[FFML] [Ranma] The Exile's Crime

[Cute Neko Hibiki]

"Ranma." said Genma Saotome in a grave voice. "Do you repent of this
crime?"

"No." said Ranma.

Genma got a sad look and said "I see. Then I have no choice." He turned
to Happosai and said "Master, you may do with him as you wish."

Happosai nodded and said "Ranma. You stand accused. How do you plead
now?"

"Guilty, and unrepentant." said Ranma.

"Then you leave me no choice." said Happosai. "By my authority I cast
you out of the Saotome family, the Tendo family, and Japan. You have three
weeks to leave Japan, if you are still here you will be killed."

Ranma nodded, gathered his things, and left.

***

"I've been exiled." Ranma told them.

"I see. There is nothing we can do. I'm sorry Ranma." she said.

"Don't be sorry. It was my decision to do this. I will never repent of
my loyalty." said Ranma.

"Yet your loyalty to me has cost you so much." she said.

"You're worth it my Goddess." said Ranma.

"But they have exiled you because you chose to worship me." she said.

"I will never stop worshipping you my Goddess." said Ranma.

"I feel responsible." she said.

"I knew what would happen when I told them I have decided to worship
only forever you." said Ranma.

"I will reward you well for your loyalty Ranma." she said.

"I need no reward, only your love." said Ranma.

"You will always have that my priest. Go and spread my name among the
other nations. I will always be with you, watching over you and protecting
you, forever loving you." she said.

"I will go at once dear Belldandy-sama." said Ranma.

The End




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[McClown]

WTF is this? Are you trying to share ideas with the list or get baned?
It didn't even make any sense at all!

On 6/27/06, Cute Neko Hibiki <wbanks (AT) jam (DOT) rr.com> wrote:
>
>
> "Ranma." said Genma Saotome in a grave voice. "Do you repent of this
> crime?"
>
> "No." said Ranma.
>
> Genma got a sad look and said "I see. Then I have no choice." He
> turned
> to Happosai and said "Master, you may do with him as you wish."
>
> Happosai nodded and said "Ranma. You stand accused. How do you plead
> now?"
>
> "Guilty, and unrepentant." said Ranma.
>
> "Then you leave me no choice." said Happosai. "By my authority I cast
> you out of the Saotome family, the Tendo family, and Japan. You have three
> weeks to leave Japan, if you are still here you will be killed."
>
> Ranma nodded, gathered his things, and left.
>
> ***
>
> "I've been exiled." Ranma told them.
>
> "I see. There is nothing we can do. I'm sorry Ranma." she said.
>
> "Don't be sorry. It was my decision to do this. I will never repent of
> my loyalty." said Ranma.
>
> "Yet your loyalty to me has cost you so much." she said.
>
> "You're worth it my Goddess." said Ranma.
>
> "But they have exiled you because you chose to worship me." she said.
>
> "I will never stop worshipping you my Goddess." said Ranma.
>
> "I feel responsible." she said.
>
> "I knew what would happen when I told them I have decided to worship
> only forever you." said Ranma.
>
> "I will reward you well for your loyalty Ranma." she said.
>
> "I need no reward, only your love." said Ranma.
>
> "You will always have that my priest. Go and spread my name among the
> other nations. I will always be with you, watching over you and protecting
> you, forever loving you." she said.
>
> "I will go at once dear Belldandy-sama." said Ranma.
>
> The End
>
>
>
>
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>
>



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[The Eternal Lost Lurker]

For the love of all that's holy, make it STOP...

*bangs head on desk*

Two of these in less than 24 hours is more than any man can reasonably be
expected to take...

(Has anyone noticed that the more the FFML collectively bitches about CKK's
"fanfics", the more frequently they appear? I once again submit this as
evidence to the admins that CKK could probably be classified as a troll...)

================================
Please do not stare at my crotch.
~~*~~
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com



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[Andrew Petalik]

Interesting... this story had a bit of flow to it.

I have a questions though.

Why would Happousai care if Ranma worshipped a goddess. Happousai would
actually enjoy having another pretty girl around to grope.
Now, if you were to have Beldandy curse Happousai in some really bad
way, that may get him to exile Ranma.

I can see Happousai sentencing Ranma to death... but it would also be
interesting to see them fight it out. Ranma does not tend to accept
commands from Happousai.

This idea has possibility... but requires a bit more thought. Also
requires more meat on the bones.

--
___________
/ Here lies:\ Ryougasai... the eternal lost hentai.
| Andrew |
| |
| I think | Andrew Petalik
| he's hungry | Opportunity knocks but rarely. Don't let it
| | slip between your fingers when it does.


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[Lawrence Chu]

The question here is...what's the point?

1. Ranma gets "tried" before his family and school for something.
2. Apparently, that something is becoming a Belldandy-follower.

Those two sentences more or less carry the same emotional impact as the
story you wrote, only condensed into two sentences. Is your story
supposed to be funny? Sad? Those being more or less the only emotions I
could assume you were trying to invoke.

Given how sparse the writing is, it's no wonder there's no impact, no
character development. This is, as was said of the last thing you threw
across, an idea waiting to be turned into a fic.

How quickly do you toss these things out, anyway? Are they just
spur-of-the-moment things that you whip up in half an hour and hit 'send'
immediately upon typing 'The End' (figuratively or otherwise)? Haven't
you heard of letting something sit and rereading it before you send it
out? Or pre-planning, even? Outlining?

So, yeah, there's my attempt at non-flamey advice. Lemme know how I'm doing.

Lawrence


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[Cute Neko Hibiki]

----- Original Message -----
From: "Lawrence Chu" <lawrence (AT) sandwich (DOT) net>
To: "Cute Neko Hibiki" <wbanks (AT) jam (DOT) rr.com>
Cc: "FFML" <ffml (AT) anifics (DOT) com>
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 11:53 AM
Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma] The Exile's Crime


> The question here is...what's the point?

Oops. I forgot to put the disclaimer and an notes. They would have ansered
some questions there.

> 1. Ranma gets "tried" before his family and school for something.
> 2. Apparently, that something is becoming a Belldandy-follower.
>
> Those two sentences more or less carry the same emotional impact as the
> story you wrote, only condensed into two sentences. Is your story
> supposed to be funny? Sad? Those being more or less the only emotions I
> could assume you were trying to invoke.
>
> Given how sparse the writing is, it's no wonder there's no impact, no
> character development. This is, as was said of the last thing you threw
> across, an idea waiting to be turned into a fic.
>
> How quickly do you toss these things out, anyway? Are they just
> spur-of-the-moment things that you whip up in half an hour and hit 'send'
> immediately upon typing 'The End'

Yep.

> (figuratively or otherwise)? Haven't
> you heard of letting something sit and rereading it before you send it
> out? Or pre-planning, even? Outlining?
>
> So, yeah, there's my attempt at non-flamey advice. Lemme know how I'm
> doing.

Some good advice.

> Lawrence




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[Cute Neko Hibiki]

----- Original Message -----
From: "Cute Neko Hibiki" <wbanks (AT) jam (DOT) rr.com>
To: "FFML" <ffml (AT) anifics (DOT) com>
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 11:20 AM
Subject: [FFML] [Ranma] The Exile's Crime

Disclaimer : I do own Ranma 1/2, Oh My Goddess, or the Godswar paperbacks.

Summary : It is a time or turmoil in the world as Kami-sama has died and the
Gods and Goddesses are competing to see who will be the new ruler of heaven.
Most of Japan has thrown their belief behind Amaertasu. But some have not,
who do they follow now?

AN : This is a fusion of Ranma 1/2, Oh My Goddess, and the Godswar
paperbacks. The universe is AU. And Happosai is the Immortal Emperor here.



The Exile's Crime

by

Cute Neko Hibiki






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[Cute Neko Hibiki]

----- Original Message -----
From: "Cute Neko Hibiki" <wbanks (AT) jam (DOT) rr.com>
To: "FFML" <ffml (AT) anifics (DOT) com>
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 12:19 PM
Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma] The Exile's Crime


>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Cute Neko Hibiki" <wbanks (AT) jam (DOT) rr.com>
> To: "FFML" <ffml (AT) anifics (DOT) com>
> Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 11:20 AM
> Subject: [FFML] [Ranma] The Exile's Crime
>
> Disclaimer : I do own Ranma 1/2, Oh My Goddess, or the Godswar paperbacks.

Typo : do not own

> Summary : It is a time or turmoil in the world as Kami-sama has died and
> the
> Gods and Goddesses are competing to see who will be the new ruler of
> heaven.
> Most of Japan has thrown their belief behind Amaertasu. But some have not,
> who do they follow now?
>
> AN : This is a fusion of Ranma 1/2, Oh My Goddess, and the Godswar
> paperbacks. The universe is AU. And Happosai is the Immortal Emperor here.
>
>
>
> The Exile's Crime
>
> by
>
> Cute Neko Hibiki




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[Catseye]

*cough* You may want to change the disclaimer to this:
Disclaimer : I do "NOT" own Ranma 1/2, Oh My Goddess, or the Godswar
paperbacks.
Notice the not that I have added... that aside you are quite correct the the
AN did help with understanding this spamfic...
That aside though it would help if you structured your writing better... I
once wrote a spamfic ( a really long time ago) about how Genma decided forgo
the nekoken and use an even deadlier psychosis enducing training... the
"HokeypokeyKen".

Not sure if someone still has it but it is my personal feelings on how the
Hokeypokey should be declared a "Weapon of Mass Destruction."

.... Well... I gots to go now...
Bye!


On 6/27/06, Cute Neko Hibiki <wbanks (AT) jam (DOT) rr.com> wrote:
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Cute Neko Hibiki" <wbanks (AT) jam (DOT) rr.com>
> To: "FFML" <ffml (AT) anifics (DOT) com>
> Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 11:20 AM
> Subject: [FFML] [Ranma] The Exile's Crime
>
> Disclaimer : I do own Ranma 1/2, Oh My Goddess, or the Godswar paperbacks.
>
> Summary : It is a time or turmoil in the world as Kami-sama has died and
> the
> Gods and Goddesses are competing to see who will be the new ruler of
> heaven.
> Most of Japan has thrown their belief behind Amaertasu. But some have not,
> who do they follow now?
>
> AN : This is a fusion of Ranma 1/2, Oh My Goddess, and the Godswar
> paperbacks. The universe is AU. And Happosai is the Immortal Emperor here.
>
>
>
> The Exile's Crime
>
> by
>
> Cute Neko Hibiki
>
>
>
>
>
>
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> | Administrators - ffml-admins (AT) anifics (DOT) com |
> | Unsubscribing - ffml-request (AT) anifics (DOT) com |
> | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject |
> `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'
>
>



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[Lawrence Chu]

Cute Neko Hibiki wrote:

>> The question here is...what's the point?
>
> Oops. I forgot to put the disclaimer and an notes. They would have ansered
> some questions there.

Cute Neko Hibiki wrote, in the summary and Author's Notes:
> Summary : It is a time or turmoil in the world as Kami-sama has died
> and the Gods and Goddesses are competing to see who will be the new
> ruler of heaven. Most of Japan has thrown their belief behind
> Amaertasu. But some have not, who do they follow now?

> AN : This is a fusion of Ranma 1/2, Oh My Goddess, and the Godswar
> paperbacks. The universe is AU. And Happosai is the Immortal Emperor
> here.

First of all, wow. Just...wow.

Second of all, one shouldn't have to go through author's notes and
summary to understand the concept of a fic. The fic should stand as a
work by itself.

>> How quickly do you toss these things out, anyway? Are they just
>> spur-of-the-moment things that you whip up in half an hour and hit 'send'
>> immediately upon typing 'The End'
>
> Yep.

My point here being, DON'T DO THAT. If you're going to submit something
to the ML, think it through before submission! Especially if it's going
to be a long, epic-type thing, have at least major parts planned. Keep
in mind that you'll probably have to do some tweaking down the line to
some of that, but at least you'll have an idea as to what you're working
toward.


Lawrence

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