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View Full Version : [FFML] [Ranma/Love Hina/Goldenboy] Chapter 14


Brian Randall
19th March 2006, 04:50 AM
For Keitaro, time seemed to have stopped almost entirely. In the
pocket of the abstract world that had consumed the area around him, no
physical substance could move. Only energy was free to shift about.

The blazing fire wavered and flickered, snapped and danced, all
beneath a frozen cloud of smoke. The fire fighters and their
equipment were stuck in place, unmoving, yet their voices continued to
shout orders.

In this dimension of frozen time, Ranma's aura remained flared,
flickering at a slower pace than the rabidly leaping flames. But most
of that aura wasn't around Ranma, it was a leaping, oddly shaped lump
of energy that was sliding across a silver, five-pointed wire
connecting him to someone hidden behind a screen of flame.

This odd lump soared through the air, energy free to move in the
matter-frozen world it was passing through. The flames drew back as
it approached them, and then it vanished into the house.

With a slow, ponderous creak, the house began to move, infringing on
what was an energy-only right, until everything else began to move
too. The firefighters slowly unwound themselves from a standstill, to
slow motion, to frenzied activity, spraying water across the flames.

The flames which now consumed the entirety of the building,
collapsing into a pile of blazing timber and ash.

"Mutsumi," Ranma choked, just before he fell limp, and the
five-pointed wire of light snapped, recoiling into the ruins of the
house.

A second later, leaping through a small gap in the still-collapsing
building, Mutsumi flew free of the flame, wreathed in an aura of cold
blue fire.

"Oh, my," she said as she landed next to Ranma. "That was unexpected!"

--------------------------------------
Diamonds in the Rough -- Chapter Fourteen -- Revelations and Leave-takings

Disclaimer: Paints in this story are from Rumiko Takahashi, Viz
(Ranma 1/2), TV Tokyo and Ken Akamatsu (Love Hina), and Tatsuya Egawa
(Goldenboy). The easel is mine. That's all.
--------------------------------------

... noise from outside? What was it that had brought her-

"Ranma!"

The thoughts died a swift death. "I can explain everythin-"

"No," the girl said, her voice cold, eyes filled with raw hurt and
anger. "You can't, Ranma. Get out."

"But-"

"Get out!" she screamed, stepping away from him, while another figure
stepped forward, his long black hair dripping in the cold rain, just
as much anger visible in his gaze.

"This is too much, Ranma," he said, growling. "Leave -- now."

"I...." But they had no reason to listen. Not bothering to face
either of them any longer, and unable to bear the sight of....

***

Mutsumi blinked her eyes a few times to completely wake up, and
stared at the ceiling. "How odd," she mused, sitting up. "I don't
think that was my dream at all."

"Mmmm?" Naru noised, waking, and struggling to sit upright on her own
pallet. "What's going on?" she asked, rubbing the sleep from her
eyes.

Mutsumi's eyes surveyed the room until they discovered a clock.
"This is a good time to wake up," she decided. "Why did I stay at
your place, Naru-chan?"

"Your place burned to the ground," Naru said. "Ugh. As long as
we're awake at this hour, let's go take a bath."

"Okay." Mutsumi climbed to her feet, noticing she was wearing a pair
of Naru's old pajamas. Loosening the top button relieved some of the
uncomfortable tightness across her chest. "Naru-chan?"

"Hmm?" Naru asked, grabbing a spare change of clothes.

"Have you ever had someone else's dream?"

The younger girl snorted, leading the way out the hall and towards
the bath. "If you mean 'have I spent more than a year of my life
trying to help someone else realize his own dream', then yes."

"Well, I meant more in the sense of someone throwing a ball of their
own life energy at you to help you save yourself from a roaring
inferno, and accidentally bringing a few of their memories with it,
but I suppose that will do," Mutsumi said softly.

This caused Naru to halt in the act of opening the door and turn to
look at Mutsumi speculatively. "You had Oe's dream?" she asked
quietly.

"Oooh, was it naughty?" Mitsune asked, seeming to spring from
nowhere, one hand holding an icepack on her head, the other steadying
herself against a wall. "Was it about me?"

"No, I don't think it was naughty," Mutsumi said quietly. "But it
may have been private."

"Or just a dream," Naru reasoned, turning about and opening the door
the rest of the way.

Nothing else was said until everyone was soaking in the baths,
Mutsumi's one remaining change of clothes already running through the
dryer as Shinobu had valiantly finished bathing much earlier, just to
tend to such things. The smells from the kitchen suggested she was
still keeping herself busy for when everyone finished their baths, as
well.

"So," Mitsune said, sighing a bit as the pain of her hangover began
to subside. "What did you dream about?"

"A dojo," Mutsumi said slowly. "I think. It was hard to tell.
There was a girl there, too. I think she meant a lot to Ranma-kun ...
an awful lot."

"Ah, his former wife?" Motoko asked, having joined them in the bath
after Mitsune.

"No.... She was different. I remember the picture of his wife. And
not Ukyou-kun, either," Mutsumi said thoughtfully. "Hmm."

"Well, he did mention that there were three girls," Mitsune reasoned.
"Maybe that was the one we've never really heard of?"

"I suppose that must be it, then," Mutsumi decided.

"Anyway. What were they doing in the dream?" Naru asked curiously.

"And was it naughty?" Mitsune added.

Mutsumi shook her head, smiling. "I think that it's not something
Ranma-kun would like us to talk about," she decided. "It's probably
very private."

"So it _was_ naughty," Mitsune decided aloud, crossing her arms
beneath her chest. "After all this time."

Naru rolled her eyes. "Anyway. That aside, we should get out and
let the boys clean up."

"Ah, that reminds me. I need to ask Haruka that question," Motoko
piped up, climbing out of the bath.

"Shoot," Mitsune grumped, when Mutsumi didn't go for the bait.
"Well, hopefully he'll tell us what happened when he's good and ready
.... still one girl we haven't heard about."

"Some of us have better things to do with our time than chase dreams,
Kitsune," Naru commented wryly.

***

"Ahh ... a new year, and I feel refreshed," Keitaro mused, reclining
against a rock and sighing happily.

"I'm alive," Ranma groaned. "I think that's as close as I'm going to
get today."

"Ah ... yes." Keitaro frowned thoughtfully, and looked at the
martial artist, his eyes sleepily half-closed, and crouched into the
water up to his neck. "So ... what exactly happened, last night?"

"There was a fire."

Eyeing Ranma, Keitaro deepened his frown. "Well, yeah. I saw that.
I was asking about that ... how you ... Mutsumi.... What exactly is
'good girl's exercise', anyway?"

Ranma's stony gaze, beneath those half-lidded eyes, remained fixed on
a point in the water. "It's very complicated," he said at length. "I
don't think you would understand."

Keitaro sighed, settling deeper into the water, as Tamago drifted past him.

After a moment of silence, broken by Shinobu calling everyone to
breakfast in the distance, Keitaro hazarded, "You don't know, do you?"

"I don't even have a clue," Ranma admitted, shaking his head.

***

Shinobu pressed her hands together, allowing the extra warmth picked
up from moving the plates of hot food to the table to pass through
from one hand to the other, and surveyed her handiwork. There was a
spot for everyone to sit at the table. Some time ago -- probably it
was in November, she supposed -- she'd asked Ranma and Keitaro to
widen the table, and insert the removable leaf that was nominally kept
in one of the closets.

Usually it only needed to be done once or twice in a year, she
reflected. Before Keitaro had moved in, Grandmother Hina had only
needed it put in for the New Year's party. After she had left, it had
been used on occasions when Haitani and Shirai came over, though those
were rare.

With Ranma being added to the household, and Sarah spending more time
at the inn than the teashop, the leaf had been called on more often
than not, until Shinobu had finally decided to just leave the thing in
place.

This was important because it gave her enough room to set a place at
the table for everyone, and still fit Haruka, Sarah, and Seta, if he
happened to pop in.

There was no sign of the archaeologist at the moment, but with
Mutsumi staying over, the extra space came in handy. The dishes were
set just so, everything was warm ... and for some reason, no one was
in the dining room to eat it.

Cold food wouldn't do. Raising her voice to what she considered a
shout, she called, "Breakfast is ready."

She imagined it wasn't very loud, and thought about just going around
and collecting everyone for the morning meal in person, but after her
call, Mitsune trudged in, followed immediately by Motoko. "Thanks for
keeping it down," Mitsune said, smiling, and wincing slightly. "Ugh.
Bright. Smells good, Shinobu-chan."

Motoko said nothing, merely smirking at Mitsune's alcohol-induced
suffering, and taking a seat. "Ah," she said suddenly, reaching into
a pocket and producing an envelope.

"Oooh, you got dirt on someone?" Mitsune asked, taking a seat near
the kendoka and trying to read over her shoulder.

"Perhaps," Motoko replied, tucking the envelope back away and
shooting Mitsune a reproving look.

"Aw, no one's letting me get any juicy gossip. It's a good thing
that stuff blows up around here all the time, or I'd start getting
bored," she grumped.

As if on cue, there was a low, earth-shaking rumble, and Suu
re-entered the inn from the side-door. "Good morning," Shinobu
greeted the girl.

"Morning," Suu replied, somewhat less than her usually chipper self.

Taking a bite of the omelet on her plate, Mitsune asked, "Something
wrong, Suu?"

"My experimental Tama-seeking rocket violated the Hinata-Sou
non-aggression treaty," the girl replied dourly. "It had to be
destroyed."

Haruka entered at that moment, from the same door Suu had used.
"Sorry, Suu-chan," she said, shrugging and trying to smile
comfortingly around her cigarette. "It's just that a lot of effort
has been put into this place, and it'd be a pity to put Keitaro and
Ranma to work fixing it up again."

"Well, I can still study them," Suu reluctantly agreed, forgetting
what had upset her and turning to her own breakfast.

The others trooped into the room then, filing to seats around the
table. Shinobu nodded approvingly, taking her place at the head of
the table, nearest to the kitchen should anyone need something not
already set out. To her left were Naru, Keitaro, Suu, Sarah, and
then, sitting opposite her, Haruka. To her right were Mutsumi, Ranma,
Mitsune, and Motoko.

"This is really good," Ranma said, eating his meal slowly.

This garnered a few odd looks. "Hmm ... energy output has dropped,"
Suu commented, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.

"I'm feeling a bit drained," Ranma deadpanned. "But, thank you for
letting me stay here last night. I'm sorry about imposing."

"Your speech about walking away was very noble," Keitaro opined,
nodding encouragement.

"Your inability to blink under your own power was less than
convincing, however," Motoko noted, producing the envelope from her
pocket again. "Also, last night, while you were dealing with the
fire, I was distracted by your 'gift'."

"Ah," Ranma said, edging slightly closer to Mutsumi, and away from
Motoko. Mitsune realized her point as the buffer between Ranma and
Motoko and leaned back thoughtfully, shooting curious looks both ways.
"Well. It was what you wanted, right?"

"I considered your speech to me the last time we trained, as well,"
Motoko added. "So I will not beat you, as I'm sure I could in your
weakened state, for your lack of common sense."

"Ugh," Ranma mumbled, hunching over and shrinking in on himself.

"Well, Motoko has to observe the Hinata-Sou non-aggression treaty,
too," Suu reasoned, nodding.

"I think it's more a mutually assured destruction pact, Suu," Mitsune
interjected.

Shaking her head, Shinobu realized that her carefully crafted
pseudo-family get-together was being treated roughly, and asked, "Um,
what's this about?"

"If it's a bad present, he didn't mean it," Keitaro added helpfully,
addressing Motoko. "I mean, you're hard to shop for."

This drew all eyes from Ranma and turned them squarely on the inn's manager.

Obliviously, he added, "I thought about getting you a bra, before I
thought better of it."

Naru blinked slowly. Motoko stared incredulously. Haruka coughed
quietly, which by now Shinobu had learned to interpret as a sign of
amusement.

"Er," Keitaro noised, realizing the attention focused on him was
largely not positive. "We were criticizing Oe's bad choice in gifts?"
he hazarded.

This gambit seemed successful, as Motoko turned her attention away
from Keitaro and back to Ranma. Haruka's attention followed. Suu's
eyes darted around the table swiftly, and Sarah looked mildly curious.
Mutsumi seemed largely indifferent, merely sipping at her tea.

"If you're upset with me for giving you sake when you wanted water,
I'm sorry!" Shinobu added quickly, fighting back a sniffle. She
didn't think she could handle it if it was her fault that Ranma wanted
to leave.

"I was wondering who nipped into the Everclear last night," Haruka
murmured thoughtfully.

"Eh, what?" Ranma asked, giving the girl a look of confusion. "That
wasn't why I.... No. That's not it, Shinobu-chan."

"Then what is it?" Shinobu pressed.

Ranma seemed to shrink further into his seat, looking away again.

Motoko finally broke the silence. "After careful consideration, and
reflection pondering what you said to me in our lesson about our
demeanors in combat and out being one, however ... I reject your
gift," she announced, sending the envelope flying across the table,
spinning around and nearly smacking into Ranma's head. He caught it
at the last moment, only a heartbeat ahead of Mitsune's snatching
fingers.

"Ah," he said, staring firmly into the depths of his omelet.

"If I can ask," Mitsune said, somewhat peevishly, the letter kept
from her grasp still, "what exactly was the gift?"

Ranma said nothing, continuing to stare at his plate.

"This is good tea," Mutsumi said, putting her cup back on the table
and smiling cheerfully.

"Alright," Haruka said, as Ranma and Motoko continued staring; one
fixed firmly on his plate, the other glaring resolutely at him. "Come
on, you two. What's this about, now?"

Ranma wordlessly handed the envelope to Mitsune.

"Finally!" the young woman cried, liberating the letter from within.

"Well?" Naru asked, as Mitsune's eyes scanned down the page.

"Huh? Oh, right," Mitsune said, coughing a bit to clear her throat.
"Okay. 'Motoko-chan, I think you've done well, and learned a lot in
the time we've trained together. But I also remember our promise, and
as we agreed all those months ago, will move ... out?'" The
questioning note was obviously entirely Mitsune's, as she broke off to
look at Ranma in consternation. "Wait, wait, you were just going to
run away? Without a word or a wave goodbye, you were just going to
run off? And what, live in the forest?"

"That ... was my plan, yeah," Ranma said, still looking at the table.

"What about our martial arts training?" Naru asked, frowning at
Ranma. "Were you just going to take us that far and then vanish?"

"N...no," Ranma defended himself falteringly, looking up, slightly
wounded. "I made sure ... last night, you saw that Mutsumi's training
was complete. There's no doubt in my mind that Motoko is good enough
to continue teaching you. I ... I'm not ... I don't think...." At a
loss for words, his gaze dropped to the plate again, and he worked his
jaw for a moment. Realizing he couldn't find anything to say, he just
shook his head and closed his mouth.

"Oe-san," Keitaro said quietly. "I remember ... that we originally
agreed you would stay for what you paid for in advance. And I know
that ... at that time it seemed like that was as long as everyone
wanted you to stay...." He trailed off there, and looked about the
table for support.

"But that was then!" Shinobu exclaimed, putting her hands on the
table, and looking at Ranma with the sternest glare she could muster,
even if her eyes were watering. "We thought you were ... violent ...
and a pervert ... and didn't belong ... but we were wrong!" She
halted with a sniffle, and bowed her head to stare at her own
breakfast.

"And I think you're also failing the promise you made my sister,"
Motoko grumbled. "You said you would teach me. Do you think I'm done
learning?"

"Ranma-san ... I'm sure Motoko can teach us, but you can't just leave
us when we're learning your school," Naru chipped in. "This isn't
just a collection of throws and punches ... every time you teach us
something, you also show us how we can use it in our lives."

"He does?" Keitaro asked quietly, earning himself a sharp look from Naru.

Turning back to Ranma, Naru softened her gaze. "Motoko-chan ... is
still learning that with us. And I think ... you are too. Do you
want to throw that all away?"

"No," Ranma wheezed, his voice rough, his head still bowed. "But...."

Haruka raised an eyebrow skeptically, her cigarette removed from her
mouth to rest between two fingers. "But?" she pressed.

Ranma sat up, staring at his plate. Licking his lips nervously, he
said, "I think I learned why Aniki doesn't sit still if he can help
it. We're ... trouble, my brother and I. We ... attract trouble to
us. Aniki ... I guess he made some mistakes when he was younger,
because sometimes, when we went somewhere new, and he did something
good, he said, 'And now that's set to right.'

"And ... I think by staying here so long, I've brought trouble to
you. If I'd been on the road, I could have done my own work. I could
have set things to right without causing you so many problems."

"I calculate the loss in terms of used panties," Mitsune said flatly.
"That's all the trouble you've made. Oh, aside from that
rabble-rousing, where you forced those contractors to actually do
their jobs. Or that time you went on a rampage and renovated the
teashop.

"And let's not forget his vicious forays in the evil practices of
self-defense education," she added, throwing her hands into the air.
"Or, tragedy of tragedies, the time he wastes studying with Naru and
Keitaro, and Mutsumi, which could, I'm sure, be better spent running
away from all the 'harm' he's done."

Softening slightly, Mitsune sighed. "Ranma ... look. You haven't
caused as much trouble as you seem to want to think. And you know
what? People make mistakes -- look at Keitaro!"

"Gee, thanks," the manager grumbled.

"But every time something went wrong, you went out of your way to fix
it. You learned how to try and make it better. You patched up things
with Motoko, turned _me_, of all people down as a romantic interest,
and still got me to be your friend after that. You think that this is
a bad thing?"

Ranma scrubbed a hand though his hair. "I ... remembered something
last night," he said softly.

"What?" Motoko asked, blinking in confusion. "What does that have to
do with anything?"

"I remembered what I did that sent me on the road in the first
place," he added, just as quietly. "I remembered the damage I've done
.... and what caused it. I've ... spent so much time with you -- with
all of you -- being happy that I've forgotten why I needed to learn
what I did. I ... I really like it here. I like all of you, too.
But I think ... it's time for me to move on."

Haruka made a thoughtful noise at this, putting her cigarette to her
lips to free her hands. Pushing her chair away from the table, she
rose. "You know," she remarked thoughtfully, carefully putting her
chair back into place and walking around the table, "you remind me a
lot of Seta when he was your age."

"What?" he asked, looking up from his plate in confusion. His gaze
was rewarded with Haruka's knuckles, the punch flinging him completely
out of his chair and onto the kitchen floor, where he lay dazed.

"Aaah!" Suu cried, covering her head. "The treaty has been broken!"

"Haruka-san?" Ranma asked, staring up from the floor incredulously.

"'Course, back then, Seta probably had an even thicker skull," Haruka
added, squatting by Ranma, and poking him in the chest. "Oe, I'm sure
you've got your reasons. But there's a real obvious one you missed,
here."

"What are you talking about?" Ranma asked, blinking and rubbing his cheek.

"Well, it goes something like this. Let's say, you don't like to
break things. Heck, you don't even like seeing things that someone
else already broke. You want to fix them, and make 'em better.
Right?" To punctuate her question, she brought her hands up, clasping
them firmly together.

He nodded dumbly in response.

"Great," Haruka said, nodding back at him, and smiling. "Now,
there's one problem, here," she continued, pointing a finger directly
at Ranma. "If you run away, like you're planning, you're leaving a
big Ranma-shaped hole in everyone's lives. If you want to leave, you
can leave. I certainly won't stop you. But saying it's for the good
of everyone here, when it really isn't? That, I won't stand for in my
family's inn."

Ranma stared up at Haruka, unable to think of anything else to say.

"Well, I've broken one treaty already to make my point," she said,
rising, and offering Ranma a hand up, which he hesitantly accepted.
After hauling him to his feet, she said, "If anyone's going out for
New Years for the festival, I've got spare outfits. Everyone who's
staying at this inn is welcome to borrow one." While saying this
last, she affixed Ranma with a very pointed glance, and then walked
out the side door.

"You're going to live in the forest?" Mutsumi asked, blinking
thoughtfully, and turning around in her seat to look at Ranma.

"Uh," he managed, noncommittally.

"Can I live with you then?" she asked, clapping her hands together pleadingly.

"What? Why?" he asked, squinting at her in disbelief.

"Oh, my own home burned down last night," Mutsumi said, giggling
nervously. "I haven't a place to stay anymore!"

Ranma winced at that. "Why don't you ... stay here?" he asked,
looking at Keitaro speculatively.

"We do have an open room," Keitaro said, nodding.

"Yes, but I can't afford that much rent every month," Mutsumi said
apologetically. "If it were ten percent cheaper, it would be no
problem, but...." She trailed off with a shrug.

Keitaro snapped his fingers together. "Ah!" he exclaimed. "I
remember this. Normally we've got an oddly high number of vacancies.
But I did the math -- if one more person moves in, then the monthly
rent can be reduced by fifteen percent, and we can still meet the
inn's operating costs."

"What?" Mitsune asked, blinking. "Wait, more spending money? Well,
that clinches it, then, Ranma's staying!"

"Oh, really?" Mutsumi asked. "Oh, I do hope you decided to stay,
Ranma-kun," Mutsumi declared. "I'd like to stay in a place that won't
blow up on me!"

"No sense of fun," Suu grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest
when Haruka shot her a warning glance.

"Well, I," Ranma began hesitantly. "I just--"

"No," Motoko said, finally breaking her own long silence. "Before
anything else is said.... Oe-sensei, I must apologize. While I do
not wish you to leave ... I still must apologize for my behavior to
you before. I was rude, and should not have required of you what I
did. I wish to retract the bargain I forced you to accept, and ask
for you to forgive me."

Sighing, Ranma bowed his head, running his hands though his hair
again. "Okay," he said quietly. "I'll ... I'll stay. I'm sorry for
causing so much trouble."

"Then it's settled!" Shinobu exclaimed, happy that balance was
restored to her pseudo-family. "Now let's all go to the festival
together!"

***

"Okay, everyone together, now," Haruka said, setting the camera up on
a tripod. 'Everyone' was, of course, every single tenant of the inn,
plus Sarah, all dressed in kimono for the festival. "Let's see ...
timer ... thing ... and ... here we go."

Sprinting, she joined the group, all of the older residents standing
in a neat row, Suu, Shinobu, and Sarah standing in front. "Smile!"
Haruka said turning about, slightly to one side, and facing the
camera.

Everyone grinned, and waited for the telltale click, which came a
moment later. "Alrighty," Haruka said, turning to eye Seta, who had
manifested from the falling snow at her side a heartbeat before the
picture was taken. "So, you showed up?"

"Yeah, there was a disagreement over an artifact," Seta said
dismissively, waving a hand. "The, uh, other archeologists wanted to
disturb the site and take the artifacts back to their own country."

"Eh?" Keitaro noised. "You got in a fight with a rival archeologist?"

"No, no," Seta said, shaking his head. "It was all filing paperwork
with the local government. It's not important."

"What is important is that we're all together again, pretty much. So
let's go out and have fun, eh?" Haruka suggested, carefully
disassembling the camera's tripod, and moving the equipment back into
the teashop.

"Right," Keitaro declared, smacking one fist into his opposing palm.
"First stop, the temple!"

***

Mutsumi sighed at the light dancing snow through the branches of the
trees in the park. "It's pretty," she said at length, turning back to
face Ranma.

He nodded hesitantly, wondering where the others had run off.

"Ranma-kun?" she asked, leaning slightly closer to him.

"Um ... yes?" he asked hesitantly, standing his ground, as nervous as
her proximity was making him.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Smirking, he rolled his eyes. "Of course you can," he replied.

"Ranma-kun ... who was that girl who was so angry at you?" Mutsumi
asked pointedly.

Ranma stiffened and frowned. "What girl?"

"It was dark," Mutsumi said contemplatively. "And there was rain.
You were a girl ... and there was a man with long hair ... he was
angry, too."

"It's a long story," Ranma mumbled, staring at his feet.

"Ranma-kun ... I think I know why you still wanted to leave after
Motoko said she didn't want you to go."

Ranma closed his eyes, and turned his head away. "It was an
accident," he said hoarsely. "I couldn't ... I couldn't stand ... if
it...."

He fell silent when Mutsumi took his hands in her own. "Ranma-kun,"
she whispered. "It's okay. I think something very bad happened. But
if you run from it, you'll run from it forever. If you stay, you can
try and make things better. Then, maybe, you can fix it, like you
want to."

"I don't know if what I broke can be fixed," he said quietly.

"You can't know if you don't try."

His eyes opened, shining with unshed tears. "That's true," he
admitted. "How ... did you know what I dreamed?"

"Good girl's exercise number one," Mutsumi said, smiling brightly.
"Ranma-kun ... you've helped me a lot. I think I'm strong enough to
make it into Toudai, with your help. But, Ranma-kun. I hope you let
other people help you, too."

"I ... I don't think ... I can talk about it yet," he said slowly.
"I ... I can promise you that I will try. And some day.... Some day
I hope I can explain the entire thing to you."

"Okay, then," Mutsumi agreed, releasing Ranma's hands.

***

"Alright," Naru announced, clapping her hands together, and setting
the first of the study guides before her. "We've got to seriously get
into the correct mindset for studying, now. We've spent too much time
enjoying ourselves -- from here on out, we have to focus."

"Right," Keitaro agreed, nodding. Ranma and Mutsumi nodded as well,
saying nothing.

"Well, we'll begin, now," Naru declared.

***

The first week of the new year saw everyone settle into a comfortable
pattern of morning practices, studying all day, and the occasional
interruption from Suu's experiments.

The following weeks followed this established routine, drawing ever
nearer the actual date of the tests for entry into Toudai.

Finally....

***

"Tomorrow," Ranma declared, snapping the book shut, and then dropping
his face directly onto the table in front of him.

Mutsumi winced sympathetically. "That looks painful," she said.

"Brain ... failure," Keitaro groaned, before dropping his own face
onto the table opposite Ranma.

"Okay, okay," Naru relented. "We'll let up on studying. The test is
tomorrow anyway. I suppose if we haven't learned it by now, we're not
going to learn it in time."

"I think if I study any more, my head is going to explode," Ranma
mumbled, not moving from the table.

"I think my head's going to explode anyway," Keitaro countered,
raising his eyes, and fixing Ranma with a wavering stare.

"No heads exploding inside," Haruka chastised, sliding open the door
to Naru's room, and stepping inside. "It's a pain to clean up." She
hefted a handful of envelopes and surveyed the would-be Toudai
students impassively.

"Ah!" Mutsumi exclaimed, looking up at Haruka happily. "A letter
from my father?"

"Uh ... yeah," Haruka said, checking the envelopes before her. "How
did you know?"

"I saw the postmark," Mutsumi said authoritatively.

"You've got sharp eyes," Haruka allowed, handing her the envelope.
"Keitaro, something from your folks," she added, flinging the envelope
across the table in a perfect line towards his nose. One fumbling
hand batted it to the table in front of him. "Naru, something from
your own folks." This envelope landed in the center of the table and
slid to a halt in front of the girl. "And ... looks like something
from your brother, Oe." This envelope twirled in a direct line for
Ranma's ear, but he managed to catch it without raising his head.

"Ah," he said, finally sitting upright. "Aniki."

Then the four were quiet, opening their respective letters and
looking them over, while Haruka busied herself passing out letters to
the other residents of the inn.

"Aw, how sweet," Naru exclaimed, looking at the letter she had
gotten. "My parents are wishing me luck!" She turned to look at
Keitaro, who had frozen, statue-like, and turned a gray, lifeless
color. The air about him seemed darkened in misery. "Uh, is
something wrong?"

"Um," he said, shaking his head and banishing the pallor and hanging
clouds of impending doom. "They just said that they have faith that
I'll get in this time."

"They said that if you don't make it in this time, they'll stop
sending you money?" Mutsumi guessed.

Keitaro winced, then nodded reluctantly.

"Aww," Mutsumi said. "I have faith in you!"

"After all the studying we've done, you'd have to be a totally
hopeless idiot to fail now," Naru encouraged.

"I remember last year all too well," Keitaro said flatly, prompting
Naru to wince.

"Well, I have a good feeling anyway," Ranma said, shaking his head.
"We've studied a lot together, and we've gotten much better on our
practice tests."

"Right," Naru said, smiling at Keitaro. "So, cheer up! It'll be the
last chance you need, anyway."

"I hope so," Keitaro agreed. "What did your letter say, Mutsumi?"

"Oh, my parents said that if I fail, they'll still welcome me back,"
she said cheerfully. "And I can try again next year! What about you,
Oe-san?"

Ranma frowned, scanning his letter. "Aniki says he thinks he's going
to drop by in a month or so," he said slowly. "And that he just
finished a job as an engineer, working on a tunnel." He then pulled
out a thin stack of photographs. "Oh, and he sent some pictures of
the project."

"Really?" Keitaro asked, leaning over. "Wow. I didn't think that
was a standard engineers outfit."

"Ah," Ranma choked, blinking. "I think she's the, uh, director of
the project." He put the pictures back into the envelope. "Anyway,
he also said good luck." Ranma drummed his fingers atop the table and
shook his head. "All those years on the road working for this ... I'm
kind of nervous."

"Really?" Mutsumi asked. "I was, too, the first few times I failed the test."

"You haven't been nervous about it before?" Keitaro asked Ranma dryly.

"Well, I've been trying to keep myself from thinking about it too
much," Ranma admitted. "I'm going to go out and blow some steam
practicing."

"I'll join you," Keitaro decided, climbing to his feet. "I used to
feel stiff after a long study session ... this practice is great for
keeping in shape."

Ranma nodded slowly, pulling his notebook from his belt, and
scribbling a new note in it.

Keitaro frowned curiously. If there was one thing he'd learned, it
was that whatever Ranma wrote in that book, it was always interesting,
at the very least. "Um, if you don't mind me asking ... what did you
write in that notebook?"

"Just a thought," Ranma said, shrugging, and tucking the notebook
back behind his belt. "Basically, I asked myself, 'What are martial
arts good for besides fighting', and you just gave me another thing to
add to the list."

"Ah," Keitaro said quietly. "Well, that's good."

The two walked in silence, followed after a bit by Mutsumi and Naru,
until they reached the side-yard, which they typically used for
training. Spring hadn't arrived yet, not completely, but some of the
grass seed that Motoko and Ranma had scattered tried to sprout anyway,
sparse strands of green across the muddy field.

Eyeing the struggling lawn, Keitaro opted to move beyond that, into
the more barren area between the yard and the small island behind the
house. This area wouldn't be as badly damaged if their fighting got
out of hand, which with Keitaro had yet to happen, but with the more
experienced martial artists was almost a given.

After a bit of stretching, Keitaro and Ranma faced off, trading weak
jabs, but mostly dodging and experimenting in the more acrobatic
aspects of their study. Mutsumi and Naru watched from the sidelines
until Keitaro had decided he'd had enough -- just in time for Motoko
to get home from school and decide that she could use some practice
against Ranma, too.

Keitaro joined the girls, watching Ranma and Motoko spar for a bit.
After a particularly aerobic display that culminated in Ranma
disarming Motoko, and then Motoko attacking Ranma full-force unarmed,
their roles neatly reversed. Backing away from Motoko slowly, losing
his ground, Ranma grimaced, causing everyone to laugh when he shoved
the sword back into Motoko's hands and caught her with a leg-sweep.

Landing flat on her rear, Motoko stared at the blade in her hand
ruefully. "That was unexpected," she admitted, when Ranma gave her a
hand up.

"That's the name of the game," he said cheerfully. "Gotta keep you
on your toes."

"Is that so?" Motoko asked. "Well, I'm going to take a bath now.
Thank you for sparring with me again, Oe-sensei."

Ranma chuckled nervously. "No need to be so polite, Motoko-chan."
He paused. "Oh, wait, you called dibs on the bath. Clever."

The kendoka masked a small smile. "That's the name of the game," she
replied, turning back towards the inn.

"I think I'm going to go, too," Naru decided, picking herself up off
the ground, and dusting the dirt off of her clothes. "Do you want to
come, Mutsumi?"

"Sure!" the girl chirped, hopping to her feet and following suit.

"Ah," Keitaro sighed, watching the girls collectively vanish towards
the baths. "You know, one of the things I liked most about you
staying here is that it's easier for me to use the baths," he said,
turning his gaze back to Ranma.

"Gee, thanks," Ranma said dryly, sitting a few paces away from Keitaro.

"Oh, uh, I didn't mean it that way," Keitaro said ruefully. "I
don't, ah ... in all honesty, Ranma, have many friends. Most people
don't like to associate with someone who's failed to get into college
as many times as I have."

"What are you talking about?" Ranma asked, frowning. "Those two
guys, Hirosh- Uh, Haitani and Shirai, they come over once in a while,
and if they're not friends, well, have you looked at most of the
people who live in the inn? The only ones I'd say weren't really your
friends already would be Haruka, and maybe Sarah. And that's because
Sarah's a kid, and Haruka's your aunt."

"Well, when you put it that way," Keitaro mumbled, bowing his head.
"But I meant ... you know, guy friends. Someone you can talk to about
girls with. And while I like the girls here, I can't really talk
about that sort of stuff with them."

"Ah," Ranma said slowly. "And those other two guys?"

"They've showed up, what, twice in the last three months?" Keitaro
asked. "They're good guys, and I don't mind them, but they've
certainly got their own agendas. They only turn up once in a while.
Like when Haruka put on that play." He frowned. "I guess they don't
always have good luck or judgment when they arrive, though."

"I knew some guys like that," Ranma mused. "When I was in school. I
guess I know what you mean."

"Well, that's a relief," Keitaro decided. "I think you're a friend, Ranma."

"Hey, thanks," Ranma said, grinning. "I'll keep an eye out for you,
too, buddy. Hmm. Wonder when the girls will finish up in the
baths...."

***

"Ah!" Naru exclaimed, easing her body into the hot water. "Maybe I
should have worked out a little, too," she pondered, one hand rising
so she could tickle the bottom of Tamago's chin. The turtle made a
quiet, pleased noise, and drifted in place for a while, before heading
towards Mitsune, who lounged nearby, eschewing a modesty towel, and
stretching in the sunlight.

"Maybe," Mitsune agreed, winking. "Looking to lose some of that
weight you put on studying?"

Naru's expression stiffened, and she looked down at her body.
"Weight?" she asked quietly. "Hey!" Looking up at Mitsune, she
frowned and pointed, "I work out almost every day, I'll have you
know!"

"I know," Mitsune said, smirking. "I'm there, remember? I'm just
teasing you."

Naru grimaced, looking down at her body and uncertainly running her
hands across her hips beneath the bath's surface. "Have I really?"
she asked self-consciously.

Mitsune looked thoughtful, then clapped her hands together. "Let's
find out!" she exclaimed, moments before tackling Naru into the depths
of the bath.

Shinobu and Suu edged away from the huge splash, and Motoko sighed,
her eyes covered with a damp cloth. "No rough-housing, you two," she
said, without looking up.

"Oh, my, Mitsune-san is certainly bold," Mutsumi said from the
kendoka's side, as Naru came up for air, followed a few seconds later
by Mitsune.

"Kitsune!" Naru yelped. "What was that all about?"

"Just seeing where you stand," the woman offered good-naturedly.
"And you're doing okay. Better size you up against the competition,
though. Turtle-girl, want to see how you compare?"

"Eh?"

Shinobu and Suu winced, edging away from the new splash. "I said no
rough-housing," Motoko mumbled, still not moving her cloth.

Mitsune came up first, grinning, then frowning as she looked around
frantically. "Uh-oh. Turtle-girl?"

Mutsumi sat up, emerging from the water. "Was it a test?" she asked,
blinking the water from her eyes.

"Uh ... yeah, a test," Mitsune agreed, nodding.

Mutsumi clapped her hands together. "Oh, wonderful!" she exclaimed.
"How did I do?"

"Well, since I'm Naru's friend, you both get a passing grade --
nothing to worry about," Mitsune assured her.

"So, what exactly was that all about?" Naru asked, frowning at the woman.

Mitsune grinned. "Oh, well, mostly wanted to see where I stood, really."

"And?" Naru asked skeptically.

Mitsune looked down, and frowned. "I think I'd better stop skipping
every other day of morning practice," she concluded glumly. "Ah! I
want to be a sexy college-wannabe too!"

"Don't say it like that!" Naru groaned. "It takes hard work and
dedication, you know."

"Pass," Mitsune said, waving a hand and sinking back into the bath.
"I'll just rest here a bit, thanks."

Mutsumi giggled at this. "You're silly, Kitsune-san," she opined.
"Shall we get out now?"

***

"Hey," Keitaro said suddenly, sitting up in the baths, and glancing
over at Ranma.

The martial artist looked back, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"You ever wonder if those scenes in anime where the girls in the bath
feel each other up are true?"

Ranma looked at Keitaro oddly for a moment, and then paused to
reconsider. "Well," he said slowly, looking off to one side, "I think
that's probably something they make up for anime, really. I mean, I
worked at a hot-springs resort for a while, and whenever I was working
on the pump-house, or around the divider when the women were bathing,
they never seemed to sound like it, anyway."

"Yeah, I guess it is a bit farfetched," Keitaro admitted.

"Why did you ask?"

Keitaro scratched his head, and frowned. "I have no idea."

***

"February twenty fifth," Keitaro said solemnly, raising his head and
gazing at the clock tower on the school's main building. "Today is
the day."

"Isn't seven o'clock in the morning a bit early to get here?" Naru
asked, rubbing at her eyes sleepily, and shivering slightly in the
chill.

"Better safe than sorry," Keitaro countered confidently.

Mutsumi nodded wordless agreement, and Ranma said nothing, still
looking at the clock tower. "Well," he finally said. "I'm nervous
about this. I know none of you have made it on your first try, and
I'm worried I won't, either ... but I'm still going to give it my best
shot."

"We all will!" Mutsumi encouraged. "I'm even going to remember to
put my name on my test!"

Keitaro winced at that. "Um, well, we've got some time to spare, why
don't we get some coffee before we go in?"

Naru nodded her swift agreement, and they turned to a stand where a
bored looking attendant warmed himself from the heat of his mobile
coffee bar. After getting their drinks, Keitaro pulled out his exam
ticket, and said, "It looks like I'm going to be in the 'B' testing
division, which is in room 105."

"I got 'B', too," Naru said, scanning her card. "Room 207."

"I have the same room!" Mutsumi chirped. "What about you, Ranma-kun?"

"Um...." After fishing his ticket from a pocket, Ranma studied it
for a moment. "I'm in division 'C'. Looks like I registered later
than you. I wonder what that 'division' means? Anyway, my room is
105, too."

"I think it means building, not group," Mutsumi opined, pointing to a
large letter 'B' on the side of one of the buildings.

"Oh," Keitaro said, frowning slightly. "I guess we don't have a test
in the same room after all."

"But we do," Naru said, glancing at Mutsumi's ticket. "Well, we
should all meet up here after the test to go home together."

"Sounds good to me," Ranma said, walking over to a large map, and
looking for the 'C' building.

"Okay," Naru said, once Ranma returned from the map. "Let's give
ourselves one last cheer before we head to our testing rooms,
alright?"

"Count me in," Keitaro enthused, pumping a fist in the air. "Let's
hear it for the Ronin Quartet!"

"Ronin Quartet!" echoed Ranma and Mutsumi, while Naru covered her
face with her hand.

"Must you all be so proud of it?" she complained. "And Oe, you're
not even really a ronin!"

"But it's part of the name of my school," he countered with a grin.
"Anyway, we're early, but I'm going to see if the room is open -- give
myself a little time to calm down before the test and get comfortable
with the room."

"Well, fine, but before you go, let's try the cheer again," Naru
sighed. "On three, okay? One, two, three!"

"Ronin Quartet!" they all cheered together. "Let's go!"

***

"I can do this," Keitaro muttered under his breath, looking at the
test booklet before him. "I'm good enough. I can do this."

"No talking!" the man who had handed out the tests called.

Keitaro reflexively cringed, and looked up, but the man was looking
elsewhere. It hadn't been him.

"Focus," he muttered even more quietly, turning his eyes back to the
test booklet.

***

Ranma eyed the stack of unanswered questions before him. He'd been
taught that if he couldn't answer something right away he should skip
it, answering what he could and then going over everything a second
time.

The only problem was, he'd left a good quarter of the questions
unanswered already, and now it was time to go back over them. "Okay,"
he breathed to himself. "How would Aniki handle this?"

Grinning, he flipped back to the first question he had skipped.

***

Naru resolutely worked away, occasionally sparing a glance for
Mutsumi, to make sure the other girl was still alright. So far, she
was doing fine -- Naru had risked getting in trouble enough to peek
and make sure that Mutsumi had recorded her name.

But the one-time anemic was doing much better already, and Naru
suspected answering questions more quickly than her. Well, no reason
to rush.

Taking a deep, calming breath, she dove into the test again, tuning
out the outside world.

***

As they had planned, the four met at the coffee stand, Naru and
Mutsumi reaching it first, and Ranma arriving last. "Ugh," Keitaro
groaned, once Ranma arrived. "It was brutal, but I feel confident."

"Me, too," Mutsumi said, nodding her agreement.

"It was tough," Naru admitted. "It seemed like it was harder than
last year's ... but I feel better about my chances this time anyway."

Mutsumi nodded. "I remembered to put my name on it," she said. "I
think I'll make it. How did you do, Ranma-kun?"

"I got stuck in a few places," he admitted. "And then I asked myself
.... what would Aniki do? And I realized that Aniki already did it,
and I can't do what he did ... so I found my own way. I think I did
pretty well."

"I'm glad," Mutsumi said, taking Ranma's hand in her own. "Now let's
go back ... home!"

Naru and Keitaro eyed the couple, Ranma obviously embarrassed, but
not resistant to Mutsumi towing him down the street. "Wow," Keitaro
said after a moment. "Mutsumi-chan sure seems happy."

"Yeah," Naru agreed. After a second of watching the couple recede in
the distance, Naru snuck a quick glance around. There weren't too
many witnesses ... so why not? Coughing quietly, she stuck her hand
out a little, pointedly not looking at Keitaro.

He got the hint quickly enough, gently taking her hand in his. Naru
turned to look at him and offered him a smile. Keitaro grinned back,
blushing slightly. "I ... feel very positive about tomorrow," he
said, finally.

Naru giggled, looking away, but not letting go. "Come on," she said
after a moment, smiling at Keitaro again. "Let's go back home."

***

Once the group had managed to get back to the Hinata-Sou with no
hands being held in sight of the other residents, they found
themselves the guests of honor at an impromptu party. Suu had strung
up a banner that said, "Congratulations on the birth of your new
graduation!" Shinobu had made a veritable feast in terms of
appetizers and then finished it all off with a massive main course.

Mutsumi and Ranma quickly found themselves in a drinking contest with
Mitsune, despite Naru's warnings.

"Three bottles for me," Mitsune said in a nearly even tone, only the
slightest hitch in her voice hinting as to her true intoxication.

"Matched," Ranma said, blinking a bit, and then squinting at Mitsune.
"You know, it's not really fair that I'm competing against you and
your sisters."

"I like this brand!" Mutsumi enthused. "I've finished five bottles."

Scowling, Mitsune and Ranma struggled to catch up.

Ranma waved a warning finger towards Mitsune, and waggled it
authoritatively. "Once I finish with you two," he admonished, "I'm
going to challenge the four of her. Cause, Saotome Ranma doesn't
lose."

"Sure he doesn't," Mitsune replied flippantly. Furrowing her brow in
thought, she asked, "But who's he?"

"You don't know who he is?" Ranma asked indignantly, his eyes not
quite focusing on Mitsune. "I'll tell you ... he's ... the worst son
a mother ever had." Ranma frowned at this, something clearly wrong to
him, though he didn't seem able to pinpoint it exactly. "Wait. No.
He's ... the worst fiance a girl ever had," he slurred, his brows
furrowed, as though dredging the answer out of a mire.

At this point, everyone had broken off their conversations to look at
the martial artist, deep in his cups as he was.

"I don't know him," Mitsune finally replied, squinting at Ranma. "Is he cute?"

"Eh," Ranma grunted. "Too cute. People get the wrong idea all the
time, and--"

"Ranma-kun," Mutsumi asked, taking his hand from the bottle of sake
he was still holding, "can you do the light-show trick again?"

Blinking blearily at Mutsumi for a long minute, Ranma finally nodded,
the now familiar blue-flames licking from his body, much brighter than
they'd been before, enveloping himself and the one-time anemic girl.

When the light had faded, Ranma's bloodshot eyes closed heavily.
"Damn," he said quietly. "I'm going to get some sleep. Test in the
morning." And with that, he left the room.

Haruka made a thoughtful noise. "That's good advice," she said
aloud. "Probably it's for the best not to stay up too late."

Keitaro and Naru looked at their still untouched glasses of sake and
wordlessly pushed them across the table, trying to put more distance
between themselves and the drink.

***

The next morning's meeting in front of the school was a bit more
subdued, only Mutsumi as cheerful as ever. Situated next to a planter
filled with flowers which had gone dormant for the winter was a
billboard, outlining which classes were to be held in which buildings.
In a loosely square formation, the Toudai-hopefuls stood, facing the
towering entrance to the school itself.

Naru and Keitaro were both silent, looking between Mutsumi and a much
more somber and tight-lipped Ranma. It was clear to both of them that
something was bothering Ranma. It was as good as written across his
face in large letters, especially after his drunken babbling the night
before.

But he didn't seem to want to talk about it, and as far as the young
would-be students saw things, it was difficult to make Ranma open up
for anyone. Naru frowned at that, and then glanced at Keitaro
thoughtfully. For his part, Keitaro blinked in confusion, looked
behind him, and when he couldn't see anyone else immediately, turned
back, blushing and trying to hide a smile.

Naru reflexively raised a fist to punch Keitaro, which he blinked at
in surprise before she caught herself. "Hang on a moment," she said,
breaking the silence. Her hand shot forward and latched onto the lobe
of Keitaro's ear.

"Ouch!" he yelped, as Naru hauled him bodily away from Ranma and
Mutsumi. For their part, Mutsumi seemed oblivious to the violence,
only waving cheerfully. Ranma studied the billboard and its map of
the school intently. "What's the big idea?" Keitaro protested,
rubbing his ear with one hand once Naru released him.

"Look," she said, glancing back at Ranma and Mutsumi. "Oe's good at
martial arts, but he's as bad with women as he is at math -- and that
makes him almost as hopeless as you, Keitaro."

"Ah," Keitaro said, nodding in understanding. "Hey, wait--"

"Oh, hush," Naru said, shooting Keitaro a cross look, before her
features softened, and she turned back to watch Ranma and Mutsumi.
"Anyway, it's our duty to help Oe and Otohime out. Right?"

"Um ... how?" Keitaro asked, scratching his head.

"Well ... I'm not entirely sure," Naru admitted. "But I'll think of
something. So tonight, after the test, what we'll do is this. You'll
pretend to feel sick, and not go to the party. I'll pretend to feel
sorry for you. While everyone else is partying because the second day
of testing is over, we'll come up with a plan to help Oe get together
with Otohime!"

Keitaro stared at Naru for a long moment, and then shrugged. "Sure.
I guess as pioneers, we need to help them follow along in our
footsteps," he finally said.

"That's exactly right," Naru agreed, nodding. "And- Wait, did you
just imply that-"

"We need to get back there before they catch on to our plotting,"
Keitaro added, stepping away from Naru, and marching back to Ranma and
Mutsumi. "So, how do you two think you'll do on the test?" he asked,
smiling brightly.

"I'm going to do great," Naru said, catching up to Keitaro and
shooting him a dirty look.

"I still feel confident," Mutsumi said happily. "I think I'll make it."

"And you, Ranma?" Keitaro asked.

Ranma raised his head, looking away from the map, and met Keitaro's
eyes. Naru wasn't sure, but she thought she saw the sheen of moisture
from an unshed tear for a moment. "As long as I don't slip up, I
think I'll be okay," he finally said.

"Um. Okay, let's give it our best!" Keitaro enthused. "Good luck,
everyone. I know I'll need it!"

***

Keitaro hummed to himself as he walked into his testing room. Naru
seemed to think it was up to himself and her to put Ranma and Mutsumi
together as a couple ... as though they, the closer, more experienced
couple needed to guide Ranma and Mutsumi along.

Smiling, he drifted off into a daydream....

***

Mutsumi and Naru were waiting by the time Ranma returned from his
test, Mutsumi sitting on the bench-like edge of the planter and
swinging her legs off the end idly. Naru was standing nearby,
exchanging notes with the sitting girl. Both looked up, Mutsumi
smiling brightly as Ranma approached, and Naru nodding acknowledgment.
"Hey," he said, sitting down about a meter away from Mutsumi. "So,
it's all over. How are you two feeling?"

"Pretty good," Mutsumi said, clasping her hands together. "How about
you, Naru-chan?"

"Well, I was feeling okay," Naru said, frowning. "I wonder where
Keitaro is, though. He should have gotten here first -- his building
is closest."

"They're done testing," Ranma reasoned, glancing at the building in
question. "Why don't we see if he's still inside?"

"Good idea!" Mutsumi enthused, leaping to her feet. "Let's go!"

Nodding, Naru turned, and led the way, Ranma and Mutsumi not far
behind. "I bet he knocked over the stack of tests," Naru said after a
moment. "So now the teacher is making him pick them all up."

"Could be," Ranma said, as they stepped through the door and beheld a
completely empty classroom. The massive auditorium-like room had
desks in tiers arrayed outwards from a podium like ripples in water.
It could have held at least a hundred students comfortably, but there
were none. "Then again," he added, glancing around, "maybe not."

"Wait," Naru said, frowning. "Where's Keitaro?"

"He's missing!" Mutsumi said brightly.

Naru grimaced, and glanced across the desks, looking for some note or
sign, but there was nothing to be found. "Where would he have gone
after the test, though?" she asked, looking around again.

"He might have finished early," Mutsumi suggested.

Ranma, meanwhile, was busy pulling out chairs and glancing beneath
desks. "It could be," Naru admitted. "But I think he'd still wait
for us. Oe, what are you doing?"

"Looking for his- Here they are. His footprints. My wife taught me
how to track people really well," he explained, eyes tracking the
footsteps that no one else could see all the way to the door. "I
don't know what's going on, exactly, but I can find him. You two head
home, and I'll see where this leads."

"Why don't we just stick with you?" Naru asked, raising an eyebrow.
"We're curious too."

"He might be in the men's bathroom," Ranma said. "Or already be on
his way back to the inn."

"But ... you don't think that's the case, do you?" Mutsumi asked,
fixing her eyes on Ranma.

Ranma straightened from his inspection of the floor and gave Mutsumi
an apologetic look. "He was running when he left," he said quietly.
"I don't know why. But Keitaro's my friend. If he's in trouble, or
in danger, I'm going to help him out. And if it's just a false alarm,
then no reason to make him feel bad for having everyone chase after
him."

"We're going with you," Naru said, trying to step forward, but being
held back by Mutsumi. "Mutsumi-chan?"

Mutsumi smiled sadly, and shook her head. "Ranma is much faster
without us," she said. "And I'm sure he'll tell us as soon as he
finds anything out."

Ranma nodded.

Naru could feel tears welling up in her eyes ... she wasn't certain
how, or why, but she knew that something was wrong.

And as little as she wanted to admit it, Ranma and Mutsumi were both
right. "Good luck, then, Oe," she said, her voice thickening with
tears.

And then Ranma nodded to the girls. "I'll call the inn as soon as I
find out what's going on."

They both nodded back, and he turned away, towards the hallway,
following the traces only he and a few others could ever know to look
for.

--------------------------------------
Author's notes: Beware subtle changes in tone. (FORESHADOWING.)


--
Brian Randall
--
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a
kind grant from the Larry F foundation:
http://www.florestica.com/brandall/
--
Together. Allegiance or death. BIGFIRE!
--
Haiku of my lament:

Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.

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Brian Randall
25th March 2006, 04:41 AM
On 3/23/06, Aaron Nowack <anowack (AT) tulane (DOT) edu> wrote:
> And here we go again.
>
> Standard C&C Disclaimer: All the below is my only occasionally useful
> humble opinion, my only occasionally correct grammatical and spelling
> corrections, and/or my only occasionally funny humor.

Standard boilerplate with equally standard wisecrack reply.

> Brian Randall wrote:
> > For Keitaro, time seemed to have stopped almost entirely. In the
> > pocket of the abstract world that had consumed the area around him, no
> > physical substance could move. Only energy was free to shift about.
>
> "In the pocket of the abstract world that had consumed the area around
> him" just doesn't read very clearly to me. Not sure what I would do
> instead, but you might want to take a look at it. Or it might just be a
> brain fart on my part.

Mmmm..... Well, it's superflous. The 'pocket' is everything he can
presently percieve. I'll just shorten it down to 'as far as he could
see'.

> > In this dimension of frozen time, Ranma's aura remained flared,
> > flickering at a slower pace than the rabidly leaping flames.
>
> While "remained flared" is probably correct, it scans oddly to me.
> Suggest "still flared" instead.

I went with that.

> Also "rabidly" should be "rapidly"?

Nope. It's now 'hungrily rising' instead of 'rabidly leaping', though.

> > But most
> > of that aura wasn't around Ranma, it was a leaping, oddly shaped lump
> > of energy that was sliding across a silver, five-pointed wire
> > connecting him to someone hidden behind a screen of flame.
>
> Perhaps I'm being over-sensitive to word re-use, but I'd maybe change
> the "leaping" here or in the previous sentence to "jumping" or some
> other synonym.

I doubt it; I hate repetition, too. Now there's only one instance in
the entire thing. I repeated 'energy' a lot, too....

> > The flames which now consumed the entirety of the building,
> > collapsing into a pile of blazing timber and ash.
>
> Probably intentional, but I think this is a sentence fragment here.

It is! On both counts. ;)

> Yadda yadda yadda, mock the metaphor, yadda yadda.

Blah blah blah, retort semi-humorously by rote, blah blah.

> > "Mmmm?" Naru noised, waking, and struggling to sit upright on her own
> > pallet. "What's going on?" she asked, rubbing the sleep from her
> > eyes.
>
> Either drop the comma after waking or change struggling to struggled, I
> think.

Went with the former.

> > "Well, I meant more in the sense of someone throwing a ball of their
> > own life energy at you to help you save yourself from a roaring
> > inferno, and accidentally bringing a few of their memories with it,
> > but I suppose that will do," Mutsumi said softly.
>
> The comma after inferno is unnecessary.

Dropped. If I don't reply to a grammar comment it's because I used it. ;)

> Earlier you established, or at least heavily implied, that Mutsumi had
> woken up Naru unusually early. Why is everyone else up? (Or is Naru
> being a late riser a part of Love Hina characterization I'm not aware of?)

Well, it's New Year's Day, for one.... And I didn't see (or at least
intend) any kind of implication beyond Mutsumi waking up first. That
line now reads:

"Your place burned to the ground," Naru said. "Ugh. I stayed up too
late last night celebrating. As long as we're awake, let's go take a
bath."

> This might or might not be grammatically correct, but it reads poorly to
> me. Suggest:
>
> Keitaro, crouched into the water up to his neck, frowned thoughtfully
> and looked at the martial artist, his eyes sleepily half-closed.
>
> Also, I think in both cases the "his eyes" might be technically
> referring to "the martial artist," but I can't come up with any good way
> to fix it.

Rewrite, maybe? :p

Keitaro frowned thoughtfully and looked at Ranma. The other man's
eyes were sleepily half-closed, and he crouched into the water up to
his neck.

> The fact that she's only "reluctantly" agreeing implies to me that she's
> not actually forgetting what had upset her.

Reflexive use. Dropped offending word.

> > "But that was then!" Shinobu exclaimed, putting her hands on the
> > table, and looking at Ranma with the sternest glare she could muster,
> > even if her eyes were watering. "We thought you were ... violent ...
> > and a pervert ... and didn't belong ... but we were wrong!" She
> > halted with a sniffle, and bowed her head to stare at her own
> > breakfast.
>
> Yep, this scene was pretty inevitable.

No good?

> > "And ... I think by staying here so long, I've brought trouble to
> > you. If I'd been on the road, I could have done my own work. I could
> > have set things to right without causing you so many problems."
>
> Huh. While it's a usual fanfic cliche, I actually can't think of any
> trouble that Ranma's brought that would have him thinking this way. I
> guess the early fights with Motoko, but that hasn't been a problem for a
> while. Unless there's something I'm forgetting, of course.

Which is pretty much what Mitsune says, and why Haruka hits him. No good?

> Do these two really need to be separate paragraphs? One sentence
> paragraphs like that are kind of iffy, I think.

One paragraph scenes are even iffier, in my mind. :/

> > "Ronin Quartet!" they all cheered together. "Let's go!"
>
> I ought to be able to make a Ronin Warriors joke here, but the funny
> just is not flowing tonight. Oh well.

I'll be secretly thankful for that. ^_^

Or not so secretly! :p

> > Smiling, he drifted off into a daydream....
>
> Specifically, into one of your surreal fics? ;)

No, he's having a good dream. :p

> > Naru could feel tears welling up in her eyes ... she wasn't certain
> > how, or why, but she knew that something was wrong.
>
> It was because of the suddenly serious, ominous narration.
>
> Very curious ending, though. The implication from the chapter is that
> this is something from Ranma's past catching up to him, but I'm having a
> hard time recalling anybody from Ranma's past that we know of that
>
> a) knows where Ranma is
>
> and b) would go after Keitaro to get at Ranma

Weeeeeell.... I'll admit that this is an intentional red herring on my part.

> As always, good work, looking for the next chapter, etc.

Glad to hear it! I'll post it later tonight. :)

Thank you very much (as always) for taking the time to C&C!

> Aaron Nowack
> "Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."
> http://www.mimiru.net/

--
Brian Randall

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