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KaraOhki
16th July 2004, 03:00 AM
Chapter 7 of A Kiss to the Victor follows.
Fido and I didn't use pre-readers this time
around, and this draft may be a little rough.
We'd love to hear from you.




A Kiss To The Victor


A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic by Hound & Cabbit Productions--
David "Fido" Lindquist (fido@lynxconnect.com) and
June "KaraOhki"Geraci (karaohki@snet.net)

July 15, 2004

Ranma 1/2 was created by Rumiko Takahashi. We're
just borrowing her characters for a little while.

Earlier chapters can be read at
http://karaohki.anifics.com and on
fanfiction.net

-----------------------

Chapter Seven

"See you tomorrow, Akane!" called the girls on the
team as they left. Akane waved goodbye, then she
closed the gate.

"Let's hurry up and get the mats put away, Ranma!"
she said, as the two of them returned to the dojo.
"I need a bath!"

"I think you got some time to kill," he replied.
"Pop just went in there."

"Oh? In that case I'll sweep it out as well. Would
you please pick up the gymnastics tools and put them
away for me?"

The both of them got everything done quickly. Once
Ranma finished, he sat down on the floor by the dojo
doors and watched his fiancee sweep. She was rather
disheveled after her practice, and seemed to be
totally focused on what she was doing, almost as if
she was trying to ignore Ranma. The scene was
shattered by a scream from the house. "What the--?"
Ranma was cut off when Akane ran over him and out
the door.

---------------

Kodachi gazed vacantly at the panda-turned-man.
*How--how could this--* the rest of her thought
vanished as her grip slipped. Before she knew it,
Kodachi fell into the bath, on top of the equally-
surprised man. Kodachi flailed around in an attempt
to get out, but was hampered by the man's efforts to
also leave the bath.

Suddenly, the sound of the door sliding open stopped
them cold. Kodachi turned to see the entire Tendo
family plus a wrinkled old man staring at the scene.
The old man was the first to speak.

"Hotcha! I never thought you had it in you!"

The others were too shocked to say anything.

"Hey!" She heard Ranma-sama's voice call out,
"what's going--" She was devastated at the shocked
expression on his face when he peeked it to see what
was going on.

"NOOOOOOO!" Kodachi screamed as she burst out of the
bath and raced through the shocked witnesses to her
ultimate humiliation. As Kodachi fled, she noticed
that she had picked up a passenger. She looked down
to see the little old man firmly attach himself to
her bosom.

"How about taking a bath with me, sweetcakes?"

"AAAH!!! A DEMON!" She grabbed the creature, drove
him through a nearby wall, and fled into the night.

The Tendo family was still in shock at the scene
they had just witnessed. They looked at the door
Kodachi had just exited through and then at Genma,
who had wrapped a towel around himself in an effort
to preserve what little dignity he had left.
"Ummmm," he said. "This isn't my fault."

"I don't even want to know," replied Ranma as he
walked out.

---------------

Kodachi tried to hold back the tears as she ran
home. How could her plan have gone so awry? What
was causing all these humiliating setbacks? Once
home, she quickly grabbed her bathing things and
locked herself in the bathroom. After making sure
no one or nothing was hiding in the room waiting to
pounce, she stripped off her wet leotard and began
to scrub herself thoroughly, trying to make certain
that the creature who had grabbed her had left no
traces behind.

After she used up the third bottle of her homemade
rose-scented bath gel, she rinsed off, placed her
towel on the edge of the furo, and sank into the
steaming water. "I must think logically," she said
aloud. "I am a Kuno, and we are intelligent and
logical. There has to be an explanation for this."
She thought for a moment, and then began counting on
her fingers, speaking aloud as she listed each
instance.

"One. Akane Tendo hit me when I confronted her in
the home economics room. She should not have been
able to lay a finger on me."

"Two. I was hit with that ball while I was waiting
for the girl to come out of that pathetic little
dojo of hers."

"Three. I was hit with a broom and pushed out of
Akane's classroom window."

She shuddered. "Then," she shuddered, "tonight."

Kodachi forced herself to calm down, and once again
tried to think. *There must be something that
connects all of these incidents. Something that I
don't see.*

Kodachi closed her eyes, and let the information
tumble around in her mind. A disturbance on the
other side of the door interrupted her reverie. It
was her brother storming down the hallway, his
ranting easily reaching her ears.

"Curse you, foul sorcerer! I will free my dear
Akane and the pigtailed girl from your evil clutches
yet!" The rest of his raving went unheard as
Kodachi sat up, her eyes widening in response to the
words. All the pieces fell into place.

"Oh brother," she whispered. "You are so wrong. I
fear that you have fallen under her influence as
well. Slowly, Kodachi sank back into the tub, her
expression grim and serious. The upcoming battle
had just taken on new proportions. This was no
longer a fight for a kiss, but for Ranma's soul.
And her opponent was not just a schoolgirl, no, not
at all.

Akane Tendo was a sorceress, the blackest and most
evil villianess she had ever known. Of course, the
pigtailed harlot was in league with her. She was
probably a demon risen from the gates of Hades to do
her mistress' bidding. *I must be careful. I can't
afford any more feeble attempts at victory now. I
must wail 'til the match and prepare for her evil
magicks, then I will expose her and free my precious
Ranma from her evil clutches once and for all!"
Her dark laughter echoed throughout the house.

---------------

As night fell in Nerima, Soun and Genma began
another game of go. The only manmade sound was the
clatter of pots and pans coming from the kitchen, a
sign that Kasumi was still up and around. Ranma,
Akane, and Nabiki were already in bed, somewhat worn
out by the day's events. Master Happosai had gone
on his raids, so a relative calm had settled over
the house.

"Old friend?" Soun said, as he moved his first
piece. "You realize that the Kuno woman wasn't
there to see you, don't you?"

Genma's eyes widened, then quickly changed to an
inscrutable expression. "Of course, Tendo! I'm not
stupid," he replied, trying to hide the sweatdrop
behind his head.

"So what do you think she was here for?"

Genma puffed out his chest. "To see my son! He is
irresistible to most women!"

"Yes, he is," Soun said, in a voice that left no
doubt he wasn't thrilled with the response.
"However, I don't think that was the reason for her
visit. I believe she meant harm to Akane."

"It is possible, but not a problem! As a matter of
fact, it could be a blessing in disguise!"

"What do you mean?" Soun asked, as he raised an
eyebrow.

"We can get the boy to watch her night and day! It
will bring them much closer!"

Soun's somber mood brightened considerably. "Of
course! Brilliant, Saotome! You go tell him right
now!" As Genma left, Soun quickly changed some of
the pieces to ones in his favor.

---------------

As Genma climbed the stairs, he congratulated
himself on the brilliance of his plan. *The more
time the boy spends with his fiancee, the closer the
two will become. After the match, they should be so
close that the two of them will practically BEG us
to let them get married.* "Boy," he said, as he
opened the door to their room, "you need to get.up?"
The room was empty. Genma ran back downstairs and
rushed up to Soun.

"Tendo, Ranma's gone!"

Soun jumped to his feet. "Where?"

"I don't know, but we've got to find him. If he's
not here, he's not protecting Akane."

Soun straightened up and looked Genma right in the
eye. "Go on without me, Saotome. I must remain
here to protect my little girl!" As if to reinforce
his words, Soun tightened the belt on his gi, and
began to roll up his sleeves.

Genma gave him a slight nod, then ran out of the
house, cursing his son all the way.

---------------

Ranma shifted slightly on the branch in an effort to
get comfortable. He could have chosen the roof for
his vigil, but decided against it. Kodachi knew he
liked to sit up there and while the martial artist
had no doubts that he could beat Kodachi in a fair
fight, or not so fair one, he'd been tricked before
and this was way too important to mess up now.
Taking a quick look around and realizing that
everything was okay, Ranma turned his attention to
Akane's window. He wondered what or even if she was
holding anything as she slept. *Maybe I should get
her something*, he mused, *now that P-chan's not
around*.

Before his thoughts could turn to the whereabouts of
his rival, he heard his father leaving the house.
"That ungrateful, lazy boy!"

The words irritated the martial artist. *What does
that fool want now?* he thought.

'How dare he run out on his fiancee!"

For a moment, Ranma considered calling out to his
father. Then he changed his mind. *Let the old man
go looking for me. If I'm not sleeping tonight,
neither should he.*

---------------

In the morning, both father and son were,
understandably, tired and irritable. This made
their usual sparring session a lot more intense than
normal, ending with Ranma hitting the koi pond
first, then returning the favor four times.

The next few days seemed to fly by for Akane. She
went running early, attended school, practiced with
the girls, did her homework, and collapsed.
Literally. Kodachi seemed to be laying low. No one
had even seen her. The only things that disturbed
her were the irritability and tiredness of Ranma,
and the intensity of his and Genma's morning
battles. They seemed to increase in seriousness
and, in her opinion, viciousness. Every time Genma
would dump Ranma in the pond he'd return the favor
in spades. It had finally gotten to the point where
after Ranma would toss his father in, he would
repeatedly jump up and down on him for good measure.
His behavior was beginning to worry her. She looked
over at Ranma's desk, where the martial artist was
now sleeping, and frowned. *He must be really
worried if he's losing sleep at night over this*,
she thought. She would have liked to put his fears
to rest, but she couldn't, because her own thoughts
were the same. She had yet to beat Mayuri in a
match, and while everyone was saying that she was
getting better, the looks on their faces said it
wouldn't be enough.

As Akane left the classroom, she was confronted by
Ms. Kitami, who was carrying a glass containing an
evil-looking green liquid. "I made this nutritional
drink for you. It contains all of your daily
vitamin requirements, plus antioxidents, protein,
and calcium." She held out the glass with both
hands, smiling. "Come, now. Drink up!" For one
brief moment, Akane had an inkling of how Ranma felt
when she approached him with her cooking.
Unfortunately, there was no way for her to refuse
the drink

"Thank you," she murmured, as she took the glass and
raised it to her lips. To her surprise, despite the
drink's appearance, it didn't taste as awful as
she'd anticipated. It was a little bit on the spicy
side, with a touch of citrus.

Ms. Kitami smiled happily, retrieved the glass, and
walked away. Just before she turned the corner she
looked back at Akane. "I'll make you another just
before the match tomorrow!"

The full effect of the drink hit Akane just as her
teacher vanished. "HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she shouted.
Ranma was between Akane and the water fountain, and
Akane ran him down in her haste to get to it.

"Somethin' wrong?" asked her fiance as he picked
himself off the floor.

It took another minute for Akane to be able to take
her face out of the water fountain and speak. "Tell
Ms. Kitami to take it easy on the wasabi next time."

---------------

That night, Ranma watched Akane go through her
routine again. She had improved--her moves were
crisper and more precise, and she had much more
control over the weapons. As he glanced at the
other girls, he could see the support they had for
her, but the slight frown on Mayuri's face confirmed
what he had already figured out.

*It's not going to be enough*, he said to himself.
*It would take her at least another month before she
could match Kodachi in skill, and that doesn't
include dealing with Kodachi's view of "fair play".*
He watched her do a flip, then lash out with her
ribbon. *Unless Kodachi underestimates her or she
gets real lucky, she's gonna lose. She's gonna
lose, and then I'm gonna have to kiss...ugh...Kodachi.*
The thought of having to fulfill the wager made him
sick. *There has to be a way to give her an edge*,
the thought. Ranma scratched his head, then
suddenly smiled. *Yeah! It would work! If she can
pull it off, the fight will be over in no time!*

Ranma heard the applause as Akane finished her
routine. *I'll talk to her after they leave.*

---------------

Akane found Ranma waiting for her when she left the
bathroom.

"You got a minute, Akane?"

"It's late, Ranma. I want to go to bed."

"This won't take long. I think you need a special
technique for tomorrow's fight, and I'm gonna teach
it to you."

"A special technique?" Before Ranma could say
another word, Akane grabbed him and dragged him to
the dojo.

As the door slid closed, Ranma stammered out "I--I
guess you want to learn it?"

---------------

Soun smiled as he watched the koi pond. It was a
symbol of tranquillity, something his household had
lacked since the arrival of his best friend and
Ranma. From that moment on, his life had been
turned upside-down. There was always something
going on, whether it was from an outside source or
between Ranma and his little girl. It was always
strange, dangerous, or both.

The outer threats were easy to handle. Find the
problem. Figure out how to beat it. Beat it in a
duel. End of problem.

What disturbed him the most were the battles between
Ranma and his baby. Every insult by Ranma directed
towards her hurt him. However, the insults and
angry blows by Akane made him feel as though someone
had driven hot knives into his heart.

It was at those times that Akane reminded him of her
mother before they married. Akane's mother was
always quick to anger, especially when it came to
him, but she was also the first to help out if
things got bad. They couldn't even admit to
themselves that they cared for each other. It took
a major earthquake to make them realize it. Soun
bit back a sob as he remembered holding her lifeless
body in his arms. Telling her that he loved her,
and to his surprise, her telling him the same thing.

He sighed slightly, then turned to the dojo.
Despite the "difficulties" between then, Ranma and
his daughter had seemed to form strong bonds.
Lately, it seemed that those bonds were forming into
something more. The sight of Ranma up in the tree
outside Akane's window, guarding her, reinforced
that belief. This was a delicate situation. Soun
knew that, from personal experience. That was why
he hadn't told his closest friend where his son had
been for the past few nights. Ranma didn't need any
more pressure put upon him.

At least not now. Akane needed Ranma to train and
protect her until the match was over. Then he and
Genma could concentrate on getting the two of them
together. Once they were married, the arguments
would stop, and everything would be fine.

"You sex-changing, arrogant, perverted blowhard!"

The shout shook Soun from his reminiscing, and he
sighed again at the sound of Akane's voice. "It
won't be a moment too soon."

*****

Some time in the middle of the night, Ranma tried to
find another position in the tree for his tired
body. He couldn't understand it. No one had seen
Kodachi since she ran out of the Tendo bathroom.
Ranma hoped that she was okay.

"I guess seeing Pop in the buff scared her off," he
mused aloud.

*****

"Miss, the library is about to close. You'll have
to return those books to the reference department."

"Just a moment! I need to make a few more notes!"

The librarian looked at Kodachi and attempted to be
patient. "I'll give you five minutes."

For the next five minutes, the only sound in the
room ws the scratching of Kodachi's pen as she
furiously took notes. She closed the book and
gathered her notes together just as the librarian
returned to her table. "Thank you, I believe this
is what I've been looking for. You may return these
books to their proper place."

The librarian glanced at the titles of the books as
she returned them to their places. '20th Century
Witchcraft: Threat or Menace?', "Witch Hunting:
The Sport of Champions', and 'Witch Hunting For
Dummies: 1999 Edition.' "What on earth is that girl
up to?" she wondered aloud.

Kodachi ran as fast as she could. The market she
needed would be closing soon, and it was imperative
that she pick up the items she needed before it did.
"With these in my arsenal, nothing Akane Tendo can
do will affect me! I will be invincible!" Her
laughter scared the few shoppers in the store onto
the street.




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Gary Kleppe
16th July 2004, 10:00 PM
"KaraOhki" <karaohki@snet.net> wrote:

>Chapter 7 of A Kiss to the Victor follows.

In which the new character Victor finally shows up, and receives Akane's
payment of one Hershey's chocolate drop. Or not.

>The both of them got everything done quickly. Once
>Ranma finished, he sat down on the floor by the dojo
>doors and watched his fiancee sweep. She was rather
>disheveled after her practice, and seemed to be
>totally focused on what she was doing, almost as if
>she was trying to ignore Ranma.

"as if she were trying" would be strictly correct. Not sure if the loose
usage is intentional or not.

More description of Ranma's reaction might be interesting here. If he
feels slighted by Akane, it might make interesting character drama to
show, even if it doesn't amount to anything later.

> The scene was
>shattered by a scream from the house.

Suggest putting the scream into a new paragraph, since it radically
changes the action.

>The Tendo family was still in shock at the scene
>they had just witnessed. They looked at the door
>Kodachi had just exited through and then at Genma,
>who had wrapped a towel around himself in an effort
>to preserve what little dignity he had left.
>"Ummmm," he said. "This isn't my fault."

RANMA: Stop stepping on my lines, Pop.

Not sure if this reaction is right coming from Genma. Ranma gets
understandably defensive in these sorts of situation because Akane is
generally ready to assume the worst and blame him for it. In Nodoka's
absense, the same isn't true of Genma.

>After she used up the third bottle of her homemade
>rose-scented bath gel, she rinsed off, placed her
>towel on the edge of the furo, and sank into the
>steaming water. "I must think logically," she said
>aloud. "I am a Kuno, and we are intelligent and
>logical. There has to be an explanation for this."

TATEWAKI: Of course there is. The intelligence and logic of we Kunos is
explained by the superiority of our genetic code, which...

KODACHI: Out! [throws bucket]

>She thought for a moment, and then began counting on
>her fingers, speaking aloud as she listed each
>instance.
>
>"One. Akane Tendo hit me when I confronted her in
>the home economics room. She should not have been
>able to lay a finger on me."
>
>"Two. I was hit with that ball while I was waiting
>for the girl to come out of that pathetic little
>dojo of hers."
>
>"Three. I was hit with a broom and pushed out of
>Akane's classroom window."

When the same speaker continues talking through two or more successive
paragraphs, don't use a closing quote until she stops. Do continue to
use an opening quote on each paragraph:

"One. Akane Tendo hit me when I confronted her in
the home economics room. She should not have been
able to lay a finger on me.

"Two. I was hit with that ball while I was waiting
for the girl to come out of that pathetic little
dojo of hers.

"Three. I was hit with a broom and pushed out of
Akane's classroom window."

>She shuddered. "Then," she shuddered, "tonight."

KODACHI: I've got a pair of shudders.

RANMA: I got Ace high. You win the pot.

Try not to repeat descriptions, or give more detail so that they're not
the same.

>"Oh brother," she whispered. "You are so wrong. I
>fear that you have fallen under her influence as
>well. Slowly, Kodachi sank back into the tub, her

KODACHI: Then again, maybe you were just a dimwit to begin with.

(Missing a closing quote after "well".)

>As night fell in Nerima, Soun and Genma began
>another game of go. The only manmade sound was the

man-made

>"So what do you think she was here for?"
>
>Genma puffed out his chest. "To see my son! He is
>irresistible to most women!"

RANMA: Whaddaya mean "most"?

COLOGNE: Hello there, groom.

RANMA: On second thought, "most" is a perfectly good qualifier.

>As Genma climbed the stairs, he congratulated
>himself on the brilliance of his plan. *The more
>time the boy spends with his fiancee, the closer the
>two will become. After the match, they should be so
>close that the two of them will practically BEG us
>to let them get married.*

IMO, this would go smoother if you just integrated Genma's thoughts into
the narrative rather than having him talk to himself.

As Genma climbed the stairs, he congratulated
himself on the brilliance of his plan. The more
time the boy spent with his fiancee, the closer the
two would become. After the match, they should be so
close that the two of them would practically BEG him and Tendo
to let them get married.

> "Boy," he said, as he
>opened the door to their room, "you need to get.up?"

Misplaced period there between "get" and "up".

>Soun straightened up and looked Genma right in the
>eye. "Go on without me, Saotome. I must remain
>here to protect my little girl!" As if to reinforce
>his words, Soun tightened the belt on his gi, and
>began to roll up his sleeves.

What, no samurai armor?

>The next few days seemed to fly by for Akane. She
>went running early, attended school, practiced with
>the girls, did her homework, and collapsed.
>Literally. Kodachi seemed to be laying low. No one
>had even seen her. The only things that disturbed
>her were the irritability and tiredness of Ranma,

Suggest: were Ranma's irratibility and tiredness
(more direct phrasing)

>As Akane left the classroom, she was confronted by
>Ms. Kitami, who was carrying a glass containing an
>evil-looking green liquid. "I made this nutritional
>drink for you. It contains all of your daily
>vitamin requirements, plus antioxidents, protein,

antioxidants,

>The full effect of the drink hit Akane just as her
>teacher vanished. "HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she shouted.

How about an actual description of what the drink feels like and/or of
Akane's reaction, rather than relying on a zillion exclamation points?

>*It's not going to be enough*, he said to himself.
>*It would take her at least another month before she
>could match Kodachi in skill, and that doesn't
>include dealing with Kodachi's view of "fair play".*

Again, why is Ranma talking to himself like this? IMO, integrate these
thoughts directly into the narrative, except when he actually has some
particular phrasing in mind for his thoughts or when absolutely
necessary for clarity.

>He watched her do a flip, then lash out with her
>ribbon. *Unless Kodachi underestimates her or she
>gets real lucky, she's gonna lose.

It's hard to agree with this judgement. This version of Kodachi spent
the last chapter essentially beating herself up out of sheer ineptness.
Why should we take her seriously as an opponent now?

> She's gonna
>lose, and then I'm gonna have to kiss...ugh...Kodachi.*
>The thought of having to fulfill the wager made him
>sick. *There has to be a way to give her an edge*,
>the thought. Ranma scratched his head, then

Looks like "the" should be "he".

>It was at those times that Akane reminded him of her
>mother before they married. Akane's mother was
>always quick to anger, especially when it came to
>him, but she was also the first to help out if
>things got bad. They couldn't even admit to
>themselves that they cared for each other. It took
>a major earthquake to make them realize it. Soun
>bit back a sob as he remembered holding her lifeless
>body in his arms. Telling her that he loved her,
>and to his surprise, her telling him the same thing.

SOUN: That *was* a surprise, since dead wives are usually quiet.

SOUN'S WIFE: I wasn't *quite* dead yet....

Good that you're taking the time out to show us Soun's perspective on
things. I wouldn't say that there are any Earth-shattering revalations
here, but it's nice to know how one of the characters views the
situation.

>He sighed slightly, then turned to the dojo.
>Despite the "difficulties" between then, Ranma and

between them,

>Some time in the middle of the night, Ranma tried to
>find another position in the tree for his tired
>body. He couldn't understand it. No one had seen
>Kodachi since she ran out of the Tendo bathroom.
>Ranma hoped that she was okay.

This rings very true for Ranma; even for someone who's been causing him
trouble, he doesn't want to see her hurt.

>For the next five minutes, the only sound in the
>room ws the scratching of Kodachi's pen as she

was

>The librarian glanced at the titles of the books as
>she returned them to their places. '20th Century
>Witchcraft: Threat or Menace?',

KODACHI: Hmm, I don't know... *both* alternatives sound plausible.

> "Witch Hunting:
>The Sport of Champions', and 'Witch Hunting For
>Dummies: 1999 Edition.'

You're inconsistently mixing double and single quotes here. Actually,
for titles you properly shouldn't use quotes at all, but rather
underlines or italics. _20th Century Witchcraft: Threat or Menace?_
Being a librarian, this character would know this. :)

> "What on earth is that girl
>up to?" she wondered aloud.

KODACHI: Page forty-seven!

LIBRARIAN: I was asking rhetorically.

>Kodachi ran as fast as she could. The market she
>needed would be closing soon, and it was imperative
>that she pick up the items she needed before it did.
>"With these in my arsenal, nothing Akane Tendo can
>do will affect me! I will be invincible!" Her
>laughter scared the few shoppers in the store onto
>the street.

Anti-witch paraphenalia, of course, won't do her any good against Akane.
Yet another nail into the coffin of my being able to take this version
of Kodachi seriously as an opponent. Though one thing she could do that
almost surely *would* work would be to convince other people of her
theory. It's never hard to get people to belive the worst about Ranma,
after all, and the same could apply to Akane by extention. Several dozen
witch hunters could cause quite a bit of trouble for our heroes.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.garykleppe.org/comics.html

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