e.wink
12th January 2003, 08:28 AM
CHAPTER TWO: DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY
Captain's log. Stardate 59999.0. We are en route to
the Finden system. Now that my crew is aboard, and
everything is flowing as smooth as I suspect it will flow -
that damned space dock incident is going to cost me around
275 thousand dollars, maybe we can deal with these pests
annoying the Findens.
Ranma takes the final sip of his coffee and groans
loudly. He continues to record in his log.
Oh, who the hell am I kidding. Being assigned this
crew makes me wonder what I could have possibly done to
piss dad off so much. I have sent him several messages, but
none of them have been answered. I even broke into his
secure line, but he didn't want to talk. I know this is an
official log, but I don't care -
BEGINNING FLASHBACK TO JUST A HOUR OR SO AGO-
Ranma slams his fist to the desk, and leans towards
his COM terminal, making sure he is getting his point
across.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T TALK NOW?" Ranma screamed.
"YOU CAN'T BE BUSY! FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHEN I OPENED THE
COMMUNICATION YOU WERE SITTING THERE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR
READING PLAYBOY!"
Genma, who was on the other end, was doing his best to
explain himself.
"Look boy. You wouldn't know what an admiral has to go
through around here. Be happy I gave you a crew at all."
"I could run this ship better by myself."
Genma turned on the offensive this time.
"You little ingrate! Show some respect to your father.
You should thank your lucky stars you have a crew! Why,
when I was a Captain I had to run back and forth from
engineering to the bridge just to make coffee! And they
didn't even have turbolifts back then!"
Ranma just scowled. His fathers attempt to reverse the
blame wasn't going to work this time.
"Ok pop. Just tell me. Why did you make Shampoo my
first officer?"
Genma got up and ran to another part of his office. We
still hear is voice.
"Computer, one glass of cold water. Five degrees
Celsius." The computer complies. Then, splash!
"BRAGGH!" Genma-Panda explains to his son, while
holding up a sign. <Sorry son! Can't talk! On my way to a
diplomatic mission!>
The screen popped up to the United Federation of
Planets logo and the phrase 'Transmission Terminated.'
"DAMN!" Ranma yells.
END OF FLASHBACK. WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR READING
Ranma set his head down on his desk. He was damn near
ready to start crying again, but a sudden feeling came over
him. It was the 'If I do well I will show the old man a
thing or two' feeling. Ranma sat up. Yes, that was how he
was going to get his dad back. He was going to get his crew
into shape and have them kicking ass by the end of the day.
Ranma stood up and walked out onto the bridge. He
noticed none of his senior officers were there. He looked
at his watch and realized that no one in the future wore
watches. He looked over a no-name's shoulder at his panel.
1825. Everyone was down in ten-forward.
He didn't want to go, but he had promised Akane. He
also thought to himself that he could use a drink. Ranma
wasn't really a drinker, but when he thought about his crew
another feeling came over him. This feeling must have been
the 'maybe if I get drunk they'll fire me and I can go back
to life guarding at the Y'. Ranma didn't much care for that
either, mainly because he had to stay in female form, but
it was a living. Besides, he met those nice village people.
Funny how he got along with them better when he was in he
male form.
Ranma nodded to himself in approval and skipped into
the turbolift.
"Deck ten." He told the computer. The lift buzzed to
life and whisked the captain to meet what might be his new
friend. A man named Jack. Jack Daniels.
? ? ? ?
In ten-forward there were a lot of people chatting
with each other. There was also music playing. Some of the
crew was near the windows dancing. Serena was one of them.
Actually, it seemed more like Serena was going into an
epileptic seizure than dancing, but whatever floats your
boat. After she knocked over the sixth crewmember, she
sulked her way over to the bar, and had a seat with Raye
and Mina.
Raye was the first to start ragging on Serena about
her dancing, if you can call it that.
"Serena." She slurred. It would appear that Raye is
drunk. "What do you call that dance you were doing up
there?"
Serena, not realizing that Raye was being sarcastic,
grinned. "I call that the 'Funky Monkey!'"
Raye laughed heartily. "I would call it the 'Help my
finger's caught in a light-bulb socket'. It sucked girl!"
Mina just shook her head as Serena started to sniffle.
"Serena, don't listen to her." Mina comforted. "She's
drunk and she doesn't know what she's saying."
Raye shook her head. "I know what I'm saying! I'm
saying that Serena sucks!"
Serena let out one of her patented bawls, as she
bolted from the bar, and out the door.
"SERENA!" Mina called after her. But, it was too late.
When she's upset that girl can really sprint.
Raye turned to Mina, and grabbed her shoulder. "Let
her go. She knows I was just giving her a hard time. She'll
get over it. She always does."
Mina was still upset with Raye, and this time her
half-assed explanations weren't going to get her out of a
lecture.
"Raye. Serena is a sensitive girl. She can't handle
criticism like you and I. I know you just think that your
giving her the riot act is all in fun, but she doesn't
understand that. I want you to apologize to her. What do
you say?"
Raye just looked Mina in her baby blues, and said, "I
have to pee. Excuse me." Raye stumbled off her seat and
headed towards the restrooms. Mina just chugged the rest of
her drink.
"Women problems, eh?" A deep voice says to Mina. She
looks up. The voice belongs to the bartender. The bartender
is a handsome man with dark hair pulled back into a
ponytail. He had a goatee and was wearing a 'Home of the
Whopper' apron over his Starfleet uniform. He didn't have
any rank pips on his collar, making Mina assume that he was
just an enlisted crewman.
Mina laughed at the remark. "Yeah, my friend Raye is
always being mean to our other friend, Serena."
The bartender laughed. "Well, I feel that they really
care for each other deep down." Mina nodded in agreement.
"But I still wish she would be nice to her. Serena is
a great girl, who's far away from home. She's just a bit
clumsy, and somewhat ditzy, and not very organized-"
The bartender cut her off. "I get the point. However I
should note that we aren't really THAT far from Earth if
you acknowledge how far away some other ships are."
Mina thought about this for a second. "You know what I
mean though."
The man nodded. He noticed Mina's empty glass.
"Another?"
Mina nodded her approval and slid her glass towards
him. He walks over and fills her up. "So what's your name?"
He asks.
"Mina. Mina Aino."
"Nice to meet you, Mina. I'm Gosnell." They shook
hands.
"Any relation to the Gosnell the ships class is named
after?"
Gosnell pondered this for a second. "You know, I've
often wondered that myself. See, I think the class was
named after a human named Gosnell. I'm not human."
"Oh? What race are you?"
"I am from a very distant planet known as Cantrell.
The Kunos destroyed my home over a thousand years ago. They
swept down and assimilated everything one in site. Lucky
for me I was gobbled up by a tornado, unrelated to the
attack, and was somehow shot into space where a old man
named Gargle Listerine saved me."
Mina was impressed. This guy was over a thousand years
old. And he survived one of those damn shooting tornados.
"So how did you end up here?"
"Well, that story is somewhat embarrassing. I bet the
captain in a poker game that if he won I would be his
bartender on his ship, and then follow him till he died, or
till I got bored. Well, he beat me. All I had were a 10,
Jack, Queen, King, and Ace of hearts. He had four sevens."
"Um, Gosnell. I hate to tell you this but you had a
royal straight flush. That beats what the captain had."
The look on Gosnell's face could have shattered glass.
He hung his head in shame. "Where were you before I signed
that two hundred year contract?" Gosnell grabbed a bottle
of vodka and downed it in one gulp.
"You going to be ok?" Mina asked.
"I am now. This stuff is STRONG!" Gosnell grinned.
It was about this time that Raye comes straggling back
to her seat. She looks up to Gosnell.
"Hit me." She says.
Gosnell shrugs and draws back, and WACK! Punches Raye
right in the jaw. Raye looks up and glares at Gosnell with
a look that could have broken Gosnell's earlier look.
"WITH A DRINK YOU MORON!" Raye screams at Gosnell.
Gosnell shrugs and grabs Mina's drink. He then throws the
contents in Raye's face.
Raye leans over the bar and grabs the now frightened
Gosnell by his collar. "I want you to put some Rum and some
Coke into a glass and then set it on the bar, right here in
front of me. If you hit me or throw another drink in my
face I will rip all your hairs out one by one and toss you
into a quantum torpedo tube and shoot you up the ass of a
Klingon elephant. Got it?"
Gosnell nods and runs off to make the drink. Raye sits
back down and wipes herself off. She notices Mina chuckling
silently.
"WHAT?!" Raye scowls.
"Nothing." Mina grins.
It was about this time when the Captain walks into
ten-forward. He glances around the room. No Akane. Just
like her. Bitch and moan and whine to get me down here, but
she's not down here herself. Well, at least Shampoo isn't
down here either.
Ranma turned and walked up to the bar. He takes a seat
next to Raye. He looks and grins.
"Counselor. Commander. How are you two?"
Raye looks at him slowly and tries to force a grin.
"I'm happy!" Raye's head then smacks the bar.
Mina turns to Ranma as well, with a more sincere grin
on her face, and doing a much better job of holding her
head up.
"I'm good Captain. Looking forward to getting to the
Finden system."
The captain smiled back at the Mina, and sent a
chuckle look to the back of Raye's head. He then looked up
at Gosnell. "Hey Gosnell. Hit me with a water. Can't get
drunk. On duty."
Gosnell grinned. "Coming right up!" He walked on over
to the replicater.
Ranma started to feel concerned about Raye. "Is she
OK?" He asked Mina.
Mina starts to answer when Gosnell walks back and
throws the Captain's water in his face. Ranma becomes
Ranma-Chan (RC).
The look on Mina's face was one of shock. Of all her
years in the Starfleet Science Corps, she had never seen a
man change into a woman. Well, she thought. Do changelings
count? Mina began to wonder about this. What if the captain
was a founder? Think of all the press coverage she'd get if
she found him out. Swarms and swarms of men would be
swooning over her. Over Mina Aino. The savior of the
federation!
Granted the war was over and the Founder's were pretty
much out of the picture, but one serving, as the captain of
Starfleet's new flagship has to be considered a big deal!
Mina stealthily looked to the captain. He was still
thinking of some swear words to use on Gosnell. This was
her chance. If she could get some blood from him, she would
be able to prove he was a changeling.
Mina started darting her eyes all over. No one in the
whole room had a medical hypospray. Gosnell having removed
the med kits earlier for some unexplained reason that made
sense in Gosnell's world. She then spied some silverware.
It appeared she was going to have to use the crude method.
Mina slowly reached across the bar and grabbed the
silverware. She decided on a steak knife. She figured that
just in case she was wrong, a steak knife would do the
least amount of damage to the captain.
RC was just coming out of the usual shock she felt
when her uniform tightened up around the chest. And the
pure thought that someone would just throw water in her
face kind of shocked her to. RC opened her mouth to start
swearing at Gosnell when she felt a poking at her arm.
She turned. Mina, having partially climbed over Raye,
was hacking at her arm with a steak knife. It was a very
dull steak knife. Mina was putting all her energy into it,
but she couldn't even get it to break the skin. The knife
blade just bent, and finally snapped off.
"AINO! What are you doing?" RC yelled.
"You're a changeling, aren't you?" Mina screamed back.
She turned to Gosnell. "Hand me that beer bottle."
Gosnell, not one to sit idly by when he could help
instigate trouble, complied. Mina took the bottle and SMASH
right over the top of RC's head. RC screamed. That hurt!
Mina also screamed when the blood from the cut she managed
to make with the bottle didn't change into changeling goo.
"Oh damn." Mina moaned.
RC gave Mina the once over. "Do that again, and watch
what happens." She warned.
Mina slithered back to her seat. She decided now she
needed to be on her best behavior. Maybe her last boyfriend
was right. Maybe she was too suspicious. Naaa. She thought.
He just said that to cover up the fact he was cheating on
me. Mina nodded her approval to that thought.
RC managed to shake off the pain of the beer bottle.
She turned to Gosnell. Gosnell wasn't sure if he should be
afraid or not.
"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" RC bellowed.
Gosnell smiled. "You said 'hit me with a water.' So,
there you go." Before Ranma could fly across the bar to
kill Gosnell, Raye turned to him, and grabbed her breast.
"Ooo! You're cute!" She said. "Well built too!"
RC screamed. She was not fond of it when her boobs
were manhandled. Except when her doctor did her physicals.
He has such soft hands.
RC started to back away. What was up with this chick?
RC tripped as she tried to escape. Raye knew what time it
was. She pounced on RC and proceeded to kiss her. Of
course, due to RC's patented bad luck, Shampoo and Akane
came into the bar at the same time from opposite sides of
the room.
"RANMA!" They both screamed.
RC was about to try and explain, but the moment she
opened her mouth, Raye slipped her tongue in. This of
course made Ranma freak out, and made Shampoo and Akane,
well, freak out in their own way.
The two women jumped onto Raye, proceeding to pound
the hell out of her. Well, Shampoo was beating Raye, while
Akane was beating Ranma. Raye, however, was not one to take
this lying down, so she fought back. This ignited a brawl
between the three women, leaving RC to be trampled on the
bottom of the dog pile.
One of the people who were dancing near the windows
saw the fight.
"FIGHT!" He screamed. This was the fuse that set off a
riot in 10-forward. Everyone in the bar started brawling
with each other. Well, almost everyone. Ryouga was just
sitting at his table. Alone. Nursing his drink.
Mina decided that she'd gotten into enough trouble for
one day, and that it would be best for her not to be
included in any of this. She vaulted over the bar and hit
the floor. She noticed Gosnell ducking behind the bar as
well, screaming into his COM panel.
"Yes, Mousse. I said RIOT! Now get your lackeys down
here now!" Gosnell closed the connection and grinned at
Mina. "I must now do my duty and try and stop this fight."
He started to stand.
Mina grabbed Gosnell's shoulder and began to object.
Gosnell placed his index finger to her lips. "Quiet child.
I will be OK." He kissed Mina on the forehead and began to
stand.
Mina sat back, in awe. The man. Gosnell. He was so
brave.
Gosnell hopped on top of the bar. "PEOPLE! PEOPLE!" He
bellowed. Everyone stopped fighting and looked at him.
"Can't we all just get along?" He pleaded. He cries
went unheard as several glasses came flying at his head.
Gosnell let out a scream that resembled a seven-year-old
girl, and dove back behind the bar. He looked to Mina, who
somewhat looked disappointed.
"Nice try." She comforted. A crewman came flying over
the bar, slammed into the wall, and slid to the floor.
The doors to 10-forward hissed open and about 50 of
Mousse's security officers came running in, all armed with
duck shaped potty trainers. The security officers
immediately went to work beating the rioters.
Ryouga was starting to get frustrated. How was he
supposed to properly wallow in self-pity with all this damn
noise? It wasn't till someone's tooth fell in is drink that
he snapped.
He hopped up onto his table.
"HEY! SHUT UP!" He screamed. It was at this time that
he received a duck shaped toilet trainer to the head.
"Ok bitches." He grumbled. "BAK-SI-KEN-TETSU!!" Ryouga
applied the breaking point to the table. As it began to
explode, he realized what a horrible mistake he had just
made. This table was glass. He screamed. "DAMN!"
? ? ? ?
Sickbay was the location most of the rioters were at.
The others were in the brig, being sobered up. Akane's
staff was busy, mostly pulling glass fragments out of
various locations.
Akane got the patient who took the most damage.
Ryouga. Normally the breaking point doesn't hurt him, but
usually he does it on rocks. Rocks will bounce off the
body. Glass on the other hand will embed it's self in a
persons skin.
Ryouga was lying face down on Akane's exam table. He
pants were pulled down to his knees. It seems that all the
large pieces of glass ended up stuck in Ryouga's butt. This
made Akane very uncomfortable. She was doing her best to
remove the fragments without looking at, well, it. His
butt.
Akane's embarrassment was nothing though. Nothing
compared to what Ryouga felt. There is no color of red to
describe what color his face was. This wasn't just because
of him being pants down in front of Akane, but also because
this was secretly a fantasy of his. Well, minus the
horribly painful glass shards.
The doors to sickbay opened. Ranma walked in. He was
all male again. He had finally managed to explain to
Shampoo what had happened. That had taken him a while, and
Shampoo was the easy one. Now time to work on Akane.
He walked up to where Akane was.
"Hi?" Akane just ignored him.
"RANMA!" Ryouga screamed. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"
Ranma looked around. He didn't see Ryouga anywhere.
Did he? He looked on the table. Yikes. Not a sight he
wanted to see. He walked around the front of the exam
table, and squatted. Yup there, with his head hanging over
the edge of the table, was Ryouga.
"Ryouga!" Ranma chirped. "You're looking well!"
"SHUT UP!" Ryouga yelled back.
Ranma chuckled and walked back to Akane. "Akane. I'm
sorry. Even though it wasn't my fault."
Akane stopped and turned to him. "It's never your
fault, is it?"
Ranma missed the sarcasticness in that. "Usually not."
Akane just shook her head. "I have work to do."
Ranma, realizing it was useless at this point to argue
further walked off, deciding the bridge is a much
friendlier place now.
He walked out the doors of sickbay and up the hallway
to the turbo lift. He hit the call button and waited. He
was mad. It's been along time since he was mad like this.
He wasn't mad at Akane, at Mina, or even at Raye. He was
mad at himself. He felt he was getting slow, even sloppy,
lately. There were times when no one could have gotten him
the way Gosnell did.
Ranma realized that he has been distracted lately.
That and he has become complacent. Ordering people to do
things for you is an easy way to get out of practice of
doing things himself.
Ranma realized that if he was going to have a chance
against the Kuno's, he was going to have to work on his
mental discipline. If he continued to get distracted it
might mean the death of him and his crew.
He really didn't know what was distracting him though.
He hoped he could figure it out before too long. It's hard
not to be distracted when you don't know why you're being
distracted in the first place.
The lift hissed open. Mina was in there. He stepped in
with her. The doors close.
"Bridge." Ranma ordered the lift.
"Computer, pause." Mina cut in.
Ranma turned to Mina.
"Captain. I'm sorry. Sorry I tried to stab you with
the knife, and sorry I hit you with a beer bottle." Mina
said shyly. It wasn't like her to be this shy, but she
really felt stupid for what she did.
"Commander, your intentions were good. Didn't do any
real damage and I heal fast." Ranma replied. He smiled at
her with the old Saotome charm, trying to lift her spirits.
Mina smiled back. The last man she hit with a beer
bottle didn't take it so well. But he deserved it. Ranma
didn't.
"Continue." Mina told the computer. She, however, was
curious. "What's up with that whole guy/girl thing?"
Ranma sighed. Just thinking about it hurt his stomach.
"You ever hear of Jusenkyo?"
Mina shook her head.
"It's a cursed springs training ground. I fell into
the spring of drowned girl. Now when ever I get hit with
cold water, I turn into a girl, and hot water reverses the
effect."
"Gotcha. Is there a cure?"
"Yes, but its in China."
"Oh I see." Mina replied. She wasn't sure why the
Captain didn't just beam down there and cure himself when
they were in orbit around Earth, but she was sure he had
his reasons.
The lift doors opened. Ranma and Mina walked onto the
bridge. First thing they saw was Shampoo and Raye choking
each other. Ranma ran over and broke up the fight.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Ranma screamed.
Shampoo grabbed a hold of Ranma. "Stupid girl try
steal Ranma!"
Raye interjected. "I did not! She's pissed for some
reason! She said I kissed her fiancée in 10-forward!"
Ranma groaned. "Shampoo. Sit. Raye, don't worry, you
didn't." Ranma felt the less Raye remembered, the better
off he'd be.
The doors hissed open again. Ryouga came walking, very
slowly, out of the turbo lift and down to his station. He
placed a pillow on his chair, and sat down extremely
slowly.
"Captain," Mina said. "We're approaching the Finden
system."
"Good, Ensign, slow to impulse, standard orbit over
Finden Three."
"Aye sir." Ryouga groaned. The ship shuddered and
slammed to a stop.
"Ryouga?" Ranma asked.
"Sorry." Ryouga responded.
"Engineering to the bridge!" Serena's voice came over
the communicator.
"Go ahead, Commander." Ranma replied.
"Tell whoever did that not to do it again. That's not
good for the clutch or the structural integrity field, or
something that has a lot of flashing red lights on it. You
know it would be a lot more useful if they'd spend as much
money on labels as they did on pointless flashing lights!"
"Already under control, Serena. Thanks. Saotome out."
Ranma stood up and walked to Ryouga. "Did you catch that?"
Ryouga scowled. "I said sorry!"
Ranma walked back to his seat. "Mousse. Do you see
anything on the sensors?"
Mousse gave the panel a good look. "No!"
Shampoo turned to him. "PUT YOUR GLASSES ON STUPID!"
Mousse slid his glasses that were on top his head over
his eyes. "Oh yeah. Eleven fighter type ships and one
battle cruiser in orbit on the other side of the planet."
Ranma groaned. "Ryouga, catch up with them and match
their orbit. Mousse, hail them."
Both officers complied. Mousse was the first to
answer. "The battle cruiser commander is hailing us."
"Ah, well on screen." Ranma answered as he stood.
On the main view screen, an older man appeared. He was
wearing a suit and tie. He had gray hair. He looked at
Ranma and started to laugh.
"You want something?" He asked.
Ranma didn't know why he was laughing. But he wanted
to know. "I am Captain Ranma Saotome of the Federation
Starship Sisko. Why are you pestering the people of
Finden?"
The man stopped laughing. "The Federation, huh? Well,
I am Roy Captain Sha'Na Nana. And this planet needs to be
taught proper articulation."
This threw the whole bridge crew off. "What?" Ranma
asked.
"We have been monitoring their news casts. They have
mispronounced to many words. For the sake of good
journalism, we must step in."
Ranma was a little confused, but he know what they
meant. He's seen Finden newscasts. The did mispronounce
quite a few things. Regardless Ranma knew what he needed to
do.
"I understand your intentions Captain Nana. However
the Federation wants me to ask you to leave." Ranma told
the old man.
"NO! We will not leave until our work is done! If you
don't let us continue, we will destroy you!"
Ranma doubted that is possible. He turned to Mousse
and signaled for him to mute the transmission. Mousse
complied. Ranma turned to Shampoo.
"What are their defensive capabilities?" Ranma asked.
Shampoo looked at her terminal and grinned. "Silly men
had two Xenon Rocket Launchers on each fighter and a low
yield plasma cannon on the cruiser. That all. No match."
Ranma nodded to her. He then turned to Raye. "What do
you think?"
Raye sighed. "They're willing to die for their
beliefs. They truly think what they are doing is just."
"All right. Open channel." The speakers chirped.
"Captain Nana. We understand what you are trying to do, but
this planet is a member of the United Federation of
Planets, and you must leave it be. The Federation grants
these people certain rights, including the rights to
misarticulate. I will warn you now, if you don't leave on
your own, we will remove you by force."
Captain Nana just about blew a gasket. "Right to
misarticulate? We'll see about that!" The screen went back
to the shot of the Roy ships as Captain Nana closed the
channel.
"Great. Mousse, shields up. Shields. Not a torpedo."
Ranma ordered.
"Yes sir." Mousse replied. The shields buzzed to life.
Outside, the Roy ships assumed an attack posture. They
fired. Fourteen rockets came out of the Roy ships. Each
rocket hit the Sisko's shields, and bounced off.
Ranma didn't want to fire on the ships, but what
choice did they have? Hopefully they would get the point
after the first shot and buzz off.
"Mousse, target the third ship to the left. Fire one
torpedo." Ranma ordered. Mousse obeyed. The torpedo fired
from the Sisko. It hit the targeted Roy ship. Once the
fireball dissipated there was just a small amount of
debris.
"Captain," Mousse said. "The Roy Captain is hailing
us."
"On screen." Ranma grinned at the Roy Captain
appeared. He was white with fear.
"Captain Saotome. Our work here is done. We will be on
our way! Give the Federation our best!" The screen returned
to the external view as the ships warped towards home.
Ranma grinned. "Good work everyone. That was a job
well done-" Ranma was cut off by a frantic Mousse.
"CAPTAIN!!!" He screamed. "A SHIP! LONG RANGE SENSORS!
AHHHHH!!" Mousse was slapped very hard by Shampoo.
"STUPID MOUSSE! GET AHOLD OF SELF! WHAT WRONG?"
"A cubical shaped ship is on an intercept course at
warp 9.75."
"Cubical shaped?" Ranma looked confused.
"Err - Cube shaped." Mousse replied.
"Thank God. I was worried that the people from the
planet Dilbert were pissed again-" Ranma cut himself off
when he realized that cube shaped was much worse than
cubical shaped.
"Mousse! Can identify?" Shampoo asked.
"Yes." Mousse whimpered. "It's Kuno."
Everyone on the bridge gasped.
"Mina." Ranma said. "Time to intercept?"
"Two hours, Captain."
"Send a priority one message to Starfleet, Mousse. Let
them know what's up and request instructions."
"Shampoo have instruction. Run like hell."
Ranma nodded. "Ryouga. Set course, 1-7-5 mark 0-1-6.
Maximum warp."
Ryouga complied. "Course and speed laid in, sir."
That felt good. Ryouga just called him sir. He'd been
looking forward to this day for a very, very long time. It
made Ranma feel that he had finally won their 'battle.'
Ranma was king. King of the world!
"CAPTAIN!" Shampoo screamed.
"WHAT?! Oh yeah, Engage!" Ranma chuckled nervously.
Again with the distractions.
The ship turned about face and shot off.
"Captain," Mina spoke up. Ranma knew this was bad
news. The Ops officer rarely spoke unless spoken to unless
it was bad news. "At our current speed, the Kuno cube will
still overtake us in four hours."
Ranma hit his communicator. "Engineering! Serena, can
we get anymore speed?"
Serena got up from the terminal she was playing
computer solitaire on.
"I'll see what I can do, Captain. Engineering out."
Serena walked to the middle of engineering.
"OK PEOPLE! We need to get more speed!"
"But Commander!" One of the engineering crew
complained. "We're already going warp 9.55!"
Serena screamed. "THAT'S FAST!!" She sat back down.
"Well, the captain said we need more, so give us more!"
She was responded to with several 'yes ma'am's. She
whimpered for a bit, but then stood up. I'm going to show
that Raye, she thought. I am going to show here that I can
be a good officer. I'll show here that I am not a klutz!
Serena looked around. Which one is the engine computer?
Serena noticed that most of the crewmen were standing
around one particular station. Serena ran over to help her
crew on warp engine, but she tripped on her hair, and fell
to her face.
"WAAAAAAA!"
--
Erin Michael Winking
http://www.douglasavenue.com
ewink's FUNKDAFIED ranma 1/2 site
http://funkdafied.douglasavenue.com
Captain's log. Stardate 59999.0. We are en route to
the Finden system. Now that my crew is aboard, and
everything is flowing as smooth as I suspect it will flow -
that damned space dock incident is going to cost me around
275 thousand dollars, maybe we can deal with these pests
annoying the Findens.
Ranma takes the final sip of his coffee and groans
loudly. He continues to record in his log.
Oh, who the hell am I kidding. Being assigned this
crew makes me wonder what I could have possibly done to
piss dad off so much. I have sent him several messages, but
none of them have been answered. I even broke into his
secure line, but he didn't want to talk. I know this is an
official log, but I don't care -
BEGINNING FLASHBACK TO JUST A HOUR OR SO AGO-
Ranma slams his fist to the desk, and leans towards
his COM terminal, making sure he is getting his point
across.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T TALK NOW?" Ranma screamed.
"YOU CAN'T BE BUSY! FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHEN I OPENED THE
COMMUNICATION YOU WERE SITTING THERE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR
READING PLAYBOY!"
Genma, who was on the other end, was doing his best to
explain himself.
"Look boy. You wouldn't know what an admiral has to go
through around here. Be happy I gave you a crew at all."
"I could run this ship better by myself."
Genma turned on the offensive this time.
"You little ingrate! Show some respect to your father.
You should thank your lucky stars you have a crew! Why,
when I was a Captain I had to run back and forth from
engineering to the bridge just to make coffee! And they
didn't even have turbolifts back then!"
Ranma just scowled. His fathers attempt to reverse the
blame wasn't going to work this time.
"Ok pop. Just tell me. Why did you make Shampoo my
first officer?"
Genma got up and ran to another part of his office. We
still hear is voice.
"Computer, one glass of cold water. Five degrees
Celsius." The computer complies. Then, splash!
"BRAGGH!" Genma-Panda explains to his son, while
holding up a sign. <Sorry son! Can't talk! On my way to a
diplomatic mission!>
The screen popped up to the United Federation of
Planets logo and the phrase 'Transmission Terminated.'
"DAMN!" Ranma yells.
END OF FLASHBACK. WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR READING
Ranma set his head down on his desk. He was damn near
ready to start crying again, but a sudden feeling came over
him. It was the 'If I do well I will show the old man a
thing or two' feeling. Ranma sat up. Yes, that was how he
was going to get his dad back. He was going to get his crew
into shape and have them kicking ass by the end of the day.
Ranma stood up and walked out onto the bridge. He
noticed none of his senior officers were there. He looked
at his watch and realized that no one in the future wore
watches. He looked over a no-name's shoulder at his panel.
1825. Everyone was down in ten-forward.
He didn't want to go, but he had promised Akane. He
also thought to himself that he could use a drink. Ranma
wasn't really a drinker, but when he thought about his crew
another feeling came over him. This feeling must have been
the 'maybe if I get drunk they'll fire me and I can go back
to life guarding at the Y'. Ranma didn't much care for that
either, mainly because he had to stay in female form, but
it was a living. Besides, he met those nice village people.
Funny how he got along with them better when he was in he
male form.
Ranma nodded to himself in approval and skipped into
the turbolift.
"Deck ten." He told the computer. The lift buzzed to
life and whisked the captain to meet what might be his new
friend. A man named Jack. Jack Daniels.
? ? ? ?
In ten-forward there were a lot of people chatting
with each other. There was also music playing. Some of the
crew was near the windows dancing. Serena was one of them.
Actually, it seemed more like Serena was going into an
epileptic seizure than dancing, but whatever floats your
boat. After she knocked over the sixth crewmember, she
sulked her way over to the bar, and had a seat with Raye
and Mina.
Raye was the first to start ragging on Serena about
her dancing, if you can call it that.
"Serena." She slurred. It would appear that Raye is
drunk. "What do you call that dance you were doing up
there?"
Serena, not realizing that Raye was being sarcastic,
grinned. "I call that the 'Funky Monkey!'"
Raye laughed heartily. "I would call it the 'Help my
finger's caught in a light-bulb socket'. It sucked girl!"
Mina just shook her head as Serena started to sniffle.
"Serena, don't listen to her." Mina comforted. "She's
drunk and she doesn't know what she's saying."
Raye shook her head. "I know what I'm saying! I'm
saying that Serena sucks!"
Serena let out one of her patented bawls, as she
bolted from the bar, and out the door.
"SERENA!" Mina called after her. But, it was too late.
When she's upset that girl can really sprint.
Raye turned to Mina, and grabbed her shoulder. "Let
her go. She knows I was just giving her a hard time. She'll
get over it. She always does."
Mina was still upset with Raye, and this time her
half-assed explanations weren't going to get her out of a
lecture.
"Raye. Serena is a sensitive girl. She can't handle
criticism like you and I. I know you just think that your
giving her the riot act is all in fun, but she doesn't
understand that. I want you to apologize to her. What do
you say?"
Raye just looked Mina in her baby blues, and said, "I
have to pee. Excuse me." Raye stumbled off her seat and
headed towards the restrooms. Mina just chugged the rest of
her drink.
"Women problems, eh?" A deep voice says to Mina. She
looks up. The voice belongs to the bartender. The bartender
is a handsome man with dark hair pulled back into a
ponytail. He had a goatee and was wearing a 'Home of the
Whopper' apron over his Starfleet uniform. He didn't have
any rank pips on his collar, making Mina assume that he was
just an enlisted crewman.
Mina laughed at the remark. "Yeah, my friend Raye is
always being mean to our other friend, Serena."
The bartender laughed. "Well, I feel that they really
care for each other deep down." Mina nodded in agreement.
"But I still wish she would be nice to her. Serena is
a great girl, who's far away from home. She's just a bit
clumsy, and somewhat ditzy, and not very organized-"
The bartender cut her off. "I get the point. However I
should note that we aren't really THAT far from Earth if
you acknowledge how far away some other ships are."
Mina thought about this for a second. "You know what I
mean though."
The man nodded. He noticed Mina's empty glass.
"Another?"
Mina nodded her approval and slid her glass towards
him. He walks over and fills her up. "So what's your name?"
He asks.
"Mina. Mina Aino."
"Nice to meet you, Mina. I'm Gosnell." They shook
hands.
"Any relation to the Gosnell the ships class is named
after?"
Gosnell pondered this for a second. "You know, I've
often wondered that myself. See, I think the class was
named after a human named Gosnell. I'm not human."
"Oh? What race are you?"
"I am from a very distant planet known as Cantrell.
The Kunos destroyed my home over a thousand years ago. They
swept down and assimilated everything one in site. Lucky
for me I was gobbled up by a tornado, unrelated to the
attack, and was somehow shot into space where a old man
named Gargle Listerine saved me."
Mina was impressed. This guy was over a thousand years
old. And he survived one of those damn shooting tornados.
"So how did you end up here?"
"Well, that story is somewhat embarrassing. I bet the
captain in a poker game that if he won I would be his
bartender on his ship, and then follow him till he died, or
till I got bored. Well, he beat me. All I had were a 10,
Jack, Queen, King, and Ace of hearts. He had four sevens."
"Um, Gosnell. I hate to tell you this but you had a
royal straight flush. That beats what the captain had."
The look on Gosnell's face could have shattered glass.
He hung his head in shame. "Where were you before I signed
that two hundred year contract?" Gosnell grabbed a bottle
of vodka and downed it in one gulp.
"You going to be ok?" Mina asked.
"I am now. This stuff is STRONG!" Gosnell grinned.
It was about this time that Raye comes straggling back
to her seat. She looks up to Gosnell.
"Hit me." She says.
Gosnell shrugs and draws back, and WACK! Punches Raye
right in the jaw. Raye looks up and glares at Gosnell with
a look that could have broken Gosnell's earlier look.
"WITH A DRINK YOU MORON!" Raye screams at Gosnell.
Gosnell shrugs and grabs Mina's drink. He then throws the
contents in Raye's face.
Raye leans over the bar and grabs the now frightened
Gosnell by his collar. "I want you to put some Rum and some
Coke into a glass and then set it on the bar, right here in
front of me. If you hit me or throw another drink in my
face I will rip all your hairs out one by one and toss you
into a quantum torpedo tube and shoot you up the ass of a
Klingon elephant. Got it?"
Gosnell nods and runs off to make the drink. Raye sits
back down and wipes herself off. She notices Mina chuckling
silently.
"WHAT?!" Raye scowls.
"Nothing." Mina grins.
It was about this time when the Captain walks into
ten-forward. He glances around the room. No Akane. Just
like her. Bitch and moan and whine to get me down here, but
she's not down here herself. Well, at least Shampoo isn't
down here either.
Ranma turned and walked up to the bar. He takes a seat
next to Raye. He looks and grins.
"Counselor. Commander. How are you two?"
Raye looks at him slowly and tries to force a grin.
"I'm happy!" Raye's head then smacks the bar.
Mina turns to Ranma as well, with a more sincere grin
on her face, and doing a much better job of holding her
head up.
"I'm good Captain. Looking forward to getting to the
Finden system."
The captain smiled back at the Mina, and sent a
chuckle look to the back of Raye's head. He then looked up
at Gosnell. "Hey Gosnell. Hit me with a water. Can't get
drunk. On duty."
Gosnell grinned. "Coming right up!" He walked on over
to the replicater.
Ranma started to feel concerned about Raye. "Is she
OK?" He asked Mina.
Mina starts to answer when Gosnell walks back and
throws the Captain's water in his face. Ranma becomes
Ranma-Chan (RC).
The look on Mina's face was one of shock. Of all her
years in the Starfleet Science Corps, she had never seen a
man change into a woman. Well, she thought. Do changelings
count? Mina began to wonder about this. What if the captain
was a founder? Think of all the press coverage she'd get if
she found him out. Swarms and swarms of men would be
swooning over her. Over Mina Aino. The savior of the
federation!
Granted the war was over and the Founder's were pretty
much out of the picture, but one serving, as the captain of
Starfleet's new flagship has to be considered a big deal!
Mina stealthily looked to the captain. He was still
thinking of some swear words to use on Gosnell. This was
her chance. If she could get some blood from him, she would
be able to prove he was a changeling.
Mina started darting her eyes all over. No one in the
whole room had a medical hypospray. Gosnell having removed
the med kits earlier for some unexplained reason that made
sense in Gosnell's world. She then spied some silverware.
It appeared she was going to have to use the crude method.
Mina slowly reached across the bar and grabbed the
silverware. She decided on a steak knife. She figured that
just in case she was wrong, a steak knife would do the
least amount of damage to the captain.
RC was just coming out of the usual shock she felt
when her uniform tightened up around the chest. And the
pure thought that someone would just throw water in her
face kind of shocked her to. RC opened her mouth to start
swearing at Gosnell when she felt a poking at her arm.
She turned. Mina, having partially climbed over Raye,
was hacking at her arm with a steak knife. It was a very
dull steak knife. Mina was putting all her energy into it,
but she couldn't even get it to break the skin. The knife
blade just bent, and finally snapped off.
"AINO! What are you doing?" RC yelled.
"You're a changeling, aren't you?" Mina screamed back.
She turned to Gosnell. "Hand me that beer bottle."
Gosnell, not one to sit idly by when he could help
instigate trouble, complied. Mina took the bottle and SMASH
right over the top of RC's head. RC screamed. That hurt!
Mina also screamed when the blood from the cut she managed
to make with the bottle didn't change into changeling goo.
"Oh damn." Mina moaned.
RC gave Mina the once over. "Do that again, and watch
what happens." She warned.
Mina slithered back to her seat. She decided now she
needed to be on her best behavior. Maybe her last boyfriend
was right. Maybe she was too suspicious. Naaa. She thought.
He just said that to cover up the fact he was cheating on
me. Mina nodded her approval to that thought.
RC managed to shake off the pain of the beer bottle.
She turned to Gosnell. Gosnell wasn't sure if he should be
afraid or not.
"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" RC bellowed.
Gosnell smiled. "You said 'hit me with a water.' So,
there you go." Before Ranma could fly across the bar to
kill Gosnell, Raye turned to him, and grabbed her breast.
"Ooo! You're cute!" She said. "Well built too!"
RC screamed. She was not fond of it when her boobs
were manhandled. Except when her doctor did her physicals.
He has such soft hands.
RC started to back away. What was up with this chick?
RC tripped as she tried to escape. Raye knew what time it
was. She pounced on RC and proceeded to kiss her. Of
course, due to RC's patented bad luck, Shampoo and Akane
came into the bar at the same time from opposite sides of
the room.
"RANMA!" They both screamed.
RC was about to try and explain, but the moment she
opened her mouth, Raye slipped her tongue in. This of
course made Ranma freak out, and made Shampoo and Akane,
well, freak out in their own way.
The two women jumped onto Raye, proceeding to pound
the hell out of her. Well, Shampoo was beating Raye, while
Akane was beating Ranma. Raye, however, was not one to take
this lying down, so she fought back. This ignited a brawl
between the three women, leaving RC to be trampled on the
bottom of the dog pile.
One of the people who were dancing near the windows
saw the fight.
"FIGHT!" He screamed. This was the fuse that set off a
riot in 10-forward. Everyone in the bar started brawling
with each other. Well, almost everyone. Ryouga was just
sitting at his table. Alone. Nursing his drink.
Mina decided that she'd gotten into enough trouble for
one day, and that it would be best for her not to be
included in any of this. She vaulted over the bar and hit
the floor. She noticed Gosnell ducking behind the bar as
well, screaming into his COM panel.
"Yes, Mousse. I said RIOT! Now get your lackeys down
here now!" Gosnell closed the connection and grinned at
Mina. "I must now do my duty and try and stop this fight."
He started to stand.
Mina grabbed Gosnell's shoulder and began to object.
Gosnell placed his index finger to her lips. "Quiet child.
I will be OK." He kissed Mina on the forehead and began to
stand.
Mina sat back, in awe. The man. Gosnell. He was so
brave.
Gosnell hopped on top of the bar. "PEOPLE! PEOPLE!" He
bellowed. Everyone stopped fighting and looked at him.
"Can't we all just get along?" He pleaded. He cries
went unheard as several glasses came flying at his head.
Gosnell let out a scream that resembled a seven-year-old
girl, and dove back behind the bar. He looked to Mina, who
somewhat looked disappointed.
"Nice try." She comforted. A crewman came flying over
the bar, slammed into the wall, and slid to the floor.
The doors to 10-forward hissed open and about 50 of
Mousse's security officers came running in, all armed with
duck shaped potty trainers. The security officers
immediately went to work beating the rioters.
Ryouga was starting to get frustrated. How was he
supposed to properly wallow in self-pity with all this damn
noise? It wasn't till someone's tooth fell in is drink that
he snapped.
He hopped up onto his table.
"HEY! SHUT UP!" He screamed. It was at this time that
he received a duck shaped toilet trainer to the head.
"Ok bitches." He grumbled. "BAK-SI-KEN-TETSU!!" Ryouga
applied the breaking point to the table. As it began to
explode, he realized what a horrible mistake he had just
made. This table was glass. He screamed. "DAMN!"
? ? ? ?
Sickbay was the location most of the rioters were at.
The others were in the brig, being sobered up. Akane's
staff was busy, mostly pulling glass fragments out of
various locations.
Akane got the patient who took the most damage.
Ryouga. Normally the breaking point doesn't hurt him, but
usually he does it on rocks. Rocks will bounce off the
body. Glass on the other hand will embed it's self in a
persons skin.
Ryouga was lying face down on Akane's exam table. He
pants were pulled down to his knees. It seems that all the
large pieces of glass ended up stuck in Ryouga's butt. This
made Akane very uncomfortable. She was doing her best to
remove the fragments without looking at, well, it. His
butt.
Akane's embarrassment was nothing though. Nothing
compared to what Ryouga felt. There is no color of red to
describe what color his face was. This wasn't just because
of him being pants down in front of Akane, but also because
this was secretly a fantasy of his. Well, minus the
horribly painful glass shards.
The doors to sickbay opened. Ranma walked in. He was
all male again. He had finally managed to explain to
Shampoo what had happened. That had taken him a while, and
Shampoo was the easy one. Now time to work on Akane.
He walked up to where Akane was.
"Hi?" Akane just ignored him.
"RANMA!" Ryouga screamed. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"
Ranma looked around. He didn't see Ryouga anywhere.
Did he? He looked on the table. Yikes. Not a sight he
wanted to see. He walked around the front of the exam
table, and squatted. Yup there, with his head hanging over
the edge of the table, was Ryouga.
"Ryouga!" Ranma chirped. "You're looking well!"
"SHUT UP!" Ryouga yelled back.
Ranma chuckled and walked back to Akane. "Akane. I'm
sorry. Even though it wasn't my fault."
Akane stopped and turned to him. "It's never your
fault, is it?"
Ranma missed the sarcasticness in that. "Usually not."
Akane just shook her head. "I have work to do."
Ranma, realizing it was useless at this point to argue
further walked off, deciding the bridge is a much
friendlier place now.
He walked out the doors of sickbay and up the hallway
to the turbo lift. He hit the call button and waited. He
was mad. It's been along time since he was mad like this.
He wasn't mad at Akane, at Mina, or even at Raye. He was
mad at himself. He felt he was getting slow, even sloppy,
lately. There were times when no one could have gotten him
the way Gosnell did.
Ranma realized that he has been distracted lately.
That and he has become complacent. Ordering people to do
things for you is an easy way to get out of practice of
doing things himself.
Ranma realized that if he was going to have a chance
against the Kuno's, he was going to have to work on his
mental discipline. If he continued to get distracted it
might mean the death of him and his crew.
He really didn't know what was distracting him though.
He hoped he could figure it out before too long. It's hard
not to be distracted when you don't know why you're being
distracted in the first place.
The lift hissed open. Mina was in there. He stepped in
with her. The doors close.
"Bridge." Ranma ordered the lift.
"Computer, pause." Mina cut in.
Ranma turned to Mina.
"Captain. I'm sorry. Sorry I tried to stab you with
the knife, and sorry I hit you with a beer bottle." Mina
said shyly. It wasn't like her to be this shy, but she
really felt stupid for what she did.
"Commander, your intentions were good. Didn't do any
real damage and I heal fast." Ranma replied. He smiled at
her with the old Saotome charm, trying to lift her spirits.
Mina smiled back. The last man she hit with a beer
bottle didn't take it so well. But he deserved it. Ranma
didn't.
"Continue." Mina told the computer. She, however, was
curious. "What's up with that whole guy/girl thing?"
Ranma sighed. Just thinking about it hurt his stomach.
"You ever hear of Jusenkyo?"
Mina shook her head.
"It's a cursed springs training ground. I fell into
the spring of drowned girl. Now when ever I get hit with
cold water, I turn into a girl, and hot water reverses the
effect."
"Gotcha. Is there a cure?"
"Yes, but its in China."
"Oh I see." Mina replied. She wasn't sure why the
Captain didn't just beam down there and cure himself when
they were in orbit around Earth, but she was sure he had
his reasons.
The lift doors opened. Ranma and Mina walked onto the
bridge. First thing they saw was Shampoo and Raye choking
each other. Ranma ran over and broke up the fight.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Ranma screamed.
Shampoo grabbed a hold of Ranma. "Stupid girl try
steal Ranma!"
Raye interjected. "I did not! She's pissed for some
reason! She said I kissed her fiancée in 10-forward!"
Ranma groaned. "Shampoo. Sit. Raye, don't worry, you
didn't." Ranma felt the less Raye remembered, the better
off he'd be.
The doors hissed open again. Ryouga came walking, very
slowly, out of the turbo lift and down to his station. He
placed a pillow on his chair, and sat down extremely
slowly.
"Captain," Mina said. "We're approaching the Finden
system."
"Good, Ensign, slow to impulse, standard orbit over
Finden Three."
"Aye sir." Ryouga groaned. The ship shuddered and
slammed to a stop.
"Ryouga?" Ranma asked.
"Sorry." Ryouga responded.
"Engineering to the bridge!" Serena's voice came over
the communicator.
"Go ahead, Commander." Ranma replied.
"Tell whoever did that not to do it again. That's not
good for the clutch or the structural integrity field, or
something that has a lot of flashing red lights on it. You
know it would be a lot more useful if they'd spend as much
money on labels as they did on pointless flashing lights!"
"Already under control, Serena. Thanks. Saotome out."
Ranma stood up and walked to Ryouga. "Did you catch that?"
Ryouga scowled. "I said sorry!"
Ranma walked back to his seat. "Mousse. Do you see
anything on the sensors?"
Mousse gave the panel a good look. "No!"
Shampoo turned to him. "PUT YOUR GLASSES ON STUPID!"
Mousse slid his glasses that were on top his head over
his eyes. "Oh yeah. Eleven fighter type ships and one
battle cruiser in orbit on the other side of the planet."
Ranma groaned. "Ryouga, catch up with them and match
their orbit. Mousse, hail them."
Both officers complied. Mousse was the first to
answer. "The battle cruiser commander is hailing us."
"Ah, well on screen." Ranma answered as he stood.
On the main view screen, an older man appeared. He was
wearing a suit and tie. He had gray hair. He looked at
Ranma and started to laugh.
"You want something?" He asked.
Ranma didn't know why he was laughing. But he wanted
to know. "I am Captain Ranma Saotome of the Federation
Starship Sisko. Why are you pestering the people of
Finden?"
The man stopped laughing. "The Federation, huh? Well,
I am Roy Captain Sha'Na Nana. And this planet needs to be
taught proper articulation."
This threw the whole bridge crew off. "What?" Ranma
asked.
"We have been monitoring their news casts. They have
mispronounced to many words. For the sake of good
journalism, we must step in."
Ranma was a little confused, but he know what they
meant. He's seen Finden newscasts. The did mispronounce
quite a few things. Regardless Ranma knew what he needed to
do.
"I understand your intentions Captain Nana. However
the Federation wants me to ask you to leave." Ranma told
the old man.
"NO! We will not leave until our work is done! If you
don't let us continue, we will destroy you!"
Ranma doubted that is possible. He turned to Mousse
and signaled for him to mute the transmission. Mousse
complied. Ranma turned to Shampoo.
"What are their defensive capabilities?" Ranma asked.
Shampoo looked at her terminal and grinned. "Silly men
had two Xenon Rocket Launchers on each fighter and a low
yield plasma cannon on the cruiser. That all. No match."
Ranma nodded to her. He then turned to Raye. "What do
you think?"
Raye sighed. "They're willing to die for their
beliefs. They truly think what they are doing is just."
"All right. Open channel." The speakers chirped.
"Captain Nana. We understand what you are trying to do, but
this planet is a member of the United Federation of
Planets, and you must leave it be. The Federation grants
these people certain rights, including the rights to
misarticulate. I will warn you now, if you don't leave on
your own, we will remove you by force."
Captain Nana just about blew a gasket. "Right to
misarticulate? We'll see about that!" The screen went back
to the shot of the Roy ships as Captain Nana closed the
channel.
"Great. Mousse, shields up. Shields. Not a torpedo."
Ranma ordered.
"Yes sir." Mousse replied. The shields buzzed to life.
Outside, the Roy ships assumed an attack posture. They
fired. Fourteen rockets came out of the Roy ships. Each
rocket hit the Sisko's shields, and bounced off.
Ranma didn't want to fire on the ships, but what
choice did they have? Hopefully they would get the point
after the first shot and buzz off.
"Mousse, target the third ship to the left. Fire one
torpedo." Ranma ordered. Mousse obeyed. The torpedo fired
from the Sisko. It hit the targeted Roy ship. Once the
fireball dissipated there was just a small amount of
debris.
"Captain," Mousse said. "The Roy Captain is hailing
us."
"On screen." Ranma grinned at the Roy Captain
appeared. He was white with fear.
"Captain Saotome. Our work here is done. We will be on
our way! Give the Federation our best!" The screen returned
to the external view as the ships warped towards home.
Ranma grinned. "Good work everyone. That was a job
well done-" Ranma was cut off by a frantic Mousse.
"CAPTAIN!!!" He screamed. "A SHIP! LONG RANGE SENSORS!
AHHHHH!!" Mousse was slapped very hard by Shampoo.
"STUPID MOUSSE! GET AHOLD OF SELF! WHAT WRONG?"
"A cubical shaped ship is on an intercept course at
warp 9.75."
"Cubical shaped?" Ranma looked confused.
"Err - Cube shaped." Mousse replied.
"Thank God. I was worried that the people from the
planet Dilbert were pissed again-" Ranma cut himself off
when he realized that cube shaped was much worse than
cubical shaped.
"Mousse! Can identify?" Shampoo asked.
"Yes." Mousse whimpered. "It's Kuno."
Everyone on the bridge gasped.
"Mina." Ranma said. "Time to intercept?"
"Two hours, Captain."
"Send a priority one message to Starfleet, Mousse. Let
them know what's up and request instructions."
"Shampoo have instruction. Run like hell."
Ranma nodded. "Ryouga. Set course, 1-7-5 mark 0-1-6.
Maximum warp."
Ryouga complied. "Course and speed laid in, sir."
That felt good. Ryouga just called him sir. He'd been
looking forward to this day for a very, very long time. It
made Ranma feel that he had finally won their 'battle.'
Ranma was king. King of the world!
"CAPTAIN!" Shampoo screamed.
"WHAT?! Oh yeah, Engage!" Ranma chuckled nervously.
Again with the distractions.
The ship turned about face and shot off.
"Captain," Mina spoke up. Ranma knew this was bad
news. The Ops officer rarely spoke unless spoken to unless
it was bad news. "At our current speed, the Kuno cube will
still overtake us in four hours."
Ranma hit his communicator. "Engineering! Serena, can
we get anymore speed?"
Serena got up from the terminal she was playing
computer solitaire on.
"I'll see what I can do, Captain. Engineering out."
Serena walked to the middle of engineering.
"OK PEOPLE! We need to get more speed!"
"But Commander!" One of the engineering crew
complained. "We're already going warp 9.55!"
Serena screamed. "THAT'S FAST!!" She sat back down.
"Well, the captain said we need more, so give us more!"
She was responded to with several 'yes ma'am's. She
whimpered for a bit, but then stood up. I'm going to show
that Raye, she thought. I am going to show here that I can
be a good officer. I'll show here that I am not a klutz!
Serena looked around. Which one is the engine computer?
Serena noticed that most of the crewmen were standing
around one particular station. Serena ran over to help her
crew on warp engine, but she tripped on her hair, and fell
to her face.
"WAAAAAAA!"
--
Erin Michael Winking
http://www.douglasavenue.com
ewink's FUNKDAFIED ranma 1/2 site
http://funkdafied.douglasavenue.com