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View Full Version : [FFML] [Fanfic][Naruto] Suiren, Chapters 1 & 2...


Eimii
28th June 2006, 04:51 AM
Disclaimer: All characters portrayed (thus far) are creations and property
of Kishimoto Masashi. I claim no legal right to use them, and I am making
no money off of this piece of fanfiction. Please don't sue me.

Spoiler Warning: This story begins during the intermission between the
second and third stages of the Chuunin Exam.

....Aaaaand i think that should cover it. When i first started posting this
fic on fanfiction.net (way back in 2003 O_o;), i included few other
disclaimers that are hopefully less important now.

For instance, i felt obliged to mention that this is not a Naruto x Sasuke
or Kakashi x Iruka yaoi/slashfic, because that's _all there was_ on
fanfiction.net at the time. I also pointed out that this is a
Sakura-centric fic; this one may still carry some weight, as there are
doubtless still tons of Sakura-haters out there. This may not be for you
folks- but hey, you never know...

Continuity-wise, the first few chapters of this fic jump around a bit.
Sakura is not exactly an extreme person, so her day-to-day life would
probably be as boring for me to write as it would be for you to read ^_^;.
That said, this is actually the first _two_ chapters of story, as they're
both pretty short, and together function as a sort of binary 'prologue' to
the story proper, which begins in the next chapter: "Rain."

Now that that's all out of the way, please sit back, relax, and enjoy the
show! C&C is always welcome, so please tell me if you like the fic, hate
the fic, or have any other burning notions that you feel the need to
express after reading this. I've been writing this for so long that the
way i write has changed a bit since these early chapters, so suggessions
on how i can improve them would be great. Reader response is the bread and
butter of fanfiction authors!


P.S.: Though i'll be posting all 20 chapters of Suiren to the FFML in
preparation to post the _new_ chapter i'm working on (provided anyone here
actually reads these first few), the existing chapters are all still
available at www.fanfiction.net/~eimii... Just, so- you know... If anyone
here likes it, and wants to read more... (I can dream, can't i?)


~Eimii




If you lack Heaven, seek wisdom and be prepared.
If you lack Earth, run in the fields and seek advantages.
If you have both Heaven and Earth,
you will have success in even the most dangerous times.
These rules will guide a person though the extremes...

'Motto of the Chuunin'
-The Third Hokage



S . U . I . R . E . N



HEAVEN...



"Welcome to Yamanaka Flowers!" Ino chirped cheerfully, though her
enthusiasm faltered as her eyes lit upon the person walking in the door.
"-oh, hello Sakura." Leaning over the counter and propping her chin in her
hand, Ino dropped the perpetually sunny mask she wore for the customers
and waved lazily to the pink-haired girl. "What'cha here for today," she
asked in a more relaxed tone.

"Just another daffodil for Lee," Sakura replied companionably, pausing to
admire the botanical feast for the eyes that surrounded her. She still
couldn't understand why Ino complained about working in her father's shop;
she certainly wouldn't mind working here. Walking slowly down the aisle,
she stooped to examine the half-dozen daffodils they had in stock, looking
for the prettiest one.

The blonde nodded in understanding. "How is he doing?" she asked after a
moment, her voice dropping slightly.

Sakura could tell that Ino was thinking of their visit to the hospital a
week before, when Lee had collapsed in front of them after trying to do
push-ups. The memory brought a sad smile to her lips. "He's getting
better. He's walking around a bit now; they got him some crutches." But
they were still watching him like a hawk, though, to make sure he didn't
hurt himself.

"Oh... well, that's good," Ino replied without feeling. After an
uncomfortable pause, she piped up with another, more hopeful question that
was surely never far from her mind. "Any word from Sasuke-kun?"

"Ah- no," Sakura answered quickly, grateful for the change in subject.
"But Kakashi-sensei said he knew where Saksuke-kun was before he left. I'm
sure there's nothing to worry about..." She just wished she had more to
report; was a simple heads-up too much to ask for? They'd already been
missing for more than a week! *God damn insensitive bastards, the lot of
them! Even that moron Naruto!*

The blond boy was still in the village, but she'd barely seen him the
since the end of the second exam. He was apparently training with some
dirty old man that he'd met somewhere- like he needed any help becoming a
pervert! Still... it stung; they were all supposed to be a team, but now
they didn't even want her to help them train! They'd just left her behind,
alone. *Useless...*

If only she'd really defeated Ino! Then she'd... what? Train by herself?
Would Kakashi-sensei have found someone to help her prepare for the third
exam? He complimented her often enough about how sharp she was, but he
never really took any interest in her otherwise. He was always watching
Sasuke and Naruto though, giving them appraising looks that he never cast
her way. They were strong, and they would only become stronger, while she
seemed doomed to mediocrity.

Not feeling like sinking back into her own personal pit of self-loathing
right before she went to visit Lee, Sakura shook her head and tried to
think of something else. Glancing up at the girl who had raised the
painful subject, she gave Ino a disparaging look. "Shouldn't you be
helping Shikamaru train or something? He's got an extra match; he'll be
eaten alive if he isn't ready."

"That lazy bum?" Ino replied incredulously. "Yeah, right. I don't think
he's training at all- or at least not more than normal." She looked back
down to the fashion magazine in front of her. "Last time I asked, he said
it was too much of a hassle to get all worked up about it. I don't think
Asuma-sensei knows what to do with him."

"That sounds like Shikamaru, all right," Sakura replied, deciding on a
flower and standing up. "Could you cut this one for me?"

"Sure."

As Ino rounded the counter with a pair of shears, Sakura thought about the
slick-haired boy. She wondered how calm _she'd_ be, if she were in his
place. She'd probably be a nervous wreck. That Hidden Sand girl was
_dangerous,_ and it was no big secret that the Kagemane had a few
limitations.

Shikamaru wasn't a fool; he had to know how hard it would be to fight
Temari, which meant that he either knew something Sakura didn't, or he had
more guts than anyone gave him credit for. *Maybe he's planning to
forfeit; Shikamaru isn't too proud to back down from a fight he knows he
can't win...*

She, on the other hand... *I guess I'm not that smart; I was _so sure_ I
could win this time.* In reality, she hadn't even caught up to Ino yet. It
was more luck than anything else that had saved her from the Shintenshin.
If Naruto hadn't shouted at that very moment...

Sakura still wasn't sure what had happened then, but somehow she _knew_
that it wouldn't have worked if Naruto had never opened his big mouth.
Ino's technique was powerful. Even Asuma-sensei had been surprised when
she'd thrown it off, but since she had no clue _how_ she'd done it, so she
had no idea if she would be able to do it again.

Staring over her one-time friend's shoulder, Sakura realized with a jolt
that she wanted to fight Ino again. She didn't want to settle for 'not
losing' anymore. She wanted- she _needed_ to prove that she could win. She
needed it so much that it ached, like a gaping hole in the bottom of her
stomach. *Is this how it feels...?* she wondered detachedly, thinking of
the fire in Lee's eyes as he fought Gaara, even as is own body
disintegrated around him.

"Here you go," Ino said as she finished wrapping the flower, turning to
Sakura. "What? Do you need something else?"

"I- yes- no. It's..." Sakura mumbled, paying for and accepting the flower
in a daze. Ino was giving her a funny look; she realized she was staring,
and hastily averted her gaze.
"It's nothing."

"If you say so, crazy forehead girl," the other girl quipped, not sounding
convinced.

*DAMMIT, I'LL SHOW YOU CRAZY!* But she couldn't just challenge Ino right
there in the shop. She'd lose for sure if she wasn't prepared, and she'd
sworn to herself that she wouldn't lose anymore. What she needed was a
plan...

Ino's expression grew slightly worried when Sakura didn't rise to the
barb. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine!" the green-eyed kunoichi squeaked, thoughts shooting through
her head at a mile a minute. "Um... I'd better get going, then. See you
later!"

"Yeah, later..." Ino replied, waving as Sakura hurried toward the door.
"Say hello to Lee for me."

A parting cry of "I will!" slipped through the crack of the closing door
as it jingled shut.



Slamming the bedroom door behind her, Sakura tossed her bulging shoulder
bag onto the bed and began clearing some space on her desk. After visiting
Lee, she'd gone straight to the academy and borrowed every scroll they
would give her on mind control, mental defenses and genjutsu. There hadn't
been much at first, but eventually she'd convinced Iruka-sensei to lend
her some advanced scrolls that a genin wouldn't normally have access to.

It wouldn't be the first time she'd come to him looking for study
material. Back in the academy she had memorized every text they'd assigned
her, and then often did extra research to impress the professors. She was
probably the only genin who'd passed the first exam without cheating once,
and she hadn't done any special preparation for it. Even if she'd never
won against Ino at anything else, Haruno Sakura never lost to anyone when
it came to studying.

That was what she was counting on now. Talking with Lee about his
training- it was a subject they kept drifting back to, so anxious was he
to return to it -Sakura had realized that in some ways they were a lot
alike. Despite the fact that she could figure things out faster than most,
Sakura was no more a 'Sasuke' or a 'Neji' than he was. They were both
'hard working' types, as Lee put it, he with his body and she with her
brain.

Once she became a genin, however, it'd felt like all the studying she'd
done had been pointless; the real world was vastly different the
classroom. When they'd been ambushed them on the way to the Wave Country,
Sasuke was the only one of them who had kept his head. She and Naruto had
been paralyzed with fear at the first sign of a real fight, and while
Naruto had recovered with a vengeance, she had only fallen further behind
with time, always hiding in her teammates' shadows just like she had been
sheltered by Ino's shadow before.

Orochimaru's attack had been a rude awakening for her. Caught in the open,
unprotected, it had taken harsh words and painful choices to make her
remember who she was. She wasn't Ino's sidekick, always trailing half a
step behind, not Sasuke and Naruto's delicate princess, basking in their
triumphs and weeping at their defeats. She was Haruno Sakura, and she was
a ninja of the Hidden Leaf. A sharp mind filled with knowledge beyond her
years was her weapon of choice, and it was about time that she started
using it.

Whipping open the first scroll on her list, 'Genjutsu and the Mind,'
Sakura unrolled a blank scroll beside it and began plowing through
theory-heavy descriptions of the various ways that the mind could be
attacked, taking notes as she went. Genjutsu illusions and other types of
mind attacks weren't covered much in the academy, and while she was more
knowledgeable than most genin, that still wouldn't protect her from the
Shintenshin.

Despite the risks, Ino had shown her once that it was indeed possible to
use the Yamanaka family's 'espionage' jutsu in a fight, and Sakura was
willing to bet that her rival hadn't stopped refining her technique just
because neither of them had passed the exam. She was probably already
figuring out ways around the surprising resistance that Sakura had shown.
Sakura would face a stronger opponent when she fought Ino again, and this
time she was determined to be ready or it.

If that meant locking herself up in her room and spending every waking
moment poring over cryptic tomes, then so be it; she didn't have anything
better to do. Until the exam was finished there were no missions, and she
didn't have a day-job to worry about, unlike Ino. *At least I won't have
to worry about her chasing after Sasuke when I'm not looking.*

For a moment, Sakura's thoughts turned to darkness outside her window,
flying over the mountains and forests surrounding Konoha, searching for
any trace of her beloved Sasuke- *STAY FOCUSED, DAMMIT!* Slapping her
cheeks, Sakura took a deep breath and continued reading; it was going to
be a long, sleepless night, and probably not the last she'd have before
she was done...





S . U . I . R . E . N



Earth...



"Alright, I think you've had enough. Stay here; I'll be back."

Her breath coming in raw gasps, Sakura was too winded to reply as her
opponent backed away. Taking up a defensive stance, she waited until he'd
disappeared from sight before collapsing in a heap at the foot of the wall
he'd backed her up against. A groan escaped her lips; she could already
feel the ugly bruises she'd have on her forearms and shins tomorrow
morning. *Aaaaaaah- this is insane! How did I get into this mess...?*



"-And so Ikuto-san asked if she'd gained some weight-"

"He didn't!"

"He did!"

"Ugh- really! Of all the-"

Sakura breathed a sigh of relief as the two chatting girls passed by,
ignoring her and turning the corner. She waited until their voices faded
into the distance before lowering the minor 'anonymity' genjutsu she was
using, crouching low, ready to bolt at the first sign that someone was
coming. As she scuttled down the alleyway, her bloodshot eyes scanned the
rooftops and windows of the buildings on either side.

In front of her at the end of the alley was the village wall. If she
wanted to leave without being seen she'd have to either go over it or
creep along it to the gate and then wait for a moment of opportunity.
*Right- like the guards aren't gonna stop me. They're on high alert
already with all these foreign nins around. I should've just brought a
mask. It'd be less suspicious, and Ino _did_ say they were back in
style...*

Sakura's mother had rolled her out of bed that morning with a determined
scowl, demanding that she go outside and do something that _didn't_
involve studying scrolls for the rest of the day. Apparently, an entire
week had passed without her even noticing and her parents were starting to
worry about her health.

At first it was infuriating; she was _sure_ that she was on the verge of
deciphering a major component of the Shintenshin, and she wanted to get
back to work before her momentum faded. When she'd looked at herself in
the mirror, however, Sakura was horrified to discover that she was much
paler than normal, and dark rings had firmly engraved themselves under her
eyes. If she'd dyed her hair black she could have passed for that sickly
jounin who'd conducted the prelims.

That had clinched it. Though she didn't want to be seen in public looking
like that, it was definitely time to get some sunlight and fresh air.
Perhaps she could go for a walk in the forest; if she was lucky there
would be nobody there to see her.

Unfortunately, just getting out of the village unnoticed was proving to be
a grueling test of her abilities. She was pretty well-known around Konoha,
despite being a mediocre ninja. It was the hair; people _always_
remembered her hair. If someone saw her, Ino would know before lunch that
her 'pink-haired friend' was wandering around looking like death warmed
over, and the jig would be up. *Maybe a hat would've been better than a
mask...*

Neither one would help her when she got to the gate, though. No matter how
you looked at it, she wasn't going to become genjutsu master overnight,
and there was no way any of her flimsy, self-made genjutsu would fool an
experienced ninja who was already on the lookout for suspicious
characters. She was just going to have to bite the bullet and let them see
her... but that didn't mean she had to let anyone _else_ see her. Hadn't
there been a mask seller in the village square?

After a harrowing run down the narrow alleys and side streets of Konoha,
already starting to bustle with morning activity, Sakura arrived at her
destination. The leather-faced proprietor of the ramshackle little street
stand didn't even bat an eye at her anonymity jutsu; a lot of his
customers probably didn't like to be noticed. She quickly selected a mask
that looked sort of like a bird and pulled it on, paying silently. The
long walk back to the gate was considerably less stressful than the run to
the shop. No 'face' meant fewer details for her genjutsu to play down in
people's minds, allowing her to ease up a bit.

Unsurprisingly, the chuunin at the gate did demand that she drop her
illusion and take off the mask, but a wry grin crossed his lips as he
checked over her ID. "Not bad at all," he noted, sounding genuinely
impressed. "Don't see a lot of kids your age with the patience to learn
genjutsu."

"Really?" Sakura wondered, blushing at the compliment.

"Yeah; guess it's not as 'cool' as ninjutsu or taijutsu," the guard mused
with a chuckle. "You planning on trying for ANBU?" he guessed, nodding
toward the mask in her hands.

"ANBU? Ah- I've never really considered it," she admitted, glancing down.
It did look sort of like the ones they wore. Actually, when she thought
about it, she didn't really have any plans for the future, other than
becoming a ninja and marrying Sasuke. *DAMMIT, HE _WILL_ BE MINE!*

Noting the serious look on her face, the chuunin gave her a reassuring pat
on the shoulder. "Heh, don't sweat it. You got years ahead of you to
decide. Better get going though," he suggested, waving her through he
gate. "Anko-sama's coming this way, and she's looking at me like she
thinks I'm trying to chat you up."

Glancing over her shoulder, Sakura found none other than the second
examiner, Mitarashi Anko, was indeed coming towards them. The sadistically
cheerful look on the woman's face sent a shiver down Sakura's spine, and
she nodded a hasty 'thank you' to the chuunin before bolting out of the
gate. She didn't bother putting the mask or the genjutsu back on; she'd
come to the forest to be alone, after all.

This, of course, was why at _exactly_ that moment, who should appear but
the last person on earth that she wanted to see. "Sakura! I haven't seen
you in a while," Ino called, walking out of the forest carrying a bucket
full of flower clippings. Her expression changed to a strange mix of worry
and disdain when she saw Sakura's face. "Wow, you're a mess! Are you
okay?"

"Mind your own business, Ino Pig! I've been s- sick!" Internally, Sakura
congratulated herself on the save. If she told Ino she'd been studying,
that might lead to all sorts of risky questions.

"Really? That's too bad..." Ino commiserated, though she apparently wasn't
going to let the dig at her name slide. "Dad was thinking we needed some
publicity, so I said I'd ask you if we could rent your forehead for
advertising space. But if you aren't feeling well..."

"Grr..." Sakura had had just about enough of this conversation.
"_Actually,_ the disease has entered a highly contagious stage. You'd
better keep your distance."

Ino quirked an eyebrow, and Sakura could tell she was resisting the urge
to back away. "Oh? What do you have?"

*DAMN!* "Uuuh... Wave Country Sea Weasel Rabies," Sakura replied lamely.

"Ha! Your giant forehead powers fail you! There's no such thing!"

"Shut up! It's none of your business! What would a pig know about
diseases, anyway?"

"Hmph, fine! Don't tell me- I don't care anyway," the blonde sniffed,
turning away, but from the look on her face Sakura was sure Ino was still
thinking about it. As Sakura considered the various problems that she
might be too embarrassed to talk to Ino about, she reddened in spite
herself. She was going to say it was only insomnia when Ino's expression
suddenly cleared. "Oh, by the way, I heard Lee is getting out of the
hospital today."

"Really?" That made Sakura feel a little bit better, though somewhat
guilty that she hadn't gone to visit him recently. "Maybe we should go and
see him off."

"I thought you were 'highly contagious,'" Ino drawled sarcastically.

"Only to annoying pig girls," Sakura quipped back, crossing her arms.
"They tend to develop unsightly bruising around the hindquarters after
only short periods of exposure."

"I'll keep that in mind," the blonde replied, seeming thoroughly
unimpressed, though Sakura noticed her knuckles whiten as she gripped the
handle of the bucket. "So what's with the mask? Don't wanna show that
scary ghoul face of yours around town?"

Bingo. *SHUT IT, YOU STUPID SOW!*



When they arrived at the hospital, the medical nins were just winding down
in their explanation to Lee's parents of what he could and couldn't do.
Gai and Lee were standing off to the side, listening, though Lee seemed
altogether too frustrated by the arm-long list of 'don'ts, ' compared to
the nearly nonexistent list of 'dos.' He waved and limped over when he
noticed there were there.

"Hello Sakura-san, Ino-san!" he greeted as they met him halfway. He'd had
some of his bandages removed, and his bruising had gone down. He also
seemed slightly more hopeful now, probably because he was going home.
"You're both as beautiful as always." He apparently didn't even notice how
haggard Sakura looked, which lifted her own spirits a bit. Lee was too
nice, as always.

"Hi Lee," the pink-haired girl replied, echoed by the blonde beside her.
"So, are you ready to go back home?"

"I have never been so ready for anything in all my life! I don't ever want
to see the inside of another hospital ever again," he swore, looking
tearfully sincere. "I just wish they'd stop trying to make my parents as
bad as the doctors- other than rehab, they don't want me to do _any_
training!"

"Well, ninja training isn't all running around and stuff. You could study
ninjutsu or something," Ino suggested. For a moment, a pained look flashed
across Lee's face that had nothing to do with the casts and bandages he
wore.

Remembering that he couldn't do ninjutsu or genjutsu either, Sakura
hastily tried to think of some way to cover for her rival's slip. "Um...
maybe you could research healing techniques. The library is always getting
in all sorts of new scrolls, sometimes even from other countries; maybe
you'll find something the doctors missed?"

A silent moment passed between them, and a fire seemed to light behind
Lee's dark eyes. Wanting to fan the flames of hope, Sakura launched into
an impromptu recitation of the 'Motto of the Chuunin' that hung in the
tower at the center of the Forest of Death. "'If you lack Heaven, seek
wisdom and be prepared. If you lack Earth, run in the fields and seek
advantages. If you have both Heaven and Earth, you will have success in
even the most dangerous times. These rules will guide a person though the
extremes.' That's what the Hokage said about becoming a Chuunin, right?"

That did it. With a roar of understanding, Lee clenched his good fist in
front of him. "Ooh! Thank you Sakura-san! I should have known that if
there were anyone in the world as inspiring as Gai-sensei, it would be
you!" Turning to focus his manly, tear-filled gaze upon her alone, he
cracked what was definitely the beginnings of a patented 'Gai megawatt
smile.'

"I promise that I will definitely recover and protect you again, so please
wait for me!" That said, he then hobbled quickly after his parents, asking
them it they could stop at the library on the way home. "Goodbye
Sakura-san, Ino-san, Gai-sensei!"

"Bye Lee!" the two girls called sheepishly, waving.

"That was quick thinking, Haruno. Thank you." This came from Gai, who had
somehow appeared behind them had while they'd been watching Lee leave. The
deep worry lines crossing his face disappeared for a moment as he gave her
a smile- thankfully not the tooth-glinting 'heroic' smile that always made
her cringe, but a small, grateful one, for making his favorite student
happy.

Sakura returned the smile, looking down in embarrassment. "Oh, no problem.
I'm glad I could help."

Apparently Gai was a little more perceptive than his student, however.
"Are you feeling alright? You look a bit pale," he noted with some
concern, taking a better look at Sakura's face, then crouching down to
feel her arms. "You haven't been working out regularly, have you? Your
conditioning is slipping."

"Ah! I've gotta get going- my dad's waiting for these!" Ino blurted,
holding up the bucket and excusing herself quickly, before the
super-thick-browed jounin could take notice of her. "See you later,
Sakura! Bye Gai-sensei!"

Waving to Ino, Sakura gave Gai a confident smile to show she was alright.
"I'm fine, Gai-sensei. I've just been ill for the last week or so, but I'm
better now."

Thankfully, Gai seemed to accept this explanation at face value. "Alright
then. Take care of yourself, Haruno," he said kindly, then added with a
wink, "I wouldn't want Lee worrying himself back into the hospital, after
all. And if you need any help getting back in fighting form, just ask..."



Which brought her back to the present, lying in an exhausted pile of
aching limbs, staring up at the clear blue sky. *'...Run in the fields and
seek advantages,' huh? Maybe if I run fast enough, he won't be able catch
me...*

"What are you doing down there?" Gai wondered in an indulgent voice, his
teeth shining brilliantly as his smiling face hove into view above her.
"You aren't worn out yet, are you?"

*WHAT THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT?!*

"No- no, I was just resting my legs for a minute. Eheh..." Putting on a
fake smile of her own and suppressing a sob as her muscles lit up like
fireworks, Sakura stiffly got back to her feet. Hopelessly dusting off her
sweat-soaked clothes, she gave her tormentor a look of expectation and
dread. "So... what's next?"

Gai seemed to consider for a moment, then shook his head. "Actually, I
think I've seen enough. Your reflexes are good and your chakra control is
excellent; I'm impressed." Sakura swelled with pride for a moment, only to
deflate like a pricked balloon when he continued. "Unfortunately, your
strength and stamina are both among the worst I've seen. We have a lot of
hard work ahead of us if we're going to make a fighter out of you... But
we wouldn't want to overdo it on the first day, right?" he finished,
watching the changing expressions on her face.

"Then you'll... help me?" After that last bit, she could hardly believe
it- she hardly _wanted_ to believe, truthfully. She'd never decipher the
Shintenshin with Gai working her until she was too tired to think
straight.

"Of course! How could I refuse a request from a pretty girl who's also a
friend of my Lee?" the jounin assured her jovially, his keen perceptive
powers abandoning him for just long enough to miss the look of doom that
flashed across Sakura's face. "In fact, I was just going to get something
for you, a kind of welcome gift. Here-" Reaching under his shoulder, he
produced a small green bundle, holding it out to her.

"Oh? Really sensei, that's-" Sakura's hands paused right before her
fingers touched it. *Oh gods, no! Nonono, don't let it be that!* Eyes
widening in horror, the pink-hired kunoichi stared at the small square of
cloth like it was something unspeakable, obscene, diseased and probably
poisonous.

Gai, taking her expression for simple surprise, shoved it into her hands;
Sakura jumped like she'd been bitten. "Don't look so overwhelmed- you're
going to have to earn it! But If you give me 150% of the dedication you
showed me here today, I'll bet the chuunin have another kunoichi before
too long."

Sakura was starting to really hate that smile. She carefully unfolded the
bundle, not wanting it to be true. "S-sensei, you really shouldn't
have..." It was horrible- just the color alone made her want to wash her
hands, and the idea of actually _wearing_ that fashion disaster... she
gave an involuntary shudder. *NO WAY IN HELL! I'LL TRAIN NAKED BEFORE I
LET THAT _MONSTROSITY_ TOUCH ANOTHER INCH OF MY SKIN!*

Watching as Sakura held up the ridiculous green jumpsuit, nearly identical
to the ones he and Lee habitually wore, Gai flashed her one more blinding
grin and gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up. "Wear it with pride!"



To be continued...


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The Eternal Lost Lurker
28th June 2006, 12:50 PM
> Disclaimer: All characters portrayed (thus far) are creations and property
> of Kishimoto Masashi. I claim no legal right to use them, and I am making
> no money off of this piece of fanfiction. Please don't sue me.

[Kishimoto's Ninja Lawyers] "LAWSUIT NO JUTSU!"

> Spoiler Warning: This story begins during the intermission between the
> second and third stages of the Chuunin Exam.

Ah, while Naruto was off squeezing oil from a toad...

> Continuity-wise, the first few chapters of this fic jump around a bit.
> Sakura is not exactly an extreme person, so her day-to-day life would
> probably be as boring for me to write as it would be for you to read ^_^;.

Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that. Sometimes writing daily-life type
stuff can be a fun and relaxing exercise. ^_^

> P.S.: Though i'll be posting all 20 chapters of Suiren to the FFML in
> preparation to post the _new_ chapter i'm working on (provided anyone here
> actually reads these first few), the existing chapters are all still
> available at www.fanfiction.net/~eimii... Just, so- you know... If anyone
> here likes it, and wants to read more... (I can dream, can't i?)

Huiiii! But I'll wait for the FFML posted version, since I can give proper,
inline C&C that way :)

> S . U . I . R . E . N

Sakura Uzumaki Is Ravenously Eating Naruto?

> "Ah- no," Sakura answered quickly, grateful for the change in subject.
> "But Kakashi-sensei said he knew where Saksuke-kun was before he left. I'm
> sure there's nothing to worry about..." She just wished she had more to
> report; was a simple heads-up too much to ask for? They'd already been
> missing for more than a week! *God damn insensitive bastards, the lot of
> them! Even that moron Naruto!*

"Why do all the important men in my life either have to be busy, missing, or
crippled when I'm horny?!"

> The blond boy was still in the village, but she'd barely seen him the
> since the end of the second exam. He was apparently training with some
> dirty old man that he'd met somewhere- like he needed any help becoming a
> pervert!

Ano...slight hitch here. IIRC, Naruto actually LEFT Konoha and went to the
hot springs town a bit apart from the village to train with Ebisu, and
that's where he actually met Jiraiya. Additionally, there's no indication
that Sakura ever met or even SAW Jiraiya until MUCH later...in fact, Jiraiya
didn't even personally set foot back inside Konoha until after the whole
invasion thing.

Now, Sakura WOULD have known that Naruto ran off to train with Ebisu, so...

> If only she'd really defeated Ino! Then she'd... what? Train by herself?
> Would Kakashi-sensei have found someone to help her prepare for the third
> exam? He complimented her often enough about how sharp she was, but he
> never really took any interest in her otherwise. He was always watching
> Sasuke and Naruto though, giving them appraising looks that he never cast
> her way. They were strong, and they would only become stronger, while she
> seemed doomed to mediocrity.

Aaaah, Kakashi. What a sexist dick he is...

> It wouldn't be the first time she'd come to him looking for study
> material. Back in the academy she had memorized every text they'd assigned
> her, and then often did extra research to impress the professors. She was
> probably the only genin who'd passed the first exam without cheating once,
> and she hadn't done any special preparation for it. Even if she'd never
> won against Ino at anything else, Haruno Sakura never lost to anyone when
> it came to studying.

Unfortunately, there wasn't a whole lot of call for "study-nin"...

> That was what she was counting on now. Talking with Lee about his
> training- it was a subject they kept drifting back to, so anxious was he
> to return to it -Sakura had realized that in some ways they were a lot
> alike. Despite the fact that she could figure things out faster than most,
> Sakura was no more a 'Sasuke' or a 'Neji' than he was. They were both
> 'hard working' types, as Lee put it, he with his body and she with her
> brain.

Yep, and all the boys love that big sexy brain.

> Once she became a genin, however, it'd felt like all the studying she'd
> done had been pointless; the real world was vastly different the
> classroom. When they'd been ambushed them on the way to the Wave

Drop the 'them'...

> Orochimaru's attack had been a rude awakening for her. Caught in the open,
> unprotected, it had taken harsh words and painful choices to make her
> remember who she was. She wasn't Ino's sidekick, always trailing half a
> step behind, not Sasuke and Naruto's delicate princess, basking in their
> triumphs and weeping at their defeats. She was Haruno Sakura, and she was
> a ninja of the Hidden Leaf. A sharp mind filled with knowledge beyond her
> years was her weapon of choice, and it was about time that she started
> using it.

"Boring History Lesson No Jutsu!"

> At first it was infuriating; she was _sure_ that she was on the verge of
> deciphering a major component of the Shintenshin, and she wanted to get
> back to work before her momentum faded. When she'd looked at herself in
> the mirror, however, Sakura was horrified to discover that she was much
> paler than normal, and dark rings had firmly engraved themselves under her
> eyes. If she'd dyed her hair black she could have passed for that sickly
> jounin who'd conducted the prelims.

Eww!

> Unfortunately, just getting out of the village unnoticed was proving to be
> a grueling test of her abilities. She was pretty well-known around Konoha,
> despite being a mediocre ninja. It was the hair; people _always_
> remembered her hair.

Nah, it's the forehead.

> Noting the serious look on her face, the chuunin gave her a reassuring pat
> on the shoulder. "Heh, don't sweat it. You got years ahead of you to
> decide. Better get going though," he suggested, waving her through he
> gate. "Anko-sama's coming this way, and she's looking at me like she
> thinks I'm trying to chat you up."

And given the kind of person Anko is, she might just ENCOURAGE it.

> "Really? That's too bad..." Ino commiserated, though she apparently wasn't
> going to let the dig at her name slide. "Dad was thinking we needed some
> publicity, so I said I'd ask you if we could rent your forehead for
> advertising space. But if you aren't feeling well..."

Ouch! XD

> "Ha! Your giant forehead powers fail you! There's no such thing!"

Giant Forehead Powers! XD Oh man, I could have a field day with that one...

> "Shut up! It's none of your business! What would a pig know about
> diseases, anyway?"

Well, I suspect Ino knows a LOT about venereal diseases...

> "Really?" That made Sakura feel a little bit better, though somewhat
> guilty that she hadn't gone to visit him recently. "Maybe we should go and
> see him off."
>
> "I thought you were 'highly contagious,'" Ino drawled sarcastically.
>
> "Only to annoying pig girls," Sakura quipped back, crossing her arms.

Heh.

> "They tend to develop unsightly bruising around the hindquarters after
> only short periods of exposure."

Heh!

> When they arrived at the hospital, the medical nins were just winding down
> in their explanation to Lee's parents

What parents? :P

> That did it. With a roar of understanding, Lee clenched his good fist in
> front of him. "Ooh! Thank you Sakura-san! I should have known that if
> there were anyone in the world as inspiring as Gai-sensei, it would be
> you!" Turning to focus his manly, tear-filled gaze upon her alone, he
> cracked what was definitely the beginnings of a patented 'Gai megawatt
> smile.'

Oh dear. XD

> Apparently Gai was a little more perceptive than his student, however.
> "Are you feeling alright? You look a bit pale," he noted with some
> concern, taking a better look at Sakura's face, then crouching down to
> feel her arms. "You haven't been working out regularly, have you? Your
> conditioning is slipping."

Uh-oh.

> Which brought her back to the present, lying in an exhausted pile of
> aching limbs, staring up at the clear blue sky. *'...Run in the fields and
> seek advantages,' huh? Maybe if I run fast enough, he won't be able catch
> me...*

Wishful thinking... XD

> "Of course! How could I refuse a request from a pretty girl who's also a
> friend of my Lee?" the jounin assured her jovially, his keen perceptive
> powers abandoning him for just long enough to miss the look of doom that
> flashed across Sakura's face. "In fact, I was just going to get something
> for you, a kind of welcome gift. Here-" Reaching under his shoulder, he
> produced a small green bundle, holding it out to her.

Gaaaaah! XD~~

> Sakura was starting to really hate that smile. She carefully unfolded the
> bundle, not wanting it to be true. "S-sensei, you really shouldn't
> have..." It was horrible- just the color alone made her want to wash her
> hands, and the idea of actually _wearing_ that fashion disaster... she
> gave an involuntary shudder. *NO WAY IN HELL! I'LL TRAIN NAKED BEFORE I
> LET THAT _MONSTROSITY_ TOUCH ANOTHER INCH OF MY SKIN!*

Please do! h.h

> Watching as Sakura held up the ridiculous green jumpsuit, nearly identical
> to the ones he and Lee habitually wore, Gai flashed her one more blinding
> grin and gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up. "Wear it with pride!"

How could ANYONE have any pride after wearing that... @_@

Nice work, looking forward to more!

================================
Please do not stare at my crotch.
~~*~~
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com



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jeffery wimett
28th June 2006, 03:43 PM
>> Disclaimer: All characters portrayed (thus far) are creations and property
>> of Kishimoto Masashi. I claim no legal right to use them, and I am making
>> no money off of this piece of fanfiction. Please don't sue me.
>
> [Kishimoto's Ninja Lawyers] "LAWSUIT NO JUTSU!"

Bah, if Kishimoto had ninja lawyers, one hopes that the writers for the
current Naruto anime filler episodes would have started mysteriously
'disappearing' a long time ago...

>> Continuity-wise, the first few chapters of this fic jump around a bit.
>> Sakura is not exactly an extreme person, so her day-to-day life would
>> probably be as boring for me to write as it would be for you to read ^_^;.
>
> Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that. Sometimes writing daily-life type
> stuff can be a fun and relaxing exercise. ^_^

Perhaps... but do you _really_ want me to spend four hundred pages describing
Sakura reading books and taking notes, or repeatedly punching a tree?

>
>> S . U . I . R . E . N
>
> Sakura Uzumaki Is Ravenously Eating Naruto?

Hmm... those weren't periods on my version of the text O_o;... Uh... Sakura's
Unfortunate... dammit, there's no way to write an appropriate acronym for this
fic without an H, L, or Y...

>
>> "Ah- no," Sakura answered quickly, grateful for the change in subject.
>> "But Kakashi-sensei said he knew where Saksuke-kun was before he left. I'm
>> sure there's nothing to worry about..." She just wished she had more to
>> report; was a simple heads-up too much to ask for? They'd already been
>> missing for more than a week! *God damn insensitive bastards, the lot of
>> them! Even that moron Naruto!*
>
> "Why do all the important men in my life either have to be busy, missing, or
> crippled when I'm horny?!"

....If you keep reading this fic, remember you said this O_o;

>
>> The blond boy was still in the village, but she'd barely seen him the
>> since the end of the second exam. He was apparently training with some
>> dirty old man that he'd met somewhere- like he needed any help becoming a
>> pervert!
>
> Ano...slight hitch here. IIRC, Naruto actually LEFT Konoha and went to the
> hot springs town a bit apart from the village to train with Ebisu, and
> that's where he actually met Jiraiya. Additionally, there's no indication
> that Sakura ever met or even SAW Jiraiya until MUCH later...in fact, Jiraiya
> didn't even personally set foot back inside Konoha until after the whole
> invasion thing.
>
> Now, Sakura WOULD have known that Naruto ran off to train with Ebisu, so...

Hmm... I'll have to re-read the chapters after the exam; i don't remember them
leaving Konoha. Of course, Ebisu's very existence slipped my mind entirely as
well, so it may be true...

>
>> If only she'd really defeated Ino! Then she'd... what? Train by herself?
>> Would Kakashi-sensei have found someone to help her prepare for the third
>> exam? He complimented her often enough about how sharp she was, but he
>> never really took any interest in her otherwise. He was always watching
>> Sasuke and Naruto though, giving them appraising looks that he never cast
>> her way. They were strong, and they would only become stronger, while she
>> seemed doomed to mediocrity.
>
> Aaaah, Kakashi. What a sexist dick he is...
>

Well, perhaps he can't be blamed; with the exception of perhaps Temari, the
kunoichi in Naruto fare far worse than their male counterparts at every level
of experience. Even Tsunade is almost beaten by _Kabuto_ >_<;...

>> It wouldn't be the first time she'd come to him looking for study
>> material. Back in the academy she had memorized every text they'd assigned
>> her, and then often did extra research to impress the professors. She was
>> probably the only genin who'd passed the first exam without cheating once,
>> and she hadn't done any special preparation for it. Even if she'd never
>> won against Ino at anything else, Haruno Sakura never lost to anyone when
>> it came to studying.
>
> Unfortunately, there wasn't a whole lot of call for "study-nin"...

Hmm... there might be a use for them, actually, but that would make for a
_very_ boring story...

>
>> That was what she was counting on now. Talking with Lee about his
>> training- it was a subject they kept drifting back to, so anxious was he
>> to return to it -Sakura had realized that in some ways they were a lot
>> alike. Despite the fact that she could figure things out faster than most,
>> Sakura was no more a 'Sasuke' or a 'Neji' than he was. They were both
>> 'hard working' types, as Lee put it, he with his body and she with her
>> brain.
>
> Yep, and all the boys love that big sexy brain.

Sakura should wear glasses; that would automatically give her intelligence an
easily exploited fetish angle...


>> Orochimaru's attack had been a rude awakening for her. Caught in the open,
>> unprotected, it had taken harsh words and painful choices to make her
>> remember who she was. She wasn't Ino's sidekick, always trailing half a
>> step behind, not Sasuke and Naruto's delicate princess, basking in their
>> triumphs and weeping at their defeats. She was Haruno Sakura, and she was
>> a ninja of the Hidden Leaf. A sharp mind filled with knowledge beyond her
>> years was her weapon of choice, and it was about time that she started
>> using it.
>
> "Boring History Lesson No Jutsu!"

That's an interesting idea ^_^. Sakura _is_ a genjutsu type, according to
canon. A technique where the victim is trapped in an illusion of a
never-ending history lesson might be as terrifying as Tayuya's flesh-melting
trick...

>> Noting the serious look on her face, the chuunin gave her a reassuring pat
>> on the shoulder. "Heh, don't sweat it. You got years ahead of you to
>> decide. Better get going though," he suggested, waving her through he
>> gate. "Anko-sama's coming this way, and she's looking at me like she
>> thinks I'm trying to chat you up."
>
> And given the kind of person Anko is, she might just ENCOURAGE it.

....just... remember o_O;

>
>> "Ha! Your giant forehead powers fail you! There's no such thing!"
>
> Giant Forehead Powers! XD Oh man, I could have a field day with that one...
>

Every once in a while it works to make the characters say something _totally_
random like that ^_^...

>> "Shut up! It's none of your business! What would a pig know about
>> diseases, anyway?"
>
> Well, I suspect Ino knows a LOT about venereal diseases...
>

Eeeew... they're only 12~13! >_<;

>> When they arrived at the hospital, the medical nins were just winding down
>> in their explanation to Lee's parents
>
> What parents? :P
>

Was it mentioned somewhere that Lee is an orphan?

>> Which brought her back to the present, lying in an exhausted pile of
>> aching limbs, staring up at the clear blue sky. *'...Run in the fields and
>> seek advantages,' huh? Maybe if I run fast enough, he won't be able catch
>> me...*
>
> Wishful thinking... XD
>

There aren't whole lot of people alive who can run from the original Beautiful
Green Beast of Konoha, sadly...

>> "Of course! How could I refuse a request from a pretty girl who's also a
>> friend of my Lee?" the jounin assured her jovially, his keen perceptive
>> powers abandoning him for just long enough to miss the look of doom that
>> flashed across Sakura's face. "In fact, I was just going to get something
>> for you, a kind of welcome gift. Here-" Reaching under his shoulder, he
>> produced a small green bundle, holding it out to her.
>
> Gaaaaah! XD~~
>

About Sakura's reaction, but without the amusement ^_^;...

>> Sakura was starting to really hate that smile. She carefully unfolded the
>> bundle, not wanting it to be true. "S-sensei, you really shouldn't
>> have..." It was horrible- just the color alone made her want to wash her
>> hands, and the idea of actually _wearing_ that fashion disaster... she
>> gave an involuntary shudder. *NO WAY IN HELL! I'LL TRAIN NAKED BEFORE I
>> LET THAT _MONSTROSITY_ TOUCH ANOTHER INCH OF MY SKIN!*
>
> Please do! h.h
>

....-_-;

>> Watching as Sakura held up the ridiculous green jumpsuit, nearly identical
>> to the ones he and Lee habitually wore, Gai flashed her one more blinding
>> grin and gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up. "Wear it with pride!"
>
> How could ANYONE have any pride after wearing that... @_@

Though i'd be inclined to agree, apparently you just need to have the right
attitude... or be mentally damaged; the jury is still out on which applies to
Gai and Lee...

>
> Nice work, looking forward to more!
>

Thanks! I should have the first chapter posted within a week, once i'm
finished giving it a once-over to catch any glaring errors. I'm glad you
enjoyed it, and thanks for commenting!

~Eimii



....remember O_O;


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jeffery wimett
28th June 2006, 03:51 PM
Wow, i forgot this account forces an actual name in the sender line when you
use the web portal. Goodbye, internet anonymity >_<;...

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David Johnston
28th June 2006, 05:04 PM
Eimii wrote:

Eimii? Hm. Why do I suddenly have an urge to write a Futaba-kun
Change/Naruto fusion? Now there's a bloodline trait...

> The blond boy was still in the village, but she'd barely seen him the
> since the end of the second exam. He was apparently training with some
> dirty old man that he'd met somewhere- like he needed any help becoming a
> pervert! Still... it stung; they were all supposed to be a team, but now
> they didn't even want her to help them train! They'd just left her behind,
> alone. *Useless...*

And she'd packed her pom-poms and everything! Go Sasuke! Go Naruto!

>
> If only she'd really defeated Ino! Then she'd... what? Train by herself?

Wait, I'm confused. The first stage of the chuunin exam was the written
test, right? And the second was the forest survival test, right? So
how can this be between the second and the third?

> Watching as Sakura held up the ridiculous green jumpsuit, nearly identical
> to the ones he and Lee habitually wore, Gai flashed her one more blinding
> grin and gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up. "Wear it with pride!"

Could be worse. Could be orange. At least green doesn't clash with pink.


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The Eternal Lost Lurker
28th June 2006, 10:09 PM
> >> Disclaimer: All characters portrayed (thus far) are creations and
property
> >> of Kishimoto Masashi. I claim no legal right to use them, and I am
making
> >> no money off of this piece of fanfiction. Please don't sue me.
> >
> > [Kishimoto's Ninja Lawyers] "LAWSUIT NO JUTSU!"
>
> Bah, if Kishimoto had ninja lawyers, one hopes that the writers for the
> current Naruto anime filler episodes would have started mysteriously
> 'disappearing' a long time ago...

Aww, come on, not ALL of the filler is bad. I *love* the filler with Hinata.
Now, I agree that the Star Village filler should be excised from existence,
but...

> > Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that. Sometimes writing daily-life type
> > stuff can be a fun and relaxing exercise. ^_^
>
> Perhaps... but do you _really_ want me to spend four hundred pages
describing > Sakura reading books and taking notes, or repeatedly punching a
tree?

Four HUNDRED? No. Four, fourteen, forty? Why not. ^_^

> > "Why do all the important men in my life either have to be busy,
missing, or
> > crippled when I'm horny?!"
>
> ...If you keep reading this fic, remember you said this O_o;

That bodes ominously. I like it! XD

> > Ano...slight hitch here. IIRC, Naruto actually LEFT Konoha and went to
the
> > hot springs town a bit apart from the village to train with Ebisu, and
> > that's where he actually met Jiraiya. Additionally, there's no
indication
> > that Sakura ever met or even SAW Jiraiya until MUCH later...in fact,
Jiraiya
> > didn't even personally set foot back inside Konoha until after the whole
> > invasion thing.
> >
> > Now, Sakura WOULD have known that Naruto ran off to train with Ebisu,
so...
>
> Hmm... I'll have to re-read the chapters after the exam; i don't remember
them
> leaving Konoha. Of course, Ebisu's very existence slipped my mind entirely
as
> well, so it may be true...

There's a town near Konoha which is a hot springs resort village, and it's
THERE where Jiraiya spends about 80% of his time since he left Konoha. It's
also there where Ebisu took Naruto for training.

> > Aaaah, Kakashi. What a sexist dick he is...
>
> Well, perhaps he can't be blamed; with the exception of perhaps Temari,
the
> kunoichi in Naruto fare far worse than their male counterparts at every
level
> of experience. Even Tsunade is almost beaten by _Kabuto_ >_<;...

Kabuto is a HELL of a lot more dangerous than he looks. And, quite frankly,
I'm not entirely sure Orochimaru is the one we should be afraid of...

> > "Boring History Lesson No Jutsu!"
>
> That's an interesting idea ^_^. Sakura _is_ a genjutsu type, according to
> canon. A technique where the victim is trapped in an illusion of a
> never-ending history lesson might be as terrifying as Tayuya's
flesh-melting
> trick...

XD!


> >> Noting the serious look on her face, the chuunin gave her a reassuring
pat
> >> on the shoulder. "Heh, don't sweat it. You got years ahead of you to
> >> decide. Better get going though," he suggested, waving her through he
> >> gate. "Anko-sama's coming this way, and she's looking at me like she
> >> thinks I'm trying to chat you up."
> >
> > And given the kind of person Anko is, she might just ENCOURAGE it.
>
> ...just... remember o_O;

^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^

> >> "Shut up! It's none of your business! What would a pig know about
> >> diseases, anyway?"
> >
> > Well, I suspect Ino knows a LOT about venereal diseases...
>
> Eeeew... they're only 12~13! >_<;

And? Your point? :P

> >> When they arrived at the hospital, the medical nins were just winding
down
> >> in their explanation to Lee's parents
> >
> > What parents? :P
>
> Was it mentioned somewhere that Lee is an orphan?

Yup.

> >> gave an involuntary shudder. *NO WAY IN HELL! I'LL TRAIN NAKED BEFORE I
> >> LET THAT _MONSTROSITY_ TOUCH ANOTHER INCH OF MY SKIN!*
> >
> > Please do! h.h
>
> ...-_-;

Hey, I'm a pervert. I'm entitled.

> ...remember O_O;

"Gangbang no Jutsu!"

================================
Please do not stare at my crotch.
~~*~~
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com



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The Eternal Lost Lurker
28th June 2006, 10:11 PM
> > If only she'd really defeated Ino! Then she'd... what? Train by herself?
>
> Wait, I'm confused. The first stage of the chuunin exam was the written
> test, right? And the second was the forest survival test, right? So
> how can this be between the second and the third?

It's after the Preliminary Matches but before the Chuunin Final Exam. That
clear it up?

================================
Please do not stare at my crotch.
~~*~~
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com



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Aaron Nowack
28th June 2006, 10:55 PM
Eimii wrote:
> Disclaimer: All characters portrayed (thus far) are creations and property
> of Kishimoto Masashi. I claim no legal right to use them, and I am making
> no money off of this piece of fanfiction. Please don't sue me.

Standard C&C Disclaimer: All the below is my only occasionally useful
humble opinion, my only occasionally correct grammatical and spelling
corrections, and/or my only occasionally funny humor.

> Spoiler Warning: This story begins during the intermission between the
> second and third stages of the Chuunin Exam.

Righty-ho!

> ...Aaaaand i think that should cover it. When i first started posting this
> fic on fanfiction.net (way back in 2003 O_o;), i included few other
> disclaimers that are hopefully less important now.
>
> For instance, i felt obliged to mention that this is not a Naruto x Sasuke
> or Kakashi x Iruka yaoi/slashfic, because that's _all there was_ on
> fanfiction.net at the time.

Ew. At least things are a little better now. Though in all honesty, I
could also do without the hordes of poorly written Random Male Character
x Random Female Character "romances" littering the section now.

> I also pointed out that this is a
> Sakura-centric fic; this one may still carry some weight, as there are
> doubtless still tons of Sakura-haters out there. This may not be for you
> folks- but hey, you never know...

I think we can rest assured that I am not among them. :)

> Now that that's all out of the way, please sit back, relax, and enjoy the
> show! C&C is always welcome, so please tell me if you like the fic, hate
> the fic, or have any other burning notions that you feel the need to
> express after reading this. I've been writing this for so long that the
> way i write has changed a bit since these early chapters, so suggessions
> on how i can improve them would be great. Reader response is the bread and
> butter of fanfiction authors!

Well, I can always use an excuse to reread this story, so here goes
nothing...

> P.S.: Though i'll be posting all 20 chapters of Suiren to the FFML in
> preparation to post the _new_ chapter i'm working on (provided anyone here
> actually reads these first few), the existing chapters are all still
> available at www.fanfiction.net/~eimii... Just, so- you know... If anyone
> here likes it, and wants to read more... (I can dream, can't i?)

*salivates at the thought of a new chapter*

> "Welcome to Yamanaka Flowers!" Ino chirped cheerfully, though her
> enthusiasm faltered as her eyes lit upon the person walking in the door.
> "-oh, hello Sakura." Leaning over the counter and propping her chin in her
> hand, Ino dropped the perpetually sunny mask she wore for the customers
> and waved lazily to the pink-haired girl. "What'cha here for today," she
> asked in a more relaxed tone.

Should be a question mark after today.

> If only she'd really defeated Ino! Then she'd... what? Train by herself?
> Would Kakashi-sensei have found someone to help her prepare for the third
> exam? He complimented her often enough about how sharp she was, but he
> never really took any interest in her otherwise. He was always watching
> Sasuke and Naruto though, giving them appraising looks that he never cast
> her way. They were strong, and they would only become stronger, while she
> seemed doomed to mediocrity.

One of my favorite parts of the post-timeskip manga was Kakashi at least
sort of getting some come-uppance for his non-interest in Sakura. (It
really says something how surprised he was by her growth, considering
that _she_ wasn't the one he hadn't seen in almost three years.)

> As Ino rounded the counter with a pair of shears, Sakura thought about the
> slick-haired boy. She wondered how calm _she'd_ be, if she were in his
> place. She'd probably be a nervous wreck. That Hidden Sand girl was
> _dangerous,_ and it was no big secret that the Kagemane had a few
> limitations.

Particularly when your opponent knows to expect it.

> "I- yes- no. It's..." Sakura mumbled, paying for and accepting the flower
> in a daze. Ino was giving her a funny look; she realized she was staring,
> and hastily averted her gaze.
> "It's nothing."
>
> "If you say so, crazy forehead girl," the other girl quipped, not sounding
> convinced.

Knowing what happens later thanks to Anko, I can't help chortling at
this bit. Poor Sakura-chan.

> Slamming the bedroom door behind her, Sakura tossed her bulging shoulder
> bag onto the bed and began clearing some space on her desk. After visiting
> Lee, she'd gone straight to the academy and borrowed every scroll they
> would give her on mind control, mental defenses and genjutsu.

Missing comma after defenses.

> It wouldn't be the first time she'd come to him looking for study
> material. Back in the academy she had memorized every text they'd assigned
> her, and then often did extra research to impress the professors. She was
> probably the only genin who'd passed the first exam without cheating once,
> and she hadn't done any special preparation for it. Even if she'd never
> won against Ino at anything else, Haruno Sakura never lost to anyone when
> it came to studying.

It's too bad that Kishimoto didn't think to give her some more
opportunity to show that off usefully in canon. It wouldn't have been
hard to have her recognize some techniques from what she'd read (say
against the Rain team in the Forest of Death) and that kind of thing
could have gone a long way toward derailing the anti-Sakura bandwagon.
Ah well.

> That was what she was counting on now. Talking with Lee about his
> training- it was a subject they kept drifting back to, so anxious was he
> to return to it -Sakura had realized that in some ways they were a lot
> alike. Despite the fact that she could figure things out faster than most,
> Sakura was no more a 'Sasuke' or a 'Neji' than he was. They were both
> 'hard working' types, as Lee put it, he with his body and she with her
> brain.

From Kakashi's comments, Sakura does have an extraordinary natural
talent for chakra control, though, so she's not entirely on the 'hard
work' side of things.

There's not much evidence that she's really aware of this to any real
extent, though, so her thoughts still work.

> Once she became a genin, however, it'd felt like all the studying she'd
> done had been pointless; the real world was vastly different the
> classroom. When they'd been ambushed them on the way to the Wave Country,
> Sasuke was the only one of them who had kept his head. She and Naruto had
> been paralyzed with fear at the first sign of a real fight, and while
> Naruto had recovered with a vengeance, she had only fallen further behind
> with time, always hiding in her teammates' shadows just like she had been
> sheltered by Ino's shadow before.

Hmm. It has been a while since I watched the scene, but I seem to
recall that Sakura didn't really freeze in it - she moved to protect
Tazuna, but was just completely outclassed by the attacker and wouldn't
have been able to block his attack if Sasuke hadn't intervened.

> Orochimaru's attack had been a rude awakening for her. Caught in the open,
> unprotected, it had taken harsh words and painful choices to make her
> remember who she was. She wasn't Ino's sidekick, always trailing half a
> step behind, not Sasuke and Naruto's delicate princess, basking in their
> triumphs and weeping at their defeats. She was Haruno Sakura, and she was
> a ninja of the Hidden Leaf. A sharp mind filled with knowledge beyond her
> years was her weapon of choice, and it was about time that she started
> using it.

Shouldn't it be the Sound trio's attack that was the rude awakening?
(In a way, I suppose that was also Orochimaru's attack, though.)

> Despite the risks, Ino had shown her once that it was indeed possible to
> use the Yamanaka family's 'espionage' jutsu in a fight, and Sakura was
> willing to bet that her rival hadn't stopped refining her technique just
> because neither of them had passed the exam. She was probably already
> figuring out ways around the surprising resistance that Sakura had shown.
> Sakura would face a stronger opponent when she fought Ino again, and this
> time she was determined to be ready or it.

"ready for it"

> Neither one would help her when she got to the gate, though. No matter how
> you looked at it, she wasn't going to become genjutsu master overnight,

"become a genjutsu master"

> Unsurprisingly, the chuunin at the gate did demand that she drop her
> illusion and take off the mask, but a wry grin crossed his lips as he
> checked over her ID. "Not bad at all," he noted, sounding genuinely
> impressed. "Don't see a lot of kids your age with the patience to learn
> genjutsu."
>
> "Really?" Sakura wondered, blushing at the compliment.
>
> "Yeah; guess it's not as 'cool' as ninjutsu or taijutsu," the guard mused
> with a chuckle.

After all the build-up, it had _better_ be cool when Kishimoto finally
lets Sakura learn some genjutsu....

> *DAMN!* "Uuuh... Wave Country Sea Weasel Rabies," Sakura replied lamely.

Would be a good name for a band. </Dave Barry>

> That did it. With a roar of understanding, Lee clenched his good fist in
> front of him. "Ooh! Thank you Sakura-san! I should have known that if
> there were anyone in the world as inspiring as Gai-sensei, it would be
> you!" Turning to focus his manly, tear-filled gaze upon her alone, he
> cracked what was definitely the beginnings of a patented 'Gai megawatt
> smile.'

Hee.

> "Bye Lee!" the two girls called sheepishly, waving.

Should be a comma after bye.

> "Oh? Really sensei, that's-" Sakura's hands paused right before her
> fingers touched it. *Oh gods, no! Nonono, don't let it be that!* Eyes
> widening in horror, the pink-hired kunoichi stared at the small square of
> cloth like it was something unspeakable, obscene, diseased and probably
> poisonous.

Ah, yes. :)


> To be continued...

Comments on the next chapter to follow...

--
Aaron Nowack
"Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."
http://www.mimiru.net/

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Aaron Nowack
28th June 2006, 11:08 PM
The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:
> Aww, come on, not ALL of the filler is bad. I *love* the filler with Hinata.
> Now, I agree that the Star Village filler should be excised from existence,
> but...

Huh. Except for the wretched last episode of it, I thought the Star
Village filler was one of the better ones.

>> Well, perhaps he can't be blamed; with the exception of perhaps Temari,
> the
>> kunoichi in Naruto fare far worse than their male counterparts at every
> level
>> of experience. Even Tsunade is almost beaten by _Kabuto_ >_<;...
>
> Kabuto is a HELL of a lot more dangerous than he looks. And, quite frankly,
> I'm not entirely sure Orochimaru is the one we should be afraid of...

Also, Tsunade is under some pretty bad handicaps in that fight, what
with the whole being out of practice and having the crippling fear of
blood. And even with that, if she'd pulled out the moves she uses a
little later against Orochimaru, there doesn't seem to me any evidence
that Kabuto would have stood a chance.

>> Was it mentioned somewhere that Lee is an orphan?
>
> Yup.

You sure that isn't just fanon? I don't remember hearing anything one
way or another about Lee's family in canon, and Leafninja's character
bio (which is usually pretty accurate/complete) doesn't mention it.

--
Aaron Nowack
"Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."
http://www.mimiru.net/

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The Eternal Lost Lurker
28th June 2006, 11:29 PM
> The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:
> > Aww, come on, not ALL of the filler is bad. I *love* the filler with
Hinata.
> > Now, I agree that the Star Village filler should be excised from
existence,
> > but...
>
> Huh. Except for the wretched last episode of it, I thought the Star
> Village filler was one of the better ones.

Eh, it had the potential to be. The problem is:

1. It went on WAY TOO DAMN LONG. Seriously, SIX EPISODES?

2. The last episode of it was CRAP.

> > Kabuto is a HELL of a lot more dangerous than he looks. And, quite
frankly,
> > I'm not entirely sure Orochimaru is the one we should be afraid of...
>
> Also, Tsunade is under some pretty bad handicaps in that fight, what
> with the whole being out of practice and having the crippling fear of
> blood.

"Hey, cut me some slack! I haven't ninjaed in a while!"

"Ano...Erosennin...WHY are we makin' this bachan Hokage?"

> And even with that, if she'd pulled out the moves she uses a
> little later against Orochimaru, there doesn't seem to me any evidence
> that Kabuto would have stood a chance.

I still say Kabuto is potentially more dangerous than the Sannin and
Akatsuki COMBINED. I don't know for sure what it is, but something about him
sets off my Freaky Shit Meter.

> >> Was it mentioned somewhere that Lee is an orphan?
> >
> > Yup.
>
> You sure that isn't just fanon? I don't remember hearing anything one
> way or another about Lee's family in canon, and Leafninja's character
> bio (which is usually pretty accurate/complete) doesn't mention it.

I'm almost positive it's mentioned in the anime that he has no known family.

================================
Please do not stare at my crotch.
~~*~~
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com



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Eimii
29th June 2006, 01:10 AM
>> >> Disclaimer: All characters portrayed (thus far) are creations and
> property
>> >> of Kishimoto Masashi. I claim no legal right to use them, and I am
> making
>> >> no money off of this piece of fanfiction. Please don't sue me.
>> >
>> > [Kishimoto's Ninja Lawyers] "LAWSUIT NO JUTSU!"
>>
>> Bah, if Kishimoto had ninja lawyers, one hopes that the writers for
>> the
>> current Naruto anime filler episodes would have started mysteriously
>> 'disappearing' a long time ago...
>
> Aww, come on, not ALL of the filler is bad. I *love* the filler with
> Hinata.
> Now, I agree that the Star Village filler should be excised from
> existence,
> but...
>

I must confess that i gave up on the filler episodes early on. I haven't
seen the ones that involve Hinata...

>> > Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that. Sometimes writing daily-life
>> > type
>> > stuff can be a fun and relaxing exercise. ^_^
>>
>> Perhaps... but do you _really_ want me to spend four hundred pages
> describing > Sakura reading books and taking notes, or repeatedly
> punching a
> tree?
>
> Four HUNDRED? No. Four, fourteen, forty? Why not. ^_^
>

Hmm... well, i wanted to get to the exciting parts faster. :P

~Eimii


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Eimii
29th June 2006, 01:29 AM
> Eimii wrote:
>> For instance, i felt obliged to mention that this is not a Naruto x
>> Sasuke
>> or Kakashi x Iruka yaoi/slashfic, because that's _all there was_ on
>> fanfiction.net at the time.
>
> Ew. At least things are a little better now. Though in all honesty,
> I
> could also do without the hordes of poorly written Random Male
> Character
> x Random Female Character "romances" littering the section now.
>

I haven't read anything in the Naruto section in nearly a year, since
about the time that i got blocked on Suiren >_<;...

>> I also pointed out that this is a
>> Sakura-centric fic; this one may still carry some weight, as there
>> are
>> doubtless still tons of Sakura-haters out there. This may not be for
>> you
>> folks- but hey, you never know...
>
> I think we can rest assured that I am not among them. :)

Yay!

>> P.S.: Though i'll be posting all 20 chapters of Suiren to the FFML in
>> preparation to post the _new_ chapter i'm working on (provided anyone
>> here
>> actually reads these first few), the existing chapters are all still
>> available at www.fanfiction.net/~eimii... Just, so- you know... If
>> anyone
>> here likes it, and wants to read more... (I can dream, can't i?)
>
> *salivates at the thought of a new chapter*

I've gone through one complete rewrite of chapter 21 so far, but i think
i should have a list-ready version in less than two weeks... though i
may or may not actually _post_ it to the list then, if i haven't
finished revising and posting chapters 4-20... If you want to have a
prereader copy of it though, you're welcome to it ^_^.

>> If only she'd really defeated Ino! Then she'd... what? Train by
>> herself?
>> Would Kakashi-sensei have found someone to help her prepare for the
>> third
>> exam? He complimented her often enough about how sharp she was, but
>> he
>> never really took any interest in her otherwise. He was always
>> watching
>> Sasuke and Naruto though, giving them appraising looks that he never
>> cast
>> her way. They were strong, and they would only become stronger, while
>> she
>> seemed doomed to mediocrity.
>
> One of my favorite parts of the post-timeskip manga was Kakashi at
> least
> sort of getting some come-uppance for his non-interest in Sakura. (It
> really says something how surprised he was by her growth, considering
> that _she_ wasn't the one he hadn't seen in almost three years.)

Pity that Sakura's strength and medical training really haven't availed
her much; she's good at curing poisons, yes, and that _is_ a very useful
ability. But all of the Naruto uber-villains rely on obscene amounts of
brute force, which poor Sakura-chan is ill-equipped to handle...

>> "If you say so, crazy forehead girl," the other girl quipped, not
>> sounding
>> convinced.
>
> Knowing what happens later thanks to Anko, I can't help chortling at
> this bit. Poor Sakura-chan.

Shhh! Keep it a surprise ^_^;;...

> It's too bad that Kishimoto didn't think to give her some more
> opportunity to show that off usefully in canon. It wouldn't have been
> hard to have her recognize some techniques from what she'd read (say
> against the Rain team in the Forest of Death) and that kind of thing
> could have gone a long way toward derailing the anti-Sakura bandwagon.
> Ah well.
>

Well, Kishimoto has openly admitted that right from the start, he wanted
Sakura to be an unlikable character. Couple that with the tendency in
shounen manga for the leads to completely outshine everyone else and
it's little surprise that Sakura gets neglected...

>> That was what she was counting on now. Talking with Lee about his
>> training- it was a subject they kept drifting back to, so anxious was
>> he
>> to return to it -Sakura had realized that in some ways they were a
>> lot
>> alike. Despite the fact that she could figure things out faster than
>> most,
>> Sakura was no more a 'Sasuke' or a 'Neji' than he was. They were both
>> 'hard working' types, as Lee put it, he with his body and she with
>> her
>> brain.
>
> From Kakashi's comments, Sakura does have an extraordinary natural
> talent for chakra control, though, so she's not entirely on the 'hard
> work' side of things.
>
> There's not much evidence that she's really aware of this to any real
> extent, though, so her thoughts still work.

True; according to the Naruto character book, Sakura has greater
genjutsu ability and chakra control than any other 'true' genin heading
into the chuunin exam (this, despite the fact that she's apparently had
_no_ training whatsoever in genjutsu O_o;). Her raw chakra control at
the start of the series is roughly chuunin level already... but without
any techniques that take good advantage of this, she ends up seeming
pretty useless, since the majority of Naruto ninja battles come down to
'whoever has the biggest stick wins.'

>
>> Once she became a genin, however, it'd felt like all the studying
>> she'd
>> done had been pointless; the real world was vastly different the
>> classroom. When they'd been ambushed them on the way to the Wave
>> Country,
>> Sasuke was the only one of them who had kept his head. She and Naruto
>> had
>> been paralyzed with fear at the first sign of a real fight, and while
>> Naruto had recovered with a vengeance, she had only fallen further
>> behind
>> with time, always hiding in her teammates' shadows just like she had
>> been
>> sheltered by Ino's shadow before.
>
> Hmm. It has been a while since I watched the scene, but I seem to
> recall that Sakura didn't really freeze in it - she moved to protect
> Tazuna, but was just completely outclassed by the attacker and
> wouldn't
> have been able to block his attack if Sasuke hadn't intervened.

Will look into that; really need to re-read the early manga.

>
>> Orochimaru's attack had been a rude awakening for her. Caught in the
>> open,
>> unprotected, it had taken harsh words and painful choices to make her
>> remember who she was. She wasn't Ino's sidekick, always trailing half
>> a
>> step behind, not Sasuke and Naruto's delicate princess, basking in
>> their
>> triumphs and weeping at their defeats. She was Haruno Sakura, and she
>> was
>> a ninja of the Hidden Leaf. A sharp mind filled with knowledge beyond
>> her
>> years was her weapon of choice, and it was about time that she
>> started
>> using it.
>
> Shouldn't it be the Sound trio's attack that was the rude awakening?
> (In a way, I suppose that was also Orochimaru's attack, though.)
>

Well, orochimaru kicked it all off when he attacked them. Naruto and
Sasuke could at least do _something_, but Sakura was totally helpless.

>> Unsurprisingly, the chuunin at the gate did demand that she drop her
>> illusion and take off the mask, but a wry grin crossed his lips as he
>> checked over her ID. "Not bad at all," he noted, sounding genuinely
>> impressed. "Don't see a lot of kids your age with the patience to
>> learn
>> genjutsu."
>>
>> "Really?" Sakura wondered, blushing at the compliment.
>>
>> "Yeah; guess it's not as 'cool' as ninjutsu or taijutsu," the guard
>> mused
>> with a chuckle.
>
> After all the build-up, it had _better_ be cool when Kishimoto finally
> lets Sakura learn some genjutsu....
>

Given how stupid a lot of the current techniques he's coming up with
are, i'm not gonna hold my breath ^_^;...

~Eimii


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Eimii
29th June 2006, 01:34 AM
>> > Kabuto is a HELL of a lot more dangerous than he looks. And, quite
> frankly,
>> > I'm not entirely sure Orochimaru is the one we should be afraid
>> > of...
>>
>> Also, Tsunade is under some pretty bad handicaps in that fight, what
>> with the whole being out of practice and having the crippling fear of
>> blood.
>
> "Hey, cut me some slack! I haven't ninjaed in a while!"
>
> "Ano...Erosennin...WHY are we makin' this bachan Hokage?"
>

"Because otherwise they'll make _me_ become the Hokage."

"You?! But even I can beat you!"

"That time doesn't count, boy."

>> And even with that, if she'd pulled out the moves she uses a
>> little later against Orochimaru, there doesn't seem to me any
>> evidence
>> that Kabuto would have stood a chance.
>
> I still say Kabuto is potentially more dangerous than the Sannin and
> Akatsuki COMBINED. I don't know for sure what it is, but something
> about him
> sets off my Freaky Shit Meter.
>

Hmmm... i don't know about all that, but Kabuto _is_ intriguing. His
loyalties are very, very questionable, and he hides quite a bit from
Orochimaru, if he can manage it...

>> >> Was it mentioned somewhere that Lee is an orphan?
>> >
>> > Yup.
>>
>> You sure that isn't just fanon? I don't remember hearing anything
>> one
>> way or another about Lee's family in canon, and Leafninja's character
>> bio (which is usually pretty accurate/complete) doesn't mention it.
>
> I'm almost positive it's mentioned in the anime that he has no known
> family.
>

I tend to go by the manga more than the anime, and i don't remember it
being mentioned in the manga that he was an orphan. Hmm...

~Eimii


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The Eternal Lost Lurker
29th June 2006, 12:50 PM
> > Aww, come on, not ALL of the filler is bad. I *love* the filler with
> > Hinata.
> > Now, I agree that the Star Village filler should be excised from
> > existence,
> > but...
>
> I must confess that i gave up on the filler episodes early on. I haven't
> seen the ones that involve Hinata...

Go watch episodes 151 and 190 then. :)

> > Four HUNDRED? No. Four, fourteen, forty? Why not. ^_^
>
> Hmm... well, i wanted to get to the exciting parts faster. :P

Okay, I'll buy that excuse. ^_^

================================
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~~*~~
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com



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