I’d

just like to say,"he began calmly, as he pointed the
pistol at them, "that I really seem to have the
tactical advantage here. After all, I’m a man with a
gun, while you’re a girl with a bow, and a freak with
a sword."He smiled at them. "So please hand over all
your money."

"That’s what you think!"shouted Kagome. With
surprising speed and grace, she fit an arrow to her
bow, and released it. The arrow sped quickly over
Ishi’s shoulder, and buried itself in the wall behind
him.

Ishi’s smile turned into a grin. "Missed."

It was at precisely that moment that the wall behind
him exploded, tossing him to the ground, and causing
his gun to fall out of his hand and skid away.

"Umm, did I do that?"Kagome asked quietly.

Inu-Yasha gave a slight nod. "Yep."

There was an awkward silence for a moment. Finally,
Kagome coughed slightly. "Oops."

Inu-Yasha glanced at her oddly. "That sort of thing
never used to bother you."

"I never used to worry about getting sued."

Inu-Yasha gave an understanding nod. "Right. Lawyers.
You mentioned them once..."He scratched his
chin. "Don’t they suck blood, or somethin’?"

Kagome blinked, then thought it over. "More or less."

While the pair chatted, Ishi crept forward to grab his

gun.

Unfortunately for him, Inu-Yasha noticed him.

In the amount of time it takes a man to blink then
cough, Ishi found himself being hoisted into the air,
by a very angry would-be superhero. "You don't learn,
do you, creep?"

Ishi gulped. He hadn't noticed it before, but Inu-
Yasha had claws. And fangs. And a rather unpleasant
glint in his eyes. "PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T KILL
ME—I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!"

Inu-Yasha laughed darkly. "Oh, yeah, like you're not
goin' to just turn around and try to get us some other

way if I let you go..."

"Son of Satan!"chirped Kagome disapprovingly. "You
can't kill him!"

Ishi sniffled. *Listen to the girl, listen to the
girl, god, oh god, listen to the girl...*

Inu-Yasha gave a snort. "Save us a lot of trouble."

Kagome raised a finger, and started to admonish
him. "Superheroes can't kill people. Not unless the
villain has killed somebody, and then they have to
make it happen by accident."

Inu-Yasha stared at her, puzzled. "How can you do
that?"

"Well, like, you fight on a mountainside, and they
pull out a super weapon to beat your weapon, only they

misjudge how powerful it is, and the mountainside
collapses, burying them in rubble," Kagome explained
helpfully.

Inu-Yasha scratched his head. "That seems like a
pretty complicated way a handling things..."

A blissful smile appeared on Kagome's face. "It's the
way of the superhero, who strongly respects life
enough to bludgeon people into unconsciousness,
instead of simply killing them."

Inu-Yasha narrowed his eyes. "Right."

Kagome glared at him. "Just take care of the bad guy!"

Inu-Yasha gave a hasty nod. "Sure thing."He raised
his fist, and drew back his arm in preparation for a
terrific uppercut.

"Hang him up on the fire escape!"shouted Kagome. "The
one near the bakery!"

Inu-Yasha sighed, then jogged over to fire escape, and

leaped up onto it. He glanced at Ishi. "You trust this

suit?"

Ishi gulped. "It's hand-tailored."

Inu-Yasha nodded. "Good."He hung Ishi up on the side
of the fire escape, using the jacket as a snag. "Hope
you trust your tailor."He leaped away.

Kagome gave a triumphant grin as he came down. "Well,
now we just go to a phone booth, and inform the
police, and then—this looks like another job well done

by—HELLCAT and SON OF SATAN!"

Inu-Yasha gave a slight cough. "You know—this the
first
time we did this."

Kagome visibly deflated. "Umm—right."

The pair walked off together.

"And it wasn't that well done,"added Inu-Yasha.

"Shut up, already!"cried Kagome.

-----

Defending

Chapter 2—"Satan Met a Lady—Lady Met a Warlock"

An "Avenging"Universe Spinoff

By David Dee

-----

Hikaru Gosunkugi stood before the Ancient One on a
morning so rainy and dark, it seemed like night.

"Gosunkugi, my pupil—you have done well,"began
the Ancient One.

"I'll pay, Nabiki, jus' don' hit..."muttered Hikaru.

The Ancient One blinked. Hikaru's comment had
nothing to do with his, and unless he was mistaken,
Hikaru had not suffered a psychotic break, which
could only mean one thing.

A snore confirmed his guess. His apprentice was
asleep. Standing up.

The Ancient One snapped his fingers under Hikaru's
face. The young man came to with a shout of "struck by

lightning"then blinked confused. "Where the hell am
I?"he muttered.

"My throne room."replied the Ancient One calmly.

Hikaru gave a dull nod. "Uh-huh. And how did I get
here?"

The Ancient One nodded. "I called you, Gosunkugi."

Hikaru nodded again. "I see."He glanced around,
slightly tense. "That's right. Sorry. A bit tired is
all."
He gave a nervous laugh. "Must be that last twenty
hour lesson on alternate consciousness..."A rather
forced grin came to his face. "So what's up today?
Walking on hot coals? Moving through walls? Holding
a 100 ton weight over my head through the sheer power
of my mind?"

The Ancient One shook his head. "No."He patted Hikaru
on the shoulder. "We are not studying today."

Hikaru blinked twice then laughed. "Really? Well,
that's great. I'll just be in my quarters recuper—
I mean, meditating..."

The Ancient One calmly shook his head. "No,
Gosunkugi. Today is not a day of rest and
contemplation. Today is a day of endings,
and partings. Your lessons are over. I
am sending you forth."

The look on Hikaru’s face was the sort that’s usually
reserved for reacting to people who claim they pick
up radio broadcasts from Mars on their fillings.
"But... it’s been a week."

"Yes"said the Ancient One, in horrifically calm
tones. "And you have learned all you need to."

Hikaru stared at him numbly. "In a week?"

"Yes".

"And now comes the ‘fighting horrific hellbeasts
intent upon destroying the world’ part?"

"Yes."

Hikaru gulped. "Umm—are you sure there isn’t another
lesson I could work on? Like that whole bit where you
throw knives at me, and I try to stop them in midair?
I really don’t think I’ve got that down just right..."

The Ancient One gave a troubled sigh, that naturally
managed to embody mystic wisdom. "Honestly,
Gosunkugi, there are none so blind as those who will
not see..."

Hikaru coughed. "Except of course, the—
you know—actually blind..."

The Ancient One blinked. "Well, I suppose in a
way, but—"

Hikaru shrugged. "I mean, I don’t think you can
get more blind than having the actual disability..."

"I was speaking metaphorically—"

Hikaru glanced at him, worried. "I thought that,
at first, but then I figured the Ancient One would
be much too wise, and sensitive to make comments a
bout a genuine handicap, for the purposes of saying
an aphorism that sounds like it came out of greeting
card, or a fortune cookie."

The Ancient One rubbed his forehead. "Gosunkugi,
forget my earlier comment."

Hikaru nodded. "It’s out of my head, as if it was
never spoken..."

"My point was,"the Ancient One continued, "you are
far more qualified then you imagine. You possess
already
the powers you need in your quest. I can help you no
further. Any progression of your abilities you will
have
to do on your own."

Hikaru shut his eyes. "As the demons are trying to
rend me limb from limb..."

The Ancient One nodded. "If needs be, yes."

"Would you give me a moment?"asked Hikaru, his
expression drawn. "I need to—express my joy..."

The Ancient One gave him a silent nod. Hikaru
left the room.

Five seconds later, the Ancient One heard
a long, inarticulate scream of terror.

Ten minutes after that, Hikaru reentered the room,
breathing heavily. "Okay, got THAT out of my system."

"Are you ready now to disembark?"the Ancient
One asked mildly.

Hikaru sighed. "Well, I might as well get things
done with..."

"Then you will need your mystic talismans, to aid
you in your quest..."

"Because of course, any dignity that this endeavor
might possess must be beaten out of it, as forcibly
as possible,"muttered Hikaru.

"What was that?"asked the Ancient One, as he
walked to the back of the chamber.

"Just contemplating my place in the universe!"
replied Hikaru loudly.

The Ancient One nodded. "Ahh. Good."He pulled
out a certain length of cloth that Hikaru recognized
immediately. "First of course, your Cloak of
Levitation,"the Ancient One said calmly.

Hikaru took the cloak with an expression that
suggested
boundless enthusiasm. "Why my beloved Cloak! How
good to see it again! I had wondered so where it had
gone to!"

"I found it in a canvas sack that had been buried six
feet beneath the ground, under a rock,"replied the
Ancient One.

There was an awkward cough. "Well, that explains
things,"said Hikaru, his expression changing to one
of utmost loathing as soon as the Ancient One’s back
was turned. "I will destroy you, one day,"he muttered
to the Cloak. "Mark my words."

"Secondly,"chirped the Ancient One, "the Eye
of Agomatto! A talisman that will allow you to see
into the souls of men—and further!"He produced
a large golden medallion that would have gone
well with the outfit of any 70s’ lounge lizard.
"Also,"he added, "it’s very useful for fastening
the Cloak of Levitation."He tossed it to Hikaru.

Hikaru caught it gingerly, and then gave it a rather
distasteful stare. "Might as well complete the
ensemble,"he said in a tone that was starting
to sound rather disheartened.

The Ancient One next pulled out a very large
crystal ball. "And this is the Orb of Agomotto!
Using it, you will discover the location of mystic
threats to this world. In time, you will learn to
use it to spy on any time, place, or dimension
you desire."He tossed it at Hikaru, who missed
it, and fell to the ground with a gasp as it
struck him straight on in the chest.

The Ancient One was continuing, heedless. "And
finally, the Book of Vishanti, which I entrust to
your use and safe-keeping. The spells in here are
your hope for salvation, but realize if it should fall

into the hands—"

Hikaru was slowly straightening himself. "Would
you wait just a moment? I’m still recovering from
the Orb..."

"Oh,"said the Ancient One quietly. "Certainly."
He waited for Hikaru to finally stand up, and
then handed him the Book. "Hikaru, listen to
me. You must trust in your magic. It will lead
you on the path of your destiny. It will gather
allies around you, and show you how to best
develop your powers. Never forget that."

Hikaru gave a dull nod. "Right."He lugged his
various accoutrements awkwardly, as he exited
the room to get his luggage. "Well, it’s already
doing a bang-up job..."

-----

The Ancient One watched from afar, using
his mind as a telescope, as Hikaru struggled
with his luggage getting into his ship. Despite
himself, the Ancient One smiled slightly.

He wondered if he should tell Hikaru exactly
how powerful he was. How he had managed
to bend the Book of Vishanti to his will on his
first try—a nearly impossible feat. That in a
week he had gained powers that took others
years to aspire to.

*But he would probably not believe me,*
thought the Ancient One. *And besides,
perhaps the world needs a Sorcerer
Supreme that can doubt himself.* A worn
look came over his weathered face. *After
all, we’ve had too many who couldn’t and
look where that led us.*

-----

In a place that really could say it wasn’t
a place but a state of mind, IT stirred.
There was something IT wanted.
Something IT needed. Something—glowing.
IT whispered to those minds most closely
attuned to IT, and then waited. IT would
be free in a little while. But IT had been free
before and that hadn’t lasted. This time,
though—this time everything would go
according to plan.

IT was certain...

-----

Hikaru stood out on the deck of the ship that
was taking him to Tokyo. He took a deep
breath, enjoying the salty air. This was, he
thought, the first time he’d ever been on a
ship, and not been violently ill. He liked to
think it was a symbol of some kind, but most
likely all the vertigo from his flying lessons
had probably given him sea legs.

Still—he was starting an adventure. An
insane, horrific adventure that probably
prove fatal in very unpleasant ways—but
still a long way from the state of utter
despair he’d been in two months ago.
Now he was going to amazing,
improbable things.

Despite himself, a grin broke out on
Hikaru’s face.

A few feet away, a child burst into
tears. Her mother comforted her.
"Don’t worry dear. The scary
monster man won’t hurt you..."

-----

Matsumoto Hiroya was a perfectly
normal Japanese salaryman, who was
polite and courteous to a fault. He was
pleasant to his co-workers, kind to his
family, and a dependable, if unspectacular
worker. He was all in all the last man
anybody expected anything unusual
to happen to.

That morning, as Matsumoto was
waiting for the subway, a rather
shabby looking old man approached
him. "Pardon me, sir. I was wondering
if you could tell me what this says. I
seemed to have misplaced my reading
glasses."

"Certainly,"said Matsumoto graciously,
always ready to help his fellow man. The
old man handed him a rather thin bit of
yellow parchment with a very unpleasant
texture to it. Matsumoto cleared his throat
and began. "I invoke thee, oh three-mouthed
render of souls. Ku—ku—ku..."

"I believe the word is ‘Kuthargn’,"offered
the old man. "It means ‘to tear asunder
with great force’ in the Elder tongue."

"Ah,"nodded Matsumoto. "Thank you."
With that he continued. "Kuthargn! The
bindings that stay you break, oh great
one! Be free to rend and slay once more.
By my will, let it be so!"Matsumoto
smiled and handed the old man his paper.
"There you go."

The old man took it thankfully. "Much
obliged, young man."He turned away.
"Now if you will excuse me. I go to await
joyous slaughter at the claws of my master."

Matsumoto smiled and waved goodbye.
"Have a nice day, then."Yes, Matsumoto
Hiroya was a pleasant, kindly man. But a
bit on the naïve side.

Of course, that became completely
irrelevant moments later, when he
ceased to be a man, and instead
became a bloody spray.

-----

Hikaru returned to Japan one rainy
day on board the good ship, *Cote
d’Ivorie*. He disembarked quickly
at the docks, and after an incident
involving his luggage, he made his
way to Nerima first by taxi and
then (after the taxi broke down in
the middle of traffic) by foot.

He was just entering Nerima proper
when he heard a familiar voice. "Heh.
It’s the freak."

Hikaru turned to see a gang of rather
familiar street toughs, gathered around
a rather battered-looking leader. The
punk flexed his not inconsiderable
muscles. "Maybe you didn’t learn
your lesson last time. We don’t like
your sort here."

Hikaru felt a sudden an urge to roll
up into a ball and vanish but he
reined it in. He didn’t have to take
this. "Well, I happen to live here. So
just learn to ignore my presence, and
I’ve no doubt everyone will be happier."

"Heh,"grunted the thug. "Look at him.
Thinks he’s funny."The manner in which
he said it made it clear that thinking you
were funny was a major offense in his
book. He cracked his knuckles. Hikaru
winced. "Looks like I’m gonna have to
deal out some pain."

Hikaru let go of his luggage, and raised
his hand. Fine. The bastard wanted trouble—
he’d give it to him. With a simple phrase
Hikaru could have the Fires of Faltine burn
him into a fine ash.

To be honest, it was rather unfair.

Hikaru stared, his senses already shifting
into the mystic, as magick connections
formed in his mind. As the incantations
took shape, he saw into his opponent’s
mind, saw the bleak house that created him,
the secret urges that pushed him on, the
squalor that fed him.

Hikaru sighed. Great. Now, not only did
he have an overwhelming advantage, he
actually felt sympathy for his opponent,
who was really just a said little pawn. He
lowered his hand. "Look, I don’t want any
trou—"

The thug punched him in the stomach,
then pushed him on the ground.

With a curse directed at his nascent
conscience, Hikaru rose unsteadily. All
right, forget reasoning with him. Just swat
the guy like a bug, and then go away. Maybe
just a forceful push against a wall would do
the trick...

The tough paused. Somehow, his brain was
registering Gosunkugi as big and menacing,
even though that couldn’t possibly be the case.
Despite his self-assurance that Gosunkugi
remained as weak and pathetic as ever, he
still felt nervous about attacking him. The
confusion in his mind resulted in a notable
hesitation on his part.

And that hesitation gave the situation time
to change.

A pair of confident footsteps approached.
"Well what have we got here?"Hikaru
glanced up and groaned. Nabiki was on
the scene, as annoyingly self-assured as
always. "Tell me, did I give you a blow
to the head? Because amnesia is the only
explanation I have for your actions.
Gosunkugi is under my protection.
Remember?"Nabiki glanced at the gang’s
leader in a manner that managed to be
completely reasonable, and utterly terrifying.

The leader gulped and then forced on a
show of bravado. "What’s a matter
Tendou? ‘Fraid I’ll mess up your
boyfriend’s face?"He laughed in a
manner that seemed slightly strained.
"Like that was possible."

Nabiki was not a person for heavy
emotional response. In reaction to
all that, her eyes merely took on an
even more dangerous edge, and her
smile became positively terrifying.
"Honestly, do you want to tempt fate?
I mean, even suggesting that I’m
romantically connected with—well that—
is a good way to find yourself in the
mortuary, or the hospital, depending
on my mood."She gave a light, horrible
chuckle.

That was when his nerve broke. "Oh,
shit,"whimpered the gang leader softly,
just before he turned heels and ran. The
rest of the gang followed suit.

Hikaru glanced at Nabiki. "Thank you,
Nabiki. Your sociopathic posturing has
once again saved my skin at the cost of
only my dignity, and whatever money I
have in my pockets."

Nabiki’s smile quickly turned into a
frown. She was an intelligent person,
but not a particularly imaginative one,
and thus unexpected things displeased
her. "That doesn’t sound appropriately
grateful. However, if I get my money
I’ll forget that you said it."

Hikaru shrugged. "In that case, I won’t
pay you."He turned around. "I’m rather
proud of that remark—it was delivered
well, in a reasonably assured tone of
voice, and I think the content was
cleverly handled. Having it be
forgotten—it’d be a shame, really..."

Nabiki’s frown jacked up another level
of unpleasantness. "Tell me, Gosunkugi,
do you know what will happen to you if
you don’t pay me?"

"You will beat me up, perhaps?"Hikaru
said in a level tone of voice.

Nabiki laughed in a sepulchral manner.
"Tell me Gosunkugi, why should I extend
effort doing what others will do for me—
at no cost to myself?"

Hikaru glanced at her. Nabiki didn’t like
the glance he gave her. There wasn’t any
fear in it. Instead there was a horrible look
of condescension. "Personal satisfaction,
perhaps?"He shrugged. "It’s a thought."

Nabiki stepped forward, her fist raised.
"Listen, you little imbecile, I don’t know
what you’re getting from provoking me
like this..."

"I’m getting closure, Nabiki Tendou,"
Hikaru stated in a tone that was surprisingly
authoritarian. "I’m seeing now you aren’t
a god, or a monster, but a scared, angry
little girl who’s trying to bluff through life
by getting money and power."He leaned
forward. "They don’t work, Nabiki. All
they do is make you lonelier, and lonelier."
Hikaru turned around. "Not that I expect
you to listen. You’re one of those people
who already know everything, so nobody
can tell you anything. Rather enviable state
of existence, really. The rest of us mortals
wish we had that sort of assurance."

Nabiki felt it then. Anger. Hikaru had never
meant much of anything to her before—just
a guy with plenty of money who could be
parted from it rather easily. But right now,
she really would have been made extremely
happy to see his broken form before her.
Quite possibly in several pieces. "If you think
I’m going to be insulted..."

"Leave,"stated Hikaru simply. "I’m not
paying you anything, anymore. I don’t
want to discuss this anymore today."

Nabiki turned around and seethed. Slowly,
her anger fell from her like water from a
sheet of plastic. Gosunkugi was just being
daft. He probably had gotten sunstroke in
India, and didn’t know what he was doing.
That was why he’d insulted her like that. It
would pass. That was why she had left him
alone. She’d known that deep inside.

Plus, she really hadn’t wanted to discuss
it anymore today.

Hikaru waited until Nabiki was a sizable
distance away, then breathed a sigh of
relief. Somehow—his bluff had worked.
Nabiki hadn’t attacked him. His hands
shook slightly.

You know maybe fighting demons
wouldn’t be so bad.

"Hikaru?"

Five seconds after hearing that familiar
voice, Hikaru realized that fighting
demons was infinitely better then
some options. "A-Akane."He gave
a reflexive nod. "Nice to see you."He gave
another reflexive nod.

Akane looked him over, oddly. "Are you
all right, Hikaru?"

Hikaru gave another reflexive nod. "Of
course. Perfectly fine."

Akane’s eyes showed that she rather
doubted that. "You just seem—kind of
twitchy."

Hikaru barely stopped himself from
nodding again. "It’s nothing really. Just
being back home, and all that..."

Akane seemed to accept that explanation,
or sorry excuse for one. "Nabiki seemed
upset."

"Oh, I wouldn’t worry,"said Hikaru.
"Your sister has a real genius for
ignoring things she doesn’t like..."

Akane nodded in unhearing agreement. "So,
how was India?"

Hikaru took a deep breath. He had to be
careful in what he told her—no one could
suspect the truth. "Oh, fine,"he began. "I
faced off against a powerful demonic wizard,
and became apprenticed to a sorcerer."Hikaru
buried his face in his palm. Oh, crap. That was
a mistake. He needed to move the conversation
along quickly. He recalled Akane mentioning a
trip to him once...

"So how was Norway?"

"Nice,"replied a smiling Akane. "I defeated a
bunch of invading stone aliens, and assumed
the power of the Goddess of Thunder."

"Ahh,"said Hikaru, nodding. "That sounds lovely."
He gave a nervous grin. *Well,* he thought, *she
apparently thinks I’ve gone mad and is humoring me.*

Akane smiled and nodded back at him. *Poor
Hikaru,* she thought. *He finally snapped. I really
shouldn’t make fun of him though—after all nobody
can suspect the truth.*

-----

"’—So next time you hear the circus is town,’"Kagome
recited enthusiastically, "’remember it may be the
Circus
of Crime!’"She glanced up at her partner. "This one’s
going into the scrapbook!"

Inu-Yasha glanced at her from across the room. He’d
been pacing a great deal lately, like an animal in a
cage
that was too small. "Kagome, it barely mentions us."

Kagome sighed, as she took out a pair of scissors.
"Inu-Yasha we are a major section of that article."

Inu-Yasha moved next to her with startling speed,
and picked up the article. "'The Circus of Crime
was thwarted by a pair of as yet unidentified
superheroes.' ", he read in a hurried tone. He
glanced at her scornfully. "Oh, yeah, a major
section, all right..."

Kagome grabbed the paper. "It’s going into the
scrapbook,"she stated definitely. "Now let go—
I don’t want to tear it."

Inu-Yasha relented. Turning away, he stated
quietly, "I just don’t see what the big deal is..."

Kagome chuckled. "We’re learning to work
together as a team."

Inu-Yasha’s expression hinted at disbelief, in
the same manner that explosions hint of bombs.
"Kagome, we already were working together as
a team."

"Ah!"she said enthusiastically. "But not a
super team!"

Inu-Yasha sighed. That sort of thinking was,
when you got down to it, undefeatable. "Kagome—
I—I wouldn’t get so worked up about this..."

Kagome turned and gave him... *the look*.
*The look* managed to be innocent and
infuriated and threatening and endearing
all at once, and when Inu-Yasha was on
the receiving end, he never had an idea on
how to deal with it. "Getting worked up?
I’m not getting worked up!"Kagome bit
her lip. "We’re superheroes! We beat
supervillains. It’s important."She finished
cutting out the article and placed it next to
"Witnesses See Dog-boy and Cat-girl"and
"Are Animal People Foiling Crime in Tokyo?".

Inu-Yasha leaned back. "Look—I don't know if
a group of midgets, tumblers, an' clowns who
steal things count as supervillains..."

Kagome stared at him angrily. "Yes they do!
They have cool nicknames!"

Inu-Yasha groaned. "Kagome—I—I just
don't wanna be a superhero. It seems like a
waste of time."

Kagome stared at him, as if she'd been
struck. "What's—what's wrong with being
a superhero?"

The look on Kagome's face made Inu-
Yasha feel guilty—which of course made
him resent her more. "Well, for starters
there's that name you gave me."

Kagome gasped. ""Oh! And what's wrong
with be called 'Son of Satan'?"

Inu-Yasha scratched his chin. "Well, let's
see—maybe—I don't know—'cause my
dad's name ain't SATAN!"

Kagome turned around, and gave a
dismissive shrug. "It's just supposed to
be catchy. It doesn't matter if it's accurate."

Inu-Yasha slouched, his expression
worried. "But—Kagome—I—"He
straightened and looked at her. "You've
been weird lately."

Kagome glanced at him, scandalized. "WEIRD!"
she said, waving her scissors around. "I defy
you to show that I’m weird!"

Inu-Yasha backed away as the scissors came
exceedingly close to his face. "Where do I start?
The costumes—the names—the way you make
speeches now..."

Kagome placed her hands on her hips, just
narrowly avoiding stabbing herself in the thigh.
"I DO NOT MAKE SPEECHES!"She glanced
away. "I say enheartening words in the fight against
evil."

"It’s the same thing!"

"Completely different,"Kagome stated definitively.

Inu-Yasha glanced at the floor. "I’m just—starting
to wonder—what’s the point?"

"The POINT?"Kagome was now livid. "The
point is saving lives! The point is making a
difference! The point is being a beacon of hope
in a world beset by darkness!"

Inu-Yasha grabbed her shoulders forcefully. "We
can do all that as INU-YASHA and KAGOME!!"
He shut his eyes, his arms slumping down to his
side. "I just want to be Inu-Yasha and Kagome.
Like we used to be..."

Kagome turned away, and sniffled. She looked,
rather embarrassed. After a moment, she spoke.
"I—I’m sorry, Inu-Yasha. I guess, I just—forgot
about how you feel—in all the—excitement..."She
sat back down and rested her head on the desk. "It’s
just..."

She sighed.

"When I was a little girl, my father used to read me
stories about—well, the superheroes. I—I just loved
that there were people like that –brave people who
did what had to be done to keep everyone safe. And
when my father..."She shut her eyes. "When he died,
I started reading them myself, as a way of—keeping him

here, and that made me want to be one. But I got
older,
and realized I couldn’t be, so I just—chose to forget

about it. And then—then I met you, and superheroes
started showing up everywhere, and I realized I had
the chance to—do it."She smiled ruefully. "To be a
superhero."She glanced at Inu-Yasha. "Silly, huh?"

Inu-Yasha was quiet for a moment, looking guiltily
at the floor. "I’m...sorry, Kagome."

Kagome’s eyes widened in surprise, as she
watched Inu-Yasha glance away awkwardly. "Sorry?
What for?"

He shut his eyes. "For bein’ a big jerk."He
took a deep breath. "We can keep up the
superhero deal. I don’t mind."

Kagome leaped forward and gave him a
hug. "Oh, Inu-Yasha!"

Inu-Yasha gulped. "Umm, Kagome..."

Kagome seemed to suddenly realize what
she was doing, and let go, then backed away,
awkwardly. "Umm—right. Thank you..."The
pair made pointed glances away from each other,
and fidgeted for a while, before a distraction
entered the room in the form of a meowing cat.

Kagome immediately turned. "Kilala!"She scooped
up the small white cat with black patches (whose tail,

the observant onlooker would have noticed, seemed
to be on fire) and began to coddle it. "You're such a
good kitty! Yes, you are! Yes, you are!"

Inu-Yasha rolled his eyes. "I don't know why you
make such a big deal about that cat."

Kagome glanced at him offended while stroking
Kilala's head. "Kilala wound up with us here after
the explosion. It has to mean something..."

"It means that she hid in your pocket,"muttered
Inu-Yasha peevishly.

Kagome looked up. "What was that?"

"Nothing."

-----

Hikaru, smiling slightly, held up the shirt he'd just
spent the last hour sewing a yin-yang symbol onto.
He'd done a rather good job, actually—the yin-yang
was positioned perfectly in the shirt's center,
divided
into two, each half fitting together perfectly to form
the
whole. He'd even positioned it, so the buttons were
incorporated into the design as the balancing
energies.
And to finish it off, he'd marked it off from the rest
from
the rest of the shirt by a thin line of silver thread.

*Well,* thought Hikaru, *that's four hours killed. Now

I've got to worry about the slow destruction of the
world's
protective barriers before an insidious onslaught of
demonic invaders...* He sighed. *I think I'll worry
about my costume for a little while longer...*

He put on the shirt, then snapped on the final touch—
a harmless bit of vanity that he was already slightly
ashamed of—a pair of circling serpent cufflinks
he'd found in India and bought on impulse. He
glanced into the mirror.

Hikaru chuckled slightly. He actually looked—
well, somewhat impressive. Now all he needed
to add was...

He winced. The Cloak.

The idea had occurred to him on the trip back.
Reading the newspapers, he’d noted that in the
month or so he’d been gone, a great change had
come over Japan—it was beset by superheroes.
It seemed nearly half the articles dealt with the
doings of brave men and women who wore
spandex without the least sense of shame or even
regret. It had seemed obvious to him that posing
as a superhero would be the best way to about
his business in Tokyo.

Otherwise he was afraid he might be mistaken
for a pimp wearing that damn Cloak of Levitation,
something his sallow complexion and limited
physique would only act to confirm. Hikaru was
not going to be booked on an ethics charge.

Not again.

No he was sure he’d seem fairly sedate by superhero
standards. Well, reasonably sure. He thought anyway.
He slipped on the Cloak.

Hikaru sighed. Well, he had accomplished his goal.
He no longer looked like a pimp.

He looked like a pimp who had recently converted
to Taoism.

Hikaru turned to his dresser. Fortunately he was
prepared for this eventuality. He snapped on a
domino mask, then glanced back at the mirror.

Now he looked like a Taoist pimp who was
attending a costume ball.

Well, there was a last chance of avoiding
recognition. He slipped the pantyhose over
his head.

Now he looked like a Taoist pimp who was
going to commit a mugging, on his way to a
costume ball.

Hikaru took both of his makeshift disguises off.
It appeared that this was his—best option. He
sighed. Well, if any of his classmates saw him,
he’d just pretend not to know them. After all,
what chance was there of them automatically
recognizing a ghastly pale young man wearing
a distinctive outfit?

Hikaru groaned. Life really wasn’t fair, when
you got down to it...

He took a deep breath, and turned to the Orb
of Agomotto. He'd managed to set it up on
his desk as a paperweight, telling his parents
he'd gotten it as a memento in India. Now,
the Ancient One had told him that it would help
him locate threats to this world...but hadn't
actually mentioned how to use it.

Hikaru stared at it, for a moment. Maybe—maybe
if he thumped it a little... but no, it looked rather
delicate. He placed his hand on top of it.

A brilliant light began to shine from the center
of the Eye. Strange images flooded Hikaru's
mind, which then began to crystallize with
startling clarity.

Hikaru stood there for a moment, silent. Finally,
he uttered two words, quietly.

"Oh, crap..."

-----

IT was free now. ITs servants had seen to
that and they had received the honor of
death at ITs claws for that service.

The killing had been good.

ITS initial impulse had been to do more,
but IT was clever enough to realize that
it was not ready yet. There was something
IT needed—something that shone. Once it
had that, it could slay till the ground ran red.

Oh, it would be sweet.

IT felt pleasure at these thoughts. In the
past, IT would not be capable of such
planning. IT would be wild and heedless
and slay until IT was stopped. But things
were different this time. IT felt—calmer.
More in control. This time, the conditions
were just right. And not just for IT.

No, for all ITs old friends as well.

-----

"The jewel’s properties were first discovered in
1766, by Carl von Herzog,"began Henry Exposition,
a lieutenant in SHIELD. "Prior to that, it had been in

the possession of a noted Chinese family who
credited it with magical powers."

Sergeant Michael Cross glanced at his companion.
"So actually, the properties were discovered earlier
by the family—or possibly someone else before them."

Exposition gave a snobbish sniff, as he turned the
van in traffic. "I was using "discovered"in the
classical sense—‘noticed by someone of European
descent’."

Cross scowled. "Right."He hated Henry. The
Expositions were a big family in SHIELD—one
encountered them everywhere—and everywhere
they were the same didactic, pontificating
blabbermouths who were always willing to talk
your ears off. Still, every now and then, there
was a bit of vital information hid away among
all the hot air.

"All right—accepting that definition, what did
Von Herzog discover?"

"That the jewel seemed to emit some sort of
strange energy that responded to human
emotions."

"That was all?"

"Well, he was going to do further research, but
he was struck by lightening. At least they think
he was—there was a storm the night he died,
and the smoldering stumps of his legs were
found..."

"Right,"muttered Cross.

"Anyway, the shard passed to his cousin,
Wilhelm Von Gunzt, who confirmed its
properties before drowning in a bowl of
soup."

"A bowl of soup?"

"Wilhelm suffered from narcolepsy. He
sort of nodded off during a feast. Unfortunately,
Mozart was playing that night, and he was at the
height of his popularity. He'd been lying face
first in gazpacho soup for about an hour before
anyone noticed."

Michael sighed. "And then?"

Exposition shrugged. "Then the shard passed to
Wilhelm's brother, Randolph, who published a
pamphlet on its properties. Unfortunately, he also
published a pamphlet on the glories of communal
gardening, and was arrested and executed as a
Rosicrucian."

"Just for publishing a gardening tract?"

"It was a politically explosive time. Plus, he'd
once made the mistake of comparing the Crown
Prince's wife to a bratwurst."Henry coughed at
that, then continued. "Randolph's pamphlet interested
one Edmund Fitzroy, a wealthy English financier, who
purchased the shard, and an hour later, was hit by a
cart, which dragged his body twenty three miles,
before crashing in a ditch."

Michael gave a whistle. "What a way to die..."

"Oh, he didn't die."Exposition thought that over.
"Though to be fair, he lost all of his higher
faculties,
and had to be spoon-fed pease porridge for the
remaining years of his life."He tapped his fingers
lightly on the steering wheel. "After that, the jewel
remained in his family's possession well into the
mid-20th century, when it was bought by SHIELD
through a dummy company. It was then kept in
cold storage after the regrettable incident with
Assistant Director Harker..."

"What was that?"interjected Cross.

"He sort of melted..."

"How do you 'sort of melt'?"

"The experts are still asking that question. It
may have been something he ate."

Cross winced.

"Anyway the shard stayed in storage until Arturo
Garibaldi brought it out during his term as Director
of Research. Garibaldi quickly discovered an
accurate way of harnessing the crystal's energy
after slipping in the shower one day, and
designed the 'U-ray'."

Cross glanced at Exposition. "Is this the same
Arturo Garibaldi who liked to receive enemas
from transvestites?"

Exposition frowned. "Now, Michael, it is a
low act indeed to dwell on the personal foibles
of one of SHIELD's greatest researchers..."

"Okay,"Cross sighed. "Fine. But didn't he
blow himself up in a faulty experiment?"

"Honestly! While it's true Garibaldi suffered
a mishap with his temporal transponder, it
could hardly be termed 'blowing himself
up', as it was nonfatal. Garibaldi is well
on the road to recovery."

"They found his head in Newark! Just his
head!"

"Ahh,"said Exposition sagely, "but when
they found it, it was smoking a cigar, and
winked at them. I've no doubt that Garibaldi
will manage to pull himself together eventually.
Why just last year, he was seen in a gentleman's
club in Los Angeles, and he'd managed to
work himself up to an almost complete torso,
missing only a left arm."

Cross felt a burning urge to free himself of
that image.

"So what about the 'U-ray'?"

Exposition shrugged. "SHIELD checked the
plans, then subcontracted them out to Akamatsu
Industries Limited. They put it together with
virtually no incident—aside from the spontaneous
combustion of half the staff, of course."

"Half the staff...?"

"Well, when you actually consider it, it's not so
unusual. There are perhaps several hundred cases
of spontaneous combustion a year—and it is only
natural that some would happen to individuals who
greatly resemble each other—for example, who
share a place of employment."

Cross was completely silent for a moment.
Finally he glanced at Exposition. "So that's the
history of the item we're picking up?"

Henry nodded. "More or less."

"Perfect,"grumbled Cross.

"Oh, don't be silly,"laughed Exposition as
he turned onto a rather deserted street. "What
could possibly go wrong?"

-----

Yuka was a perfectly normal young girl, whose
only real flaw (if you could call it that) was a
definite
tendency to stay out late. Her parents had always
told her that this would get her into trouble.

Not even they had imagined that this trouble
might take the form of being pulled into an
alleyway by a creature that looked like a
combination of spider, an octopus, and bit
of rotting food that'd been in the refrigerator
far too long, but this was mostly due to a
lack of imagination on their parts.

Yuka was not especially brave, so she screamed
a great deal as this happened, and looked
around frantically. She couldn't die like this! She
just
couldn't. Something had to happen.

Against all reason something did.

"Blast of the Five Winds!"cried a voice. A
furious blast of wind tore at the creature. It
turned. A figure stood at the opposite end of
the alley. Feeling angry at having its fun
interrupted, the beast charged towards it.
"Rain of Iron!"said the figure, a shower of
iron nails tearing into the creature, pinning it
to the opposite wall. It squealed horribly, then
dissolved into a patch of nasty oilish smoke.
Yuka glanced at her savior.

He was much shorter than she'd thought he'd
be.

"Umm, hello..."said Hikaru, nervously. It
was just his luck he'd run into a classmate
on his first night out.

Yuka stared at him. That pallor—that dark
clothing—those sunken eyes—she recognized
him. "I know you!"she cried.

Hikaru winced. Here it comes, he thought.

"Count Dracula!"Yuka cried. She rushed
towards him, craning her neck at a very
odd angle. "Have you come to make me one
of your unholy brides?"

Hikaru looked at her in disbelief. Finally,
he coughed. "I'm not... Dracula."

Yuka looked distinctly disappointed at
that. "Oh."Suddenly, the eager look
reappeared on her face. "Well, you're
still going to suck my blood so that I
can spend eternity under your thrall, right?"

Hikaru began to nervously tap his fingers
together. "I'm not a vampire."He cleared
his throat, and glanced around. "Actually,
the whole blood-sucking thing always struck
me as unhygienic..."

Yuka was looking at him with bored suspicion.
"Well, if you're not a vampire, why are you
wearing a cape?"

Hikaru glanced away, looking acutely
embarrassed. "I'm a superhero."

Yuka's eyes widened. "Really?"She looked
at him, amazed. "Wow. I've never met a
superhero before."Her gaze seemed to
adjust down to speculative. "I've never
heard of one wearing an outfit like that..."

Hikaru shrugged. "Well—there's no
dress code, so I decided to go for a
unique look..."

"Or having such a scrawny,
underdeveloped musculature."

Hikaru winced. "Umm—right—well, I've been
meaning to hit the gym, one of these days..."

Yuka continued. "Or being so grotesquely ugly..."

Hikaru glared at her. "Look—I didn't see you
dealing with that Hrr’grakai demon! When you can
command the Five Elements to do your bidding,
then you can critique me, understand?"

"Are you sure you’re not a vampire?"Yuka asked,
ignoring him. She glanced over again. "Or maybe
a zombie?"

Hikaru was actually starting to regret saving her.
"Yes, I’m sure."

Yuka gave a skeptical nod. "And what do you
call yourself?"

Hikaru blinked. He had forgotten to give himself
an alias. "Why, I’m—"He began to hem and haw.
He needed something vaguely authoritarian, but snappy.

The lighter side of fascism, more or less. And of
course,
it had to be mystical. Shaman? Too vague. Brother
Voodoo? Much too silly. Morbius, the Living Vampire?

Hikaru blinked. He had no idea where that last one
came
from. Yuka was looking at him with growing doubt.
"Doctor—"Doctor—yes—that was the ticket, friendly,
but commanding. Now, what next...?

These musings were interrupted by the anomaly in the
end of the alley.

"Strange,"he muttered softly. "That shouldn’t be
here..."

Yuka glanced around. "What shouldn’t be here, Dr.
Strange?"

Hikaru paused. Apparently she thought his
confused strugglings for a name and his
statement of puzzlement were directly connected.
He turned the name over in his head. Dr. Strange.
Pretty good actually. Managed to imply mystery
without sounding too ridiculous, AND it was easy
to remember. He coughed slightly. "There’s an
anomaly over there—a—well, a gateway. To a
BAD place. A really bad place. A place where
your friend is actually the standard of beauty.
Which is why you should get going. Preferably
now."

Yuka nodded. "All right."As she started
to move away, she stopped a moment, and
glanced at Hikaru. "Do you think you could
at least gnaw on my neck a little...?"

"SCRAM!"shouted Hikaru, waving his fist.

Yuka scurried away. Hikaru turned back to
the anomaly. His crusade against the powers
of evil had taught him one thing, at least.

When the lights go out the real freaks come out,
and sometimes they aren’t the people you’d expect.
It was going to be a long time before he could
look at some of the people on his street without
shuddering.

And along that note, he should remember to avoid
Yuka like the plague. Not that that would prove
especially difficult, as she existed in a completely
different social circle then him.

The little fetishistic weirdo...

Hikaru was at this point, three feet from the
anomaly, and that’s when things got—well,
not unusual, but more unusual, perhaps.

AH. HELLO, MORTAL, a voice spoke in his
mind. The voice’s tone—not there was actual
sound to it—was haughty and commanding.
I SEE YOU DEFEATED MY HERALD. THAT
WAS GOOD—FOR A MORTAL.

Hikaru sighed. "I suppose...."He glanced
around. "So who are you, and why do I hear
your voice in my head, instead of God telling
me that I’m the Angel of Death, and the bloody
harvest is about to begin?"

This seemed to puzzle the entity. EH?

Hikaru shut his eyes. "Sarcasm. That’s right.
I forget you evil demonic overlords generally
don’t have senses of humor."

OH, said the entity, a general feeling unease
coming from its thoughts, before being masked
once again by bravado and boasting. LISTEN
WELL, MORTAL, FOR I AM HE-WHO-
DWELLS-IN-DARKNESS.

Hikaru chuckled slightly. "You must pay a
small fortune for monograms."

While he didn’t hear an unintelligible grumble
he felt it. LISTEN, SORCERER, I TOLD
YOU TRUE—YOU DID WELL, FOR A
MORTAL. BUT THE GREATEST MORTAL
IS FOR ME NO MORE SIGNIFICANT THAN
THE GREATEST GRAIN OF SAND.

"You know, people have been killed by grains
of sand..."commented Hikaru.

WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?, came back
the rather shocked thought.

"Nothing,"replied Hikaru. "Just trying to
make conversation. I know how much you
guys like the sound of—no, that doesn’t work—
well, the feel of your own thought patterns, I
guess."He shrugged. "I’m just giving you material
to work with. Really, you should be thankful."

LISTEN, FLEA, DO YOU DARE INSULT
ME? HE-WHO-

"-Dwells-In-Darkness,"muttered Hikaru
diffidently. "I heard it the first time. And
yes. I guess I do."

CHURL! I WILL RIP YOU LIMB
FROM LIMB! I WILL TEAR OUT
YOUR ENTRAILS, AND USE THEM
AS CHEWING GUM! I WILL
SLAUGHTER ALL IN YOUR WORLD,
UNTIL THE SEA RUNS RED WITH
BLOOD!

Hikaru smiled. "That sounds very
impressive. Care to step outside and
say that?"

WHAT? There was a nervous touch to the
demon lord’s mental tone. UMM—MAYBE
LATER. HOW ABOUT FIRST I SEND
SOME MORE MINIONS OUT TO GET
YOU...?

Hikaru shrugged. "Bit of a waste of time.
Do you know how many demonic invasions I
have to handle tonight? I’m three down, and I
still have five more to go. Nope, got to get this
one done quickly. I think I’ll just enter your
dimension, and engage you into a struggle to
the death."

NOO! YOU CAN’T! I—I’VE GOT A
COLD! AND I’M NOT DRESSED! IT
WOULD BE REALLY REALLY
EMBARASSING.

Hikaru sighed. "Well, then you leave me no
choice..."He started to walk forward. "Just
going to have to destroy your portal."

LOOK, came the nervous thought pattern, I—
I WAS JUST JOKING. I’M NOT REALLY
GOING TO MAKE THE SEAS RUN RED
WITH BLOOD.

Hikaru walked into the anomaly. "Not much
of a joke."

PLEASE—THIS PORTAL—IT’S MY
ONLY CHANCE TO MAKE IT IN THE
NETHERWORLD! WHEN YOU GET
THIS SORT OF THING—THE OTHER
DEMONS, THEY EXPECT ALL SORTS
OF POSING! IT’S ALL BULLSHIT! HONEST!
HELL, MY NAME ISN’T REALLY
HE-WHO-DWELLS-IN-DARKNESS—
IT’S NORM!

"That’s very interesting to know,"stated Hikaru,
as he vanished into the anomaly.

ALL RIGHT, PAL! YOU’RE ASKING
FOR IT! I’M NO SLOUCH IN THE
FIGHTING DEPARTMENT! PREPARE TO
ENTER A UNIVERSE OF PAIN!

About five minutes later, Hikaru exited
the anomaly, and completed the job
of closing it. "That was underwhelming."
He rubbed his eyes. "Oh, great. I think
the lighting in there gave me a headache..."
And so, Hikaru Gosunkugi strode out into
the night, looking for a 24 hour drugstore
that sold cheap aspirin.

-----

"Night falls, in a nightish sort of way.
And when it falls, night's solitary warriors..."

Inu-Yasha gave a frustrated sigh. "How are
we solitary Kagome? There's two of us."Kagome
had been giving these ‘introductory monologues’
for about a month now, and he was starting worry.

"Quiet! I'm establishing mood here. Ahem—when it
falls, night's solitary warriors, Hellcat and Son of
Satan spring into action! Defeating badness!
Defending goodness! Supporting pleasantness!
And also niceness! But not ickiness! That's right
out! Son of Satan, are you with me?"

Inu-Yasha considered saying no, but really
couldn't let Kagome down like that. "Sure.
Hurray for niceness. Wooh."

"Right!"cried Kagome. "To the Hellcat-Cycle!"

The Hellcat-Cycle had been just 'Kagome's bicycle'
before, but after the superhero deal began, it had
gotten
a cheap plastic cat decal attached to it, and become—
THE HELLCAT-CYCLE! Manually powered transport—
of SUPERHEROES!

Inu-Yasha groaned. Great. Now he was doing it.

Kagome meanwhile, was busily peddling away.

"Come on, Son of Satan! There’re deeds of
daring-do to do!"

"I’m comin’, I’m comin’..."muttered Inu-Yasha,
as he started to run behind her.

-----

Hikaru, after foiling six attempted invasions
of the Earth by demonic entities of various
stripes, was really getting tired of his new job.

Maybe it was because the only pay he received
was a sense of satisfaction of job well done,
or at least done. Well, that and his continued
existence. Which might be a plus, he admitted.

Maybe it was because the average demon was
a grotesque mockery of all life. With absolutely
no taste, and even less of a sense of humor.
He’d had to raid several demonic dimensions,
all of which featured flowing rivers of blood,
strobe lighting, and "You Don’t Have to Be
Damned to Work Here—But It Helps!"signs
on the walls.

Hikaru took a deep sip of his rather
indifferent, lukewarm latte. A paper
airplane that had been painstakingly folded
from a napkin struck him on the back of
the head.

Or perhaps, he appended, it was all
the mockery his outfit was attracting
as he paused to get refreshed at an
all-night café.

Hikaru turned abruptly. "All right,
you creep, I seem to recall that this is
a free country, where a man can stop
for a cup of coffee, and not have to
worry about persecution based on
the way he dresses."

The entire clientele of the café glanced
at him, and then glanced pointedly away.

"I’ll have you know I have a perfectly
good reason for wearing this outfit!"
Hikaru began to wave his fist. "I am a
SUPERHERO!"

The crowd continued to pointedly
glance away.

Hikaru sat back down. "Ingrates,"he
muttered under his breath. Maybe he
should just let the N’Gai toast a city
district. That would show them...

The café’s waitress approached
him. "Anything else?"

Hikaru glanced at her. "Tell me, if
I order another latte, would it actually
be hot?"

The waitress shrugged. "Miracles
have been known to happen."

Hikaru frowned. "That’s what I
thought..."He handed her a few bills.
"Keep the change..."The waitress nodded
and headed out. Hikaru sighed. He shouldn’t
have flown off the handle like that. After all, it
was just a paper airplane. He’d dealt with worse
his entire life. At least right now, he was having
a quiet moment, after an eventful stress-filled
night.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Well, night
owls, prepare for a stick-up of the most
figurative kind! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Hikaru’s head slumped down to the
countertop. Well, at least his luck was
holding out. All bad. Righting himself,
he turned to look at this new threat.

Hikaru blinked. Then he blinked again, to
make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. Then
he blinked a third time, in the desperate
hope that he was. However, it appeared
he wasn’t. The café really was about to be
robbed by a man dressed largely in purple
spandex—right up to the cowl on his
rather vulpine face. The man’s gloves
and boots were both a light red in color,
and in his left hand, he held what looked
for all the world like a military attempt at
designing a squirt gun.

"Tremble, yes tremble fools at my
awesome might! It will consume you!
Quail before my power!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Hikaru’s teeth ground together at
the apparent supervillain’s high-pitched
laughter. *Maybe if I just sit here quietly,
this will blow over,* he thought. *I
mean, it’s not like I owe these people
anything. I’ve already saved their sorry
carcasses tonight, and I’m going to
do it again. I can sit this one out.
Might teach them a lesson.* That was
when he caught a desperate glance
from the waitress. "Damn social
conscience..."muttered Hikaru,
standing up.

"Attention, supervillain!"he stated in
his best attempt at a loud commanding
voice. "Before you stands Dr. Strange,
self appointed nemesis to unpleasantness.
Now cease your criminal activities and
inordinate cackling or face my completely
justifiable wrath."

"Oh, really?"snorted the villain. "And
tell me, Doctor are you ready to face
the uncanny power of—PASTE-POT
PETE?!!"

Hikaru’s face went slack. "What?"

"I said, ‘are you ready to face the
uncanny power of Paste-pot Pete’?"
His opponent frowned. "What are
you, deaf?"

Hikaru buried his face in his hands.
The universe, he felt, was an unjustifiably
silly place, sometimes.

Paste-pot Pete (who was known to family and—
well, acquaintances, as Katsuhiku Jinnai) smiled
to himself. His first act of supervillainy was
already a roaring success. His superhero
opponent had been reduced to quivering
terror at the very mention of his name!
Soon, very soon, Makoto Mizuhara
would be defeated!

All right—so technically, this was his
*second* act of supervillainy. His first,
an attempted bank robbery, had derailed
fairly quickly. He’d handed a note saying
"Prepare to get sticky"to a teller, and then
had waited half an hour, at which point a
pair of muscular security guards had shown
up, and forcibly hauled him off, explaining as
they did so that the bank didn’t want perverts
intent on monkey business hanging around
the premises.

Fortunately, no one had noted the beginning
of his career in crime, and Jinnai had been able
to take away two very important lessons.

Firstly, banks are far too heavily protected to
be robbed with impunity. It would be wiser to
go for a place that *wasn’t* expecting it.

Secondly, his impromptu costume of an
artist’s smock and dark glasses topped off by
kicky beret just didn’t seem to grab people’s
attention, at least, not in a way that screamed
‘supervillain’.

Jinnai gave a satisfied nod. Purple spandex
had definitely been the way to go.

Hikaru, after a couple of deep breaths,
glanced up. "Okay,"he announced. "My
burst of existential horror is over. I accept
the terrifying fact that a man may want to
dress in spandex and call himself Pasty
Pete—"

"That’s Paste-Pot Pete!"cried Jinnai,
menacingly waving his gun around.

"Right,"said Hikaru in the calm cool
tone that is generally used by men of
extraordinary patience on children of
remarkable intransigence. "As I was
saying, it’s the sort of thinking that
gives the world quite a few rock stars."
Hikaru’s toe was starting to tap
impatiently on the floor. "But what
puzzles me is what superpowers a man
called Post-Haste Pete—"

"I said, that’s Paste-Pot Pete!"screamed
Jinnai.

"Dear me,"said Hikaru. "Did I misspeak
myself? Must be the lateness of the hour.
To continue, what powers might he possess?"

"A worthy question,"cackled Jinnai.
"My power comes from my brilliant
invention, the paste pistol!"Jinnai
glanced at his creation lovingly. Well,
truthfully it was that bastard Mizuhara’s
invention, which Jinnai had... liberated
from his lab, but still, his nemesis had
been blind to its more advanced
applications. In fact, he had built it for
nothing more than to fix a few loose tiles
on the school roof, showing as usual the
inferiority of his so-called genius in
comparison to the incomparable mind of
Katsuhiko Jinnai. "With this I shall become
one of the leading lights of the criminal
world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Hikaru seemed to be staring at him
rather strangely. "I’m happy for you.
So—your—paste pistol..."Hikaru bit
his lip, in apparent frustration. "It shoots—
paste, I’m guessing?"

Jinnai snickered. "That’s right! A very
sticky paste! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Hikaru nodded. "That’s what I thought."
He nodded some more. "Would you just—
give me a second...?"Hikaru turned around,
glanced at the café’s patrons, and screamed.
"All right people!"he shouted. "Would a
reasonably fit man care to take a chair to the
back of Pastel Pete’s head?"

"That’s Paste-Pot Pete!"cried Jinnai.

"Shut up!"said Hikaru forcibly. He
glanced back at the crowd. "Come on!
He’s a scrawny young man who is trying
to hold you up with a glue gun! Am I the
only one here who realizes the inherent
absurdity of this fact?"

The other patrons made it a point of order
to avoid looking at Hikaru.

"You all suck,"muttered Hikaru. "I want
you to realize that..."

"What to do you mean ‘inherent absurdity’?
Are you insulting me, you cape-wearing lunatic?"

"Yes, I’m insulting you because you are
probably one of the most intrinsically
incompetent supervillains in existence,"
seethed Hikaru. "Have you ever considered
the obvious limitations of your ‘power’?
Suppose, for example, that you are robbing
a bank. The manager knows the combination
to the safe. He won’t open it. What do you do?"

"Simple,"snickered Jinnai. "I’d tell him to do it,
or face a blast from my paste pistol."

"And what would that do?"

"It would—make him very sticky..."stated
Jinnai, a touch of uncertainty trailing into his
voice.

"And why would that be threatening?"Hikaru
asked quietly.

"He—really doesn’t like being sticky..."Jinnai’s
expression was now openly confused.

"It’s not threatening at all!"Hikaru shouted.
"If you’d have thought about it, you’d have
known it! You’d have seen your only superpower
is using a gun that’s less effective than a normal
gun!"

"It—it makes people sticky!"Jinnai muttered
defensively.

"A normal gun makes people dead,"replied Hikaru.
"Being dead is much worse than being sticky."

"Oh—oh, shut up!"screamed Jinnai raising his
paste pistol. "No one insults my reign of
supervilliany..."He pulled the trigger.

A trickle of brownish fluid leaked out of the
muzzle. "What—? "Jinnai muttered in shock.

"Oh, yes,"said Hikaru in a rather amused tone.
"While we were chatting, I transformed your
glue to molasses."

Jinnai stared at him in dull surprise.

"Or maybe treacle."Hikaru began to tap his
chin, in speculation. "Actually, those might
be the same thing..."

"You’re working for him, aren’t you?"Jinnai
stated hatefully. "You’re working for Makoto
Mizuhara!"

Hikaru glanced at Jinnai, baffled. "Who?"

"Don’t play dumb with me!"screamed Jinnai.
"This is just another one of that bastard’s
attempts to bring me down! Well, Paste-Pot Pete
is not as easy to defeat as Katsuhiku Jinnai!"He
triumphantly pulled out a greenish cylinder from
his back pocket. "Behold! A second load of
ammunition!"

Hikaru sighed. "You really take too much
relish in even the smallest triumphs, you
know that?"

Jinnai changed his canisters quickly, then
leveled the gun at Hikaru. "Let’s see you get
out of this one!"

Hikaru stared at him forcibly.

Jinnai blinked. "Gettin’ sleepy..."he muttered.
"Go night-night now..."With that he crashed to
the floor and within minutes was laying there in
a fetal position, snoring.

"Had to keep at it, didn’t you?"Hikaru shook
his head. He turned to the café patrons. "And thus
was the scary Potboy Pete, wielder of the mighty
glue gun, vanquished."He walked out. "Don’t
expect me to be so helpful next time..."

Shortly after he left the patrons glanced at each
other. "Well, it seems that shrill, ugly fellow really

was a superhero!"

"Yes. We’re all in his debt it seems."

"What was his name again?"asked one.

"Ummmm... I think it was "Professor
Weird, or something..."said another,
uncertainly.

"No, daddy, I’m a good boy..."whimpered
an unconscious Jinnai from the floor. "It was
Nanami..."He began to suck his thumb nervously.

-----

The time was coming. IT could feel the
circumstances aligning. A few more
adjustments, and it would be done...

There. Finished. Now IT just had to wait. IT
hated waiting. IT wanted to be killing. IT
wanted to feel blood pour down ITs
throats. IT wanted to enjoy the suffering
of mortals...

But IT could wait for a little while longer.
This was going to work. Just a little more
time...

-----

"Come on, Inu-Yasha!"cried Kagome.

Inu-Yasha glanced around. "This doesn’t
look like our usual street."

Kagome stopped the bike, and glanced at
him. "Umm, what do you mean?"

Inu-Yasha looked at the buildings. "Well—
we sorta aren’t on that street we usually
patrol around now."

Kagome looked around and blinked.
"Ummm—you’re right."She shook her
head and began to pedal again. "Well, let’s
go on!"

"What?"Inu-Yasha darted alongside
her.

Kagome shrugged. "We’re just varying
our patrol. After all, there’s probably evil
for us to deal with here too. Come on,
Son of Satan! Our epic battle against the f
orces of nastiness continues!"

Inu-Yasha grumbled to himself, and
then hurried after her. And thus a pair of
rather low-rent superheroes rushed to their
epic confrontation with Destiny. Or
perhaps Really, Really Bad Luck.

-----

"Hurry it up,"muttered Cross, glancing around
at the relatively empty back street the van was
creeping down.

"I'm keeping it at precisely the speed limit,"
replied Exposition. "Are you asking me to
break the law?"

"Yes!"replied Cross. "I have a date!"

"Really?"Exposition stated conversationally.
"Who with?"

"Cindy in R&D!"Cross growled. He
pointed to the back of the van. "I'd like
to get there before that damn thing kills us!"

"Relax,"said Henry calmly. "It's sitting
in a six-inch casing of negatanium. That
should mute all such energies to next-to-
nothing. Why do you think Akamatsu
was able to finish the U-ray without incident?"

Michael considered it more important
to ask why Akamatsu Industries Ltd.
had immediately had a Buddhist Monk
and a Shinto Priest on the premises to
exorcise them. Or why they had broken
out into a celebration as the van rolled
out of sight. "I'd call spontaneous
combustion an incident,"he muttered.

"No scientific method at all,"Exposition
stated disdainfully. "Would you rather
we not build a U-ray?"

"Of course not,"Cross stated uncertainly.
"The cause of peace demands it. I know that."

The cause of peace had in fact demanded
that SHIELD build some of the most
terrifyingly deadly and destructive weapons
in the world, thus serving it by reducing the
number of pesky living people who could be
at times less than peaceable.

Exposition turned down a road. "Hmm,"
he muttered. "Road block up ahead..."

Cross started. "In a warehouse district?"

Exposition shrugged. "Accidents happen
everywhere."He slowed the van into a
stop, and leaned out the window. A pair
of policemen stood there. "Pardon me,
gentlemen,"Exposition stated calmly.
"May I ask why you’ve set up a road block
here?"

"Certainly,"said an apparent policeman.
"To stop you SHIELD dogs!"At that moment,
a horde of men in green and yellow bodysuits
surrounded the van. The two policeman quickly
removed their uniforms, revealing similar outfits.
"Well, well. It seems our information has panned
out beautifully,"said one. "Now, hand over the U-ray
so it may used for the glorification of HYDRA!"He
raised his fist, an action imitated by his fellows.
"Hail HYDRA! If you cut off one head—"

At that moment a large vehicle that looked
like a corkscrew on wheels burrowed out
of the ground. A group of men and women
wearing rather bulky brown environmental
suits topped by funnel-shaped helmets
emerged. "Halt inferiors!"said one. "The
U-ray will be claimed not by SHIELD or
HYDRA, but by Advanced Idea Mechanics!
Hail, AIM! The future shall be ours through
tech—"

"Oh give it a rest, science boy!"muttered
a HYDRA member. "Everyone knows you
AIM flunkies are useless in a fight."

Another one snorted. "Right. Just go back to
your slide rule, flathead, and leave world-
conquering to the professionals."

"And what will you do, squidman?"asked
an AIM member loudly. "Hold some nation
hostage? ‘Cause that’s gotten such great results!
At least we’ll be able to do something with the
U-ray!"

"Hey, don’t knock our methods!"cried
the first HYDRA member. "We’ve just
been having a run of bad luck..."

"For sixty years? That’s some run!"
shouted the AIM member. "Why do
you think we left? We got sick of
nothing getting done."

"I thought you left because the giant
head told you to,"muttered the second
HYDRA member.

"Hey, don’t make fun of MODOK!"
cried the AIM member. "He’s not
just a giant head! He’s got arms—
and legs too!"He stepped forward,
looking ready to swing.

Another member grabbed him lightly
by the shoulder. "Let it go, Dwight."

"I’m sorry,"he muttered. "It just really,
REALLY annoys me when they make
fun of MODOK like that..."

"I know Dwight. I know."

Dwight appeared to recover his equilibrium.
"Anyway, your opinion of our illustrious
and not really just a giant head at all leader
doesn’t matter! AIM is getting the U-ray!"

"Nuh-uh!"shouted a HYDRA member.
"It’s going to HYDRA."

"Sadly,"said a quiet voice, "you are all
wrong."The HYDRA and AIM agents
turned. A group of ninjas emerged from
the shadows. "The U-ray has been claimed
by the Hand, whose reach is as—"

"Oh, screw you ninja boy,"muttered
an AIM agent. "You guys can boast all you
want—you’re still packing knives to a gun
fight."

"The way of the warrior is a far greater
weapon than your pitiful technology,"
said one ninja loftily. "Our skills allow
us to—"

A HYDRA agent shot him in the arm.
The ninja collapsed in agony. "You were
saying?"asked the HYDRA agent.

"Oh—oh God! I’m bleeding! I’m
bleeding!"screamed the ninja. "I—I
think that one chipped a bone!"

"Face it!"chortled another HYDRA
agent. "You guys and the funnelheads
are going to get slaughtered."

"Hey, don’t make fun of our costumes!"
cried an AIM agent. "They may be bulky,
and they don’t look too flashy, but they
double our strength."

"So,"muttered a Hand ninja, "you can lift
two whole pounds now?"

This statement led to more unpleasantness,
and so all those present were shouting when
the helicopter landed.

"Squabbling, eh?"A man wearing a bisecting
suit stepped out, followed by a bunch of lackeys,
and a woman clad in flowing robes, and
holding a bow. "Typical of rank amateurs."

"Oh, hell,"muttered a HYDRA agent. "Zodiac..."
The other criminals grumbled in agreement. Zodiac
was one of the most universally resented gangs in
the criminal underworld. On the one hand, they got
their hands on more technology, and loot then most
other crime syndicates even dreamed of. On the
other hand, such things were soon wasted on
Byzantine plots that didn’t even make much sense.

"Let’s see—Gemini—and Sagittarius,"noted an
AIM member. "Is this the real you—or is it a set of
robotic duplicates?"

"Maybe yes,"said Gemini, "maybe no."With that
he and Sagittarius chuckled.

"Hand over the U-ray,"said Sagittarius in a dark
whisper, "and when the Zodiac rules over all the—"

A large truck pulled in behind them, toppling
over the helicopter.

"Son of a—"shouted Gemini, as he backed
away.

"Looks like things aren’t going your way..."
muttered Dwight the AIM agent.

"And we do have that little—numeric
advantage thing,"pointed out a HYDRA
agent.

"With our skills, it won’t help you,"stated
Sagittarius confidently. "Besides it’s not like
you losers could ever unite against us."

"Don’t bet on it, lady,"muttered the
wounded Hand ninja. Everyone present
turned to look at the truck.

It was a large truck, with a rather tasteless
picture of a beautiful woman cradling a bowling
pin. A group of scowling men in purple and
green bodysuits with a patch showing a bowling
ball striking a pin on their foreheads emerged
from it. Finally a man clad in what appeared to
be mechanized body armor stepped out. "I am
Hardstrike. My men and I make up the ideological
organization known as Stick and Balls."

"Yes,"shouted his men in unison. "That is our
name. It is what we are called."

"We will take the U-ray, and use it to restore
bowling to its proper place in the world,"
continued Hardstrike.

"Yes,"shouted his men. "That is what we
will do. It is the action we will be taking."

The general response to Stick and Balls
arrival was close to the reaction that happens
when a man in a clown costume arrives at a
formal dress party.

"Stick and Balls,"muttered an AIM member.
"Unfortunate name."

"I know,"said a ninja. "I always thought
we had it bad. The ‘Hand’ and all that..."

"So how are you—going to promote
bowling...?"asked a HYDRA agent.
"With the—U-ray."

"Easy,"snorted Hardstrike confidently.
"First, we will use the U-ray to destroy all
opposing sports. Then, we will demand that
bowling be made the national sport—of the
world!"He raised his arms in triumph. "We
will triumph by the strength of our magnificent
sticks, and glorious balls!"

Most of the criminals winced at this—master plan.

With one exception.

"An intriguing plot,"said Gemini. "Do you plan
to involve robots in it?"

"No,"said Hardstrike. "That would be silly."

Back at the SHIELD van, Cross was panicking.
"Damn it—how did so many get here?"

"There must be a leak,"said Exposition calmly.

"A leak?!"cried Michael. "A leak would be
one of them knowing about it. This is a freakin’
gouge!"He glanced outside. "Okay, they’re still
debating salvage rights. Let’s run for it. We can
make it to the rendezvous point, and alert
SHIELD security."

"I think you’re forgetting the first duty of
every SHIELD agent,"said Exposition,
patriotism dripping from his voice. "To
die in the line of duty, so that Nick Fury
looks more impressive."

Cross stared at him, dumbfounded. "You
know, Henry, I always knew you were crazy,
but I never thought you were insane."He got
out of the van, and started to run. A shot rang
out. Michael looked up weakly, to see Exposition
holding a smoking pistol. "Y-you betrayed me..."
he muttered, startled.

"Actually, by running you betrayed both me
and SHIELD, you pinko rat bastard,"corrected
Exposition.

This point apparently so mortified Cross,
that he died.

Henry turned to the criminals. "Terribly sorry
about that. He just wasn’t cut out for this kind
of work. Now then, shall we get this over with?"
He raised his pistol. "For SHIELD!"With that,
Henry Exposition charged forward.

In five seconds, he took sixteen gun shots,
five shruiken, and a bowling ball to the head.

"Good shot,"commented a ninja to Hardstrike.

"Thank you,"replied Hardstrike. "I pride myself
on my aim. If I cannot perfect my skills, then I
am not worthy of my magnificent Stick and Balls."

There was an awkward silence.

"So,"muttered an AIM member, "which of us
will get the U-ray?"

Someone cleared their throat. "I believe the
correct answer is ‘none of you’."

It took everyone a moment to realize that the
speaker was a pale young man in a rather expansive
cape that had somehow wound up standing in the middle
of them. He fidgeted nervously, as all eyes went on
him.
"Mind you—I’m just guessing. No need to take it
seriously..."

"Who are you...?"said Sagittarius suspiciously.

"I’m Dr. Strange,"stated the young man with
a nervous chuckle. He raised his hand. "Now,
please back away from the van so that this
whole affair ends to the satisfaction of all."

"Or what...?"muttered a HYDRA agent
menacingly.

A shimmying vortex appeared in Dr.
Strange’s hand. "Or else, I will unleash
the POWER OF THE TEMPEST!"A
great blast of wind sent most of his
opponents to their feet. "Winds! Buffet
them! Lightning! Stun them! Rains! Umm...
get them wet..."Elemental powers surged
around him, tossing around the various
agents as if they were kindling. In a few
moments, most of the agents were lying prone
on the ground, with the exception of those who
were lying prone in trees, and prone on the
tops of buildings.

Hikaru glanced around, surprised.
"That went immensely better than
expected,"he commented quietly.

At that moment an arrow buried itself
in the ground at his feet.

"Halt evildoer!"came a high voice.

Hikaru rolled his eyes and whimpered.
"Oh, perfect..."He turned.

"I don’t know what you’re doing here,"
announced Kagome in a lofty tone she
considered awe-inspiring, "I just know
that I don’t like it."

Hikaru sighed. "Well, it’s good to know
you put a lot of thought into this..."

Kagome leveled another arrow at him.
"Hey! No mocking of my epic struggle
against darkness! I demand you explain
yourself..."

Hikaru began to massage his forehead.
He was really starting to wonder what
this job was going to do to his health
even if he did manage to avoid being
eaten by something out of an H.R. Giger
picture. "Look, you strange Halloween
costume wearing girl, I really don’t care
what you think—"

It was at that moment Hikaru heard the
sound of something hurtling through the
air at great speed. He took a step to the
right. And then two more, just to stay
on the safe side.

Inu-Yasha landed uneasily next to him,
about three steps off.

Hikaru glanced at him, then at Kagome.
"Pardon me, is this your pet?"

"Son of Satan!"yelled Kagome.
"You were supposed to get him with
a flying tackle!"

"I tried!"shouted back Inu-Yasha. "He
sorta moved on me!"

"Oh, I'm tired of these constant excuses..."

"Son of Satan?"stated Hikaru flatly, eyes
watching Kagome with a combination of
levity and despair.

"That's right!"chirped Kagome. "He's Son
of Satan, and I'm Hellcat!"

"Of course you are,"said Hikaru with a pitying
nod.

"Hey, we're an up and coming superheroic duo!"

"I've no doubt."

Kagome pouted. "You should take us seriously."

Hikaru sighed. "Look, I'm guessing you two
were bitten by radioactive wombats or something
along those lines..."

"That's not our origin at all!"cried Kagome.
"You see one day, I went to this old well—"

"I don't care about your origin,"muttered
Hikaru. "My point is just because you've got
X-ray vision doesn't mean you should go blithely
skipping off to make the world safe for fruit pies!
Leave it to the professionals."*Even when they've
only had a week of training and don't quite feel up
to the job,* he added internally.

"We are professionals,"said Kagome. "Professional
good guys."

She was, Hikaru thought, exactly the sort of person
who got themselves and others killed. Often in a
slow, painful manner. "Look, normally I'd be nicer
about this, but the truth is I reached my crazy crap
limit an hour ago, and all I want to do is finish my
work here, get home, soak in the tub, and come up
with a compelling reason not to take the toaster in
with me."He took a deep breath. "So please, just
let me get done here. And just—be careful."

"HA!"said Kagome triumphantly. "Nice try villain!
But unfortunately for you, that Shinken shard in
your pocket gives the truth away!"

Inu-Yasha glanced at her. "Can I grab him now?"

Kagome nodded. "You can grab him now."

Inu-Yasha grabbed Hikaru by the shirt. "All right
creep, I don't know what your game is..."

"Well—I like Reversi..."Hikaru coughed.
"Look, about the shard—I'm really just holding
it. For someone else. Really."He flashed Inu-
Yasha a grin.

Inu-Yasha snorted. "A likely story."

Hikaru shut his eyes. "You seem very sure of
yourself for a man covered in scorpions."

Inu-Yasha glanced down at his shoulders, then
blinked. "Sc-scorpions...?"He let out a piercing
scream and dropped Hikaru, then began to beat
wildly at his shirt. "Get them off! Get them off!"

Hikaru stood up, dusted off his cloak, and
glanced at Kagome. "Now, as for you, you’ve
begun to irritate me, so I suggest you go do a
mazurka."

Kagome stared at him, puzzled. "What’s a
mazurka?"

"A sort of jig,"replied Hikaru.

"They’re crawlin’ up my back!"screamed
Inu-Yasha. "Oh my God! They’re crawlin’
up my back!"

Kagome coughed. "What’s a jig?"

Hikaru began to squint in a manner that
suggested a great deal of annoyance. "A
variety of dance known for its energetic
motions, and the fact that it can be danced
solo."

"Oh!"said Kagome.

"They’re wrigglin’! They’re wrigglin’!
Oh-oh-no-did I just feel a STING?
Please no!"

Kagome raised her bow. "I don’t think
I’ll do it."

Hikaru’s eyes widened. "Oh, crap..."

Kagome loosed her arrow.

Hikaru shut his eyes, and raised his
hand in panic.

The arrow dissolved in midair with an
audible pop.

Hikaru opened his eyes, and glanced up.
He looked around for a moment, and then
gave a relieved laugh. "Great. All my internal
organs remain internal."

Kagome gulped.

"There’s one crawlin’ up my neck!
There’s one crawlin’ up my neck!"
squealed Inu-Yasha.

Kagome grabbed him, angrily. "Inu-Yasha!
I need your help!"

Inu-Yasha screamed. "Don’t get ‘em angry,
Kagome! They might sting!"He began to
twitch. "Oh, NO, PLEASE, NOT NOW!"

Kagome frowned. "There are NO scorpions
on you!"

"Can’t you see them? Big hairy ones—
with claws—an’ stingers, drippin’ with
venom..."

"No scorpions!"shouted Kagome.

Inu-Yasha calmed a moment, then glanced
himself over, surprised. "Umm, Kagome?"

Kagome glanced at him, concerned. "Yes?"

"Why’d I think I was covered in scorpions?
Hell, why’d that frighten me anyway?"

"He did some evil mind thing on you,"said
Kagome, glaring at Hikaru.

Inu-Yasha looked at him and snarled.
"Nobody plays with my mind."

"Is that an issue of principles, or do they
just have problems finding it?"asked
Hikaru.

Inu-Yasha drew his sword, and rushed
at him. "That’s it! You’re dead, freak!!!"

*I’ve got to stop insulting these people,*
thought Hikaru. *They’re all so...touchy...*

Inu-Yasha slashed at Hikaru with a mighty
blow that would have cleft him in twain,
had it actually hit.

Hikaru stared at the bare patch of ground
the Tetsaiga was presently lodged in, then
glanced at Inu-Yasha. "That was close."

Inu-Yasha jerked his sword free, and
took another swing.

"I’m sorry about the scorpions, all right?"
stated Hikaru. "Does that make you happy?"

Inu-Yasha grumbled to himself. It
wasn’t that his opponent was especially
fast—in fact he didn’t seem to even dodge
his blows. He just had a way of being
somewhere other than where you aimed...

Inu-Yasha took another swing, screamed
to himself, and then followed with a heavy
swipe down that should have by all rights
left Hikaru with a very large gap in his skull.
"Will you just get hit?"shouted Inu-Yasha in
frustration.

Hikaru stepped slightly to the side. "Sorry,
but while I’ve no doubt it’s a fascinating
experience to be skewered by a gigantic
blade, I’m going to have to pass on it. My
deepest regrets."

Inu-Yasha was about to try for another s
wing, when the answer came to him. *Don’t
aim... Just attack...* He charged forward,
and managed a wild stab.

Hikaru just barely managed to grab the
sword as it plunged towards his skull.
"Look..."he muttered, as Inu-Yasha
pressed Tetsaiga towards his head,
"I thought I made myself clear—NOT
getting skewered by the sword..."Slowly
a reddish glow spread over the blade as
Hikaru tried to push it back through an
act of Will.

He succeeded. Barely.

"I’m not letting you beat me!"
screamed Inu-Yasha.

"We can call it a draw!"cried
back Hikaru. "I find that solution
very admirable!"Despite his efforts,
the sword was creeping forward,
towards his rather vulnerable skull.

It was at that moment that something
neither of them was expecting happened.

"SIT!"cried Kagome.

Inu-Yasha fell forwards with enough
force to unbalance Hikaru, who fell
backwards with a few feet away from
the half demon. His falling also tore
loose Tetsaiga. The blade soared briefly
in the air, then fell to the ground, where,
Hikaru could not help but note, it landed
only inches away from wiping out the
existence of the Gosunkugi family name
in all future generations.

"What’d ya do that for?"cried Inu-
Yasha to Kagome as she rushed
forward.

"I’m so sorry!"said Kagome plaintively.

"Well, that’s more like it..."muttered
Inu-Yasha, as he righted himself.

Kagome ran past him to Hikaru. "We
thought you were a supervillain! We
really had no idea..."

"That,"muttered Hikaru, with icy
dignity, "was obvious."He took a
deep breath. "But you’re forgiven!
Go buy yourself ice cream! Some
place far, far away!"

Inu-Yasha started. "Bu-but..."
He let out a low scream. "What’s
goin’ on?"He pointed at Hikaru.
"We were fightin’ him!"

Kagome gave him a glare that
immediately made Inu-Yasha wish
he were somewhere else, and quite
possibly someone else as well.
"Inu-Yasha! Don’t you realize who
he is? He’s a superhero!"

Inu-Yasha blinked. "How’d ya
figure that?"

Kagome gave a cheerful laugh.
"Through logic! He’s got a Shinken
shard—but he isn’t using it! Only a
good guy would do that, ‘cause all
bad guys are out for as much power
as they can get. And ‘cause no
ordinary man could grab Tetsaiga,
I realized we were with a fellow
superhero!"

The look on Inu-Yasha’s face
made it clear he didn’t think much
of her logic.

The furtive glance on Hikaru’s
face made it clear he didn’t either,
but that he also felt no burning need
to dissuade her.

Kagome missed that glance, even as she
went to grab his arm. "Like I said, I’m
so sorry about that mix-up."From her
tone, a person would guess this was about
a mistake involving house keys instead of a
potentially deadly struggle. "We’re thrilled
to meet you!"She turned to Inu-Yasha,
and gave him a pointed glance. "Aren’t we?"

"Yeah,"said Inu-Yasha. "Thrilled."

"So..."Kagome paused, clearly puzzled.
"Hey, I didn’t catch your name..."she
stated cheery.

"That’s because I didn’t say it,"replied
Hikaru dourly.

"Oh."Kagome gave him a piteous look.

Hikaru shoved his hands in his pockets,
and glanced around awkwardly. "Dr. Strange."

"Wow!"Kagome beamed at him.
"That is a good name!"She glanced
at Inu-Yasha. "Isn’t it, Son of Satan?"

Inu-Yasha grimaced. "Well, it sure as hell
beats MINE!"He leaned forward urgently.
"Can we at least go back to our REAL
names in private, Kagome? This is gettin’
ridiculous..."

"Quiet, Son of Satan!"hissed Kagome.
"And call me Hellcat!"

Hikaru walked ahead quietly. They seemed
busy, which meant he could just take care
of the shard here and leave.

"Hey! Whatcha doin’?"said Kagome
cheerfully.

Hikaru shuddered slightly. "Just taking
care of this pesky little Shiken shard..."

Kagome gave another enthusiastic nod.
"Oh, Son of Satan and I can help! We
have a duty to collect those things..."

"About time you remembered that..."
muttered Inu-Yasha.

Hikaru glanced around. Something was
wrong, and he had an awful idea what it
was. "That’s nice,"he said absently.

Kagome gave a cheerful laugh. "I just
want to say this is an honor."She leaned
forward so that she dominated Hikaru’s
field of vision. "We’re eager to learn at
the metaphorical feet of an experienced
superhero such as yourself."

"Speak for yourself,"said Inu-Yasha
peevishly.

"Inu-Yasha!"whispered Kagome
harshly.

"He covered me in SCORPIONS!"

"Not really,"pointed out Kagome. "He
just made you think you were. Which
makes it your fault."

"OH COME ON!!"cried Inu-Yasha.

Hikaru was holding his palm to his
forehead as if in great pain. "Umm,
Hellcat—I have my first lesson for
you."

"Really?"said Kagome.

Hikaru nodded. "When trying to apprehend
a deadly superweapon powered by evil magic,
do not fight your fellow heroes so that villains
can get away with said deadly superweapon."

Kagome mused on this. "Doesn’t seem like
that will happen too often..."

"Oh, once is enough,"muttered Hikaru, as
he looked at the back of the SHIELD van,
where the U-ray was only conspicuous in
its absence.

-----

"Hurry my men!"shouted Hardstrike. "We
must not allow our magnificent Stick and Balls
to be defeated!"

"We are hurrying! Hurrying is what we are
doing!"cried his men in unison.

Hardstrike smiled. While lesser men had
been tossed around like leaves by the sorcerer’s
little spell, his men had been fine, no doubt to
their superior dedication, and strength.

Also, the fact that they lugged around three or
four bowling balls apiece may have had something
to do with it.

-----

A short distance away, IT waited. IT was
very happy. Things were just about to go
exactly the way IT wanted them to.

-----

Hikaru was flying at a comfortable clip, with
Inu-Yasha and Kagome keeping even keel with
him on the ground.

"So,"stated Hikaru evenly, "let me see if
I’ve got this straight. You, Kagome, alias
Hellcat, are a reincarnated Shinto shrine
maiden, who can cast spells through magic
arrows. You, Inu-Yasha, alias Son of Satan,
are a half-demon from the Warring States
period with a magic sword, who has become
stuck in the modern age. Together you fight
crime."

Kagome glanced up and gave him a chipper
grin. "That’s right!"

Hikaru gave a low sigh. "My life has
become a bad high concept buddy movie.
Wonderful."

Inu-Yasha glanced at Hikaru resentfully.
"So what do you want us to do?"

Hikaru seemed to ignore the surliness in his
voice. Seemed to being the operative word.
"Stop the insane supervillains-slash-bowling
enthusiasts before they do something stupid
with their new toy."

At that moment, a blimp floating nearby
advertising a local baseball match exploded
in a spectacular purple blast.

Hikaru’s eyes narrowed into tight, bitter
slits. "A slight change of plans—stop them
before they do *anything else* that’s stupid
with their new toy."

-----

"Ha-ha-ha! A glorious victory for our
Stick and Balls!"cackled Hardstrike as
the blimp’s debris fell to the ground.
"And now, to Tokyodome, which has
failed for years to acknowledge the
greatness of our noble sport."

"We will do this!"cried his minions.
"That is the thing that we will do!"

"There are some things I will not allow,"
said a quiet voice. Hikaru hovered twenty
feet above the would-be supervillains,
looking down in a very irritated manner.
"One is the triumph of bowling fans in acts
of mass destruction. Soccer fans—maybe, but
bowling fans—definitely not."He began to
wring his hands. "I mean can you just see it?
It’d be ridiculous."He shook his head. "Next
thing we know, stamp collectors and mimes
will be rioting on the streets. There'd be
anarchy—sheer anarchy."

Hardstrike crossed his arms imposingly.
"Well, well, the good Dr. Strange..."

Hikaru sighed. "So you can remember s
omeone you saw a few minutes ago. I'm
happy for you. Now, hand me the U-ray,
and nobody will get hurt."

"An amusing notion,"declared Hardstrike
loftily. "Destroy him men!"

Half a dozen men raised their bowling balls,
and then, for some strange reason, smashed
themselves in the stomach with them.

Hikaru shook his head. "Why don't they
listen to me...? Why do they have to prove
how tough they are...?"

Hardstrike posed dramatically. "Silence
fool! None shall mock our Stick and Balls!"

Hikaru winced. "God that's a painfully bad
name."

Hardstrike waved his fist. "You continue to
mock our Stick and Balls!"

"Please stop,"groaned Hikaru.

"Why do you dare suggest that there is
something wrong with being proud of
the marvelous sight that is our Stick and—"

"I will not allow that sentence to be completed,"
declared Hikaru. "So listen, you strange twisted
little man, this matter is now finished. You can
surrender now, or face the consequences."

"And what would those be?"asked Hardstrike
with contempt.

"I'll have my compatriots, who have been
getting themselves into position while we
were talking, ambush you, while I take care
of the leftovers."

Kagome popped up out of the bushes.
"Hey, Dr. Strange, was that the signal to
attack?"

Hikaru's hand hit his forehead with an
audible slap. His left eyebrow twitched.
"Yes, you twit. That was the signal."

Kagome looked rather affronted. "Well,
excuse me for asking questions."

"Get her!"shouted Hardstrike. "In the
name of our glorious Stick and Balls!"

"I am going to be so very, very happy
when I take you down,"Hikaru stated.

"We will get her."shouted the bowling
minions. "Getting her is what we will do
shortly."

"Eek,"squealed Kagome, loosing an arrow.

It streaked out, and buried itself in the ground
before the Stick and Balls members. They
stared at it a little while before bursting out
into laugher. "Ha-ha, little girl! Your aim is
worthy of mockery! We mock your aim!"
They stepped forward in unison, their
bowling balls raised.

Kagome shivered slightly.

At that moment, the arrow dissolved
into goo, turning the ground into a substance
that greatly resembled quicksand. "Arrgh, we
are sinking!"cried roughly half the minions.
"Sinking is what we are doing."

The other half cried. "They are sinking.
Sinking is what they are doing."

"Throw your balls at them!"shouted
Hardstrike.

"I did not need to hear that,"muttered
Hikaru.

Those of Hardstrike's followers who were
still capable of motion raised their bowling
balls.

That was when Inu-Yasha leaped down on
them and with a combination of kicks,
punches, and elbow slams remedied that
condition.

"Well, at least one of you understands
the concept of a 'surprise attack'!"
commented Hikaru acidly.

"I got confused is all,"said Kagome
dismissively.

"And you might have gotten dead,"
retorted Hikaru. "Please try to remember
that fact..."

"There is still a chance for it to occur!"
shouted Hardstrike, lofting up his U-ray.

"Oh, crap,"muttered Hikaru, giving
himself a good, solid kick in the rear
mentally.

"Now you will see what happens to
those who oppose the unimaginable
glory that is my—"began Hardstrike,
but he never finished that statement, as
IT came out and devoured him whole,
swallowing the U-ray along with it.

"You know,"said Hikaru, "I'm actually
torn here. On the one hand, I'm relieved
that I no longer have to listen to him. On
the other, I know we are now in a much
more dangerous situation..."

Kagome gulped. "Maybe it's a good
guy..."

"That eats PEOPLE WHOLE?!!"
screamed Hikaru.

"I was just accentuating the positive..."
muttered Kagome.

Inu-Yasha leaped forward, sword drawn.
"Enough chattin’, it’s time to kick ass!"

IT promptly grabbed him, and threw him
against the wall.

"Inu-Yasha!"cried Kagome rushing
to his side.

"Well, that was an inspiring display of
martial talent..."muttered Hikaru.

"Silence puny mortals!"shouted one
of the three mouths IT possessed.

"For before you stands an ancient
spirit of destruction..."stated the
second mouth.

"Quiver at your lord mortals,"chortled
the third mouth. "Quiver at the presence
of—MR. WIGGLESWORTH!"

The first mouth actually beat Hikaru,
Kagome, and Inu-Yasha to the question,
"Mr. Wigglesworth?"

The third mouth almost seemed to
shrug. "Well, it’s not like they can
even comprehend our true name, so
I thought, why not Mr. Wigglesworth?"

"Why not something menacing?"asked
the first mouth. "Something like
Goreslsh! Or Rendarr!"

"Oh, everyone’s always doing something
like that! I want to think outside the box—
break the proverbial mold..."

"But now we look ridiculous!"shouted
the first mouth. "Back me up on this Number
Two."

"Actually, I rather like it,"said Number Two.
"I for one am tired of all the stereotypes that
entities in our profession face!"

"So you’re for calling ourselves ‘Mr.
Wigglesworth’?"

Number Two sighed. "Look, seeing as we’re
going to tear through these people like a knife
through damp paper, I think we can call ourselves
whatever we want..."

"But—come on—MR. WIGGLESWORTH!!!"

"Ahem,"coughed Hikaru. "As fascinating as all this
is, I really want to get home, so if you’ll do me the
tremendous favor of BURNING IN THE
EVERLASTING FLAMES OF THE FALTINE!"
Hikaru channeled forth a gout of bright flame that
burned hotter and purer than any fire on Earth,
completely engulfing the (mostly) self-designated
Mr. Wigglesworth.

When the flames cleared, IT stood there, unharmed.

"Oh, crap, oh, crap, oh, crap..."Hikaru stated
backing away slowly. "Oh veritable mountain
of crap..."

"A lordly effort mortal, but with the power of
the Shiken protecting this body, I am quite
invulnerable!"stated Number Two.

"Indeed,"began Number Three. "Nothing can
harm the adamant skin of Mr. Wigglesworth!"

"Ohhh! There he goes again!"shouted Number
One. "Please—I’m begging you—any name but that!"

"Hmm..."murmured Number Three. "How about
‘J-Lo’? I think that sounds delightfully saucy..."

"Great..."muttered Number One. "Now I’m actually
reconsidering ‘Mr. Wigglesworth’..."

"I knew it would grow on you..."stated Number Two
confidently.

Hikaru had finally reached Kagome and Inu-Yasha.
"All right. Plan A: Blow the monster into fiery
cinders
was a failure, so I’m going to suggest we start on
Plan B."

"What’s that?"Kagome said eagerly.

"Run like hell."

Inu-Yasha glanced at IT. "Look, if I have to choose
between ‘Slim Shady’ and ‘Mr. Wigglesworth’, then
I’ll go with ‘Mr. Wigglesworth’ but all that I’m
saying..."

Inu-Yasha glanced back at Hikaru. "I’m with you.
Somethin’
tells me this guy’s really gonna be in a mood to dish
out
pain when he gets finished..."

"Well, I’m not!"said Kagome.

"Pardon me, what did you say?"said Hikaru quietly,
his face a blank mask.

"Darn it, we’re superheroes! Our motto is
‘do or die’!"

Hikaru coughed. "Actually my motto is
‘maximize the doing, minimize the dying’."

"But—! "sulked Kagome.

"It’s a good motto,"said Hikaru.

"But—! "sulked Kagome more emphatically.

"Are you saying that it isn’t a good motto?"said
Hikaru, crossing his arms. "Look, I acknowledge
it might not be the best, but it’s all I’ve got. The
only other motto I can think of is ‘Buy low, sell
high, and avoid radical speculation’."

"But—! "sulked Kagome, her voice drowning
in urgency.

"That don’t sound very superheroic..."Inu-Yasha
stated.

Hikaru shrugged. "My father’s an investment banker,
so it’s all I could think of on short notice..."

"But—! "sulked Kagome, her voice now in the
pitch of need.

Inu-Yasha gave an absent nod. "Right."He
glanced at Kagome. "Psst. What’s an ‘invested
men banker’?"

"I DON’T BELIEVE YOU TWO!"shouted
Kagome, who promptly took aim at Mr.
Wigglesworth, and fired.

"Okay, now I’m sorry I even brought this
up..."began Number One, when the arrow
bounced off what was more or less ITs
forehead. "Hey, who shot that at me?"

"Hey, you actually hit somethin’"said
Inu-Yasha.

"I believe it was those mortals!"stated
Number Three.

"How rude! Let’s go teach them a lesson."

Hikaru glanced at Inu-Yasha. "Okay, here’s
the corollary to Plan B—you pick up
Kagome—then we run like hell..."

Inu-Yasha glanced at him. "The—word
of command?"

"Right,"said Hikaru with a nod. "The
ancillary to the corollary, then..."

Kagome stared at him. "Hey, what are...?"

At that moment what looked like a crimson
band-aid affixed itself to her mouth. She
glanced at it at surprise and anger, and
then began to try to take it off. She didn’t
have much luck.

"How...?"asked Inu-Yahsa.

"The Crimson Bands of Cyttorak,"Hikaru
stated matter-of-factly, as he started to head
away. "Don’t worry, it’s porous."

-----

"He’s gainin’ on us!"said Inu-Yasha
worriedly. Kagome was resting on his
shoulders, finally too tired to hit him.

"Technically, I don’t know if that’s a
he...."replied Hikaru.

"What?"

"Well I highly doubt that Mr. Wigglesworth
actually has any gender at all,"said Hikaru.
"I mean, can you just see that eldritch horror
going home to the missus...? I can’t, and I
don’t wan—Oh crap."

"What’s wrong?"

"There’s a wall here, that’s what’s wrong!"
said Hikaru, gesturing emphatically.

"So?