[FFML] [Fanfic][Ranma] Bonk On The Head

I'm not sure if I'm happy with it yet, but I managed to finish this one last night so here it is.

Nothing fancy, really. Just a silly Ranma 1/2 story. Enjoy.

All characters created copyrighted and owned by Rumiko Takahashi. Used without permission.



Bonk On The Head

M A Davis / Miko



"Come on, Ranma! Fight me for real!"

Akane Tendo skipped backwards to the edge of the roof. She planted her
feet. The wind tugged at her yellow gi, and her eyes flashed with determination
as she assumed a defensive crouch. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon, and for
once Ranma had agreed to spar with his fiancee. But she still wasn't satisfied.

Ranma Saotome grinned. Even when she was frustrated, Akane looked
cute. He recalled his first match with her on his first day at the Tendo Dojo,
before she'd known he was a guy. She'd been cute then, he now admitted to
himself, and she was even cuter now. Violent, yes. A tomboy, certainly. But
also quite easy on the eyes.

He approached her casually, carelessly, with all the caution he might use to
approach the mailman. There was no wariness in his movements, no indication
that he was even involved in a fight. There was no stance. For all his outward
demeanor, he might have been strolling through the park. Not that he was
ignoring her, exactly, but his every move made it clear that he probably could
ignore her, for all the threat she represented.

And he didn't even know. His casual approach to most fights was so
ingrained that he did it without thinking. That he might be pissing Akane off just
by standing there casually didn't even cross his mind.

Akane growled and lunged at him. He could see the angry red chi
surrounding her, even if he didn't quite grasp the real reason she was so angry.
Her moves were even easier to predict than usual -- she was broadcasting them
loud and clear. He blocked or dodged each punch with a minimal effort.

"Stop moving around!" Akane growled. "How can I ever hit you if you
don't stand still!"

"You want me to let you hit me?" Ranma asked, hands locked behind his
head. He dodged left then right, avoiding Akane's punches.

"NO!" Akane yelled. "I just want you to stop goofing off! Take me
seriously for once! Fight me for real!"

It wasn't that Akane wasn't talented -- any normal person might be amazed
at what she could do, and consider her a formidable foe -- but the gulf between
her talent level and his was like the Pacific Ocean. He wanted to close that gap,
at least a little bit, by helping Akane improve, but it was like building a bridge
from Japan to California. You probably couldn't do it at all, and you certainly
couldn't do it all at in one afternoon.

Ranma tried to give Akane just as much as she could handle, and no more.
She complained constantly, knowing that he was holding back. But if he were to
completely let loose...

He flipped backwards, avoiding a roundhouse kick, then threw a few
punches that Akane was just able to block. Akane fell back, and Ranma paused,
hands in pockets. She was breathing heavily now, but said, "Come on, Ranma!
Can't you punch harder than that? Or are you that afraid of hitting me? I can't
improve if you don't push me, you know!"

"I'd say I'm giving you a hard workout."

"No you're not! And it's not fair! How can I ever be as good as you if you
don't fight me for real? Stop going easy on me! Hit me!"

Ranma grimaced. Well, maybe he could take it up just a notch. Just
enough to scare her and make her shut up.

As he blocked her next series of blows, Ranma slipped a single punch
through Akane's defenses. It was quite easy to do, really; his fist slid inside her
guard as effortlessly as the wind. He really meant just to tap her on the chin --
enough to make her head snap back a little, that was all. Enough to teach her
that begging for a real fight with him was not a good idea. A hard punch, like
he'd use in a fight with Mousse or Ryoga, but pulled up short so that he didn't hit
her that hard.

That was the plan. Of course, a fight can be unpredictable, and even the
best martial artist can't be perfect all the time.

Akane lunged forward, directly into the punch. She failed to see it coming.
Her head snapped back hard. Her body went flying toward the koi pond.
Ranma or Genma flew like that towards the pond at least once a day, and if not
them then Ryoga or Mousse or Kuno. But not Akane. Never Akane.

Ranma cried out. He made a desperate leap forward to try and save her,
but it was too late. Her head hit the rocks ringing the pool with a sickening
crunch, and she collapsed like a rag doll.

Ranma was at her side in an instant. She was unconscious. Blood began to
seep from the wound in her head.

The other members of the household were there a moment later, as if
magically summoned.

"Oh! Akane!" Kasumi knelt beside her younger sister, examining the
wound.

"It's only a nasty bump on the head," Ranma said, a note of desperation in
his voice. "I've had them lots of times before. She'll be okay." He watched
Kasumi work, hoping that she'd confirm his statement.

"Akane!" Soun Tendo wailed. "My daughter! What did you do to her?"

"What have you done, boy?" Genma growled.

"I'm sorry!" Ranma said. "She was begging me to 'fight her for real.' But I
didn't mean to really hit her..."

"YOU HIT MY DAUGHTER?" Soun's patented demon-head lashed out at
Ranma, forcing him to leap back. There wasn't a lot about Soun Tendo that
impressed Ranma, but the demon-head trick always inspired terror and awe.

"I said I'm sorry! I wasn't supposed to hit her that hard! But she kept
asking me to...."

"Ranma! If my daughter isn't okay... if anything at all is wrong with her...."

"I know! I know!"

Nabiki folded her arms across her chest. "Saotome, you fool. Don't you
realize how much more powerful than her you are?"

"Of course I know! It was an accident!"

Soun carefully lifted his unconscious daughter and carried her upstairs to
her room. Kasumi and Genma followed. Ranma watched them go, feeling
miserable. He clenched his fists, angry at himself. "I pushed her too hard," he
whispered, nearly inaudible. "I knew better, but I did it anyway. Well, I won't let
that happen again. I'll do anything in my power to make it up to you, Akane.
Whatever it takes, I promise I'll do it."



He didn't notice Nabiki still standing nearby, in the shadows of a tree that
bordered the property. She watched as Ranma walked away. She raised an
eyebrow.

"Anything?" she repeated.



***



When he awoke, his head was pounding like an unbalanced washing
machine. He groaned, sat up, and waited for the room to stop spinning about.

Slowly everything came into focus. He blinked. He looked around.
Although the room was dark, he could see enough to know that something was
wrong.

What was he doing in Akane's room?

The first thing that popped into his head was that he was here to steal her
underwear. He was, after all, a bit of a pervert, even if he wouldn't admit it.
However, at the current moment he couldn't imagine the attraction to such an
odd vice. Happi certainly seemed to enjoy it... but why?

He felt the bump on his head. He didn't remember how he'd gotten it, but it
probably involved Akane and her violent mood. Obviously, he'd been
unconscious. Somebody must have placed him here, then.

But why Akane's room? If Akane found him in here, he'd quickly have a
second lump to match the first!

Realizing that he'd better not be found here, he slipped out of bed, opened
the window, and climbed silently and effortlessly to the roof. There he paused.
He glanced down.

Okay, so he was in girl form. That didn't explain why he was wearing
Akane's pajamas. The thin yellow top billowed about him in the wind. And...
could it be? He placed a hand to his chest in surprise. A bra? Why was he
wearing a bra?

What the hell was going on? What had he been up to anyway?

Frowning, he ran across the roof, flipped through the window into the room
he shared with his father, and quickly stripped. Seconds later, dressed in his own
familiar boxer shorts, silk shirt and pants, he slipped down the hallway and
carefully placed Akane's clothing back in her room.



***



"Yo! When's dinner?"

Everyone in the Tendo household was gathered around the dinner table.
Dinner was nearly over. The television blared in the background.

They all turned to look at the person coming down the stairs.

"Aw, man, you guys ate without me?"

"Oh, Akane!" Kasumi said. "You're awake! Are you feeling okay?"

"Akane!" Soun cried out. "Thank the heavens you're all right!"

Nabiki looked her younger sister up and down. Akane Tendo was dressed
in a red silk top and black silk pants -- Ranma's clothes. "Akane? Are you
feeling okay?"

The youngest Tendo scratched the back of her head idly. "Oh, I dunno. I
guess so. Got a nasty bump on the head, but I've had them before." She paused,
then added, "Why are you calling me Akane?"

"Why are you wearing my clothes?" Ranma asked. Ranma was in girl form
at the moment.

Akane jumped back as if stung. "I -- I'm not!" she exclaimed. "I - I
waswhenIwokeupbutIdon'tknowwhy! It'snotmyfault, honest! I put everything
back in your room...."

Her voice trailed off as she stared at Ranma. "Akane? Why the heck are
you wearing my clothes?"

"That's what I was asking you!" Ranma growled. She paused, then added,
"Who're you calling Akane, Akane?"

"You!" Akane growled back. "Stop actin' so weird, Akane! And you didn't
answer my question: why are you wearing my clothes?"

Now equally confused, Ranma glanced about the table. "What's she talking
about?" she asked. "What's wrong with Akane?"

"Hmm," Nabiki said. She got up and stood behind Ranma. She placed her
hands on Ranma's shoulders, and looked directly at Akane. "Let me get this
straight," she said. "This person here is...?"

"Akane, of course," Akane said.

"And you are...?"

"RANMA, of course!" Akane yelled. "And you're Nabiki, and that's
Kasumi, and that's Pops and that's Mr. Tendo. And I got no idea where the old
freak is. Does that make everything clear? Can we stop with the stupid question
and answer game, and can someone tell me why Akane is wearing my clothes,
and why everyone is acting so weird?"

"Oh, my!" Kasumi exclaimed.

"Wah! My daughter called me 'Mr. Tendo'!" Soun burst into tears.

"Mr. Tendo?" Akane asked hesitantly.

"Wah! She did it again!"

"Oh, father," Kasumi said.

Soun turned on Ranma. "Ranma! This is all your fault!"

Akane was looking more and more confused. "Um.. can someone tell me
what's going on?"

"Let me see if I can clear things up," Nabiki said. She stepped into the
kitchen and returned with a kettle. "Ranma turns into a guy when doused with
hot water, yes?"

"Of course," Akane said.

Nabiki poured hot water over Akane. Akane glanced down at herself.

"Hey! What gives? Why didn't I turn into a guy?"

"Because," Nabiki replied, walking over to Ranma. "You aren't Ranma.
You've had a bump on the head, and somehow it's made you think that you're
Ranma. But this is the real Ranma here."

"Come on, Nabiki," Akane said. "I don't got time for your stupid head
games...." her voice trailed off as hot water cascaded over Ranma's head,
transforming him back to a guy.

"That's..." Akane's voice faltered. "That's... that's not possible! That's
Akane! I'm Ranma Saotome! I am! I...."

Akane's eyes glazed over, and she collapsed onto the floor.



***



Dr. Tofu stepped from his exam room into the lounge area and quietly slid
the door shut behind him. He adjusted his glasses. "She was awake for a few
minutes, but I put her back to sleep for the time being," he said. "She's had a
nasty bump on the head, and for some reason she thinks she's Ranma."

"So we noticed," Nabiki said dryly. The whole Tendo household was
gathered in the waiting room, minus the unconscious Akane and the
conspicuously absent Kasumi.

"What's wrong with her?" Ranma asked.

"Yes, Doctor," Soun added. "What's the matter with my precious
daughter? Can you help her?"

"Well," the Doctor said, "I’m not a psychologist or an expert on how the
brain works, but I've seen things like this before. Sometimes a head trauma can
result in a dramatic change in personality. Why this is is not entirely clear.
Perhaps deep down, Akane wished to be as powerful a martial artist as Ranma,
and somehow this has resulted in her temporarily thinking that she is Ranma."

"Well that sorta makes sense," Ranma said. "How do we snap her out of it?
Hit her on the head again?"

"RANMA! YOU WILL NOT HIT MY DAUGHTER AGAIN!"

Ranma cowered from the giant demon head that was suddenly towering
over him. "Okay, okay! Sheesh! It was just a suggestion!'

"Unfortunately, we just have to let events play out," Dr. Tofu replied.
"With injuries of this sort, time is the best physician. For the time being, we must
allow Akane to think that she is really Ranma. I must stress this point -- anything
that contradicts her current world view can have serious repercussions, and could
possibly damage her psyche, maybe even irreparably."

"What are you saying, Doc? We gotta go around pretending she's me?"

Tofu turned his gaze on Ranma. "Yes. And since she sees herself in you,
you must pretend to be Akane."

"What? No way!"

"You must, Ranma. Akane's mental well-being is at stake here."

"Forget it, Doc! I ain't doin' it!"

"Boy! You will do as you're told!"

"Really, Dr. Tofu," Nabiki said, "this isn't exactly an episode of Gilligan's
Island. Maybe Akane needs to see a psychiatrist...."

"No," Soun Tendo said. "What Dr. Tofu says makes sense." He turned to
glare at Ranma. "If you love my daughter, son, then you will do this. It's only
for a short time... isn't that right, Dr. Tofu?"

The physician adjusted his glasses. "Well, it's hard to say how long it might
take, but she should eventually snap out of it. Perhaps a few days, at most?"

The doctor glanced towards the entrance of his clinic. It was nearly dark
outside, but the shadow of someone could just be seen through the rice paper
door. The doctor seemed to lose his composure for a moment, and stammered,
"I-in the m-meantime, p-perhaps K-k-kasumi could escort Ranma h-home and
see to it that he's properly disguised as Akane? I don't want Akane to see Ranma
when she wakes up."

"A wise suggestion," Soun replied. Genma nodded his head sagely.

"Now hold on just a second!" Ranma exclaimed. "I don't care what this
quack says, I am not going to pretend that I'm...."

Dr. Tofu jabbed Ranma in the back. "Hey! What gives?" Ranma jumped
back. "What do you think you're doing?"

The doctor began filling a cup with water. "Just applying a simple shiatsu
pressure point," he said.

"What?"

"The Full Body Cat Tongue, to be exact." Dr. Tofu splashed Ranma with
the contents of his cup. Instantly, Ranma was female. "You remember that one,
don't you?" Tofu said. "It makes your body as sensitive as a cat tongue. Even
lukewarm water will seem boiling hot to you, and you will therefore find it
impossible to transform. After all," the doctor added, "we certainly don't want
you transforming in front of Akane. That could be catastrophic."

"What? You can't..."

Tofu reached out and snagged the dragon's whisker from the end of
Ranma's pigtail. "You shouldn't need this for the time being," Tofu said.
"Nabiki, see to it that K-k-kasumi cuts Ranma's hair, okay? Short, like Akane's."

"What?"

"Of course, Doctor Tofu," Nabiki said with a smirk.

"Now wait a second!"

"Boy! Do as Doctor Tofu says!"

"Please, son! This is for Akane's sake!"

"Come on, Ranma, before Akane wakes up," Nabiki said. "Daddy's right;
this is the best thing for Akane. Besides, the fun is only beginning...."



***



Soun and Genma looked on as Doctor Tofu applied a lather to Akane's
scalp and then rinsed her hair with a hand-held shower head.

"I hadn't realized you had this beautician's sink here," Soun Tendo said.

"Yes," Tofu answered. "It's very useful for certain shampoo-based herbal
and shiatsu techniques. Cologne-sama has been kind enough to instruct me in a
number of them."

As they watched, Akane's hair began to grow, until it was several feet long.

"Very impressive," Genma said. He picked a packet up from the table.
"Instant Hair Growth Potion? I had no idea such a thing even existed...." He
looked as if he'd just discovered gold hidden between the couch cushions.

"My apologies, Mr. Saotome," the doctor said, taking the package from
Genma's hands. "This is a hair growth potion, not a hair restorer. It only makes
what hair you have grow faster; it can't produce hair where there is none. In fact,
it can have the opposite effect, for extended use of this product can lead to
premature baldness... but for single uses like this it's perfectly safe."

"Ah, too bad then," Genma said, crestfallen.

Tofu quickly applied a hair color treatment. A few minutes later, Akane
was back on the exam table, but now her hair was as red as Ranma's normally
was in female form, and it was tied back in a pigtail just like Ranma's.

Moments later Akane opened her eyes. She looked around.

"Doctor Tofu?" she said. "Pops? Mr. Tendo?"

Soun Tendo quietly burst into tears.

Dr. Tofu said, "How are you feeling, Ranma?"

Akane sat up. "Okay, I guess." She felt the bump on her head. "I was at
home... I was arguing with Akane over something, I... can't remember about
what. I... I must have passed out."

"Yes, that's correct. Your family brought you here to see me."

"I... can't remember much of what happened, to be honest," Akane said.
"Am I okay, Doc?"

"You're fine, Ranma. But you've had a nasty bump on the head."

"Yeah... from earlier today... I musta got hit a lot harder than I thought...."

"Indeed," the doctor said. "It's quite serious. In fact, I think you should
avoid hot water for a while."

"Avoid hot water?" Akane stared at Doctor Tofu as if he'd just told her she
had ten days to live. "I can't do that, Doc! I'd be stuck as a girl!"

"Yes," Dr. Tofu replied, "but it's best that you don't transform for now.
Transformations could aggravate your head injury. Because of this, I've given
you a special moxibustion, to prevent you from transforming...."

"What? No way!"

"Now, it's nothing to be alarmed about," Dr. Tofu said. "It's just until your
head wound heals. In the meantime, you'll find that water will no longer activate
your curse."

"But Doc! That means I'm stuck as a girl!"

"This is true," the doctor said, "but it can't be helped, Ranma. After all, it's
nothing that you haven't gone through before, yes?"



***



"I told you, I ain't doing it! I don't care what Doc Tofu says!"

Ranma sat in Akane's room, on Akane's bed, while Nabiki and Kasumi
sorted through Akane's clothing picking out a typical Akane ensemble for
Ranma's benefit.

"You have to, Ranma, for Akane's sake," Kasumi said. "What do you think,
Nabiki? The green dress, or the red?"

"Oh, the red, definitely," Nabiki replied. Kasumi smiled and placed on the
bed a red sleeveless jumper dress with a large bow that tied in the back.

"No way!" Ranma growled. "Dress like a girl? Absolutely not!"

"But you are a girl," Nabiki said. "Even normally you're a girl at least one
third of the time, and now thanks to Doctor Tofu you're stuck as a girl for several
days, at the very least."

"That doesn't mean I gotta dress like one!"

"If you're going to imitate Akane, then it's best to dress in her clothes,"
Kasumi said. "Hmm, a white blouse would work, but...."

";Look," Ranma said, "I never agreed to this harebrained scheme of
Tofu's...."

"How about this yellow blouse?" Kasumi asked. She held up a blouse with
short puffed sleeves.

"Oooh yes, perfect!" Nabiki replied. "Just what Akane would wear! And
she'll need the yellow silk bra and matching panties...."

"Yes," Kasumi said, "or a white cotton bra and the yellow-striped panties
would work just as well...."

"No!" Ranma blurted out. "Are you two even listening to me? I ain't doing
it! No way, no how!"

"Ranma," Nabiki said, arms folded across her chest. "Have you forgotten
the promise you made to my sister?"

"Promise? What promise?"

"After you hit her and knocked her out. You promised to do anything in
your power to make it up to her. I believe you even said, 'Whatever it takes.'"

Ranma's eyes went wide. "But that... I didn't mean...."

"Whatever it takes, Ranma," Nabiki said. "That covers just about
everything, doesn't it? Really, is dressing and acting like Akane for a day or two
too much to ask?"

Ranma sighed, then seemed to visibly deflate. "Fine. I'll do it, then."

"Wonderful!" Kasumi said, clasping her hands together. "Now, if you'll
come with me to the bathroom, we still need to dye and cut your hair...."



***



Ranma was coming down the stairs when Mr. Tendo entered the house.
Soun stopped and stared. It was easy to see why. Dressed like Akane and with
black hair cut exactly like Akane's, Ranma looked, at least at first glance,
remarkably like her fiancee. Ranma herself had done a double-take when she first
saw her reflection in a mirror.

"Is... is that really you, son?" Mr. Tendo asked.

"Mr. Tendo?" Ranma asked. "Where's Akane?"

"Now, now," Nabiki said as she came down the stairs behind Ranma.
"Remember your training. You are Akane. Your fiancee is Ranma."

Soun Tendo straightened up and cleared his throat. "That's right. From this
moment on, until my daughter's memory is recovered, you are Akane Tendo, my
daughter. So, to answer your question... Saotome and his son, Ranma will be
home in a few minutes. I thought it best to leave them alone... well, that is, I
would have thought it best had it actually been Ranma and Genma, and since we
are acting as if that is indeed the case, I thought to act as I would have acted if it
really were the case, which we're pretending that it is."

Ranma blinked in confusion. "You wanna run that by me again?"

Soun leaped forward and grasped Ranma's hands. "Look at you! You
almost had me fooled, for a second there! I just know you're going to make a
wonderful Akane!"

"Ah... sure thing, Mr... I mean, Daddy." She'd been coached by Nabiki and
Kasumi.

"Wah!" Tears began flowing down Soun Tendo's cheeks, and he wrapped
his newly-christened daughter in a tight hug. "You called me 'daddy'!"

"Whoa!" Ranma exclaimed. "Mr. Tendo, take it easy...."

"No, no, no!" Soun pulled back, grasping Ranma by the shoulders. "Call
me father. Please!"

"Yes, father," Ranma replied.

"Oh, my sweet daughter Akane!" Soun exclaimed, wrapping Ranma in
another tight embrace.

"Mr. Ten.. I mean, Dad..." Ranma began.

"I promise to be the best father you've ever had!" Soun cried.

"Well, that won't be hard," Nabiki said with a smirk.

After extricating herself, Ranma made her way into the living room, where
she flopped down in front of the TV. Nabiki followed her and sat on the couch.
Ranma began flipping through the channels, finally settling on a campy samurai
movie.

Nabiki said, "Uh-uh."

"What? You want to watch something else?"

"The question isn't what I want to watch," Nabiki said, "but what you want
to watch."

"Okay, then," Ranma said. "This is what I want to watch."

"No," Nabiki said. "You're Akane, remember? You have to act like her.
Akane would have stopped two channels back."

Ranma flipped back two channels, then made a face. "This? This is just
some sappy love story."

"Exactly," Nabiki replied.

Ranma stared at the TV, then at Nabiki. "Oh, man, you gotta be kidding
me!" she said. "Do I really gotta watch this crap?"

"Of course you do," Nabiki said. "You made a promise, remember? And
don't call it 'crap', because Akane wouldn't say that."

"Yeah, but this sucks! Akane better get her head back together quick. I
don't know how long I can do this."

"Come now, my dear little sister," Nabiki said. "This is a good movie, trust
me. Watch it, you might learn something."

Ten minutes later they heard shouting outside, then a splash. Nabiki raised
an eyebrow. Thoroughly engrossed in the movie, Ranma apparently didn't
notice.

Akane walked into the room. Nabiki's eyebrow went up further. Akane
was still dressed like Ranma. She had red hair, tied back into a pigtail just like
Ranma's. She even moved like Ranma.

She flopped down next to Ranma. Ranma spared her a glance, then a more
penetrating look.

"Akane?"

"Don't start that again," Akane growled. "I'm Ranma. You're Akane."

"Oh, yeah," Ranma said. "Sorry. Is something wrong?"

"Wrong?" Akane asked. "When is something not wrong? I got this stupid
Jusenkyo curse, I got an idiot for a father, I'm engaged to a violent tomboy... no
offense intended...."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Ranma said. "I meant besides all that."

Akane grimaced. "Well, Doctor Tofu gave me this moxibustion that keeps
me from transforming back to a guy. So I'm stuck as a girl, for now. That's
what's wrong!"

Ranma frowned. No such moxibustion really existed, as far as she knew,
although the full-body cat tongue pressure point effectively produced the same
results. But it was a clever lie on Tofu's part. Now Akane had an explanation
for why she couldn't transform into a guy.

Which was a good thing in Ranma's book. Becoming a girl was one thing,
having her fiancee become a guy was not something she ever wanted to see.

Still, it was weird to hear Akane complain about it. But Ranma could
sympathize, especially right now. She said, "Well, that sucks. But for whatever
it's worth, I know how you feel."

"No you don't!" Akane growled. "Being a girl is normal for you! You're
used to it!"

Ranma started to reply, then froze. She frowned, and returned her attention
to the television. Akane watched a moment, then said, "What is this, some
mushy romantic crap? Isn't there a good action flick on? Here, let me check...."
She reached for the remote.

"No!" Ranma exclaimed, snatching the remote. "This is just getting
interesting! See, this girl, she's in love with this guy who's this rich high-class
type, but she can't bring herself to tell him because she's afraid that he couldn't
possibly like a lower-class girl like her. But he'd be crazy to not like her, you
know? She just doesn't realize how beautiful she really is. And meanwhile
there's this other guy who's a no-good biker delinquent, and he really likes her a
lot, but she's afraid of him. But he's not really a bad guy, you know? I mean he's
really got a heart of gold underneath, if she could only see that...."

"Yeah, Akane, whatever," Akane said, getting up. "I'm gonna take a bath.
Later."

"Ranma?" Nabiki asked.

"Yeah?" Akane replied.

"We heard some shouting a few minutes ago. It sounded like Ryoga to
me."

"Yeah," Akane said. "He attacked me out of nowhere, shouting something
about, 'Ranma, it's time you pay for what you've done' or somesuch. You know,
his usual gibberish. That idiot is really starting to get on my nerves."

Ranma and Nabiki both glanced up sharply. "And?" Nabiki asked.

"And what?" Akane said. "I clocked him, of course."

Ranma blinked in surprise.

"Wait a second. You clocked Ryoga?"

"Sure."

Ranma stared at her a moment. "Hmmm. Must have been caught off
guard."

"Why?" Akane asked. "I pound him all the time. I'm better than him, you
know. I'm Ranma Saotome."

"Whatever," Ranma said. "How hard you hit him?"

"Pretty hard. Knocked him into the koi pond."

Ranma gulped, her eyes growing large again. "And then? What happened
to him after that?"

"How should I know?" Akane replied. "Maybe he sank to the bottom and
drowned. It wouldn't hurt my feelings any." She turned away. "Now, if you
don't mind...." She headed off to the bathing room.

Nabiki and Ranma exchanged looks. "I'll just go check the koi pond,"
Nabiki said, getting up. "Good idea," Ranma said. She turned back to the
television.

"No! No, you fool!" she exclaimed. She gripped the pillow she was lying
on tightly. "This is your big chance! Tell him! Tell him that you love him!"

Nabiki returned a minute later. "Nothing in the pond," she said. "No telling
where he might have...."

Her voice was cut off by a loud, terrified pig squeal. A small black object
flew into the room from the direction of the bath. It bounced off the wall and
landed in Nabiki's arms.

Nabiki looked down at a black pig quivering with fear. She lifted it by the
collar and handed it to Ranma. "I believe it's looking for you," she said.

Akane yelled from the hallway, "Come back here, you cowardly pork
chop!" Moments later she ran into the living room, stark naked.

"Oh, good grief," Nabiki said. "What next?" She glared at Ranma. "This is
all your fault, you know."

Akane growled, "I'm gonna turn you into bacon, you lousy...."

"Hey!" Ranma yelled. "Watcha doing? You trying to hurt the pig?"

"Butt out, Akane! I don't care if he's your 'Precious P-Chan'! This is
between me and that pig!"

"Geez! What did he do to you?"

"Do to me?" Akane said. "He didn't do anything! Do I ever need a reason?
I'm Ranma! I beat up on the pig for no reason at all!"

"No I don't!" Ranma exclaimed. She glanced down at the pig. It stared at
her for a moment in confusion, then, deciding on who it was really looking at, it
glared and bit down hard on Ranma's hand.

"Yeowch!" Ranma tossed the offending pig across the room. "You
ungrateful beast!"

"Aha!" Akane crowed, bounding after the pig. "I've got you now, pork
chop!"

The pig fled down the hallway, Akane chasing it.

"A word of advice," Nabiki said.

"What's that?" Ranma asked.

"It's your job to defend your precious P-Chan. He's your pet, remember?"

"He bit me!"

"No doubt he's more than a little confused right now," Nabiki said. "Who
wouldn't be?"

Ranma snorted. "As far as I'm concerned, he's getting just what he
deserves."

"Never-the-less, you're suppose to play the role of Akane. If you don't do
what Akane would do, then my sister might have a relapse. We don't want that,
do we?"

Ranma sighed and stood up. "This movie was getting really good, too," she
grumbled.

The black bundle of fury came flying back into the room. Akane came
running in after it. Ranma snagged P-Chan and cradled him, shielding him from
Akane's wrath.

"Leave him alone, Ranma!" she yelled. "And -- geez! -- go put some
clothes on!"

"Akane, I told you to butt out!" Akane said.

"Ranma, you are NOT hurting my poor, defenseless P-Chan, and that is
final! Go find someone else to beat up!" Ranma glanced down at P-Chan, who
was whimpering and looking quite confused. Ranma rolled her eyes. "Geez, this
is truly pathetic," she muttered under her breath.

Akane folded her arms beneath her breasts. "Fine. If you're going to be
that way, I'll just have to deal with him later." She marched back to the bathing
room.

"I'm going to my room," Ranma said. "I got a few things to explain to
darling little P-Chan here."

"Just remember," Nabiki said, "your room is the one at the end of the
hallway, with 'Akane' on the door."

"Oh. Yeah, that's right. Thanks."



***



Behind the door to Akane's room, a certain pig was getting a full
explanation of the current situation in the Tendo household.

"Look," Ranma said, "I know it don't make sense, but what in my life ever
makes sense? For now, this is the way it is. Akane thinks she's me, and so I have
to pretend I'm her. Otherwise, it messes with her head."

The pig stared intently at Ranma, anger burning in its eyes.

"I know what you're thinking," Ranma said. "This is all my fault. Right?
Well, okay, it sorta is. But Doctor Tofu made it clear, anything that contradicts
Akane's current view of how things are could really mess her up, maybe even
permanently. So until this is over, you gotta act like I'm Akane, got it? And act
like she's Ranma. Got it?"

The pig glared at her.

"That means no attacking me. Got it?"

The pig glared at her.

"Remember, this is for Akane's sake. We want her to return to normal,
don't we?"

P-Chan nodded somberly.

"Okay," Ranma said. "As long as we got that figured out. Hopefully Akane
will wake up tomorrow all better, but in the meantime... geez. I guess that means
you spend the night here, just like you would if I were Akane. Not like you've
got anyplace else to go, or could reliably get there if you did." Ranma glanced
about the room. "I've never slept in an actual bed before. This is gonna be
weird."

She studied the room again. "Well, if I gotta be Akane then I guess I gotta
wear her pajamas. What a pain." She paused to glare at the pig. "That means
you don't look while I change. Not that I really care, but you gotta treat me like
Akane, and I know you don't watch when Akane changes. Right?" She leaned in
closer, glaring balefully at the pig. "RIGHT?"

The pig nodded his head vigorously in agreement, then turned to face the
wall.

"Good." Ranma said. She quickly changed, then climbed into bed.

"One more thing," she said. "You can sleep in my bed, but I'm not cuddling
you. Got it?"

P-Chan nodded his head vigorously. Being cuddled by his rival, even when
Ranma was a girl and he was a pig, was clearly a thing to be avoided.



***



In the morning, Ranma was awakened by the shouts and bellows of two
people fighting just outside. She rolled over, and promptly fell out of bed.

"Ow," she mumbled. She lay there a moment later, then stood up. P-Chan
was sitting up on the bed, wide awake, watching her.

"Ranma! You fight like a girl!"

"Shut up, old man! Let's see you handle this."

Ranma glanced out the window, just in time to see Akane and Genma
bounce across the yard. The strange thing was, Akane was on the offensive, and
Genma was backing away. Ranma blinked, but the two had already moved to the
other side of the house.

"What gives?" Ranma wondered sleepily. "No way Akane can handle my
pop normally. Is he going easy on her, I wonder?"

There was a loud splash, followed by the inarticulate complaint of a soaking
wet panda. Ranma turned away from the window.

"Weird. Well, I guess I won't be sparring with pops today." She looked
about the room. "So, what does Akane do in the morning?" She looked at the
pig, who looked back at her, wide-eyed. Ranma snapped her fingers. "She likes
to go jogging, right? And maybe smash some bricks afterwards..."

The pig nodded his head vigorously in approval.

"Right," Ranma said. "Now, I just gotta find a good jogging outfit...."

A few minutes later, dressed in running shoes, shorts, and a long-sleeved
sweatshirt, Ranma bounced down the stairs. She met Nabiki at the bottom.

"Morning, Sis," Nabiki said. "Going jogging?"

Ranma nodded her head. "It's how Ak -- how I usually work out in the
morning. Right?"

"That's right," Nabiki said. "Just make sure you get back in time to get
ready for school. Girls take longer to get dressed, you know."

Ranma stopped short. "School?"

"Yes, school," Nabiki said. "Specifically, Furinkhan High. You know, held
in a big building with a lot of other kids, where teachers make you learn things?
Oh, by the way, try to not fall asleep in class. Akane never does that."

"But I can't go to school!" Ranma exclaimed.

"Sure you can," Nabiki said. "It's Monday, right? You go to school every
week, Monday through Friday. Remember?"

"But Akane hasn't recovered yet! She still thinks she's me!"

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Yes? And? Doctor Tofu did tell us this might take
a few days."

"But... Nabiki!" Ranma sputtered. "Look, actin' like Akane around the
house is one thing, but I can't attend class as Akane! Everyone's gonna laugh at
me! And they're not gonna know about pretendin' Akane is me either!"

"Oh Ranma, you needn't worry about that," Kasumi called out from the
kitchen. "Father and Doctor Tofu have already explained the situation to the
Principal at school. He promised to brief the entire school before you two arrive,
so that everyone knows how to act. You have nothing to worry about!"

"Principal Kuno?" Ranma exclaimed. "That nutcase promised to help?
Does Mr. Tendo..."

"Daddy," Nabiki interjected.

"....Does Father understand what a fruit loop our principal is?"

"The Principal seemed to understand the situation, and even sympathize,"
Nabiki said. "He said his brother suffered from delusions, so he understood
completely."

"His brother?" Ranma exclaimed. "How about his whole freakin' family?"

"Oh, Ranma, don't worry about it," Kasumi said. "The Principal gave his
word. Everything should work out just fine!"



***



Breakfast was an interesting affair. While Ranma, dressed in Akane's
uniform, knelt demurely at one end of the table, Akane sat at the other end of the
table, still dressed like Ranma, and eating just like Ranma normally did. Food
flew left and right as she fought, chopstick to chopstick, with Genma Saotome.
Somehow, nothing ever hit the floor; all the food found it's way to Genma's or
Akane's mouth.

The sight of Akane shoveling down food voraciously was so unnerving that
for once Ranma had no trouble eating like a normal human being. In truth, she
was more than a little disgusted by Akane's barbaric display. She'd never actually
watched herself eat breakfast before.

Afterwards, she grabbed her book bag and a bento lunch from Kasumi and
headed out to the street. She still wasn't thrilled about attending school as
Akane, and didn't believe for one second that Principal Kuno would have
everything under control. But she had no choice but to go to school and see how
bad things really went.

Akane dashed out after Ranma. She immediately leapt up and began
running along the top of the fence, as Ranma paralleled her in the street. Ranma's
eyes bugged out.

"Since when do you know how to do that?" she exclaimed.

"Do what?" Akane asked.

"Run along the fence top!"

"Since always," Akane said. "I do this every day, Akane. You know that."

Ranma frowned as she ran. Something definitely weird was going on. It
was one thing to think you were Ranma Saotome, and to act like Ranma
Saotome. It was another thing altogether to display martial arts skills that Ranma
Saotome had, but that you certainly didn't have.

Well, there were a lot of things about the human brain that science hadn't
figured out yet. Ranma knew that to be true. So maybe it wasn't so hard to
believe that Akane, who thought she was Ranma, could actually do some of the
things he did. She'd watched him enough, after all, and she was a trained martial
artist. It wasn't inconceivable that she'd absorbed some of his skills, at least on a
subconscious level.

Ranma thought back to Akane's battle with Genma this morning, and to her
punching Ryoga out the night before. It made sense -- the delusion that she was
Ranma must have increased her fighting abilities somehow. Not that she was on
Ranma's level, of course -- not even close -- but she was much better than
normal.

A girl on a bicycle dropped out of the sky and onto Akane, knocking her
from the fence to the pavement. "Airen!" Shampoo exclaimed. "You go on date
with Shampoo tonight, yes?"

"Shampoo!" Akane growled. She tossed the bike aside and got up, then her
demeanor changed. "Oh! Shampoo! Of course I'll go on a date with you!"
Leaping forward, Akane threw her arms about Shampoo, hugging her tightly.
She began fondling one of the Amazon's breasts.

"Hey!" Ranma growled. "What the heck do you think you're doin'?"

"Oh, you know me," Akane said. "Just getting cozy with one of my many
fiancees. Why, does it bother you?"

"A-a-airen?" Shampoo stammered, trying to extricate herself. She glanced
at Ranma. "What Akane do? What going on?"

Ranma shrugged. "Not my problem," she said, and continued on towards
school.

"Don't worry about Akane," Akane said. "She's just jealous, that's all. Now
how about you give me a kiss...?"

Ranma's eyes grew wide. Her face flushed red. "Oh man!" she muttered
under her breath. Without looking back, she began to run. Behind her, a high-
pitched scream echoed down the street, followed my a loud thump.

Ranma didn't stop running until she got to school. Briefly, her progress was
impeded by Tatewaki Kuno, dressed in his usual kendo outfit. The exchange was
brief.

"Ah! My beauteous Akane Tendo! Say that you will date with me!"

Ranma landed a flying kick to Kuno's face. "I ain't got time for this, Kuno!"
she yelled. She landed in stride and continued on into the school.

Just inside the doorway stood Kuno's father, the principal. He wore his
usual Hawaiian shirt, loose slacks, and sandals, had a ukulele in his hand. The
usual palm tree sprouted from his head.

"Miss Tendo, yes?" he exclaimed.

Ranma came to a stop. "Yeah? What is it?"

The principal adjusted his sunglasses. "De Big Kahuna, he very impressed.
You even look like de Miss Tendo keiki."

"That's the idea," Ranma said guardedly.

"Good thing you is de girl keiki right now, no?" the principal said. "Well,
you don't be worrying 'bout nothin'. Dis Kahuna got it all sorted out. All de
keikis in de school, dey been told dat you is de Miss Tendo keiki, and she is de
Ranma keiki. Nobody be givin' you no problems!"

"Uh... thanks," Ranma said. The principal grinned like an idiot, and Ranma
headed off to class.

"Good morning, Akane!" a girl in the hallway called out.

"Uh... morning!" Ranma replied.

"Good day Akane!"

"Hello, Akane!"

"Morning Akane!"

Ranma returned each greeting, feeling progressively weirder and weirder.
As she neared the classroom, another girl fell into step with her.

"Hey, Akane, how's it going?"

"Morning, Sayuri," Ranma replied, recognizing one of Akane's close friends.
"Uh... I'm doing okay, I guess."

"So, is it true?" Sayuri whispered under her breath.

"That Akane and I are switching places? Hai," Ranma replied.

Sayuri gave Ranma in impenetrable stare. "And you gave in, just like that?
I never thought I'd see the day."

Ranma's face flushed red. "Hey, it's not like I wanted to! But I gave my
word...."

The two entered the classroom and separated. Ranma took her seat.
Moments later Akane strolled in and flopped down in a nearby seat.

"Yo," she said. "Why'd you go and leave me with Shampoo like that?"

Ranma rolled her eyes. "You looked like you were having fun," she said.
"Anyway, it's none of my concern. If you want to grope Shampoo then go
ahead."

Akane raised an eyebrow. "Feeling jealous?" she asked.

"Whatever," Ranma said.

Akane frowned, then got up and wandered across the room. Hiroshi and
Daisuke approached Ranma.

"Hey, Akane," the two said.

"Hey guys," Ranma said.

"So," Hiroshi said, "is it true?"

"Is what true? That I'm switching places with Akane?"

"Well obviously that part's true," Daisuke said.

"No, we mean the part where the principal defeated you in battle and cut off
your pigtail?"

"Yeah," Daisuke said. "I never thought I'd see the day that Ranma Saotome
lost to that freak."

"What?" Ranma sat up. "What the heck are you two talking about?"

Hiroshi and Daisuke started at Ranma for a long moment. "You mean you
didn't lose a fight with him?"

"No!" Ranma growled. "Let's get one thing straight: I've never ever lost no
fight to that joke of a principal!"

The two boys exchanged looks.

"Then why are you dressed like Akane?" Hiroshi asked.

"Yeah," the other said. "Principal Kuno said it was the conditions he
imposed after you lost to him."

"He said what?" Ranma gripped the edge of the desk hard enough to make
it crack and buckle. "That no-good lying freak... 'don't be worrying about
nothing', he says... 'all sorted out', he says... why, when I get my hands on him...."

"Then why are you pretending to be Akane?" Hiroshi asked.

Ranma quickly explained. The two glanced across the room at Akane.

"She really believes she's you, huh?" Hiroshi asked.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"So that's it," Daisuke said. "I thought her 'Ranma act' was good."

"Yeah," Hiroshi added. "She's got you down cold."

"An Oscar-worthy performance," Daisuke agreed.

"Whereas, your performance as Akane...."

"I mean, no offense," Daisuke said. "You look an awful lot like Akane..."

"Yeah," Hiroshi said. "You look really good. You got the whole Akane
look down."

"But," Daisuke said, "you still don't really act like a girl, you know."

"Not a normal girl anyway," Hiroshi agreed.

"You should watch the other girls more. Act more like them."

"More ladylike. And you need to talk like a girl, too."

Ranma shrugged. "I'm not trying to win any actin' awards," she said. "As
long as Akane is fooled, I'm good."

The doors to the classroom burst open, and Tatewaki Kuno rushed into the
room, bokken in hand. "What now?" Ranma muttered.

"Never! Never will I allow it!" Kuno bellowed. "The vile sorcerer
Saotome, disguised as my beauteous Akane? It cannot be!"

"Oh, man." Ranma slapped a hand over her face. "I shoulda known this
idiot would cause trouble...."

Kuno spotted her. His eyes lit up. "Ah! My beautiful Akane Tendo! I see
that the foul Saotome has not reached you yet!" Kuno landed on one knee
before Ranma, grasping her hands in his. "Tell me that you will have nothing to
do with this foul plan of his! The very idea...!"

"Hey, Kuno," Ranma said, pulling her hands free. "Maybe you should take
this up with the foul sorcerer?"

"Yes!" Kuno said, standing up. "Fear not, dear Akane! I will thrash that
vile dog within an inch of his life! Where is the wretched cur?"

From across the room, Akane said, "You got a problem, Kuno?"

"Ah! Noble Pig-Tailed Girl!" Kuno dashed across the room.

"Man," Hiroshi said. "He doesn't recognize either of you, does he?"

"I thought he had pictures of you two plastered on the walls of his room?"
Daisuke said.

"Urg... don't remind me," Ranma said. "It turns my stomach just thinking
about that."

Apparently fed up with Kuno's ranting, Akane delivered a kick that sent the
upper-classman flying through the window. The other students watched as Kuno
sailed over the school grounds.

"Nice follow-through," Daisuke said.

"Yeah... that was a Ranma kick if I ever saw one," Hiroshi added. "I'm
telling you, she's got Ranma down cold."



***



Afterwards, things settled down for a couple of periods. People continued
to refer to Akane as Ranma and Ranma as Akane... under threat of buzzcuts
and/or bowlcuts, Ranma learned. The principal had achieved the desired results,
but his methods and explanations of the situation left a lot to be desired. Ranma
spent much of the morning setting people straight on what was really going on.

But people accepted her as Akane, and Akane as her. When you thought
about it, it was not really stranger than anything else that happened at this school.

Ranma was excited to get her first ever A+ on a test... until she was
reminded that it was really Akane who had received that score. This caused
Ranma to reflect that, as Akane, she was likely to continue to get Ranma-like
scores, whereas Akane, convinced she was Ranma, would probably also achieve
Ranma-like scores. It didn't seem like a fair exchange, somehow. If she had to
pretend to be Akane, you'd think that a few good test scores would be the least
she could expect in return.

Maybe, after this was over, she could convince Nabiki to pose as her for a
while.

Ranma considered that, and then considered the exorbitant price a favor of
that magnitude might cost. No, she realized, that was a bad idea. Bad!

It wasn't until third period that the next event happened. Ranma had been
expecting something for most of the period, and so considered it long overdue.
She'd actually done homework while waiting for the next big commotion.

It came in the form of a series of girlish screams from the hallway, followed
by "Hotcha!" and "What a haul! What a haul!"

Ranma sighed and stood. Well, a confrontation with the hentai freak was
better than schoolwork any day. She readied herself.

The door flew open. A familiar old man bounded in with a bag of women's
underwear over his shoulder. Almost immediately, a foot landed on his head,
driving him to the floor and pinning him there.

"Ranma!" the aged martial artist exclaimed, looking up. "How dare you
interfere with a lonely old man's only fun in life?"

Ranma flinched. Happosai was still across the room from her. The person
pinning him under her foot was Akane.

Now Ranma was starting to worry. Fighting her old man was one thing. So
was walking along a fence top. But catching Happosai off guard?

The tiny martial artist produced a small, round bomb. There was an
explosion. Smoke filled the room, along with the cries of all the girls and the
laughter of the greatest pervert in Nerima.

Ranma's skirt flew up, and even she gave an involuntary scream. Moments
later came a much louder scream -- a horrifying sound tinged with abject terror,
as if someone were facing their ultimate nightmare.

The smoke cleared. Happosai lay on the floor in the middle of the room,
apparently unconscious.

"Whoa!"

"What happened?"

"Someone knocked him out?"

"He's out cold!"

"And no wonder!" Daisuke added. "Look!"

Everyone looked. Clutched tightly in Happosai's hands was a pair of cotton
boy's boxer briefs. They were yellow with blue trim.

Everyone turned their gaze to Ranma. "Yours?" Sayuri asked.

Ranma's hands went to her rear. She blushed with the realization that she
was sans underwear.

"Why, that perverted little freak...." she began.

At that moment, Akane's fist slammed into the master's head, placing him in
a hopefully more permanent state of unconsciousness. "Take that, you freak!"
she growled. She lifted Happosai up from the floor, and examined what he still
clutched in his hands.

"Akane," she said, "Why were you wearing my boxer shorts?"

"Um... no reason?" Ranma replied.



***



Between classes, Sayuri led Ranma to Akane's locker, then did the
combination for her. She reached in and pulled out a small bundle of white cloth.

"I'm only helping you because Akane would want me to," Sayuri said, "and
because, for Akane's sake, you need to be as convincing an Akane as possible.
Got it?"

"Yeah, sure," Ranma said. "I know you don't like me that much."

"It's not that, it's just... well, nevermind. Here," she said, handing the item
to Ranma. "Put these on. In the girl's bathroom, mind you. I'll make sure
nobody else is in there first, and I'll watch the door until you're done."

"What's this?" Ranma asked, holding the item up.

"Panties, of course," Sayuri said. "They're Akane's."

"No thanks," Ranma said, handing them back.

Anger flashed in Sayuri's eyes. "Ranma, you moron!"

"Akane."

"Whatever! Do you want to walk around naked under your dress, all
afternoon? Akane would never dream of such a thing! Suppose your skirt gets
blown up by a gust of wind, and everyone sees?"

Ranma's face flushed red. "I... um... but... don't you think that's kind of
weird, if I wear her underwear?"

Sayuri looked away. "I don't want to think about it," she said. "The fact
that you turn into a girl is weird enough. You're female, and you're pretending to
be Akane. Right? So just go do it already. It's certainly not more hentai than
walking around half-naked."

"But I don't get it. Why does Akane keep underwear in her locker?"

"You know," Sayuri replied. "Just in case."

"In case what?"

"For emergencies," Sayuri said. Her face was turning red.

"What emergencies?" Ranma asked.

"For someone who's a girl so much of the time, you sure are dense," Sayuri
replied. She pushed Ranma down the hallway towards the girl's toilet room.
"Just get in there and put them on, and stop asking stupid questions!"

"But...."

"Look," Sayuri said, "If nothing else, it's handy for situations like this, when
that wrinkled old lecher steals your underwear right off of your body."

"Ah," Ranma said. "I never actually realized the old pervert could do that.
That must take incredible skill...."

"Keep wearing dresses to school, and you'll soon get used to it," Sayuri said
sourly.

Sayuri scoped out the bathroom, then guarded the door. Moments later,
Ranma emerged, presumably with a more modest derriere.

"Okay," Ranma said. "I'm done. Happy now?"

Sayuri studied Ranma critically. "Not really," she said. "Are you wearing a
bra?"

"Uh..." Ranma said.

"That was a rhetorical question," she continued. "You do realize, don't you,
that the entire student body can see that you aren't wearing one?"

Ranma glanced down. "I... ah... is it that obvious?" Then she shrugged.
"Not that I really care...."

Sayuri sighed heavily. "Ranma...."

"Akane."

"Akane I mean... do you want the entire male population of the school
drooling over you?"

"They do that no matter what," Ranma said.

"Well it doesn't help to encourage them! What kind of a girl are you
anyway?"

Ranma shrugged, then place her hands behind her head. "One who's really a
guy?"

"Except right now," Sayuri said. "And put your arms down! Look, f you're
going to be Akane, then you absolutely must wear the appropriate clothing.
Akane never attends school bra-less! No respectable girl would."

"But I hate 'em," Ranma said. "They're completely uncomfortable, a real
pain. I don't know how you girls put up with 'em."

Sayuri stopped and looked Ranma up and down. A light went on in her
eyes. "Let me guess. You don't own your own bras, do you?"

"Of course not! I'm a guy!"

"That's not even the question here," Sayuri said. "You can call yourself
whatever you like, Ranma, but the fact is that about 30% of the time you have
breasts. Rather large ones, in fact."

"So? Guys don't wear bras, Sayuri."

"Ranma! Most guys don't have to worry about their breasts sagging!"

Ranma rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Sayuri. And it's Akane, remember?"

"Don't change the subject! Letting your breasts bounce all over the place
and poke through your shirt all the time -- well, trust me, it's not a good idea.
You really need at least one or two bras of your own for when you're a girl. Has
this subject really never come up before? I would've thought that Kasumi, at
least, would have talked to you about it...."

Ranma stared at the ceiling. "Well... I did get one on a shopping trip with
my mom... she thought I was cousin Ranko you know... but I don't know what
happened to it."

"It's not in your room somewhere?"

"Nah. It was, but then it vanished."

Sayuri sighed. "Probably the pervert took it."

Ranma blinked. "Hmm... yeah, I bet you're right." She shivered. "Man,
him stealing my underwear... that creeps me out."

"Get used to it. Anyway, Akane's bras aren't going to fit you," Sayuri said.
"You're bigger than her, aren't you? No wonder you think bras are
uncomfortable. We just need to get some that actually fit you, that's all."

"What?"

"Simple," Sayuri said. "After school, we're going shopping."

"What? No way...!"

"I didn't offer you a choice," Sayuri said. "You, me, Yuka, whoever else
wants to come. Anyway, , it's something Akane would do, and you're Akane,
right? Now, come on!"

Ranma followed Sayuri down the hallway. "What now?"

"P.E. of course. If we don't hurry, we're gonna be late." She saw Ranma
hesitate, and added, "You are not going to change or even enter the locker room
until the other girls are done, is that clear?"

"Uh... gotcha," Ranma replied.

As the two passed the hallway that led to the boy's locker room, Akane
bumped into them. She was already dressed in a boy's shirt and shorts -- Ranma's
P.E. outfit. "Whoa!" she exclaimed, dodging around the two. "Hey, don't be
late, Akane!" She ran out towards the playing field.

Ranma and Sayuri paused. They looked back down the hallway, where a
half-dozen boys were standing just outside the doorway to the boy's locker.

"Please tell me Akane didn't just change in the boy's locker room," Sayuri
said.

"I could," Hiroshi replied. "But I'd be lying."

He had a dazed, happy look on his face, as did the other boys.

"I think I'm in heaven," Daisuke said. "Kill me now! I've seen paradise!"

Ranma placed her hand over her face. "Oh, great. And when Akane finds
out later, she's going to blame it all on me."

Sayuri glared daggers at Ranma. "Well, it is your fault," she said. "You're
the one the hit her, right?"

"She's just acting like you, you know," Hiroshi said. "If you weren't such an
exhibitionist, then she wouldn't be flashing every guy in school...."

"I'm dead," Ranma said. "When this is all over, I'm gonna be toast."

"You got that right."

"Definitely. Sorry, man," Daisuke said.

Hiroshi added, "We'll be at your funeral though. Promise."



***



Lunch found Ukyo in a particularly unhappy mood. Normally she loved
stuffing Ranma's face with okonomiyaki, but today the Ranma in question was
really Akane Tendo, her chief rival in the pursuit of Ranma's affections.
Watching Akane shovel down one okonomiyaki after another was annoying and
more than a little disgusting. If anything, Akane's version of Ranchan was an
even more voracious and sloppy eater than the original.

Ukyo understood the situation perfectly. She wasn't above feeling sorry for
Akane and hoping that she recovered her memories soon -- oh ancestors please,
as soon as possible! -- but she could still be annoyed by the situation.

When Akane snuggled up to Ukyo and placed an arm about her shoulders, it
was all Ukyo could do to not scream and pound her mentally mixed-up rival into
the ground. If only Ranma would act that way! Now that Ukyo could deal with!

The wind ruffled the grass and blew through the trees. Okonomiyaki sizzled
on the grill. Bees buzzed nearby, attracted by the wonderful smell of frying
batter. Distant voices echoed, indistinctly, from the lower soccer field, where
some students were using their lunch time for an impromptu game.

Ukyo grimaced. She expertly set another two okonomiyaki in front of
Akane. A third went to Ranma, who sat nearby. Ranma was eating carefully,
almost daintily, demonstrating a level of self-control that Ukyo frankly hadn't
realized her fiancee possessed.

"You're being awfully nice to Akane today," Akane said.

"You got no idea, Sugar," Ukyo replied dryly.

Akane continued to shovel food in her mouth. Several minutes later,
apparently sated, Akane stood.

"Leaving so soon?" Ukyo asked.

"Hey," Akane said, "just because I eat your food don't mean I gotta sit
around and talk to ya. Later!" She headed across the school grounds.

Ukyo glared at Ranma. "Sugar, I hate to say this, but she's almost worse
than you."

"Almost?" Ranma shot back. "What do you mean, almost? I'm never that
rude!"

"Not quite that rude, I'll admit," Ukyo said. "She just better get her
memories back soon. It's only been a few hours, and it's all I can do to keep from
strangling her."

"You ain't kidding," Ranma said. "If I have to keep this charade up much
longer, I think my head's gonna explode."

"Well, I wish I could help you out somehow," Ukyo said.

"Hey, I know!" Ranma said, snapping her fingers. "You can switch places
with me! It'd be perfect! You'd make a better Akane than me, since you're really
a girl, and meanwhile I could dress like a guy and nobody would care...."

Ukyo frowned. "No. Don't even think about it, Ranchan."

"Aw, come on! If I can be Akane, then you certainly can! And as for me
pretending to be you...."

"First off, you'd drive away all of my customers," Ukyo said. "No thanks."

"What do you mean? I'm a good cook!"

"Sugar, you're not bad," Ukyo said, "but you don't have my skill. Anyway,
I'd love to help but I'm not about to get involved in your weird little
impersonation games. Sorry."

Ranma sighed. "Well," Ukyo said, "look on the bright side, Akane. Things
can't get much worse, can they?"

"Ranma Saotome, you coward! Come out and fight me!"

Ranma flinched. Ukyo said, "That was Mousse, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Ranma said. "Things just got worse."

The two ran across the field where a crowd was gathering. Mousse, his
glasses shoved up on his forehead, confronted a nonchalant Akane.

"Yo, Mousse!" Akane said. "What's up?"

"What's up? What's up? You fondled my Shampoo this morning, that's
what's up! You placed your hands on her breast! Don't deny it!"

"Why would I deny it?" Akane said. Murmurs and shocked gasps broke out
through the crowd. Ranma put her hand to her face.

"That idiot! She's going to ruin my reputation!"

"It's not like you had much of one to begin with," Ukyo replied. "Anyway,
you're not doing a lot for hers either, are you?"

"You lecher!" Mousse yelled. "It's not enough that you have the Tendo
woman and the Kuonji woman to be intimate with! You expect to defile my
precious Shampoo as well? I won't stand for it!"

"She's my fiancee, not yours," Akane said. "I'll do with her as I wish."

"Never!"

"Oh yeah? What ya gonna do about it, Duck Boy?"

For a moment Mousse looked as if he would physically explode. Instead,
he stepped forward and pointed his finger at Akane in a dramatic pose. "Ranma
Saotome, I challenge you to a duel!"

"That, again?" Akane asked. She casually studied her fingernails. "Well,
whatever. I'll take you down anytime, anywhere, Mousse. Just name it."

"Tomorrow," Mousse said. "After school, in the lower field."

"Fine," Akane said. "I'll be there."



***



"So what are you going to do about Mousse?"

As promised, Ranma had gone bra-shopping with Sayuri and Yuka after
school. Yuka had at first rejected the idea, but later the both of them had
decided to have as much fun embarrassing Ranma as they could. After nearly
two hours of trying on various underthings, the other two had declared the
shopping trip a success, and the three girls had retired to an ice cream shop,
much to Ranma's relief. At least that part of the after-school excursion wasn't a
waste of time, in her opinion.

Ranma grimaced at the question and instead concentrated on the massive
ice cream sundae in front of her. Nearby were several shopping bags with things
nestled deep inside which she also didn't want to think about. At least she hadn't
paid for them, although she had promised to pay Sayuri back later. Which hardly
seemed fair, since a couple of items she'd been cajoled into buying were
completely impractical -- underwear that even Akane would never wear, let alone
Ranma.

The most annoying part was that, when it came to lingerie, more lace and
spaghetti straps and lack of actual fabric somehow meant a higher price tag. In
other words, the things Ranma had the least use for cost her the most.

Well, hopefully some of it would fit Nabiki.

At the moment Ranma wore one of the more practical items beneath her
top, and she had to admit, not only was it not uncomfortable, it actually felt nice,
having her breasts held in place and not bouncing around. Maybe a bra wasn't
such a bad thing after all.

"I have no idea," Ranma finally said.

"But Ranma," Yuka said.

"Akane," Sayuri added.

Yuka paused. "Do I have to call him that even when we're not at school?"

"Better get used to it," Sayuri said. "You don't want to call him the wrong
name in front of Akane. And don't call him 'him'."

"But you just did it," Yuka said. She paused, and shrugged her shoulders.
"This is all too confusing. Anyway, Akane, Mousse has no idea that he
challenged Akane -- the real Akane I mean -- instead of you."

"Akane can't fight him," Ranma said. "That much I can guarantee. So... we
just need a way for me to fight him without her knowing about it...."

"How are you going to do that? Knock her out?"

A sweatdrop appeared on Ranma's forehead. "If I do that, Mr. Tendo will
kill me!" she exclaimed.

"Well, you can't let Akane and Mousse fight," Sayuri said, "so you'd better
think of something."

"Maybe Akane's delusion will wear off overnight."

"You can't go on hoping things will get better," Sayuri said. "You need to
have a plan in case things don't return to normal."

Ranma sighed. Her head slumped to the table.

"I just hope this gets fixed soon," she said. "I can't stand much more of this.
Wearing girl's clothes, shopping for girl's underwear, sleeping in Akane's bed...
it's creeping me out."

Sayuri slammed her fist onto the table.

"Dammit, Ranma!" she yelled.

"Akane," Yuka corrected her, but was ignored by Sayuri.

"You never change, do you?" Sayuri continued. "My best friend Akane is
so confused that she thinks she's you, and all you can do is complain about your
own problems? What about Akane? She's your fiancee, you know! Aren't you
concerned about her at all?"

"She's right, you know," Yuka said. "You should be worried about Akane,
not wallowing in your own self-pity."

"Of course I'm concerned!" Ranma snapped. She sighed and looked away.
"Look, Sayuri, Yuka, I'm sorry if I sound self-centered... I guess I am a lotta the
time. But I miss Akane as much as you do, you know. I'd do anything to make
her better! You gotta believe that!"

"I... I do believe that," Sayuri said. She frowned. "I... I was never happy
with you being engaged to Akane. You probably know that, don't you? I mean,
you're egotistic, you're arrogant, you're thoughtless, you're a jerk..."

"Hey!"

"Not to mention a total pervert," Yuka added.

"Hey! I am not a pervert!"

"...and I thought Akane could do a lot better than you," Sayuri said. "But
I've come to realize that you're a pretty special guy, in your own way. I mean,
you act as if the world revolves around you... but then, you always seem to live
up to that billing, if that makes any sense."

Yuka spoke up. "What Sayuri means is, whenever Akane really needs you,
you're always there for her."

"Which is more than we could say for most guys," Sayuri added.

"So we know you really do care for her, Ranma."

"Even if you are kind of a macho idiot who also likes women's clothing,"
Sayuri said.

"I don't like dressing like this!" Ranma growled.

"Oh, it's not so bad," Yuka said. "In fact, if I were Akane I'd have more fun
with you. Just think, a boyfriend who can also be your best girlfriend... who can
go lingerie shopping with you, for example...."

Both girls giggled uncontrollably. Ranma rolled her eyes. "Are we done
here? I only came because I'm supposed to be Akane right now, remember?"

"Yuka's just teasing you," Sayuri said. "You know we only invited you
because you're supposed to be Akane. It's not like we want to hang out with
you...."



***



Akane's two girlfriends walked with Ranma back to the Tendo Dojo. They
threatened to follow Ranma up to Akane's room and force her to model her new
lingerie again, but it was late and they both decided to head home.

"See you tomorrow, girlfriend!" Sayuri called out. Both girls erupted into
another fit of giggles as they walked away.

Ranma sighed and headed into the house. Kasumi stuck her head out of the
kitchen. "Oh! Akane?"

"Uh... yes, Oneechan?"

"Could you help me with dinner tonight?"

"Of course," Ranma said. She ran upstairs and stashed her packages, then
headed to the kitchen.

"How did school go today?" Kasumi asked.

"Okay, I suppose," Ranma said. She donned an apron and began slicing
vegetables as Kasumi had asked.

"The Principal kept his promise, then? Everyone knew how to act?"

"Well," Ranma said, "not exactly. He told everyone that he'd defeated me
and cut off my pigtail, and as punishment I had to trade places with Akane."

"Oh, my!"

"...and if anyone failed to call me Akane, or Akane, Ranma, he threatened to
give them a buzz cut or bowl cut."

"What an odd man he is," Kasumi said.

"Aside from that, Happosai stole all the girl's underwear, 'Ranma' molested
Shampoo and Ukyo, and then Mousse challenged her to a duel, which she
accepted."

"Well! That sounds like a very eventful day!"

"Uh... yeah," Ranma said, "and that's just what happened through lunch.
Gym class was especially interesting. 'Ranma' changed in the boy's locker
room...."

"Oh! Ranma-chan? Oh my! Not with the other boys present, I hope!"

"Yes, with the other boys present," Ranma said. "Hiroshi and Daisuke were
especially ecstatic about that part, and I heard Gosunkugi had to be taken to the
nurse's office...."

"Oh, my!" Kasumi's cheeks flushed red. "Oh my! Oh my!"

"You can stop saying 'oh my' now."

"Oh! But I can't stop myself! Just the thought of it... Oh my!"

"But I guess she did okay," Ranma said. "The guys said it was just like
having me there. She didn't hurt her team at all. Which is strange because, you
know, she's good at sports and all of that -- she is a tomboy, after all -- but she's
not as good as me.

"In fact, I was so much better at softball that a couple of the girls suggested
I stay a girl, at least during P.E.. They said that with Akane and I on the same
team, we'd be unstoppable in inter-league play."

"Well, that was very nice of them! Will you do that, then?"

"What?" Ranma said. "Of course not! I don't care about softball or other
girl's sports for that matter, and I ain't a girl. Anyway, could you imagine
Akane's reaction?"

"Hmm. Yes, I guess that would be a problem," Kasumi said. "So, was that
Yuka and Sayuri I saw you with?"

"Uh... yeah. They, um. took me shopping after school."

"How fun! What did you buy?"

"Um... you know... just some clothing...."

"I see! Is it something cute, then? Maybe you can model it for the whole
family later."

"That wouldn't be such a good idea," Ranma said under her breath, hoping
that the conversation would just die. After several moments without another
question from Kasumi, she breathed a sigh of relief, and turned her attention to
her stir-fry preparations.

In her heart of hearts, Ranma knew that cooking was for girls. The only
guys that excelled at cooking were the type who wore goofy chef's hats and who
were clearly less than manly men. But after years of eating food cooked over a
fire by a father who's greatest culinary skill was to make food mostly edible,
Ranma was secretly pleased that she had real cooking talent. Unlike Akane, her
results were not only edible but quite tasty.

The best part of being a good cook was eating what you made. That part
Ranma and her voracious appetite could easily appreciate. Just thinking about
the stir fry she was about to create made her mouth water.

"GACK!"

Ranma glanced up to see someone in a red silk top and black silk pants
standing in the doorway. "Oh, hello Ak...." She paused, catching herself just in
time. "Hello, Ranma."

Ignoring her, Akane turned to Kasumi with a pleading look. "Please tell me
she isn't helping you with dinner!"

Kasumi smiled. "Yes, Akane-chan is helping me tonight. But don't worry,
I'm sure everything will turn out just fine."

"But here food is toxic!"

"Oh, I don't know," Ranma said, going back to slicing vegetables. "You
might be surprised, Ranma."

"Not likely! You're the worst cook in history!"

Ranma laughed. At least Akane finally saw the truth. If it took a bonk on
the head and a personality switch to get Akane to recognize her woeful lack of
culinary skill, then so be it. In the end, it was a good thing. Countless lives
might now be spared.

"Got that right," Ranma replied. "My food's so inedible they use it to pave
roads."

Akane opened her mouth, then paused. She blinked at Ranma in confusion.

"Yeah. It's so bad, you need a hazardous permit to dispose of it," Akane
said, a little less certainly.

Ranma tossed some carrots into the air and deftly sliced them as they came
down. They landed neatly in the wok. "That's right," she said. "I'm surprised I
don't get hit with sanctions for creating weapons of mass destruction."

Akane stared at her in confusion. "A-Akane?" she asked, hesitantly.

Kasumi gazed on her younger sister with concern. Doubt was etched across
Akane's face -- the same sort of doubt that had been there just before her collapse
yesterday. "Oh!" Kasumi said, turning to Ranma. "You sure are acting strange
today, aren't you, Akane?" She handed Ranma a bottle of linseed oil.

Ranma glanced at the bottle. "Kasumi? This is... yeooowch!"

"Oh, did I step on your foot, Akane? I'm so sorry!"

Ranma glanced at Kasumi, then back to the bottle, then to her perfect stir-
fry, then back to Kasumi. Light slowly dawned in the girl's eyes. "Shit. Do I
gotta?"

"Akane, such language! And yes, you do."

Ranma sighed, then turned and began to pour linseed oil into the wok.



***



"Man, you should have seen it," Akane said. "Fwoosh! One giant fireball!
She nearly took out the whole kitchen!"

It was not the best dinner Ranma had ever had. In fact, it was one of the
most annoying. Watching Akane eat like a pig and fight the stupid panda for
food was bad enough, but Akane couldn't stop talking about what a horrible
cook Akane was.

It would have been funny if she meant the real Akane. But she was talking
about Ranma's contrived kitchen disaster. It bugged Ranma to no end that she
had to pretend to be a bad cook, and then have her identity-confused fiancee rub
it in.

"We're just lucky we're not a disaster area right now," Akane continued.
"There could have been a giant crater here, instead of a house and dojo. We
could have all been killed. We could have been blown into orbit!"

"Okay, okay, you made your point," Ranma finally said. "Can we change
the subject?"

Nabiki was quietly laughing at both of them. Soun Tendo was nodding his
head as he glanced over his newspaper. Kasumi acted as if nothing was wrong,
and Genma wasn't even aware of what was going on. In fact, lately Genma
seemed to have almost forgotten that Akane was not his son Ranma.

"Ranma Saotome! I'm a fixin' ta challenge you! Come out and face me, ya
yellow-backed varmint!"

The bellowing voice came from the front lawn. Ranma sighed. Akane
jumped to her feet.

"What now?" they asked in unison.

Genma also leapt to his feet. "Sounds like a challenge, boy!" he exclaimed.
Ranma wasn't actually sure if that was addressed to her or to Akane.

Nabiki glanced from Akane to Ranma. "Well, this should be interesting,"
she said.

The whole household filed out onto the lawn. Waiting for them there was a
young man in full cowboy getup, complete with boots, spurs, chaps, fancy
western shirt, a lasso rope and a wide-brimmed white hat. He wore a huge blond
handle-bar mustache, but despite this he was clearly Japanese, or at least Asian,
and not Caucasian.

The group -- both Tendos and Saotomes -- stared at the stranger in
confusion.

"Which one of you is Ranma Saotome?" the stranger demanded.

"I am!" Ranma and Akane said together.

The cowboy looked at one, then the other. "Well? Which is it?"

"Um..." Ranma said, glancing back at Akane. She knew that contradicting
Akane's current world view might cause Akane harm, but a martial arts challenge
was a different thing altogether. "I... ah...."

"I'm Ranma Saotome!" Akane growled. "Akane, stay out of my way!"

Ranma paused. It was exactly what she would normally say. She glanced
back at Akane.

Well, Akane would have to learn sooner or later that she really wasn't
Ranma. If not now, then it would be against Mousse tomorrow. Better sooner
than later, Ranma reasoned.

She shrugged. "Sure thing, Ranma." She bowed to the cowboy stranger.
"My mistake. I'm really Akane Tendo."

The cowboy's eyes lit up. "So you're the 'Belle of Nerima!' Why, yer just as
purty as everyone said!" He tipped his hat in Ranma's direction. "Pleased to
make yer acquaintance, little lady!"

"Okay, this is getting a little weird," Nabiki said. "First question: what's
with the whole cowboy getup?"

"Ah! Glad ya asked! Bill Laramie's the name, and lassoin's my game!
Otherwise known as the Original Lone Star Outlaw Cowboy of the East! You
maybe ain't heard of me before, me bein' from the states and all -- meanin' the U
S of A -- but I done heard all about you." He was staring at Akane now. "Yer
some kinda fierce martial artist, ain'tcha? Well, I done come all the way from
Texas to try my luck against you. So, whatcha say? Gonna fight me, or what?"

"From Texas?" Kasumi said. "But doesn't he look Asian to you?"

"Wait a second," Nabiki said. "Let me get this straight. You've heard all
about Ranma Saotome -- in Texas? I mean, I know he's pretty good -- but
Texas?"

The cowboy tipped his hat. "Beggin' yer pardon ma'am, but you would
be...?"

"Nabiki Tendo."

"Ah. Heard about you as well, little lady. You'd be the one that handles
bettin' on Ranma's fights, ain't that so?"

Nabiki's eyebrow rose. "And you know this... how?"

"Weeeeell, let's jes say that I was born and raised here in Nerima, but I been
livin' in Texas for the last few years, workin' on mah martial arts ropin' and
brandin'...."

Nabiki got a pained look. "Martial Arts Roping and Branding?"

"As sure as coyotes piddle on the prairie, ma'am." He twirled his lasso
expertly. "I happen to be the world champion."

"Amazing, I'm sure," Nabiki said flatly. She held up her hands. "Okay, this
is weird, but in a strangely familiar way...."

Akane assumed a defensive crouch. "I don't care what martial arts it is," she
growled. "I accept your challenge! I can take you anytime, anywhere!"

"Weee-haw!" the cowboy exclaimed. "And jest ta warn ya, son, if I win I'm
gonna hog-tie you up and then brand ya. Got it?"

"Brand me?" Akane asked.

"Right on yer pretty little bottom," the cowboy replied. "Mah own personal
brand. No offense intended, o'course. I do it to everyone I beat."

Soun's eyes bugged out. He started at Ranma with a desperately pleading
look.

"Well ya ain't doin' it to me!" Akane exclaimed.

"Akane! You can't let Ranma fight on her own!" Soun wailed.

Ranma shrugged. "Why not? She wants to take him solo, fine by me."

Soun grabbed his faux-daughter by the shoulders. "Akane! I'm begging
you!"

"Oh, okay, whatever," Ranma replied. "Father," she added.

Ranma turned and stepped forward, fists clenched. "Hey! I'm a martial
artist too, you know!"

Akane yelled, "Forget it, Akane! You'll just get in my way!"

"As if!" Ranma muttered. "This whole charade is so beyond stupid it's not
funny."

"Butt out, Akane! This is my fight!"

And then Akane leapt across the lawn at the 'Original Lone Star Outlaw
Cowboy of the East', shouting, "Kachü Tenshin Amaguriken!" at the top of her
voice.

Ranma and the others blinked. Akane's fists were a blur. The cowboy was
fast -- clearly he was a martial artist -- but many of Akane's blows landed. He
stumbled back, stunned, while Akane landed nimbly on the lawn and assumed
another defensive stance.

"Was that really..." Nabiki began.

The cowboy shook his head. "Ah, thet would be yer famous chestnut fist I
done heard about." He shook his head again. "Ah kin see I'm gonna hafta git
serious...."

Akane flung her hands out in a very familiar pose. "Möko Takabisha!" she
yelled. A ball of fire-like chi shot from her hands. It slammed into the cowboy,
driving him backwards into the wall.

The cowboy reeled. "That," he said, “would be yer famous chi blast... very
impressive, son...."

He collapsed face-first into the grass.

Behind her, a stunned Ranma asked, "Um... did I just see what I just saw?"

Akane tossed her head back. "Heh. He wasn't so tough," she said. She
turned, and realized that everyone was staring at her.

"What?" she asked.

"You used the chestnut fist..." Soun Tendo said, also stunned.

"...and the Möko Takabisha blast," Nabiki added, equally stunned.

"Yeah? And?" Akane replied. "What did you expect? I'm Ranma
Saotome, aren't I?"



***



"No freakin' way!"

SMASH! Bits of broken brick flew across the yard.

"Impossible!"

CRASH! More brick scattered across the grass.

It was nearly sunset. Ranma was out back, working out. Dressed in
Akane's yellow gi, she stepped back and wiped her brow. She surveyed the
rubble in front of her. Smashing bricks with her bare hands was not something
she normally did, but since Akane did it, and she was pretending to be Akane,
here she was. And although it was mostly for show, Ranma had to admit that it
really was an effective way to let off steam and release pent-up frustrations.

"Maybe you should give it up, Ranma."

Ranma glanced up. A familiar boy leaned against a nearby wall, half-
concealed in the lengthening shadows.

"Ryoga?"

The wanderer smiled, displaying his fang. "As Akane, you've got a ways to
go," he said. "But you're getting there. And as for the real Akane...."

"You saw...?"

"I did," Ryoga replied. "I gotta admit, I was surprised. Akane fought like
she really was you. Maybe you two should just stay this way a while longer."

Ranma smashed another stack of bricks. "A lot you know!" she growled.
"Akane just got lucky, that's all!"

"Lucky?" Ryoga raised an eyebrow. "She has your form and technique
down almost perfectly, Ranma," he said. "It makes a certain amount of sense -- I
mean, she's watched you practice; in the back of her mind she knows exactly how
these things are done. Even if she can't normally do them herself, subconsciously
she understands. This personality shift has allowed that knowledge to surface,
and she has the training and conditioning...."

"Maybe that's true," Ranma said. "She still doesn't have my experience.
She can maybe imitate me a little, but she's no match for me in a fight. Being a
martial artist involves a lot more than head knowledge, as you well know."

"True," Ryoga said, "but at the rate you make enemies, it won't take her
long to gain that experience. She's supposed to fight Mousse tomorrow, right?
The longer this goes on, the more comfortable she'll be in her role as Ranma, and
the better she'll become. Eventually she will be as good as you, Ranma."

"As if!"

"Not only that," Ryoga said, "if you're not fighting every day like you used
to, your skills aren't going to improve. They might even diminish. Given enough
time, Akane will not only grow to be more like you, but you will become more
like Akane."

"Watch it! I can still pound you into the ground, you know!"

"Maybe," Ryoga said, "but I don't fight girls, Akane." He leapt to the top of
the wall, then turned and grinned. "By the way, I meant to say this earlier... but
that haircut makes you look really cute."

He vanished over the other side of the wall.



***



Ranma sighed, and settled lower into the bathtub. Normally, a good hot
bath at the end of the day was the perfect way to relax, but thanks to Doctor
Tofu, Ranma couldn't touch even lukewarm water. The water she now sat in
was ice cold.

Not being able to transform back into a guy sucked. Having to dress and
act like Akane really sucked. But having to take cold baths... that was really
going too far.

She shivered, thinking back over the day. Things simply couldn't get much
worse, could they?

There was a knock at the outer door. "Akane?" Kasumi called out. "Can I
come in?"

"Uh..." Ranma glanced down at herself. "S-sure, Kasumi."

The elder sister stepped inside, closing the door behind her. She
approached the bath and sat down on a stool. "I came to apologize to you,
Ranma," Kasumi said.

"For what?" Ranma replied. "You got nothing to apologize for, Kasumi."

"Oh yes I do," she replied. "You must understand, ever since our mother
died, I've tried to be a sort of mother figure for Nabiki, and especially for Akane.
I can't say that I've been that good at it...."

"That's not true. I think you do a great job, Kasumi," Ranma said.

"Thank you, Ranma. It means a lot to hear you say that. But, really, I feel
like I could have done better. And as for you -- I realize that you've had no
mother to turn to for most of your life, and I've failed to be there for you when
you needed me most."

"Kasumi, you know that's not true," Ranma said, sitting up. "You've done a
wonderful job, for everyone. You've done your best...."

"No," Kasumi replied. "You see, Ranma, I found the packages that you
brought home tonight, and I looked inside to see what you'd bought...."

Ranma sank back down in the water, suddenly confused about where this
conversation was going. "Uh... yeah?"

Kasumi turned to face her. "Oh, Ranma! I didn't realize it until now, but
you've never had your own bras to wear, have you?"

"Um... not really," Ranma said. "Not that I really need to...."

"But of course you do!" Kasumi exclaimed! Any girl needs to, even you! I
feel bad that I didn't even consider it before, but it's only natural for girls to wear
bras... and you can hardly wear Akane's."

"That's okay, Kasumi," Ranma said. "Really."

"No, it's not okay," Kasumi replied. "I was negligent before, and for that I
apologize. But I'm going to make it up to you."

"Ah... heh. You don't really need to do that...."

"Yes I do." Kasumi's voice was firm. She stood to leave, and said, "I know
that Ojisan likes to 'borrow' such things, so from now on, after this problem with
Akane is over, I'll make sure to check the drawer where you keep your
underwear, and if your bras go missing, then I'll just take you shopping right
away for some more. Given the nature of living under the same roof as Ojisan, I
always set aside money from the household budget just for the purpose of
replacing stolen underthings for Akane, Nabiki, and I. I'll just add you to the list.
It'll be no problem at all!"

She smiled sweetly and then left. Ranma sighed. She shivered for a few
more moments, then climbed out of the bath and dried herself off.

As she headed up the stairs, she replayed the conversation in her head.
Okay. She'd been wrong. Things had gotten worse.

Well, she wasn't being asked to wear them, exactly. Just keep them in her
underwear drawer. That in itself was kind of weird, but whatever, she could
probably live with it. What was worse was the realization that Happosai would
steal them, which meant that Ranma would likely be visiting the lingerie stores
again and again... to buy more embarrassing underthings that she simply didn't
need....

She opened the door to Akane's room and stepped inside. Basically, her life
at the moment sucked. But at least she'd reached that point in the day where it
no longer mattered... she could just flop into bed and forget everything. Things
couldn't possibly get any worse now....

"Sho! Zha oomoors zhat I hurd aaua twooo!"

"What?" Ranma responded automatically. She turned, and added, "Ah,
man, I do not need this!"

A tall girl clad only in a leotard stood poised in front of Akane's closet. Her
long black hair was gathered in an asymmetrical ponytail. She held a giant mallet
in one hand, and a black rose clenched in her teeth.

The girl spit out the rose and repeated, "So, the rumors that I heard are
true!"

Ranma eyed Kodachi wearily. "What rumors would those be?" she asked.
"Something from your brother?"

"Of course not!" Kodachi replied indignantly. "How could I possibly trust
the blatherings of that wretched imbecile?"

"Point taken," Ranma said. "Something from that ninja of yours, then."

"Naturally! Now explain yourself, you little hussy!"

Ranma yawned. "Can we make this quick? I gotta get some sleep. So...
explain what?"

"Why have you traded places with the evil Tendo girl? And what does it
have to do with my precious Ranma-sama?"

Ranma blinked at her in momentary confusion. "It's... got nothing to do
with Ranma," she finally said.

"You lie! You wicked, wicked girl! I, Kodachi the Black Rose, shall
punish you!"

"Fine, whatever. Can we do this some other time?"

But Kodachi was already in motion, launching an attack with her mallet.
Ranma leapt back, then continued to dodge the psycho gymnast. For several
moments they bounced about Akane's room, Ranma blocking or evading each
attack. Ranma would have preferred to not hit the girl, but she realized Kodachi
wasn't giving her a choice.

Fine. Ranma attacked. Kodachi went flying into the closet door, breaking
it.

Tatewaki Kuno's sister lay on the floor, motionless. Ranma began to panic.
What now? She was dead tired, but she couldn't just go to sleep with an
unconscious Kodachi on the floor.

Then Kodachi stirred. She sat up, looked about a moment, then fixed her
glare upon Ranma. She got to her feet.

"I will concede this round as a draw," Kodachi said, staring balefully. She
produced a gymnastics ribbon and began to twirl it about. In moments, a
windstorm sprung up, right there in the middle of Akane's room. "But I warn
you: this is not over! Victory will soon be mine! Ohohohohohohoho!"

The younger Kuno bounded out the window and across the rooftops,
laughing maniacally. Behind her she left a tornado of black rose petals, along
with everything else in Akane's room that wasn't secure. The wind died down
quickly, but the room was now a disaster area. Black rose petals were
everywhere.

Ranma sighed. "Well," she said, "one thing's for sure. I ain't cleanin' this up
tonight."

She was asleep before her head hit the pillow.



***



Ranma dreamed.

She was at school. She wore a girl's uniform. Everyone around her
addressed her by the name Akane.

"Hey Akane," Yuka said. "Sayuri and I are going to see a mushy lovey-
dovey movie after school. Want to come? The lead actor is really hot! And he
makes out with another guy and that actor is really hot too!"

"Ick! No way!" Ranma said. "I'm not Akane, you know."

"Sure you are," Yuka said. "You look like her, don't you? Meet us after
school, I know you'll love it!"

Dr. Tofu appeared. Dropping to one knee and grasping Ranma's hand, he
said, "Akane-chan, I know you've always loved me. That's why I trapped you as
a woman, so that we could consummate our love. Come with me! I've
registered a room for us at a love hotel!"

"Ack! Get away!" Ranma exclaimed. "Don't make me puke! I'm not into
guys, and I ain't Akane!"

Principal Kuno roller-skated by, strumming his ukulele. "You being Akane
from dis day forward, keiki! Dis Kahuna give de word! Now it be da truth!"

"You can't do that!" Ranma shouted.

Ranma's skirt flew up, and she suddenly felt much draftier below the waist.
A tiny man, dressed in black, bounced away from her, clutching something in his
hands. It was white silk with pink and yellow roses. He held the item up for the
entire school to see.

"Akane-chan's panties!" Happosai exclaimed.

"I'm not Akane!" Ranma said desperately.

A herd of little black pigs, each with a yellow tiger-striped bandanna, came
flying down the hallway on black feathered wings. "Bweeee!" they all exclaimed.
"Akane! We love you! Let us sleep with you!"

"I'm not Akane!"

"Of course you are, Akane," Nabiki said. "You wear Akane's clothes. You
sleep in Akane's room. You have Akane's haircut. You even defend your
precious P-Chan."

"No I don't!" Ranma insisted. Five of the cute winged pigs were snuggling
in her arms.

"And you're bad at cooking. What more evidence do we need?"

They were on the soccer field in back of the school now. Akane was facing
off against Mousse while Ranma and the others watched.

"Möko Takabisha!" Akane yelled. A burst of chi flew from her hands,
flattening Mousse. "Cool!" she exclaimed. "I win! And with a move that I
invented myself!"

"Hey!" Ranma yelled. "That's my move!"

"Oh, come on," Nabiki said. "Chi blasts are simple. Anyone can do them."
To demonstrate, Nabiki fired her own chi-blast at the unconscious Mousse.

"It's true," Kasumi said, blasting Mousse with a chi blast of her own. "Even
children and old ladies can do that."

Hiroshi and Daisuke nodded, and then they, along with Yuka and Sayuri
and even Gosunkugi also blasted Mousse. A little kid blasted Mousse. The old
lady with the water ladle blasted Mousse. The Chinese martial artist looked like
a piece of burnt toast.

Kuno stepped out of the crowd. He was wearing cowboy boots and leather
chaps over his hakama. Twin pistols were strapped to his hips, and a wide-
brimmed cowboy hat sat on his head. In one hand, he held a wooden bokken; in
the other, he held a branding iron.

He stared at Ranma. "Verily, I wish to brand thee with my love, little filly!"

Ranma threw out her hands. "Möko Takabisha!" she yelled, but nothing
happened.

Something hovered by her shoulder. It looked like one of the winged P-
Chans, but it had the face of Kasumi. It held something in its hooves. "Ranma!"
it exclaimed. "You can do it! All you have to do is put on this magical bra and
then say the magic words, and you'll become Sparkling Warrior-Chef Pretty
Akane!"

Kuno lunged forward with his red-hot brand. Ranma jumped back and out
of the way. She grabbed the bra and put it on.

She held up a bottle of linseed oil. "Sparkling Warrior-Chef Pretty Akane,
Burn Up!" she cried out. Her clothes flew away and a new magical girl sailor
fuku formed around her. It was pink and white, with lots of ruffles.

Meanwhile, cowboy-Kuno had transformed into a giant puffy blue and
black monster. It still wore a cowboy hat and wielded a bokken.

"Go Pretty Akane!" P-Kasumichan exclaimed. "Use your special attack!"

"Which one is that?" Ranma asked.

"The Pretty Toxic Stir Fry of Love!"

Ranma produced a pan of flaming stir fry and flung it at the monster. The
monster screamed, and then dissolved into a puddle of goo.

P-Kasumichan clapped her hooves together. "Way to go, Pretty Akane!
Now, I must assume my normal form to avoid suspicion...."

The flying pig with Kasumi's face transformed into a tabby cat, then leapt
into Ranma's arms.

"Aaaaaaaaigh!" Ranma screamed. She bolted forward, then paused.

She was in a dark room... her room. No, Akane's room. She was sitting up
in bed. Her, heart was pounding like a jackhammer, and her body was soaked
with sweat.

Nothing stirred. The house was silent. Black petals were still scattered
everywhere.

"Man, what a weird dream," she murmured. She fell back into the pillows,
and drifted off to sleep.



***



In the morning Ranma stood in Akane's room and stared at her reflection in
the mirror. Dressed in Akane's uniform once again, she looked remarkably like
Akane, or at least like a normal girl. It had only been a day and a half, but it was
starting to feel normal and natural to dress like this and look like this. Ranma
didn't like being a girl, but she kind of liked how she looked as a girl. She knew
she was cute and attractive. She wasn't supposed to be happy about that -- what
guy would be? -- but deep inside, she secretly was happy about it. Which only
confused her more.

Outside she could hear Genma sparring with Akane. Here in the quiet of
Akane's room, the sounds were indistinct, but audible. It was strange how
jealous they made her feel. Akane was flying about, running across the rooftop,
trading kicks and blows with Ranma's old man -- all the things Ranma had done
every single morning for as far back as she could remember. Meanwhile, Ranma
was in a room by herself, staring at her reflection, listening to the silence and
wondering about it all.

It really felt like she was living Akane's life, or at least a life other than her
own. Different room, different clothes, different routines, different interactions
and relationships with those around her -- she really had taken a trip away from
her own life. It was like being on vacation in a place you didn't want to visit.

She wanted to end it now. She wanted her own life back.

Ranma sighed and gathered her thoughts. Her stomach growled, reminding
her that breakfast was waiting. Her other problems could wait -- for today, she
needed to solve something more immediate. Mousse was planning to fight
Ranma tonight after school, but the real Ranma was still pretending to be her
own fiancee. She didn't want Mousse to fight Akane, did she? Did she?

After last night, Ranma was no longer sure.

Ranma headed down the hall, then paused at the bottom of the stairs. The
morning's sparring session was apparently over, and she could hear her father and
Mr. Tendo talking in the tea room.

"I tell ya, Tendo, the boy really gives me quite a workout. I was as
surprised as you last night when that challenger showed up, but the truth is, the
son I have today is every bit as good as the one I had last week...."

"Uh... Saotome..." Mr. Tendo said. Ranma could imagine the sweat on
Soun's brow. "About that 'boy' of yours... you do realize that she's not your
son?"

"What?" Genma said. "Oh... oh, yes. Of course." He laughed again. "But
Tendo, it hardly matters, does it? Think about it for a moment! We now have
not one, but two great martial artists...."

Ranma heard someone else enter the room. "And those two would be?"
Akane asked.

"Ranma!" Genma exclaimed. "Why... ah... I just meant you and... and... me!
Of course!"

"Why am I not Genma's son, Mr. Tendo?"

"No offense, Ranma," Soun replied, nervously. "I only meant that you're his
daughter, at the moment."

"I'm nobody's daughter, Mr. Tendo. Even if I'm stuck as a girl right
now...."

Akane walked into the hallway. She was naked from the waist up, covered
in sweat, and had a towel draped over her shoulders. She looked about as
unfeminine as she'd ever looked to Ranma.

She saw Ranma, and raised an eyebrow. "What are you looking at?" she
asked.

"Nothing," Ranma answered.

"Well don't just stand there looking like an idiot. Kasumi's almost got
breakfast ready."