e.wink
12th January 2003, 08:30 AM
CHAPTER FIVE: THE BLIND LEADING THE BLIND LEADING THE STUPID
"MY DARLING SHAMPOO!" Mousse bawled.
Ranma groaned. "Okay then, Mina, can you get me a
damage report?"
Mina checked out her terminal. "Main power out on all
decks, back up power out on decks 6 to 14, hull breeches on
decks 4, 5 and 17, emergency force fields are in place and
stable. Weapons are offline. Shields, both navigational and
defensive are offline. Warp engines are offline. Impulse
power at ten percent -" Her panel chirped at her. "Nix
that. Impulse power offline."
"Any good news?" Ranma asked, not really wanting an
answer.
"Ah - um - no. Wait, yes. Sort of. The Kuno ship is
still retreating. I think. Long range sensors and
communications are-"
"Offline?" Ranma guessed. Mina nodded. "Okay, first
things first. Get engines, shields and weapons back online.
We need to go get Akane and the others."
"Aye." Mina acknowledged.
Ryouga starts mumbling to himself.
"What was that, Ensign?" Ranma glared.
"I was just commenting to myself that I bet they don't
even notice the scratch I made." Ryouga commented, never
taking his eyes off the starfield on the viewer.
Ranma shakes his head and walks over to his ready
room.
*SMACK*
Ranma rubs his face.
"Door hydraulics offline!" Mina calls out.
Ranma rolls his eyes as he pries the door open.
He walks over to his desk. He looks outside the window
and notices the planet seems to be rotating in an odd
direction. He then realizes that the planet is just fine.
The Sisko seems to be doing cartwheels.
"Cool." Ranma acknowledged. He walks back over to the
door. "Hey, Mina. You might wanna put stabilizing the ships
yaw on the top of your list before we spin into a star or
something."
"You know, I thought I felt something. Navigational
thrusters are offline." Mina grumbles in acknowledgement.
Ranma pulls his doors closed and sits down at his
desk. He puts his head down. "Damn Akane."
Cool plagiarized Star Trek doorbell sound here.
"Come in" Ranma calls.
*SMACK*
"Doors don't work!" He could hear Mina yell. The
person on the other side pries the doors open and walks in.
"Gosnell." Ranma acknowledges.
Gosnell rubs his face and slides the doors closed. He
sets a glass on Ranma's desk. "Thought you might be
thirsty."
Ranma sniffs it, then downs it. He screams. "WHAT THE
HELL IS THAT?!"
Gosnell grins. "Vodka. Straight up. My old Captain
loved it."
Ranma grins. "Thanks. Hey sorry I yelled at you
earlier."
Gosnell shrugs. "It was my bad."
The two sit in silence for a few minutes. Ranma,
totally lost in thought.
Damn Akane. If she hadn't been here she wouldn't have
gotten captured. I can just imagine what her father is
going to do to me once he finds out. Ranma notices that his
glass is full again. He slams it and resumes his thoughts.
Stupid pops giving me this assignment.
A shudder goes through the ship. His communicator chirps.
"Captain, Commander Anio here. Ships yaw stabilized.
Also, I fixed the doors."
"Good work Commander. Saotome out." He looks at
Gosnell. "So, what's on your mind?"
Gosnell smiles. "I was just about to ask you the same
thing."
"You were not."
"Okay, so I wasn't. But you can talk to me if you'd
like. I know that you aren't good at expressing your
emotions, but it's not good for you to bottle them all up
inside. I sense turmoil in your life."
Ranma sighs. "Is it that obvious?"
The bartender clears his throat. "We can't talk here
though. Come with me."
Gosnell gets up and walks to the door.
*SMACK*
The door slides open. Gosnell glares at Mina, rubbing
his face.
"It opened, didn't it?"
? ? ? ?
"Why are we going to the holodeck?" Ranma grumbled. He was
starting to feel the vodka.
"I'm going to take you somewhere that will make
talking to me a lot easier." Gosnell replied. Once at the
holodeck he hit some buttons. "Computer. Run Gosnell 71
Alpha."
The computer chirped in compliance and the doors
opened.
"Denny's?" Ranma asked.
"Nothing loosens a tongue like Denny's." Gosnell
grinned as they had a seat in a booth. A waitress gives
them a couple of glasses of what appears to be water. Ranma
sips his.
"More vodka?" Ranma asked. "Who did this previous
captain of your work for? Exxon?"
"No. Was just easier for him to not deal with things.
He was a good man. Not sure what happened to him."
"I see."
"So, what's bothering you?"
"Akane was captured."
"Ah. So I assume that our next order of business is to
rescue her?" Gosnell asked, between sips of his glass.
"Yeah. Damn her. I always have to rescue her. She's
too stupid to know what's good for her and just stay at
home."
"Is that really it?"
Ranma looks up from his menu. "What do you mean?"
"The only reason you are rescuing her? Is it because
she's too stupid to do things on her own?"
Ranma had never really heard his own words repeated
back to him. Well, not from an independent third party.
They sounded - cruel.
Ranma shook his head and stared at his menu. "Well -
She's not stupid. She's just to stubborn to let me protect
her."
"Is that your job?"
Ranma makes eye contact with Gosnell and becomes
somewhat defensive. "Of course."
"Why?"
"Because her father will kill me if I don't."
"That's why? No other reason?"
"Other reason?" Ranma didn't like feeling weak. Ranma
knew there was another reason but he couldn't admit it.
"You love her?"
"WHAT? NO!" Ranma yelled, and slammed the rest of his
vodka. He immediately started flailing his arms at the
waitress for a refill.
Gosnell rolls his eyes. "You do. You're too defensive
about it not to."
Ranma's eyes returned to his menu. "I like her." Ranma
admitted.
"You ever tell her that?"
Ranma thought back to all of the times that he had
ALMOST admitted to her that he cared about her. "No."
"Why not?"
Ranma let out a sigh. "She doesn't feel the same for
me."
"You know that for a fact?"
"Well, she's always yelling at me, hitting me, for
various reasons, most of which aren't even my fault."
"Like in 10-Forward?"
Ranma nodded. He was glad Gosnell was finally seeing
his point. "Yeah. So I think it's obvious she doesn't have
any feelings for me."
Gosnell sighed. "I understand. Just like you yell at
her and call her stupid and you don't have any feelings for
her."
Ranma stared blankly at the booth Gosnell was getting
up from. He patted Ranma on the back. "I'm going to go see
if I can help get the weapons online. Think about it,
Captain. I had to see a good thing go bad."
*SMACK*
"GAWDDAMEDDOORS!"
Ranma completely ignored the smack and the grumbling
Gosnell. He was right. Whenever it came up she got
completely defensive about her feelings for him. Just like
he did when the subject came up. Only she did more so than
him.
A lot more than him.
"OH MY GOD SHE LOVES ME!" Ranma yelled out, catching
the attention of the holographic patrons.
Ranma slides out of his booth and runs to the doors.
*SMACK*
What Ranma said next was inaudible, which is probably
for the best considering the story is already borderline
adult.
? ? ? ?
"Daddy - My ass is sore." George Kuno called.
The principal turned from the panel he was working on
only to be confronted by his adopted son's bare ass.
"EEK!" The principal called out, shoving George out of
the way. "Don't ever point that at me again. If your ass
hurts go regenerate, otherwise help fix the ship."
George turned, pulled up his drawers and looked at his
father. "What do you want me to do?"
The principal looked at his command console. "Find da
otha kiekie and bring dem up here. I have a new plan."
"Yes sir." George walked off, moving somewhat
gingerly.
The principal went back to work on his panel. "Damn
that Saotome. How many times is he going to ruin my life?"
The memories of Ranma advising him to spend more time with his
family continued to run through his head. The time when the principal
was hiding from Tatewaki and Ranma pointing out his hiding place
fueling his anger.
Sure, the principal was eccentric. A little insane,
especially when it came to rules. But he was a kitten
compared to the insanity levels that were Kodachi and
Tatewaki. Then, once again upon Ranma's advise he adopts a
new child. Who'd have known that he adopted the anti-
Christ?
"What's an anti-Christ?" George asks, scaring the hell
out of the principal.
"Uh-Guy who is like you."
"I see father."
"It's all good son! No worries!"
George smiled and nodded. He loved getting approval.
He knew he was the favorite kiekie.
Behind George were Kodachi and Tatewaki. The both
appeared to have been fighting with each other.
The principal can only sigh. "Have my kiekie been
fightin'?"
"I shant tell a lie." Tachi started. "This wench
insulted the pig-tailed girl and Akane Tendo. I know it was
my duty, the Blue Thunder of the alpha quadrant, Tatewaki
Kuno, to defend their honor, even against my own sister!"
Kuno then began his usual nut ball laugh.
"Father!" Kodachi protested. "I was defending the
honor of my darling Ranma Saotome! He called him an evil
sorcerer!"
"He is! He has stolen the pig tailed girl and Akane
Tendo from me!" Kuno rebutted.
"Shaddup both of you." The principal said, dropping
his accent for just a moment. "I need de kiekie to help da
fixin' of da ship! That way we can capture the pigtailed
girl and Akane Tendo for you my son and Ranma for you my
daughter."
"And Shampoo's eyes for me, pa?" George inquired.
"Yeah. Shampoo's eyes for my evilest keikei."
George smiled. He then heard something in the back of
his head. "DAD! I'm picking up a transmission!"
"From where?"
? ? ? ?
Ranma stormed onto the bridge. "STATUS"
Mina turned to reply. "Impulse power back up. Shields
are at 30 percent. Main power has been restored on all
decks. Still no warp, weapons, or long range sensors."
Damn. Ranma thought. "What about the bird of prey's
plasma trail?"
Mina shook her head. "It's been to long to get an
accurate reading. For what it's worth though they couldn't
have gotten to far. The cloak won't work above warp 5
without leaving major ionization trails."
"Making the cloak pointless. So where's the farthest
they could be right now?"
Mina checked her console. "Four light years in each
direction."
Great. Only take us a few decades to search that at
impulse. Ranma grumbled. "Get sensors back online A-S-A-P."
"Aye." Mina went back to work.
Ranma sat down in his new chair that an engineering
crew just reinstalled for him. He didn't really like
sitting in it. After seeing the last one explode he got a
little paranoid.
"Captain?" Ryouga murmured.
"What Ryouga."
"Ranma, I think I may have found Akane."
Ranma got up and scampered to Ryouga's panel. "What?
How?"
"I was practicing pushing the buttons when I
accidentally got a communications sub-system online. I
found this transmission."
Ranma checked out the screen.
15 A 217 N 22.
"Coordinates?" Ranma asked Ryouga.
"No. Akane's serial number."
OH MY GOD SHE'S CLEVER! Ranma's brain yelled. Ranma
smacked his head to try to get the voice to shut up. The
vodka was making it hard enough to think.
"Mina! Can you trace this?" Ryouga demanded. Mina
looked up to Ranma, who just acknowledged his approval to
the unauthorized order.
"Yes - CAPTIAN - I can. One second." She shoots Ryouga
a dirty look. Ryouga returns a look of his own.
"Found them." Mina replied. "They are traveling at
warp 3 towards - Earth?"
What the hell are they doing? Ranma asked himself.
"Set an intercept course. Best possible speed. Once warp's
online do it."
Ryouga grunted an acknowledgement and the ship took
off, surprisingly in the correct direction.
Ryouga started to chuckle to himself. I'll save you
Akane! Ranma won't!
Ryouga began to cackle out loud. Mina and Ranma looked
at him, but he was completely oblivious.
My ass still hurts though!
? ? ? ?
Akane almost enjoyed the fact that the other two were out cold.
It was so quiet. Just the sounds of the ship. That and her fathers soft
sobbing from the cell next to her, but she had gotten used to that over
the years.
What really amazed her that for once Ranma's dad was
useful.
MOMENTS EARLIER
"Is everyone over there okay?" Genma called over to Akane's cell
once the guard had stepped outside.
"More or less." Akane noted. "Shampoo and Commander
Hino are out cold."
"Hrm." Genma grumbled. "Do you have any ideas?"
Akane sat back. "Maybe if one of us still had their
communicators."
Genma began to dig through his pockets. "I have one."
Akane ran to the corner of the cell. "How?"
Genma smiled. "I hide an extra one in the lining of my
clothes!"
Akane scowled. "Get kidnapped often?"
Genma frowned. "More often then you'd think."
Akane began to put her plan to work. One problem
though.
"How do you get the communicator to me?"
Genma looked around the cell. He noticed there was an
air duct on the wall that bordered Akane's cell. "Is there
an air duct at the top of the adjoining wall on your side?"
Akane looked. Sure enough there was.
"Yeah." She replied.
Genma shook Soun. "I need you to give me a boost."
Soun shook his head. "You're almost 300 pounds. Nuts
to that."
Genma rolls his eyes. "Fine, I'll give you a boost.
Stick this through the air duct."
Soun gets up and allows Genma to boost him up. He
sticks the communicator into the duct. Unfortunately the
airflow sucks it up into the ductwork.
A slight clang is heard. Then another. Then a third.
Finally the communicator comes flopping out of an air duct
on the other side of the cell.
Akane just shrugged and picked it up. "Got it."
"You make your daddy proud, Akane." Soun bawled.
"I will dad."
BACK TO THE TIME WE LEFT OFF, PLUS THE TIME IT TOOK YOU TO READ THE
LAST BIT, PLUS THE TIME IT TOOK YOU TO READ THIS HEADER.
Akane had managed to pull most of the wires out of the
wall that she needed. She now more than ever enjoyed the
simplicity of Klingon engineering. They didn't care how it
worked, or about millions upon millions of wires.
Everything ran through a central pipe through the center of
the ship.
Neat how the brig was right against the pipe. Klingons
never have had good judgment when it came to things like
that.
Akane used a hair clip from Shampoo's hair to act as a
jumper. The communicator chirped to life.
"Admiral, I can't send a voice message. This
transmission is too likely to be picked up anyway. What's
something that Ranma should be able to recognize?" Akane
asked.
"Send your phone number."
Akane shook her head. "After they added the last new
area code my number is 71 digits long. That's too much."
Akane went to scratch her neck. Then she realized it.
The dark haired girl pulls her dog tags out of her
shirt. She smiles. Then frowns. "He'd better be looking."
Akane began to tap out the message in Federation Morse
code. She knew Ranma probably didn't remember it, but the
Sisko's computer will convert it to text.
On the bridge an officer was sitting at a panel half
asleep. He didn't notice the slight power increase in the
communications array.
Be'Yach was sitting in the captain's chair. She also
was half asleep. She decided to let Brian and Lita get the
information from the blonde girl. Her crying was making the
quarter Klingon's ears hurt.
Be'Yach let out on of those damned 'almost asleep'
snorts. You know, the kind that gets you in trouble in
English class. It startled the communications officer. He
sat straight up and glared at his console.
"What the hell?" He mumbled to himself.
This awoke Be'Yach. "What?"
"Someone's transmitting."
Be'Yach just grumbled. "Probably just Brian. What's
the transmission?"
"I don't know. It's in Morse code."
Be'Yach awoke completely now. "He doesn't know Morse
code! Get someone who can decode that!"
"Yes ma'am." The officer yelled as he ran from the
room.
Back in the interrogation room, Lita had sat Serena in
the chair. She didn't restrain her or strip her like she
did to Shampoo. Lita frowned at her old friend.
"Serena - I, we need information from you."
Serena just shook her head. "Raye was right. I'm a
lame brain. I won't be able to help you."
Lita exhaled deeply. "You are not a lame brain. You're
smart and you can accomplish a lot. Now, just tell us what
we need to know so we can let you and the others go."
Serena closed her eyes. "I won't betray my oath.
Besides, I know you won't kill us."
Brian walked up to Serena and put his gun in her face.
"This is getting annoying. I don't know you people, and I
won't hesitate to kill you. Now give me the shield
frequencies to the multi-phasic shield around the
Federation's Lunar Latinum deposits!"
Lita started to protest but Brian pointed his finger
at her.
"We can stop all this with this one haul. I'm tired of
nearly being killed. I just want my money and my beer and
to relax!" Brian said to Lita, without turning.
He stared wide-eyed at Serena. "Please. The
frequencies."
Serena begins to sob. She could tell that he didn't
want to kill her, but he would.
"Please." Lita said, trying her best to hold back
tears.
Serena opened her eyes to look right up the barrel of
the Glock Phaser.
"4 - 2 - 9 -" Serena's cut off by the intercom.
"BRIAN!" Be'Yach's voice screamed. "KUNO SHIP ON
INTERCEPT! GOSNELL CLASS ON INTERCEPT! PRISIONERS
TRANSMITTING DISTRESS CALL!"
Brian holsters his side arm. "Fuck." He storms off
leaving Lita alone with Serena.
"Why?" Serena asks.
Lita can no longer holding back her tears. "You know
how I never fit in. Once the Federation banned crime
fighting groups, there was nothing for me to do.
I tried to get in with Starfleet Intellegence, but
they said I didn't pass my background check! I spent ten
goddamned days filling out that 78 page form! What else
could I do? The captain gave me a place to live, a job
where I am good at what I do. A place where I finally felt
I belonged."
"YOU'RE A PIRATE!"
Lita shook her head. "It's not always like this.
What's the rest of the frequency?"
Serena shook her head. "Go to hell."
Lita exhaled deeply again. She turned and walked out,
locking the door behind her.
? ? ? ?
Brian comes storming into the cell area and notices the wall
panel pulled off. "Lower the force field." He orders.
Brian walks in and points his weapon at Akane.
"There's not stun setting on this, for your information."
He shoots the communicator.
Suddenly Shampoo who is still lying on the floor
sweeps out Brian's legs. He falls and Akane pounces on him,
getting his weapon. The lackey that was wit Brian moves in,
but is taken out by Raye who was also playing possum on the
floor.
Akane and Raye step out, weapons in hand. Shampoo just
continues to stand in the cell.
"What's wrong?" Raye yells.
"Shampoo no fighting naked." Shampoo replies,
reminding them that she is still in her underwear.
Akane removes her jacket and tosses it to Shampoo. She
also pulls the pants off of Brian.
"Better than nothing." Shampoo acknowledges.
Raye tosses Shampoo a rifle that she finds on the
table. Shampoo walks out and the raises the force shield to
the cell. Akane walks over to her father's cell.
"Dad, Admiral Saotome. Wait about 2 minutes and then
head for the nearest escape pod."
They acknowledge her and step to the edge of the cell.
Genma looks worried. Shampoo and Raye have that 'need
revenge, kill, kill, kill' look on their faces. "What are
you three going to do?" Soun asks.
"Pay bitch back." Shampoo grumbles.
Raye and Akane look at Shampoo, who is glowing a very
bright purple aura.
The three step up to the door of the detention area.
It opens and the two guards outside, assuming it's their
boss, stand at attention.
"At Ease." Raye snickers shooting both of them.
"Nice." Akane smiles.
"With a cool dry wit like that I could be an action
hero." Raye grins back. "We need to find Serena."
Akane nods. Shampoo looks at the two for the first
time. "You two go to bridge. Shampoo retrieve friend."
"I don't think we should split -" Raye is cut off.
"Shampoo in charge. Go. Shampoo take care of klutz
girl."
Raye didn't like it, but Shampoo was the commanding
officer. She nodded and her and Akane went off towards the
bridge.
? ? ? ?
"WARP ONLINE!" Mina screams from across the bridge. "We can get
7.5."
Ranma shook his head. The three Mina's were very
pretty. "Gud nuff. Go P-Chan!"
Ryouga turned around. "DON'T CALL ME THAT!"
"Sorry Charlotte!" Ranma giggled.
Ryouga can only growl as he engages the engines.
Mina walks up and sits in the XO seat next to Ranma.
She leans over to him.
"Begging the captain's pardon, but you're drunk sir."
Ranma turns to her. "Yeah. Gosnell. Drink. Denny's."
Mina only sighed. Gosnell was very sexy, but he had
horrible timing. "Computer, activate bridge E-M-H."
The balding EMH appeared on the bridge.
"Please state the nature of the medical emergency."
"The Captain's drunk." She pointed to Ranma who was
starting to melt out of his chair.
"I'm a doctor, not his mother." The EMH smugly
replied.
"You not my mudder?" Ranma mumbles.
"Can't you give him something?" Mina queried.
The EMH scratches his head. He pulls out his med kit
from under a table, loads a medical hypo spray and injects
Ranma. "This will work."
Ranma looks at the EMH. He smiles. Then frowns. Ranma
grabs his mouth and bolts for the bathroom. The EMH can
only smile.
"When he returns make him drink about 4 liters of
water. He'll be fine momentarily then."
"Thanks." Mina says, still looking off in the
direction the captain ran. "Computer, end E-M-H."
The holographic doctor vanishes. Mina walks over to
the replicater and gets the water ready for Ranma. He
returns shortly.
"How you feel?" Mina asks.
"Better than the crewman who was taking a piss back
there." Ranma replies as he slams back into his chair. Mina
hands him his water.
Ranma looks at it suspiciously. "What's this?"
"Water." Mina promises.
Ranma sips it. Sure enough. He chugs it and starts on
his second one.
"Shit." Ryouga mumbles.
"What?" Ranma whimpers. "You didn't get us lost again,
did you?"
Ryouga scowls. "No, I didn't get us lost again. The
transmission ended."
"E-T-A to their last known position?" Ranma asked.
"Seven minutes." Mina replied.
"Mousse. Do you think you can pull yourself together
for a little bit?" Ranma asked the young man sobbing behind
him.
"Yes."
"Good. When we are on position I want you to ignite a
tachyon charge." Ranma smiled. Mousse smiled too. He knew
what Ranma was up too.
"There for causing their plasma trail to ignite!"
Mousse understood.
Ranma nodded. Ryouga spun around.
"YOU CAD! You could kill Akane like that!"
Ranma shook his head. "The bird of prey isn't going to
explode because of a little exhaust fire. Trust me."
Ryouga didn't like it, but he decided to go along with
it for the time being. The only way he could rescue Akane
is if he found her first, and Ranma's seemed to be the only
plan they had for the time being.
? ? ? ?
"ALAS! THE BEAUTIFUL AND BUSTFUL AKANE TENDO WANTS ME! SHE LEFT
ME SUCH A WONDERFUL LOVE MESSAGE!" Kuno yelled as he bounded from one
side of the cube to the next. Kodachi could do nothing but glower.
"Brother dear, Akane Tendo told me that she would like you better
WITHOUT YOUR HEAD!" Kodachi snapped her ribbon at Kuno.
"Ouch." George said as the ribbon wrapped around his wrist. He
yanked the other end of the ribbon out of Kodachi's hand and put it in
his pocket. "Father says the keikei shouldn't fight, so I will make
sure the keikei don't fight."
Kodachi cocked her head at George. "You're awfully smug for
someone who was adopted."
George gasps. "Adopted? Not I!"
Kuno walked over to George. "You didn't know?"
George just shakes his head. "It can't be true."
"You can't tell? You don't look anything like us!" Kodachi
pointed out.
"What do you mean?" George asks.
"You're black for one." Kuno replies.
George turns to Kuno. "Oh, so now the Blackman isn't good enough
to be your brother?"
Kuno shakes his head. "That's not what I meant."
George shakes the tears out of his eyes. "I HATE YOU BOTH!" He
runs from the room as the principal runs in.
"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?" He screams.
Kodachi laughs. "We made George cry!"
Kuno laughs as well. "Obviously not a true Kuno."
"Oh no. Oh no. Oh no." The principal mumbles to himself as he
watches the self destructive thoughts of George Kuno go through his
mind.
The principal looks at his two children. "You bozos on ya own!
I'm getting back to de islands while da getting's good!"
The principal runs off to his escape pod and ejects.
Kuno looks to his sister. "You know how to fly this thing?"
Kodachi responds with a negative headshake.
"Guess we'll have to apologize to George."
Kodachi responds with a positive headshake.
"No need." George grumbles as he walks back in.
Kodachi moves behind her original brother. "You're not mad at
us?" She asks.
George shakes his head. "We have an objective to complete. We
won't let - father down."
The elder two Kunos nod and they get to work chasing down the
signal from Akane.
Outside, in a small sphere shaped escape pod -
"And dey wonder why I'm so crazy." Principal Kuno says, rocking
back and forth.
? ? ? ?
Akane sent a quick hand signal to Raye letting her know that
there are three crewmen standing by the door to the bridge of the
Klingon ship. Raye nods and slinks around a corner as Akane creeps
forward.
"So, have you seen the latest episode of Survivor:East St.
Louis?" The tallest crewman asked the other two.
"I have." Akane called. The crewmen turn to her.
"Who got voted off this week?" Another crewman asked.
Akane scratches her head. "I think it was V'Talk."
The crewmen all groan. "They always pick on the Vulcan."
Akane nods in agreement before remembering that she needs to
shoot these people. She draws her phaser and takes two of them out. The
other dodges the blast and begins to go for his phaser, but is quickly
taken down by Raye, who was just around the corner.
The two girls walk to the bridge. The doors don't open. Akane
hits the release button. Nothing.
"What's the deal?" Akane whispers.
"You need an access code." Be'Yach grins. Standing next to her
are 10 crewmen, all with phaser rifles. "Lower your weapons."
Akane and Raye comply. The crewmen take Akane and Raye back into
custody.
"Bragh!" Genma-panda yells from farther down the corridor.
Be'Yach takes a step back, but smiles. "The captain may be afraid
of you, but I'm not."
Genma whips out a sign. 'Look who I have.'
Soun appears, dragging Brian.
'If you want him back, release us.'
Brian is about to go nuts. The panda is scaring the hell out of
him.
Be'Yach groans. "I don't have time for this. Shoot them all."
The lackeys comply and quickly incapacitate Genma, Soun, Akane
and Raye.
Brian gets up and runs behind Be'Yach. "Put the panda in an
escape pod. The ambassador too. They are too much of a liability.
Where's the one who can't talk right?"
Be'Yach shrugs. All the lackeys look at each other.
"MORONS!" Brian screams. "FIND THEM!"
The lackeys start to take off. Brian shoots one of them.
"FORGETTING SOMETHING?" He points to Akane and company. The remaining
lackeys grab them and head off.
Brian just turns to Be'Yach. "Who hired these yay-hoos?"
Be'Yach meekly looks away. "You said no more than 10 dollars and
hour. You get what you pay for."
Brian curses his own cheapness. "No worries. Once we get the
latium we can retire."
Be'Yach grins. "Did you get the frequency?"
Brian shakes his head. "Part of it. But I know the Federation.
There are only six possible combinations of the rest frequency. We
don't have to de-cloak to lower their shields. What's the ETA of the
Starfleet ship and the Kuno ship?"
Be'Yach opens the bridge door and walks in. She checks a panel.
"30 minutes."
Brian takes his seat on the bridge. "Excellent. Once the latium
is on board we can offload the prisoners and get the hell out of
federation space."
Be'Yach hops on Brian's lap. "What about the crew and Lita?"
Brian sighs. "Send the crew down with the prisoners. Lita wants
to stay with us."
Be'Yach doesn't really care for that. She knows how the captain
flirts with her.
"I know what you're thinking." Brian smiled as he dug something
out of his pocket. "No worried however. You are the only one I love."
* * * *
Shampoo's unfamiliarity with the lay out of Klingon Bird-Of-Preys
was becoming obvious to her when she noticed she passed the same plasma
conduit. She was getting pretty pissed. She cursed to herself as the
turbolift door opened. She hides in a crevice. Lita walks out of the
turbolift.
As she walked down the corridor she stops. Lita can tell when she
is being watched. She starts to go for her phaser when she feels cold
metal on the back of her head.
"Where is Serena?" Shampoo asked. "Bitch no want to try nothing.
Throw your gun across the room."
Lita complied. "She's in the brig."
Shampoo shoves the phaser harder into the back of Lita's head.
"No lie to Shampoo. Where is she?"
Lita remains silent.
"Is it worth dying for? Especially since Federation move deposits
from the lunar lock up?"
"What?" Lita groaned.
"Take me to girl. NOW!" Shampoo yelled.
Lita turns back toward the turbo lift with Shampoo inches behind
her. The get into it.
"Deck 3." Lita commands. The lift goes in motion. "What do you
mean the moved the deposits?"
Shampoo chuckled. "You stupid? They move deposits. New place much
safer."
The turbolift doors open. Lita and Shampoo walk out and down the
hall. They get near the interrogation room. There is a guard posted
outside.
"Tell him to leave." Shampoo ordered.
Lita inhaled deeply. "Crewman - you're dismissed."
The crewman can't see where Lita is, but since he recognized her
voice, he walks off in the opposite direction.
Shampoo forces Lita over to the door. "Open it."
Lita punches in her access code into the door. It slides open.
Serena is just sitting in the chair crying.
"Commander!" Shampoo yelled. "Get over here."
Serena looks up and sees Shampoo with Lita. She hops off the
chair and runs to the door, taking a good, hard look at Lita before
exiting.
"You okay?" Shampoo asked.
Serena only nods. Shampoo pulls Lita back out, and faces her
toward the turbo lift.
Lita decides that she has to try and get away from Shampoo and
tell Brian of what she has learned. Going to Earth with six Starfleet
prisoners would not be good, especially if they weren't able to get
anything out of it.
As they are walking down the hall, Lita fakes tripping. As she
moves forward she causes Shampoo to start to lose her balance. As she
does, Lita turns around and punches her. The impact causes Shampoo's
grip on the phaser to loosen. It bounces to the floor. Before Lita can
get to it, Shampoo grabs Lita's ankles and trips her completely. She
falls, but in the opposite direction of the phaser.
Shampoo turns and goes for the phaser but Lita manages to get a
grip on Shampoo's legs. The phaser had bounced just outside Shampoo's
reach.
"Serena!" Shampoo calls.
Serena runs over and grabs the phaser. She points it at Lita, who
has grabbed Shampoo by the neck and pulls her to her feet. With her
other hand Lita pulls a knife from one of the cargo pockets on her
pants and holds it to Shampoo's neck.
"Even though I know you won't shoot me, Serena, be advised I will
slit this whore's neck as I fall." Lita grins. "Put the phaser down,
and neither of you will be hurt."
Serena is shaking. She joined Starfleet engineering so that she
wouldn't be put in any positions like this any more. What was she to
do. She didn't want Shampoo to die, but she didn't want to kill Lita
either. Where's one of those goddamned roses when I need one? She
thought.
Unfortunately for her the decision was made for her.
* * * *
The Sisko shook madly. Warp 9.97 was not an approved speed.
However the fact the Kuno ship found and forced the pirate ship to de-
cloak added extra emergency to the situation.
The Kuno's were pummeling the ship. Her shields would be
compromised in minutes and the ship could be destroyed shortly there
after. Ranma didn't figure that Kuno would destroy the ship till after
he got Akane on board, but there was still his father and the others.
"Ranma?" Mousse called out.
"What?"
"There is an escape pod about 9000 kilometers aft of the bird of
prey. It's got one panda and one human on board."
"WHAT?" Ranma ran up there and verified Mousse's readings. "Is it
safe?"
Mina checked her console. "For now."
Ranma shook his head. "We will have to come back for it."
Seconds later the Sisko dropped out of warp. "MOUSSE! Order the
Kuno's to cease fire."
Mousse shook his head. "They aren't responding."
"THEY'RE COMING ABOUT!" Mina yelled.
"ALL WEAPONS FIRE!" Ranma shouted.
The following barrage of fire seems to last forever. In reality
it only lasted a few seconds.
The Kuno ship let loose everything it had in the way of
firepower. It's cutting beam. It's torpedoes. It's phasers.
The Sisko's shields glowed a bright blue as they were stressed to
their maximum.
Blue and red orbs projected themselves from the Sisko. Volley
after volley of photon torpedoes slammed into the Kuno ship. Not nearly
as effective this time as they were the last time. Before his departure
the principal had made the necessary corrections to the shield
emitters.
"SHEILDS FAILING!" Mousse screamed.
Ranma stared blankly at the view screen as 15 Kuno torpedoes
headed towards the Sisko, and 30 headed towards the Kuno ship.
And then it was over. Elapsed time - 24 seconds.
--
Erin Michael Winking
http://www.douglasavenue.com
ewink's FUNKDAFIED ranma 1/2 site
http://funkdafied.douglasavenue.com
"MY DARLING SHAMPOO!" Mousse bawled.
Ranma groaned. "Okay then, Mina, can you get me a
damage report?"
Mina checked out her terminal. "Main power out on all
decks, back up power out on decks 6 to 14, hull breeches on
decks 4, 5 and 17, emergency force fields are in place and
stable. Weapons are offline. Shields, both navigational and
defensive are offline. Warp engines are offline. Impulse
power at ten percent -" Her panel chirped at her. "Nix
that. Impulse power offline."
"Any good news?" Ranma asked, not really wanting an
answer.
"Ah - um - no. Wait, yes. Sort of. The Kuno ship is
still retreating. I think. Long range sensors and
communications are-"
"Offline?" Ranma guessed. Mina nodded. "Okay, first
things first. Get engines, shields and weapons back online.
We need to go get Akane and the others."
"Aye." Mina acknowledged.
Ryouga starts mumbling to himself.
"What was that, Ensign?" Ranma glared.
"I was just commenting to myself that I bet they don't
even notice the scratch I made." Ryouga commented, never
taking his eyes off the starfield on the viewer.
Ranma shakes his head and walks over to his ready
room.
*SMACK*
Ranma rubs his face.
"Door hydraulics offline!" Mina calls out.
Ranma rolls his eyes as he pries the door open.
He walks over to his desk. He looks outside the window
and notices the planet seems to be rotating in an odd
direction. He then realizes that the planet is just fine.
The Sisko seems to be doing cartwheels.
"Cool." Ranma acknowledged. He walks back over to the
door. "Hey, Mina. You might wanna put stabilizing the ships
yaw on the top of your list before we spin into a star or
something."
"You know, I thought I felt something. Navigational
thrusters are offline." Mina grumbles in acknowledgement.
Ranma pulls his doors closed and sits down at his
desk. He puts his head down. "Damn Akane."
Cool plagiarized Star Trek doorbell sound here.
"Come in" Ranma calls.
*SMACK*
"Doors don't work!" He could hear Mina yell. The
person on the other side pries the doors open and walks in.
"Gosnell." Ranma acknowledges.
Gosnell rubs his face and slides the doors closed. He
sets a glass on Ranma's desk. "Thought you might be
thirsty."
Ranma sniffs it, then downs it. He screams. "WHAT THE
HELL IS THAT?!"
Gosnell grins. "Vodka. Straight up. My old Captain
loved it."
Ranma grins. "Thanks. Hey sorry I yelled at you
earlier."
Gosnell shrugs. "It was my bad."
The two sit in silence for a few minutes. Ranma,
totally lost in thought.
Damn Akane. If she hadn't been here she wouldn't have
gotten captured. I can just imagine what her father is
going to do to me once he finds out. Ranma notices that his
glass is full again. He slams it and resumes his thoughts.
Stupid pops giving me this assignment.
A shudder goes through the ship. His communicator chirps.
"Captain, Commander Anio here. Ships yaw stabilized.
Also, I fixed the doors."
"Good work Commander. Saotome out." He looks at
Gosnell. "So, what's on your mind?"
Gosnell smiles. "I was just about to ask you the same
thing."
"You were not."
"Okay, so I wasn't. But you can talk to me if you'd
like. I know that you aren't good at expressing your
emotions, but it's not good for you to bottle them all up
inside. I sense turmoil in your life."
Ranma sighs. "Is it that obvious?"
The bartender clears his throat. "We can't talk here
though. Come with me."
Gosnell gets up and walks to the door.
*SMACK*
The door slides open. Gosnell glares at Mina, rubbing
his face.
"It opened, didn't it?"
? ? ? ?
"Why are we going to the holodeck?" Ranma grumbled. He was
starting to feel the vodka.
"I'm going to take you somewhere that will make
talking to me a lot easier." Gosnell replied. Once at the
holodeck he hit some buttons. "Computer. Run Gosnell 71
Alpha."
The computer chirped in compliance and the doors
opened.
"Denny's?" Ranma asked.
"Nothing loosens a tongue like Denny's." Gosnell
grinned as they had a seat in a booth. A waitress gives
them a couple of glasses of what appears to be water. Ranma
sips his.
"More vodka?" Ranma asked. "Who did this previous
captain of your work for? Exxon?"
"No. Was just easier for him to not deal with things.
He was a good man. Not sure what happened to him."
"I see."
"So, what's bothering you?"
"Akane was captured."
"Ah. So I assume that our next order of business is to
rescue her?" Gosnell asked, between sips of his glass.
"Yeah. Damn her. I always have to rescue her. She's
too stupid to know what's good for her and just stay at
home."
"Is that really it?"
Ranma looks up from his menu. "What do you mean?"
"The only reason you are rescuing her? Is it because
she's too stupid to do things on her own?"
Ranma had never really heard his own words repeated
back to him. Well, not from an independent third party.
They sounded - cruel.
Ranma shook his head and stared at his menu. "Well -
She's not stupid. She's just to stubborn to let me protect
her."
"Is that your job?"
Ranma makes eye contact with Gosnell and becomes
somewhat defensive. "Of course."
"Why?"
"Because her father will kill me if I don't."
"That's why? No other reason?"
"Other reason?" Ranma didn't like feeling weak. Ranma
knew there was another reason but he couldn't admit it.
"You love her?"
"WHAT? NO!" Ranma yelled, and slammed the rest of his
vodka. He immediately started flailing his arms at the
waitress for a refill.
Gosnell rolls his eyes. "You do. You're too defensive
about it not to."
Ranma's eyes returned to his menu. "I like her." Ranma
admitted.
"You ever tell her that?"
Ranma thought back to all of the times that he had
ALMOST admitted to her that he cared about her. "No."
"Why not?"
Ranma let out a sigh. "She doesn't feel the same for
me."
"You know that for a fact?"
"Well, she's always yelling at me, hitting me, for
various reasons, most of which aren't even my fault."
"Like in 10-Forward?"
Ranma nodded. He was glad Gosnell was finally seeing
his point. "Yeah. So I think it's obvious she doesn't have
any feelings for me."
Gosnell sighed. "I understand. Just like you yell at
her and call her stupid and you don't have any feelings for
her."
Ranma stared blankly at the booth Gosnell was getting
up from. He patted Ranma on the back. "I'm going to go see
if I can help get the weapons online. Think about it,
Captain. I had to see a good thing go bad."
*SMACK*
"GAWDDAMEDDOORS!"
Ranma completely ignored the smack and the grumbling
Gosnell. He was right. Whenever it came up she got
completely defensive about her feelings for him. Just like
he did when the subject came up. Only she did more so than
him.
A lot more than him.
"OH MY GOD SHE LOVES ME!" Ranma yelled out, catching
the attention of the holographic patrons.
Ranma slides out of his booth and runs to the doors.
*SMACK*
What Ranma said next was inaudible, which is probably
for the best considering the story is already borderline
adult.
? ? ? ?
"Daddy - My ass is sore." George Kuno called.
The principal turned from the panel he was working on
only to be confronted by his adopted son's bare ass.
"EEK!" The principal called out, shoving George out of
the way. "Don't ever point that at me again. If your ass
hurts go regenerate, otherwise help fix the ship."
George turned, pulled up his drawers and looked at his
father. "What do you want me to do?"
The principal looked at his command console. "Find da
otha kiekie and bring dem up here. I have a new plan."
"Yes sir." George walked off, moving somewhat
gingerly.
The principal went back to work on his panel. "Damn
that Saotome. How many times is he going to ruin my life?"
The memories of Ranma advising him to spend more time with his
family continued to run through his head. The time when the principal
was hiding from Tatewaki and Ranma pointing out his hiding place
fueling his anger.
Sure, the principal was eccentric. A little insane,
especially when it came to rules. But he was a kitten
compared to the insanity levels that were Kodachi and
Tatewaki. Then, once again upon Ranma's advise he adopts a
new child. Who'd have known that he adopted the anti-
Christ?
"What's an anti-Christ?" George asks, scaring the hell
out of the principal.
"Uh-Guy who is like you."
"I see father."
"It's all good son! No worries!"
George smiled and nodded. He loved getting approval.
He knew he was the favorite kiekie.
Behind George were Kodachi and Tatewaki. The both
appeared to have been fighting with each other.
The principal can only sigh. "Have my kiekie been
fightin'?"
"I shant tell a lie." Tachi started. "This wench
insulted the pig-tailed girl and Akane Tendo. I know it was
my duty, the Blue Thunder of the alpha quadrant, Tatewaki
Kuno, to defend their honor, even against my own sister!"
Kuno then began his usual nut ball laugh.
"Father!" Kodachi protested. "I was defending the
honor of my darling Ranma Saotome! He called him an evil
sorcerer!"
"He is! He has stolen the pig tailed girl and Akane
Tendo from me!" Kuno rebutted.
"Shaddup both of you." The principal said, dropping
his accent for just a moment. "I need de kiekie to help da
fixin' of da ship! That way we can capture the pigtailed
girl and Akane Tendo for you my son and Ranma for you my
daughter."
"And Shampoo's eyes for me, pa?" George inquired.
"Yeah. Shampoo's eyes for my evilest keikei."
George smiled. He then heard something in the back of
his head. "DAD! I'm picking up a transmission!"
"From where?"
? ? ? ?
Ranma stormed onto the bridge. "STATUS"
Mina turned to reply. "Impulse power back up. Shields
are at 30 percent. Main power has been restored on all
decks. Still no warp, weapons, or long range sensors."
Damn. Ranma thought. "What about the bird of prey's
plasma trail?"
Mina shook her head. "It's been to long to get an
accurate reading. For what it's worth though they couldn't
have gotten to far. The cloak won't work above warp 5
without leaving major ionization trails."
"Making the cloak pointless. So where's the farthest
they could be right now?"
Mina checked her console. "Four light years in each
direction."
Great. Only take us a few decades to search that at
impulse. Ranma grumbled. "Get sensors back online A-S-A-P."
"Aye." Mina went back to work.
Ranma sat down in his new chair that an engineering
crew just reinstalled for him. He didn't really like
sitting in it. After seeing the last one explode he got a
little paranoid.
"Captain?" Ryouga murmured.
"What Ryouga."
"Ranma, I think I may have found Akane."
Ranma got up and scampered to Ryouga's panel. "What?
How?"
"I was practicing pushing the buttons when I
accidentally got a communications sub-system online. I
found this transmission."
Ranma checked out the screen.
15 A 217 N 22.
"Coordinates?" Ranma asked Ryouga.
"No. Akane's serial number."
OH MY GOD SHE'S CLEVER! Ranma's brain yelled. Ranma
smacked his head to try to get the voice to shut up. The
vodka was making it hard enough to think.
"Mina! Can you trace this?" Ryouga demanded. Mina
looked up to Ranma, who just acknowledged his approval to
the unauthorized order.
"Yes - CAPTIAN - I can. One second." She shoots Ryouga
a dirty look. Ryouga returns a look of his own.
"Found them." Mina replied. "They are traveling at
warp 3 towards - Earth?"
What the hell are they doing? Ranma asked himself.
"Set an intercept course. Best possible speed. Once warp's
online do it."
Ryouga grunted an acknowledgement and the ship took
off, surprisingly in the correct direction.
Ryouga started to chuckle to himself. I'll save you
Akane! Ranma won't!
Ryouga began to cackle out loud. Mina and Ranma looked
at him, but he was completely oblivious.
My ass still hurts though!
? ? ? ?
Akane almost enjoyed the fact that the other two were out cold.
It was so quiet. Just the sounds of the ship. That and her fathers soft
sobbing from the cell next to her, but she had gotten used to that over
the years.
What really amazed her that for once Ranma's dad was
useful.
MOMENTS EARLIER
"Is everyone over there okay?" Genma called over to Akane's cell
once the guard had stepped outside.
"More or less." Akane noted. "Shampoo and Commander
Hino are out cold."
"Hrm." Genma grumbled. "Do you have any ideas?"
Akane sat back. "Maybe if one of us still had their
communicators."
Genma began to dig through his pockets. "I have one."
Akane ran to the corner of the cell. "How?"
Genma smiled. "I hide an extra one in the lining of my
clothes!"
Akane scowled. "Get kidnapped often?"
Genma frowned. "More often then you'd think."
Akane began to put her plan to work. One problem
though.
"How do you get the communicator to me?"
Genma looked around the cell. He noticed there was an
air duct on the wall that bordered Akane's cell. "Is there
an air duct at the top of the adjoining wall on your side?"
Akane looked. Sure enough there was.
"Yeah." She replied.
Genma shook Soun. "I need you to give me a boost."
Soun shook his head. "You're almost 300 pounds. Nuts
to that."
Genma rolls his eyes. "Fine, I'll give you a boost.
Stick this through the air duct."
Soun gets up and allows Genma to boost him up. He
sticks the communicator into the duct. Unfortunately the
airflow sucks it up into the ductwork.
A slight clang is heard. Then another. Then a third.
Finally the communicator comes flopping out of an air duct
on the other side of the cell.
Akane just shrugged and picked it up. "Got it."
"You make your daddy proud, Akane." Soun bawled.
"I will dad."
BACK TO THE TIME WE LEFT OFF, PLUS THE TIME IT TOOK YOU TO READ THE
LAST BIT, PLUS THE TIME IT TOOK YOU TO READ THIS HEADER.
Akane had managed to pull most of the wires out of the
wall that she needed. She now more than ever enjoyed the
simplicity of Klingon engineering. They didn't care how it
worked, or about millions upon millions of wires.
Everything ran through a central pipe through the center of
the ship.
Neat how the brig was right against the pipe. Klingons
never have had good judgment when it came to things like
that.
Akane used a hair clip from Shampoo's hair to act as a
jumper. The communicator chirped to life.
"Admiral, I can't send a voice message. This
transmission is too likely to be picked up anyway. What's
something that Ranma should be able to recognize?" Akane
asked.
"Send your phone number."
Akane shook her head. "After they added the last new
area code my number is 71 digits long. That's too much."
Akane went to scratch her neck. Then she realized it.
The dark haired girl pulls her dog tags out of her
shirt. She smiles. Then frowns. "He'd better be looking."
Akane began to tap out the message in Federation Morse
code. She knew Ranma probably didn't remember it, but the
Sisko's computer will convert it to text.
On the bridge an officer was sitting at a panel half
asleep. He didn't notice the slight power increase in the
communications array.
Be'Yach was sitting in the captain's chair. She also
was half asleep. She decided to let Brian and Lita get the
information from the blonde girl. Her crying was making the
quarter Klingon's ears hurt.
Be'Yach let out on of those damned 'almost asleep'
snorts. You know, the kind that gets you in trouble in
English class. It startled the communications officer. He
sat straight up and glared at his console.
"What the hell?" He mumbled to himself.
This awoke Be'Yach. "What?"
"Someone's transmitting."
Be'Yach just grumbled. "Probably just Brian. What's
the transmission?"
"I don't know. It's in Morse code."
Be'Yach awoke completely now. "He doesn't know Morse
code! Get someone who can decode that!"
"Yes ma'am." The officer yelled as he ran from the
room.
Back in the interrogation room, Lita had sat Serena in
the chair. She didn't restrain her or strip her like she
did to Shampoo. Lita frowned at her old friend.
"Serena - I, we need information from you."
Serena just shook her head. "Raye was right. I'm a
lame brain. I won't be able to help you."
Lita exhaled deeply. "You are not a lame brain. You're
smart and you can accomplish a lot. Now, just tell us what
we need to know so we can let you and the others go."
Serena closed her eyes. "I won't betray my oath.
Besides, I know you won't kill us."
Brian walked up to Serena and put his gun in her face.
"This is getting annoying. I don't know you people, and I
won't hesitate to kill you. Now give me the shield
frequencies to the multi-phasic shield around the
Federation's Lunar Latinum deposits!"
Lita started to protest but Brian pointed his finger
at her.
"We can stop all this with this one haul. I'm tired of
nearly being killed. I just want my money and my beer and
to relax!" Brian said to Lita, without turning.
He stared wide-eyed at Serena. "Please. The
frequencies."
Serena begins to sob. She could tell that he didn't
want to kill her, but he would.
"Please." Lita said, trying her best to hold back
tears.
Serena opened her eyes to look right up the barrel of
the Glock Phaser.
"4 - 2 - 9 -" Serena's cut off by the intercom.
"BRIAN!" Be'Yach's voice screamed. "KUNO SHIP ON
INTERCEPT! GOSNELL CLASS ON INTERCEPT! PRISIONERS
TRANSMITTING DISTRESS CALL!"
Brian holsters his side arm. "Fuck." He storms off
leaving Lita alone with Serena.
"Why?" Serena asks.
Lita can no longer holding back her tears. "You know
how I never fit in. Once the Federation banned crime
fighting groups, there was nothing for me to do.
I tried to get in with Starfleet Intellegence, but
they said I didn't pass my background check! I spent ten
goddamned days filling out that 78 page form! What else
could I do? The captain gave me a place to live, a job
where I am good at what I do. A place where I finally felt
I belonged."
"YOU'RE A PIRATE!"
Lita shook her head. "It's not always like this.
What's the rest of the frequency?"
Serena shook her head. "Go to hell."
Lita exhaled deeply again. She turned and walked out,
locking the door behind her.
? ? ? ?
Brian comes storming into the cell area and notices the wall
panel pulled off. "Lower the force field." He orders.
Brian walks in and points his weapon at Akane.
"There's not stun setting on this, for your information."
He shoots the communicator.
Suddenly Shampoo who is still lying on the floor
sweeps out Brian's legs. He falls and Akane pounces on him,
getting his weapon. The lackey that was wit Brian moves in,
but is taken out by Raye who was also playing possum on the
floor.
Akane and Raye step out, weapons in hand. Shampoo just
continues to stand in the cell.
"What's wrong?" Raye yells.
"Shampoo no fighting naked." Shampoo replies,
reminding them that she is still in her underwear.
Akane removes her jacket and tosses it to Shampoo. She
also pulls the pants off of Brian.
"Better than nothing." Shampoo acknowledges.
Raye tosses Shampoo a rifle that she finds on the
table. Shampoo walks out and the raises the force shield to
the cell. Akane walks over to her father's cell.
"Dad, Admiral Saotome. Wait about 2 minutes and then
head for the nearest escape pod."
They acknowledge her and step to the edge of the cell.
Genma looks worried. Shampoo and Raye have that 'need
revenge, kill, kill, kill' look on their faces. "What are
you three going to do?" Soun asks.
"Pay bitch back." Shampoo grumbles.
Raye and Akane look at Shampoo, who is glowing a very
bright purple aura.
The three step up to the door of the detention area.
It opens and the two guards outside, assuming it's their
boss, stand at attention.
"At Ease." Raye snickers shooting both of them.
"Nice." Akane smiles.
"With a cool dry wit like that I could be an action
hero." Raye grins back. "We need to find Serena."
Akane nods. Shampoo looks at the two for the first
time. "You two go to bridge. Shampoo retrieve friend."
"I don't think we should split -" Raye is cut off.
"Shampoo in charge. Go. Shampoo take care of klutz
girl."
Raye didn't like it, but Shampoo was the commanding
officer. She nodded and her and Akane went off towards the
bridge.
? ? ? ?
"WARP ONLINE!" Mina screams from across the bridge. "We can get
7.5."
Ranma shook his head. The three Mina's were very
pretty. "Gud nuff. Go P-Chan!"
Ryouga turned around. "DON'T CALL ME THAT!"
"Sorry Charlotte!" Ranma giggled.
Ryouga can only growl as he engages the engines.
Mina walks up and sits in the XO seat next to Ranma.
She leans over to him.
"Begging the captain's pardon, but you're drunk sir."
Ranma turns to her. "Yeah. Gosnell. Drink. Denny's."
Mina only sighed. Gosnell was very sexy, but he had
horrible timing. "Computer, activate bridge E-M-H."
The balding EMH appeared on the bridge.
"Please state the nature of the medical emergency."
"The Captain's drunk." She pointed to Ranma who was
starting to melt out of his chair.
"I'm a doctor, not his mother." The EMH smugly
replied.
"You not my mudder?" Ranma mumbles.
"Can't you give him something?" Mina queried.
The EMH scratches his head. He pulls out his med kit
from under a table, loads a medical hypo spray and injects
Ranma. "This will work."
Ranma looks at the EMH. He smiles. Then frowns. Ranma
grabs his mouth and bolts for the bathroom. The EMH can
only smile.
"When he returns make him drink about 4 liters of
water. He'll be fine momentarily then."
"Thanks." Mina says, still looking off in the
direction the captain ran. "Computer, end E-M-H."
The holographic doctor vanishes. Mina walks over to
the replicater and gets the water ready for Ranma. He
returns shortly.
"How you feel?" Mina asks.
"Better than the crewman who was taking a piss back
there." Ranma replies as he slams back into his chair. Mina
hands him his water.
Ranma looks at it suspiciously. "What's this?"
"Water." Mina promises.
Ranma sips it. Sure enough. He chugs it and starts on
his second one.
"Shit." Ryouga mumbles.
"What?" Ranma whimpers. "You didn't get us lost again,
did you?"
Ryouga scowls. "No, I didn't get us lost again. The
transmission ended."
"E-T-A to their last known position?" Ranma asked.
"Seven minutes." Mina replied.
"Mousse. Do you think you can pull yourself together
for a little bit?" Ranma asked the young man sobbing behind
him.
"Yes."
"Good. When we are on position I want you to ignite a
tachyon charge." Ranma smiled. Mousse smiled too. He knew
what Ranma was up too.
"There for causing their plasma trail to ignite!"
Mousse understood.
Ranma nodded. Ryouga spun around.
"YOU CAD! You could kill Akane like that!"
Ranma shook his head. "The bird of prey isn't going to
explode because of a little exhaust fire. Trust me."
Ryouga didn't like it, but he decided to go along with
it for the time being. The only way he could rescue Akane
is if he found her first, and Ranma's seemed to be the only
plan they had for the time being.
? ? ? ?
"ALAS! THE BEAUTIFUL AND BUSTFUL AKANE TENDO WANTS ME! SHE LEFT
ME SUCH A WONDERFUL LOVE MESSAGE!" Kuno yelled as he bounded from one
side of the cube to the next. Kodachi could do nothing but glower.
"Brother dear, Akane Tendo told me that she would like you better
WITHOUT YOUR HEAD!" Kodachi snapped her ribbon at Kuno.
"Ouch." George said as the ribbon wrapped around his wrist. He
yanked the other end of the ribbon out of Kodachi's hand and put it in
his pocket. "Father says the keikei shouldn't fight, so I will make
sure the keikei don't fight."
Kodachi cocked her head at George. "You're awfully smug for
someone who was adopted."
George gasps. "Adopted? Not I!"
Kuno walked over to George. "You didn't know?"
George just shakes his head. "It can't be true."
"You can't tell? You don't look anything like us!" Kodachi
pointed out.
"What do you mean?" George asks.
"You're black for one." Kuno replies.
George turns to Kuno. "Oh, so now the Blackman isn't good enough
to be your brother?"
Kuno shakes his head. "That's not what I meant."
George shakes the tears out of his eyes. "I HATE YOU BOTH!" He
runs from the room as the principal runs in.
"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?" He screams.
Kodachi laughs. "We made George cry!"
Kuno laughs as well. "Obviously not a true Kuno."
"Oh no. Oh no. Oh no." The principal mumbles to himself as he
watches the self destructive thoughts of George Kuno go through his
mind.
The principal looks at his two children. "You bozos on ya own!
I'm getting back to de islands while da getting's good!"
The principal runs off to his escape pod and ejects.
Kuno looks to his sister. "You know how to fly this thing?"
Kodachi responds with a negative headshake.
"Guess we'll have to apologize to George."
Kodachi responds with a positive headshake.
"No need." George grumbles as he walks back in.
Kodachi moves behind her original brother. "You're not mad at
us?" She asks.
George shakes his head. "We have an objective to complete. We
won't let - father down."
The elder two Kunos nod and they get to work chasing down the
signal from Akane.
Outside, in a small sphere shaped escape pod -
"And dey wonder why I'm so crazy." Principal Kuno says, rocking
back and forth.
? ? ? ?
Akane sent a quick hand signal to Raye letting her know that
there are three crewmen standing by the door to the bridge of the
Klingon ship. Raye nods and slinks around a corner as Akane creeps
forward.
"So, have you seen the latest episode of Survivor:East St.
Louis?" The tallest crewman asked the other two.
"I have." Akane called. The crewmen turn to her.
"Who got voted off this week?" Another crewman asked.
Akane scratches her head. "I think it was V'Talk."
The crewmen all groan. "They always pick on the Vulcan."
Akane nods in agreement before remembering that she needs to
shoot these people. She draws her phaser and takes two of them out. The
other dodges the blast and begins to go for his phaser, but is quickly
taken down by Raye, who was just around the corner.
The two girls walk to the bridge. The doors don't open. Akane
hits the release button. Nothing.
"What's the deal?" Akane whispers.
"You need an access code." Be'Yach grins. Standing next to her
are 10 crewmen, all with phaser rifles. "Lower your weapons."
Akane and Raye comply. The crewmen take Akane and Raye back into
custody.
"Bragh!" Genma-panda yells from farther down the corridor.
Be'Yach takes a step back, but smiles. "The captain may be afraid
of you, but I'm not."
Genma whips out a sign. 'Look who I have.'
Soun appears, dragging Brian.
'If you want him back, release us.'
Brian is about to go nuts. The panda is scaring the hell out of
him.
Be'Yach groans. "I don't have time for this. Shoot them all."
The lackeys comply and quickly incapacitate Genma, Soun, Akane
and Raye.
Brian gets up and runs behind Be'Yach. "Put the panda in an
escape pod. The ambassador too. They are too much of a liability.
Where's the one who can't talk right?"
Be'Yach shrugs. All the lackeys look at each other.
"MORONS!" Brian screams. "FIND THEM!"
The lackeys start to take off. Brian shoots one of them.
"FORGETTING SOMETHING?" He points to Akane and company. The remaining
lackeys grab them and head off.
Brian just turns to Be'Yach. "Who hired these yay-hoos?"
Be'Yach meekly looks away. "You said no more than 10 dollars and
hour. You get what you pay for."
Brian curses his own cheapness. "No worries. Once we get the
latium we can retire."
Be'Yach grins. "Did you get the frequency?"
Brian shakes his head. "Part of it. But I know the Federation.
There are only six possible combinations of the rest frequency. We
don't have to de-cloak to lower their shields. What's the ETA of the
Starfleet ship and the Kuno ship?"
Be'Yach opens the bridge door and walks in. She checks a panel.
"30 minutes."
Brian takes his seat on the bridge. "Excellent. Once the latium
is on board we can offload the prisoners and get the hell out of
federation space."
Be'Yach hops on Brian's lap. "What about the crew and Lita?"
Brian sighs. "Send the crew down with the prisoners. Lita wants
to stay with us."
Be'Yach doesn't really care for that. She knows how the captain
flirts with her.
"I know what you're thinking." Brian smiled as he dug something
out of his pocket. "No worried however. You are the only one I love."
* * * *
Shampoo's unfamiliarity with the lay out of Klingon Bird-Of-Preys
was becoming obvious to her when she noticed she passed the same plasma
conduit. She was getting pretty pissed. She cursed to herself as the
turbolift door opened. She hides in a crevice. Lita walks out of the
turbolift.
As she walked down the corridor she stops. Lita can tell when she
is being watched. She starts to go for her phaser when she feels cold
metal on the back of her head.
"Where is Serena?" Shampoo asked. "Bitch no want to try nothing.
Throw your gun across the room."
Lita complied. "She's in the brig."
Shampoo shoves the phaser harder into the back of Lita's head.
"No lie to Shampoo. Where is she?"
Lita remains silent.
"Is it worth dying for? Especially since Federation move deposits
from the lunar lock up?"
"What?" Lita groaned.
"Take me to girl. NOW!" Shampoo yelled.
Lita turns back toward the turbo lift with Shampoo inches behind
her. The get into it.
"Deck 3." Lita commands. The lift goes in motion. "What do you
mean the moved the deposits?"
Shampoo chuckled. "You stupid? They move deposits. New place much
safer."
The turbolift doors open. Lita and Shampoo walk out and down the
hall. They get near the interrogation room. There is a guard posted
outside.
"Tell him to leave." Shampoo ordered.
Lita inhaled deeply. "Crewman - you're dismissed."
The crewman can't see where Lita is, but since he recognized her
voice, he walks off in the opposite direction.
Shampoo forces Lita over to the door. "Open it."
Lita punches in her access code into the door. It slides open.
Serena is just sitting in the chair crying.
"Commander!" Shampoo yelled. "Get over here."
Serena looks up and sees Shampoo with Lita. She hops off the
chair and runs to the door, taking a good, hard look at Lita before
exiting.
"You okay?" Shampoo asked.
Serena only nods. Shampoo pulls Lita back out, and faces her
toward the turbo lift.
Lita decides that she has to try and get away from Shampoo and
tell Brian of what she has learned. Going to Earth with six Starfleet
prisoners would not be good, especially if they weren't able to get
anything out of it.
As they are walking down the hall, Lita fakes tripping. As she
moves forward she causes Shampoo to start to lose her balance. As she
does, Lita turns around and punches her. The impact causes Shampoo's
grip on the phaser to loosen. It bounces to the floor. Before Lita can
get to it, Shampoo grabs Lita's ankles and trips her completely. She
falls, but in the opposite direction of the phaser.
Shampoo turns and goes for the phaser but Lita manages to get a
grip on Shampoo's legs. The phaser had bounced just outside Shampoo's
reach.
"Serena!" Shampoo calls.
Serena runs over and grabs the phaser. She points it at Lita, who
has grabbed Shampoo by the neck and pulls her to her feet. With her
other hand Lita pulls a knife from one of the cargo pockets on her
pants and holds it to Shampoo's neck.
"Even though I know you won't shoot me, Serena, be advised I will
slit this whore's neck as I fall." Lita grins. "Put the phaser down,
and neither of you will be hurt."
Serena is shaking. She joined Starfleet engineering so that she
wouldn't be put in any positions like this any more. What was she to
do. She didn't want Shampoo to die, but she didn't want to kill Lita
either. Where's one of those goddamned roses when I need one? She
thought.
Unfortunately for her the decision was made for her.
* * * *
The Sisko shook madly. Warp 9.97 was not an approved speed.
However the fact the Kuno ship found and forced the pirate ship to de-
cloak added extra emergency to the situation.
The Kuno's were pummeling the ship. Her shields would be
compromised in minutes and the ship could be destroyed shortly there
after. Ranma didn't figure that Kuno would destroy the ship till after
he got Akane on board, but there was still his father and the others.
"Ranma?" Mousse called out.
"What?"
"There is an escape pod about 9000 kilometers aft of the bird of
prey. It's got one panda and one human on board."
"WHAT?" Ranma ran up there and verified Mousse's readings. "Is it
safe?"
Mina checked her console. "For now."
Ranma shook his head. "We will have to come back for it."
Seconds later the Sisko dropped out of warp. "MOUSSE! Order the
Kuno's to cease fire."
Mousse shook his head. "They aren't responding."
"THEY'RE COMING ABOUT!" Mina yelled.
"ALL WEAPONS FIRE!" Ranma shouted.
The following barrage of fire seems to last forever. In reality
it only lasted a few seconds.
The Kuno ship let loose everything it had in the way of
firepower. It's cutting beam. It's torpedoes. It's phasers.
The Sisko's shields glowed a bright blue as they were stressed to
their maximum.
Blue and red orbs projected themselves from the Sisko. Volley
after volley of photon torpedoes slammed into the Kuno ship. Not nearly
as effective this time as they were the last time. Before his departure
the principal had made the necessary corrections to the shield
emitters.
"SHEILDS FAILING!" Mousse screamed.
Ranma stared blankly at the view screen as 15 Kuno torpedoes
headed towards the Sisko, and 30 headed towards the Kuno ship.
And then it was over. Elapsed time - 24 seconds.
--
Erin Michael Winking
http://www.douglasavenue.com
ewink's FUNKDAFIED ranma 1/2 site
http://funkdafied.douglasavenue.com